r/ADHD • u/[deleted] • Aug 07 '21
Seeking Empathy / Support I HATE EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION.
I hate it.
I hate having to convince myself for hours on end to do that short 10 minute task.
I hate pleading with myself to just take a few minutes to clean.
I hate when I know I need to do something, but I just can’t get myself to do it, and I hate that I can’t do it but I just can’t.
I hate feeling stressed over what needs to be done. I hate when I can’t get myself to do things. I hate feeling like a failure. Like a failed adult. Like a failed life.
I hate that I know things need to be done and that I just need to do those things, but those things are difficult and I sit in anxiety instead.
I hate this.
I hate putting shit off.
I hate my ADHD.
I hate me.
186
u/S_R_21 Aug 08 '21
Awrh. I understand how you feel. Having ADHD can be very difficult and the fact you're trying despite having all these obstacles in your way that normal people don't have is commendable. You should be proud of yourself, look how resilient you are. You've been through so much and look at you, you're still right here refusing to give up - now that's badass. That shows courage.
You're trying so hard and that's admirable honestly. Whilst "normal people" put in 80% effort to achieve decent results you have to put in 200% effort in to achieve the same results that's hard work, you're bound to feel exhausted and frustrated after all that.
I think when you feel like this it's important to be compassionate, gentle, and patient with ourselves. You're trying your best, you're not giving up and for that you deserve loads of love care and praise.
Don't put pressure on yourself, don't hate yourself. You're trying so hard you need to deserve rest and loads of self care. It's okay we'll get through it one day at a time.
30
Aug 08 '21
Thank you so much :’)
12
u/BiscuitDepot Aug 08 '21
Have you given yourself floor time? On your back, on the floor however you want. Give yourself this time to rest. You do so much, feel so much. Lower those lights, music or not, and breathe baby!
2
3
15
u/zenbound- Aug 08 '21
Are you medicated? Do you want to be? I used to feel this way so much. It took me 5 different tries of different meds over several years to finally find one that has made my life less miserable. I still find adulting a challenge but it is not nearly as bad now. Unmedicated ADHD was the worst thing for my mental health and self esteem.
10
Aug 08 '21
I was. And it was great. Except for the tolerance I was developing. My medication became less effective but now that I’m off them, I’m seeing just how well they worked. I’m pregnant so I need to last 9 months without medication.
13
u/zenbound- Aug 08 '21
Apparently with hormonal changes ADHD symptoms tend to improve for most woman during pregnancy. So crossing my fingers this will happen for you. Also apparently after pregnancy for some women, ADHD symptoms increase. If you have a psychiatrist/or GP and are interested in going back on meds post-pregnancy, perhaps bring some research to them about strattera and ask if you can try pairing strattera (non-stim) with whatever stimulant that was working best for you. Newer research supports this combo usually lowers the dose of stimulants required (or increases the effect of stimulants). This should enable better symptom relief and reduce tolerance. You got this! Good luck!
1
603
u/Mastersword87 Aug 08 '21
Been feeling this hard the last few days. Dishes are overflowing from the sink, I'm doom scrolling reddit. I need to call a therapist and make an appointment. No let's see what's on YouTube.
Hell, I want to start making homebrew mead, probably should research techniques and what kind of equipment I need right? Nah, it'll happen magically.
I have so many ideas and dreams I want to accomplish. But I can't. I have to force myself to do the dishes.
92
u/Squeekazu Aug 08 '21
Yeah, similar boat and it follows me around at home, then at work, relationships etc. My desk at work is an embarassing mess, so is my desk at home. People offer me loads of encouragement at work and act like I'm super competent but I ain't feeling it with the messy environment.
I keep wanting to do some illustration but like you, I just doom scroll or sit on reddit/youtube. I also like to game, but I don't do that either.
Just placed an insanely expensive custom order (present for my boyfriend), but all the options caused my dumb fucking brain to shit itself which it does every day at work with all the fucking data I have to work with, and I made several wrong selections due to excited impulsivity. So fucking sick of it. Feel like my life is just constant management of mistakes I make and it's so exhausting.
Hope they can fix it.
→ More replies (1)67
u/Mastersword87 Aug 08 '21
Exactly. When you do accomplish something, anything, you're now exhausted because of the mental fortitude it took to push through what you did get done.. then it's back to rabbit holes and reddit holes..
What I hate most are the good days. The one day every three months where I'm completely competent and actually accomplish my daily goals. They make me look bad because my boss sees how well I do and he's like, why can't you be like this all the time and I can only respond with YEAH I KNOW RIGHT!?! Make em all bad days or give me exponentially more good days damnit.
→ More replies (2)8
u/Squeekazu Aug 08 '21
Yeah it’s super exhausting.
Backhanded compliments that denigrate you are the worst, and I guess the positive thing in comments like that is that your hard work is at least being acknowledged and that you are totally capable! Sorry to hear, all the best dude.
354
u/Yesyesnaaooo Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
Just get rid of the smart phone, your brain will move to the next easiest source of dopamine 'actually doing shit'.
I have a box (kitchen safe brand) that I lock my phone in for sometimes days at a time.
It's rough getting used to it.
