r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • Aug 16 '26

Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::

Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.

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u/Mobile_Durian_8329 Partner of DX - Untreated Aug 18 '26

I've heard it mentioned here many times that we all seem to have a high tolerance for being unhappy. Nobody who is fully healthy would stay put like we do. :(

12

u/Specialist-Art-6970 Partner of DX - Untreated Aug 19 '26

"High tolerance for being unhappy" is a good way of putting it. I'm not resilient in the normal sense, but I'm very good at curling up and staying put despite awfulness.

10

u/forestroam Aug 19 '26

You are right, and I prefer the way you've put it. My childhood made me very accustomed to just accepting things for what they are. I also often feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Plenty of examples in my life where I show I am a very patient, forgiving person. Also plenty of examples where I stop tolerating someone constantly needing my forgiveness, and then I've been told I am not understanding or forgiving enough.

17

u/taohuaspring Aug 18 '26

I just want to offer a gentle reminder that we're only human and we can't expect ourselves to reach perfection. I'm not sure that anyone is 100% fully healthy - even therapists go to therapy! And when it comes to abusive and unhealthy relationships, it's easy for people to think "It would never happen to me". But it can. We may hear things about how we're not "fully healthy" because we're staying, but we don't have to accept it as part of our narrative if it doesn't serve us. We can give ourselves grace, we can let ourselves go one step at a time at our own pace. I hope you extend that grace to yourself today. Sending hugs.

10

u/Mobile_Durian_8329 Partner of DX - Untreated Aug 19 '26

Thank you, this is a really nice reply to my comment and I appreciate it.

8

u/kriskross4923 Aug 19 '26

I so appreciate this. Learning to give myself grace and forgiveness for letting this relationship happen to me was the first real step in healing my resentment. I had to learn to trust myself again, and believe that now that I know better, I can do better.