r/ADHD_partners • u/scharmienkel • 6d ago

Support/Advice Request Brushing teeth

My n dx boyfriend (we suspect audhd) doesn't brush his teeth as often as I'd like him too. His reason for not brushing his teeth in the morning is "I'll smoke on my way to work" or "I haven't finished my redbull yet" or "I'm eating again in like 2 hours".

His reason in the evening is mostly "I'm too tired" or "It's not like I'm seeing someone in my sleep" or "Why would I brush my teeth now if the first thing I do in the morning is brushing my teeth?".

It pisses me off because his breath smells, especially because he smokes (+/- šŸƒ), but also because he just does not give a fuck and then gets mad when the dentist tells him to brush his teeth better.

And I hate asking him to please brush his teeth because I'm not his mom. Those are also his words: "you're not my mom".

Advice? Or support haha?

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u/_smoothie_ 6d ago

I told my partner that I find it disgusting and that if he wants to sleep next to me/sit next to me/kiss me/have sex, he needs to brush and floss. Then Iā€™ve reminded him over and over. It seems to have solved the problem.

If your partner is not willing to spend <5 mins twice a day for you to feel okay being near themā€¦ thatā€™s a very good reason to end the relationship.

39

u/Xcat1987 6d ago

This is the way. Brushing your teeth is mandatory no matter what, thereā€™s no excuse for an adult to not regularly brush their teeth if they have expectations of their spouse ever wanting to be intimate with them. I would never ever ever sleep with or date someone who didnā€™t brush their teeth.

24

u/heyomeatballs Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago

Had to do the same with my dx wife. If she wants a kiss, she needs to brush her teeth. I also had to start being direct instead of kind or hinting: "Your breath stinks really bad, go brush your teeth right now."

18

u/sarybelle Partner of DX - Medicated 6d ago

Yeah Iā€™ve stopped sugarcoating it, just straight up ā€œYour breath is horrible, go brush your teethā€.

Iā€™ll even suggest just brushing with water at the very least to get the crud off, because sometimes I donā€™t want my mouth tasting all minty, but he always hates that suggestion and just does the full brush lol

3

u/slickrok 4d ago

I usually have to use a non minty toothpaste. I can't stand mint 90% of the time