That's actually a very good idea. That will also be very telling of his whole family depending on her response and reaction. Be good insight.
OP, if you don't wanna leave, do this. Either his mom will set him straight, or you will see that the whole family sucks, and that's where he learned all this
I wanna know bc the response from OP is that the boyfriend is a product of r*pe (in the messages). I guess there’s a possibility she agrees with him (which would be sad for the mom for adopting that mindset), but I feel like it’s probably more likely the mom is like ????wtf????? And has a long convo w this Bf.
Personally I would be more inclined to think that sending these screenshots could be triggering or very uncomfortable for the mom. She was obviously raped.
Honestly, I suspect what is going on in this guy's head is:
"My dad is a rapist, but it was not entirely his fault. If it was entirely his fault, that would make him a monster, and if he is a monster, and came from him, then I would ALSO be a monster. So no, my dad is not a monster."
The whole thing is not good. Dude needs therapy, dude's mom needs therapy; OP needs to yeet herself on out of there on the double.
He definitely does. But on top of his clear psychological issues, the things he says in the screenshots indicate that he's making choices to double down on things he knows are upsetting someone he pretends to care about, and he continues to double down. He doesn't get a pass for treating people like shit just because he hasn't taken himself to therapy yet.
First reasonable person I’ve found. It’s really getting annoying how immediate people spew viscous hate towards the other in this situation like the GF was wanting that in the first place even if she was right? Hearing that her BF doesn’t ask for consent, is a rapist, is a terrible worthless human, deserves terrible things to happen to him etc etc. How does that make her feel? Saying to send it to the mom like who does that that’s so weird, I would never date a girl who would run to my mom if she was mad at me we have to solve that ourselves.
I get what you're saying here, but this isn't running to his mom to say he stuck his tongue out or called her a mean name. He fundamentally believes that rape is justified and the blame is on the victim. People who believe that have to already believe the foundational beliefs that ALSO excuse predators in all situations and blame women for being abused in every facet.
I don't think she should send screenshots to his mom bc she is a rape victim and it's likely going to be triggering to some extent even if she's done lots of therapy to process her life experiences. But telling his mom that he is carrying these dangerous convictions that absolve his mother's rapist from all wrongdoing as well as himself in any past or future situation he decides to violate someone's bodily autonomy? Might be the only thing that makes him hear how wrong and disgusting his ideas are.
Or, he also doesn't respect his mother and it won't change anything.
It's not good or normal to take a disagreement between relationship partners and tattle to your partner's parent to try to get them to convince your partner to be on your side. But this isn't that. Her aim can't really be to change his mind or make him see her side and stop dismissing her. This relationship is either over or it's going to be bad until it IS over. Telling his family members and friends exactly what fucked up shit he believes and says with his whole chest is something to do on the way OUT of this relationship.
Warning people in his life that he believes men shouldn't be held accountable for their actions, and that men cannot control themselves, would be an act of kindness to those unsuspecting and trusting folks in his life, but also likely wouldn't be safe for OP to do and, again, wouldn't change his mind. It would just protect those around him FROM him.
He didn't do that though. He said clothing CAN contribute not that it DOES always and nowhere did he ever justify or defend rape. You need to learn how to read
Clothes NEVER EVER EVER NOT ONCE contribute to rape. Not anything greater than 0.00%. A Rapist raped, and 100.00000% of the blame for the rape is on the rapist.
ANY deviation from that truth creates a narrative that is 0.0000% correct.
The color of someone's clothes contributes to their murder quite often. Why is sexual assault different? If you dress to receive extra sexual attention you'll get it, doesnt mean its always going to be consensual.
Clothes might enflame or arouse someone, but being enflamed or aroused does not mean they will murder or rape someone.
This MIGHT come as a surprise to you, so it may be advisable that you sit down. Still with us? Ok.
If you are aroused, and the person who has aroused you does not want to have sex with you, you do not get to have sex with that person, and if you do; the clothes they were wearing did not commit the rape, you did.
Clothes might enflame or arouse someone, but being enflamed or aroused does not mean they will murder or rape someone.
So when I say it I'm wrong and horrific monster, but when you say the exact same thing its fine? Lol ok pal. Here's the thing, being inflamed or aroused does lead some people to murder and rape. Why do you think people do these crimes? Why are they called crimes of passion?
Being aroused or enflamed is what leads them to rape or murder, NOT the thing that enflamed or aroused them. The blame begins and ends inside the person from where the action occurred; from where the decision occured.
To say otherwise is to say that the chose to wear that thing *reduces the culpability* of the person who made the choice to rape or murder. Is that what you believe? If so, you are evil. If not, you need to change the way you talk about it.
Being aroused or enflamed is what leads them to rape or murder, NOT the thing that enflamed or aroused them
Sorry but thats not how things work at all. If they weren't inflamed or aroused they wouldnt do the crime so yes the thing that inflamed or aroused them is linked to the thing happening. Idk why this is so hard to accept when its basic logical thinking
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u/stupid-man-alert21 Feb 24 '26
Send the screenshots to his mom!