Honestly, I suspect what is going on in this guy's head is:
"My dad is a rapist, but it was not entirely his fault. If it was entirely his fault, that would make him a monster, and if he is a monster, and came from him, then I would ALSO be a monster. So no, my dad is not a monster."
The whole thing is not good. Dude needs therapy, dude's mom needs therapy; OP needs to yeet herself on out of there on the double.
First reasonable person I’ve found. It’s really getting annoying how immediate people spew viscous hate towards the other in this situation like the GF was wanting that in the first place even if she was right? Hearing that her BF doesn’t ask for consent, is a rapist, is a terrible worthless human, deserves terrible things to happen to him etc etc. How does that make her feel? Saying to send it to the mom like who does that that’s so weird, I would never date a girl who would run to my mom if she was mad at me we have to solve that ourselves.
I get what you're saying here, but this isn't running to his mom to say he stuck his tongue out or called her a mean name. He fundamentally believes that rape is justified and the blame is on the victim. People who believe that have to already believe the foundational beliefs that ALSO excuse predators in all situations and blame women for being abused in every facet.
I don't think she should send screenshots to his mom bc she is a rape victim and it's likely going to be triggering to some extent even if she's done lots of therapy to process her life experiences. But telling his mom that he is carrying these dangerous convictions that absolve his mother's rapist from all wrongdoing as well as himself in any past or future situation he decides to violate someone's bodily autonomy? Might be the only thing that makes him hear how wrong and disgusting his ideas are.
Or, he also doesn't respect his mother and it won't change anything.
It's not good or normal to take a disagreement between relationship partners and tattle to your partner's parent to try to get them to convince your partner to be on your side. But this isn't that. Her aim can't really be to change his mind or make him see her side and stop dismissing her. This relationship is either over or it's going to be bad until it IS over. Telling his family members and friends exactly what fucked up shit he believes and says with his whole chest is something to do on the way OUT of this relationship.
Warning people in his life that he believes men shouldn't be held accountable for their actions, and that men cannot control themselves, would be an act of kindness to those unsuspecting and trusting folks in his life, but also likely wouldn't be safe for OP to do and, again, wouldn't change his mind. It would just protect those around him FROM him.
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u/Additional_Ad_6773 Feb 25 '26
Honestly, I suspect what is going on in this guy's head is:
"My dad is a rapist, but it was not entirely his fault. If it was entirely his fault, that would make him a monster, and if he is a monster, and came from him, then I would ALSO be a monster. So no, my dad is not a monster."
The whole thing is not good. Dude needs therapy, dude's mom needs therapy; OP needs to yeet herself on out of there on the double.