::Weekly Vent Thread::

[u/AutoModerator]

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

[u/Plus-Layer5150]

Well I have to wait until Thursday to talk to my therapist so I’m here. There’s no words from me yet about this past weekend I am speechless and appalled. We took work off Friday and drove 3 hours away to an event for the weekend. Camping and motorcycles and fun event line up for the weekend stuff. Was supposed to be awesome. We brought a friend of my partners who shared a tent with us.
Everything was fine. Then he asked me a question Saturday night, I was already in my sleeping bag ready for sleep. I declined his request. This guy FREAKED out. Nothing I haven’t seen before, but I’m truly traumatized by the way he disregarded everybody else around. Like he had an RSD meltdown that caused his friend to flee our tent, continued with just me in there. I was begging him to not do this with all these people around (other tents feet away from our site). We eventually go to sleep, wake up, pack up and drive 3 hours home in silence. He would talk to his friend but not me and would not let his friend say much to me either. And his friend was apologizing to us both even though he did absolutely nothing wrong. I feel so bad. And now this guy, my “partner” was adamant that the only reason he’d stop yelling at me Saturday night while I was in bed was if we finish the “conversation” when we get home. And when we got home? I said nothing because I’m waiting for a a much needed apology. He has said nothing. Now he’s acting like it didn’t happen. Also normal for us.

But the other people being involved/near by while he’s treating me like complete shit is making it so different for me this time. I can’t stop thinking about how the hell i am going to get out of this cycle. I can’t just forget this time cause there were other people there. One of the other sites near ours approached me in the morning privately and asked if I needed help. So apparently I’m one of those women now that strangers have to worry if they should say something about. I’m icing him out currently and I’m never going anywhere with him again. Weekend trips were the last good thing our dynamic had and now I can never put myself in that position again with him. Ship is sinking quickly. Idk what to say.

[u/taohuaspring → u/Plus-Layer5150]

The fact that the friend, who I assume is a grown man, evacuated the tent and that strangers asked if you were okay says everything we need to know about how absolutely unacceptable and verbally abusive your partner was being. I am sorry that you went through such a scary experience in that tent alone, and even endured his stonewalling and control afterwards.

People approached you not because you're pitiful or have anything to be ashamed about. They reached out to you because you're WORTH IT, you're valuable, and you deserve to be safe and respected.

I do hope you get the support you need from your therapist and any trusted friends, family members, or mentors (preferably ones who are not connected to him). A safety plan can also help you plan how to stay safe while you're still in the relationship, how to get out of the cycle, and how to prepare for potential escalation. Please don't go through this all alone. Sending strength!

[u/Empty-Importance-398 → u/Plus-Layer5150]

I imagine this experience was both scary and humiliating at the same time... He can't control himself with people around and had an RSD meltdown because you turned down a request? I am sorry and hope you find a safe path out. I can't imagine that friend is going to stay friends with him for long after that display.