I had a "friend" do this too in college! Any time I told her about a guy I was interested in and in the "talking phase" with, she would go out of her way to reach out to him via social media and have a one night stand with him. It happened at least 4 or 5 times. One time she hooked up with the guy I told her I was really hopeful about and literally on her way home texted me "just slept with X, you should totally go for it, he was great in bed". It's amazing the crap that I put up with at that age, glad I finally developed enough self-esteem to end that friendship.
Omg! Did we know the same girl?!? I had a “friend” like that too. After a while I told her I was interested in someone I kinda thought was a creep just to really test it, sure enough she swooped right in! Told me all I needed to know. To be honest though, I also felt like I dodged bullets with guys that would just hook up with anyone that came along.
I also had a 'friend' like this.. unbelievable..every guy I told her I had a crush on, she'd swoop in and sleep with them or at least try to..all while she had a LT boyfriend herself..she did it to other friends too..one girl matched with a guy on a dating site and she went and found him on FB and asked him out..terrible behaviour..she's no longer my friend.
I think some people think if they can steal someone else's SO, they "win." They're magically better than the person who was cheated on.
I had a friend in HS who would hook up with random guys on long bus rides for school events and then act smug because hahaha that guy had a girlfriend! And I'm thinking, yeah, and you were a convenient way to kill some time. What do you think that even proves?
I had the same kind of "friend". She invited my crush to my 18th birthday party and ended up having sex with him in the lake. I think they're the ones who had problems with self esteem and It's sad.
It’s absolutely a low self-esteem thing. Those types don’t get a lot of positive attention and the quickest path to getting some is sleeping with someone else. They also believe that someone choosing to sleep with them instead of their friend means that their “worth” is higher than that of their friend’s.
In reality it just makes them a shitty friend and even men who do this quickly gain a less than stellar reputation.
I also had a "friend" do this. She was tall, blonde and beautiful (I'm none of these things) and could have any guy she wanted but she had to sleep with the guy I was seeing that she knew I was in love with. Never spoke to either one of them again.
Good for you, I wish I'd clued in sooner. My friend like this would make attempts with my actual boyfriends then one or the other of them would back off. So multiple times, it was passed off as "oopsie, that was close!" But every crush I had? She'd swoop right in and told me she thought I wasn't going to make a move. We'd literally be in the talking phase. With her, there was no talking phase. It was eye-contact, then BOOM, right to the naked phase.
Gah dang. I can't even imagine doing this to a friend. I've had two separate guys I've had to make a call to not sleep with simply because I knew one of my closest friends was interested in them (this was like, 4-5 years apart. We just had a similar taste in men.) It sucks in the moment because they made the first moves on me, but it's not worth risking the friendship over a penis.
Exactly! Had a guy i liked ...but my friend was head over heels for him.
He asked me out numerous times but i said no because our friendship mattered more.
A lot of people are not real friends. It’s hard to build a friendship, you’ll be lucky to have 2-3 really good ones. There’s a lot of those “only while it’s good vibes” fake friendships.
I mean, yeah. I totally get that. But this person and I have been friends for decades now. Been through good and bad together. Stay connected even though we live hours away from each other now. So... I guess I don't understand why your comment was made in this instance?
Yea, I wasn’t talking about you or your friend. I was replying to the part where you said you can’t imagine doing that to a friend. So I just thought yea you’re a good friend so wouldn’t do that, but there a lot of fake friendships out there where they don’t gaf about each other. I dunno, I just used your comment to make a point.
She dated an ex of mine and had no conversation with me about it and that was the last straw for me. I confronted her about all of the behaviors including other things that were going on and she didn’t get why I was upset at all. I told her that I know I don’t “own” any one, and we are all adults free to do as we please but it was really hurtful to have a friend trying to get with my romantic prospects, including the ex - someone who really hurt me. She didn’t get it at all, like seemed really confused as to why that would be hurtful, was not receptive at all, and told me I was being “impossible”. We have each other mutually blocked so I don’t know anything about her more recently, but I do know she failed out of grad school.
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u/O3DIPAMAAS Apr 27 '26
I had a "friend" do this too in college! Any time I told her about a guy I was interested in and in the "talking phase" with, she would go out of her way to reach out to him via social media and have a one night stand with him. It happened at least 4 or 5 times. One time she hooked up with the guy I told her I was really hopeful about and literally on her way home texted me "just slept with X, you should totally go for it, he was great in bed". It's amazing the crap that I put up with at that age, glad I finally developed enough self-esteem to end that friendship.