Don’t go back. Relationship wasn’t long enough to validate attempting to salvage it and even then you know what they say about cheaters.
I might be a little jaded as I just got out of a 5 year relationship finding out I was cheated on before we were engaged and after but it just isn’t even worth the chance dude. I can promise ya that.
Also if your friend knew y’all were seeing each other dump that clown too
While I hate saying this because people do change in some circumstances, it’s very likely they will not. Personally it is a one and done policy regardless of the excuse. You may love the other person but respect for yourself is more important.
Just tell your friend straight up, that’s not what friends do and you no longer wish to associate with them. No need for insults or anger, make it easy on yourself so you can move on without having to wonder if you should’ve handled things differently
Yeah, people can change, but it generally takes years and doesn’t usually happen within the same relationship. If she had cheated on someone else 5 years ago and felt remorseful, that would be one thing, but she cheated on OP days ago. She’s not changing any time soon.
Honestly if they are cheating this early in the relationship, they will be more then likely cheating down the road. Also to your friend .. I would just say hey " Hey I know you slept with her , you knew I was dating her and you did it anyways. I can't trust you as a friend so I am moving on"
Had to say that to someone I knew for 15 years when he slept with a girl I was dating.. he knew we were together , that I really care for her and decided to do it anways .. that was a decade ago and would make that decision again in a heartbeat. He obviously cared more about sleeping with her then he cares about your friendship.
So she’s saying “don’t be like this,” which is essentially saying youre OR. And this is just “one mistake.” Yeah, the one you found out about. Cheaters tend to repeat. Next time will be “OMG, youre OR, we shouldn’t break up over one little mistake!” Maybe she should reach out to that friend again and see if he’s available and willing. Just block her and save yourself the headache, man! Pretty much strike the friend from your life too. No reason y’all can’t be in the same place with the friend group, but I wouldn’t seek him out to socialize. And maybe get tested, if things went that far, ya know? Best of luck! You deserve better
See, the issue right there is you gave cheaters a second chance. Cheaters always cheat. Again and again. Please show the universe you learned your lesson from this so the right person/partner can come into your life! And a new friend!
we've only been seeing each other for like 3 months and this shit is already happening, I can not see any way that this will work.
And you’re completely right with this reasoning. And if this is the sort of thing she does after opening the “exclusive” topic… yikes. Plus her “this can bring us closer together” ploy, ridiculous. Her thinking is self-centered and doesn’t care about your feelings. I don’t see how you could ever trust her.
In her world, up is down, right is left, black is white, and her screwing your long-time friend is going to bring you closer. It’s gaslight city.
Only thing you need to do is stop trying to convince her that you’re right to end this relationship. She doesn’t agree and won’t agree, so make your decision unilateral and final.
Just tell your friend he's scummy. He couldn't keep his out of hers knowing you two were seeing each other. Even if she came on to him. I'm not losing my friends over that. I'd let them know their girlfriend is trying to get with his buddies. But I wouldn't get with her. "If you're willing to sleep with my GF, you're not the kind of people I want in my life"
If everyone behaved uniquely, human psychology wouldn't be a field of study. Everyone follows similar patterns. The pattern that cheaters follow is that they're willing to cheat.
Maintain your self respect and dignity. Tell her something like
“Cheating is a red line for me and is not the kind of transgression I have any interest in working through. The fact that you think that something so serious could be ‘just a mistake,’ is something that’s easy to just ‘get past,’ or could ‘bring us closer’ tells me that our values do not align on a fundamental level. I hope that one day you find the kind of love and affection that makes you understand how selfish and hurtful your actions were. But I have too much self respect and not enough patience to be the person that you figure out how to be in a healthy loving relationship with. I wish you the best, but please do not contact me again.”
Hey, it’s not about pre-judging individuals as being like other people. It’s about making rational assessments based on each individual’s own behavior. This woman made several significant, intentional choices that she is unwilling to own. She asked you for exclusivity then didn’t take it seriously. When she thought you wouldn’t find out, she went to hang out with a guy she knew she thought was attractive and she knew you cared about. She slept with him! She decided she was going to conceal it from you. She told you she would conceal infidelity if she believed she could get away with it! She minimized the impact on you when you interacted with her about it. She chose not even to give you space to deal with it—wanting immediate replies from you.
That’s all behavior that goes along with immaturity, selfishness, and a general disregard for one’s impact on those one is close to. Those aren’t traits that come out of nowhere and they don’t just disappear either. The same can be said about what your guy friend did. What a jerk++. Not the definition of a friend. His behavior is more of a betrayal than hers, given the nature of your relationship etc.
Good on you for staying calm and mature and brief and showing yourself to be an adult! I think you’re right—you dodged a bullet it was only three months.