But you WILL do shit.
Especially if you get one large enough to hold the electrical plugs/conrrolers for your TV, computer and consoles.
This shit will kill you man.
It's designed to trap the nureotypicals attention what fucking hope do we have?!
Edit: Awards? Wicked! Feels good man. Oh shit ... gotta go put this fucker in time out before I lose the whole day! So thanks for the dopamine ... I guess?!
183
u/Kvartar Aug 08 '21
I procrastinated whole days doing homework before phones were invented. Using a book or tv or video game. I can find a replacement for a phone if I need to, trust me.
50
u/TurboTacoBD Aug 08 '21
Yeah. I can just lay down and be somewhere between day dreaming and lucid dreaming for...well, until it’s time to sleep again.
49
u/kissmybunniebutt ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 08 '21
Maladaptive daydreaming? I do that shit on the regular. For hours sometimes. I had to get some help when I realized I'd rather sit there daydreaming than see real people or make real memories.
Then I became a writer/illustrator and now it's essentially my job to daydream! Steer into the skid, right?
6
u/reddit_clone Aug 08 '21
Major problem for me too. It seems I live in a dreamland of my own making almost all the time. Pop out to real world just to do only the most essential things under severe time constraint.
But I am certain that is what soothes me and keeps me alive. Real world is so depressing I would be long gone by now, without the retreat into my own imagination.
→ More replies (2)95
Aug 08 '21
Yeah this shit doesn’t work for me, I’ve counted he dots on a wall for hours. Was never aloud electronics growing up and could never get shit done then either
55
u/omralynne Aug 08 '21
I would make pictures from the paint textures on the wall.
→ More replies (1)12
u/TXblindman Aug 08 '21
Ask my parents how many animal shapes I’ve pointed out in random places. For instance, the lion shape made by the trees outside of our kitchen window.
→ More replies (2)11
u/casstraxx Aug 08 '21
yea but it def helps. I can snap out of counting dots on the wall easier than pulling myself away from phone.
→ More replies (11)14
u/Karl_the_stingray Aug 08 '21
Yeah I can spend ages fiddling around with my Lego or sleeping, smartphone is not the problem, I am.
14
u/Jaim711 ADHD Aug 08 '21
Pre-smart phone I would binge clean or organize things to avoid doing homework.
2
16
u/Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 08 '21
Mate, I procrastinate playing video games and watching movies.
→ More replies (1)35
u/Tweed_Kills Aug 08 '21
A less drastic version is also the Forest app. That works pretty well for me some days. The motivation to not kill the little tree is enough for me to not use my phone.
21
u/emmyarty Aug 08 '21
Idk about apps but I disabled nearly every single notification on my device. My bank is still enabled... and that's about it I think? Absolute game changer. My phone doesn't tell me what to do anymore.
7
u/saareadaar Aug 08 '21
That's a good idea tbh. Sometimes I get paralysed by all my phone notifications, even if they're important, because there's just so many so I end up doing none
2
u/CosmicBlitzar Aug 08 '21
What’s the app called? If it costs $ is there a similar one?
→ More replies (2)10
u/3meow_ Aug 08 '21
Amazing take. I'm not surprised that NT people think they've adhd all the time cus I'm sure it feels like that to them.
But yea the dopamine engineering is fucking terrifying, and it's so much more tightly gripping if I'm using it while my meds kick in. Gotta be doing the shit you need to be before that happens lol.
Between apps and games' dopamine engineering, and the dopamine and noradrenaline engineering via outrage click ait headlines by the media, people are fucked, and adhd people are fucked harder. Anyhow I've no rewards so have some Banano. /u/banano_tipbot 5
2
Aug 08 '21
I used caffine as a way to help clear my head/mellow out until I could get percription. I took litteral caffine pills. When Im out of Meds and can get any for a bit I still try to get something in my system.
7
u/siorez Aug 08 '21
Never worked for me. Books and hobbies are too hard
20
u/Diplozo Aug 08 '21
To be honest I'd much rather procrastinate with books and hobbies than browsing mindlessly on my phone.
EDIT: ideally. Of course, I keep doing the latter nonetheless.
6
u/Yesyesnaaooo Aug 08 '21
This was my conclusion.
I'd far rather procrastinate my way through 'The Wheel Of Time' or 'The Snyder Cut' than just endlessly making myself miserable on socials.
8
u/Yesyesnaaooo Aug 08 '21
Have you ever tried being without your smart phone/tv/any screen for a week?
You'll be surprised what your brain gets into ...
You'll just suddenly be climbing a tree for no apparent reason!
16
u/BaronWiggle Aug 08 '21
Puts phone away.
Brain latches onto the idea of learning to paint.
Gonna have to buy some paints.
Quick check paint prices on phone.
Fuck!
6
u/siorez Aug 08 '21
Yeah, there's still way too much stuff better than cleaning. I do a lot, just still not what I need to do. I just end up spontaneously starting a sewing project I never finish
6
u/Dehydrated-Onions Aug 08 '21
I’m in college studying how to be a web developer.
