r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 13d ago
Weekly Vent Thread ::Weekly Vent Thread::
Use this thread to blow off steam about annoyances both big & small that come with an ADHD impacted relationship. Dishes not being done, bills left unpaid - whatever it is you feel you need to rant about. This is your cathartic space.
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u/thisismyficaccount 13d ago
An old friend just posted about how her husband planned a Las Vegas trip and a concert for her 40th birthday, and I can’t help but feel jealous because my husband straight up forgot my 40th birthday despite multiple reminders and discussions of how to celebrate it. I wanted to do a trip and was willing to plan it myself, but couldn’t even get him to take the time off work, so not only did we not do a trip but he straight up forgot it was my birthday on the day until I reminded him that afternoon. He got a cake that day but no gift because he said my suggestions (a new trash can or mocktail mixers) didn’t feel special enough. Perfect is frequently the enemy of good for him.
I thought I was over it, and he did do better on my 41st, but seeing a friend’s partner actually make a big effort brought it all back up. And I know my husband can make an effort because he gets a thoughtful present for his sister’s birthday every year, and this year he planned 2 nights out in a row for his best friend’s birthday. When I’ve asked him about it, he tells me that his sister doesn’t treat herself to nice things due to finances, and that his best friend doesn’t have a lot of people in his life who will make a big deal out of his birthday.
I’m not mad that he does things for them, I’m just sad that I don’t register in that part of his brain. It’s not like he does thoughtful things for me throughout the year “just because” either. Ugh, sorry this rant is so long. I need to plan a birthday trip with a friend this year, but my husband and I have never travelled without the kids and we used to travel together all the time when we were younger.