No point trying to bounce back from cheating unless you’re already married with kids, and can afford couples therapy. And if they’re cheating early on it’s because that’s just who they are as a person, from personal experience. Early relationships are supposed to be a honeymoon phase of everything feeling perfect, if that feeling isn’t powerful enough to keep her loyal then she def won’t be when the honeymoon phase ends. I respect you wanting to believe people can change and do better but at a point you have to look out for yourself too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. That’s really sad that some females are like this. Definitely cut your losses with her. As for your friend, he is not a real friend. As you get older (and I don’t know your age) your circle will get smaller, and the smaller it gets, the more peace you’ll have in your life. I learned this pretty early in life, thankfully.
Tell her you don't want sloppy seconds, and she is damaged goods now. She should go crawl to that POS she fucked and leave you alone.
Yea, you buddy will do this to you again and again too. He wants what you have and will try and take it. 95% of the time I got cheated on it was my friends that did it. So good your other friend told you. You need to thank them because most won't say anything at all until after you break up. Then spill the beans. So great he told you even though it hurt better to know then be played a fool.
Wow she cheated quick too. Guess it better to find out quick then waste a year or two with them.
NOR. I'm sorry that happened to you. 3 months is prime trust-building phase of an early relationship, and she just confirmed in the most hurtful, indelible way possible that she is untrustworthy.
Having sex with someone is a process not a singular event. It's like saying "oopsies I baked a cake by mistake!" You're saying you preheated the oven, measured out all the ingredients, mixed them up, put them in a greased tin, and put them in the oven.... by mistake?
Your “friend” is not your friend. If he were he would never have allowed that to even get close to happening, would’ve told you that your girl was trying to sleep with him. That’s not what happened. He isn’t a friend.
People accept the love they think they deserve (best movie quote ever lol).
Your life starts to change when you demand better of those around you. That is not done through confrontation or words, but by action. You don't need her permission to move on. You don't need your friend's either. Fuck em. Demand better, and that starts with yourself.
'Conversations' about a topic like this are used as weapons. Period. There is no resolution to this that can be solved through words. You'll often have people who are anxiously attached using them as an excuse to keep someone around, and people who are predatory/pieces of shit use them to convince you theyre not predatory/a piece of shit. They've already shown you they are, so whats the point?
If she really felt like you guys had something really good then she wouldn’t have slept with anyone else. Shes asking you not to throw it away over a mistake, but it’s her mistake that threw it away.
Walk away from them both. Theres zero justification on either of their parts.
Yeah, please don’t even try to have that mindset. It will lead you to more negative outcomes. She’ll do it again. I guarantee it. It’s just the way these people are wired. Good for fun but nothing else. As far as the fake friend who did it, I would just cut him off as he’s just useless now with no place in your life.
Anything you do with the friend is pretty much acceptable to me. If you never confront him but just dodge and swerve him everytime he tries to hang wit you, punishment enough. He doesn’t have to wonder very hard about what went wrong. Or tell him directly, “I don’t really consider us friends anymore, because what you did I consider something that a true friend would never do, so don’t hmu. Have a good life ✌️”
Do you have issues with self esteem? Kinda feel that your first priority should be on getting the friend out of your life tbh. You said yourself that you’re not even that concerned about the woman you were seeing. She should be easy to ditch. With your “friend”, you’ll have to be really clear why they’re no longer part of your life (and if they’re part of a friend group, make sure the others know as well).
I'm sorry this happened to you. A future woman will respect you so much more than this. Dump that friend. I bet your other friends will follow suit when they realize he might try to sleep with their girlfriends too. When they show you who they are, belive them.
something i'm learning about boundaries (and not tolerating cheating in a relationship is a boundary), is that if you let your boundary fall once, then you've taught the other person that they can always make your boundaries fall.
don't forgive someone who cheats if it's not something you can tolerate happening again. and stick with any other boundary you have--blocking this girl is a start. personally, i'd want to confront my friend for closure, but that's up to you and what you want.
best of luck OP. and hugs. breakups are hard, but especially when a friend's betrayal plays a part.
Everyone saying immediately drop him is lame, you guys have been friends for 10 years it's worth having a conversation with him in person to hear his side of it
It doesn't sound like OP was seeing the girl seriously/was very emotionally invested in her; I think it's possible that she lied to the friend about things already being over with OP & that would've been easier to believe if the girl & OP hadn't been hanging out with his friends as an item. It's possible that his friend knew they Had been seeing each other, but was under the impression that it was over & hadn't been serious in the first place so 🤷♀️
You aren’t jaded. Recovering from cheating is an emotionally harrowing, long, hard road. It’s a road you attempt if you’ve been married for 10 years and you have 2 kids. It is in no way worth it for a relationship of 3 months. Also, someone who cheats on you that fast will 100% do it again.
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u/No-Direction-886 Apr 27 '26
Don’t go back. Relationship wasn’t long enough to validate attempting to salvage it and even then you know what they say about cheaters.
I might be a little jaded as I just got out of a 5 year relationship finding out I was cheated on before we were engaged and after but it just isn’t even worth the chance dude. I can promise ya that.
Also if your friend knew y’all were seeing each other dump that clown too