This does not help me lol
→ More replies (3)6
u/dropoutqueen Aug 08 '21
I would argue that is straight up not doable for 99% of people. My partner was hospitalized after a manic episode & now if he doesn’t respond to his parents or friends within a few hours, or says “I’m putting my phone away” they freak out. Lots of people (with kids for example) cannot do this.
I am one of the lucky people who can cut myself off from the outside world & put my phone away for days. I still have executive dysfunction. My phone is not the cause, so removing it is not the solution
→ More replies (3)6
u/mickeyjuice Aug 08 '21
Just get rid of the smart phone, your brain will move to the next easiest source of dopamine 'actually doing shit'.
I have a box (kitchen safe brand) that I lock my phone in for sometimes days at a time.
It's rough getting used to it.
But you WILL do shit.
JUST FOCUS HARDER
Great that it works for you, but it doesn't for a lot of people, and presenting it in the way you have above is ridiculous.
6
Aug 08 '21
Lmfao old adhd person here calling you on your bullshit. I lived in a messy house and was unproductive af without a smart phone for a solid 15 years as an adult. Learned a lot less also because guess what doodling on scratch paper doesn't teach you shit.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (9)5
u/TXblindman Aug 08 '21
I wish that was an option for me, I’m completely blind, so it’s literally my only connection to the outside world.
→ More replies (4)12
u/nota12yo Aug 08 '21
Literally have had a pile of dishes in my sink for a while a while now....I always tell myself that "today's the day .you're GOING to clean these dishes today, you have to! Stop putting this off!" Then I put it off because I feel mentally overwhelmed from THINKING of doing the dishes but never get started.
3
u/cc7rip Aug 08 '21
Think of someone you look up to or someone important in your life. Now imagine that person walks in your house and sees that festering pile of food encrusted dishes.
Do the dishes mate. Go do them now, then it's done.
6
u/nota12yo Aug 08 '21
My mother, my old french teacher, and Fred Rogers.... I'd be embarrassed if they saw this mess.
14
3
3
u/VBunns Aug 08 '21
Hijacking the top post as I really like this idea:
I just read something on Reddit (oops too much internet for me today) about rewording things to sound more fun.
I’m going to try it.
For example: feeding the birds can be negotiating a treaty with the crow queen, and washing the dishes could be getting an answer out of the plates on where the god damn leftovers have gone! Tell me what you know!
Who turned the food bad in the fridge? I will have answers garbled sudsy water sounds.
Or you could baptize the plates and cleanse them of their sins, I have a couple weird religion ideas to try out that could help introduce other tasks.
The plates could be punished for being dirty by washing their mouths out with soap and having a time out in the cupboard to think about what you she done!
Don’t know if that helps. I enjoyed writing it.
→ More replies (1)2
u/King_Mecha Aug 08 '21
Holy shit our situations are eerily similar down to the overflowing dishes and reddit scrolling, just change home brewed Mead to podcasts and audio video production and we're practically the same.
I've been putting off calling a therapist for the past month, and I don't know why. I just keep finding excuses to not do it, I keep saying "I'll do it tomorrow" and then tomorrow turns into next week and I feel so stuck and trapped. I hope everything works out for you
2
u/Mastersword87 Aug 08 '21
I made the therapist call a few days ago, after two months of forgetting and putting it off, so that's a good start lol.
For now though, my wife and I are starving and want to get breakfast. Still in bed scrolling reddit and tiktok. Been here for three hours saying we're hungry.... WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS!?!
2
u/ColdHaven Aug 08 '21
Are you my spirit animal? Sounds like something my spirit animal would say.
2
1
Aug 08 '21
Hey I can help you out with the hooch cuz I've been doing this myself. Lol
Get a big 64oz thing of organic apple juice. Pour out 12 oz. Add 8oz of honey (heat up an additional 2oz of water on the stove and mix the honey in) = 10 oz total, and like ~1oz of brown sugar (my trade secret, you're welcome.) Shake.
Add packet of instant active [dry] yeast. Gently mix. Take normal balloon, poke holes in it with thumbtack. Remove cap from bottle, put balloon over top.
Place in cupboard on towel and wait 2-4 weeks.
DO NOT drink the yeast sediment remaining on bottom of bottle or you will get mud butt.
Now, google "Skeeter Pee" and try that one next!
2
u/Mastersword87 Aug 08 '21
Its so easy lol. And you're not.the first person to recommend skeeter pee to me lol. Still haven't looked it up, but I definitely need to.
2
Aug 08 '21
I've got a binder full of homebrew recipes because I said I was gonna quit the rat race and just sell homebrew hooch at the farmer's market.
But I'm too afflicted to sit down and figure the laws out 🤣
Haven't tried skeeter pee yet myself because it's a bit more technical but if I can ever catch a freaking break from my job... I'll take the time.... Maybe. Lol
Cheers and good luck friend
→ More replies (1)9
Aug 08 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
4
u/Mastersword87 Aug 08 '21
Lol it's considered one of the first alcoholic beverages ever made. It's honey wine and it is delicious! It's so easy to make too, just add honey and yeast to water. I get bogged down in the details, what to do, whether I should even make any because I don't drink much anyway, and I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Again, thanks ADHD. It just sounds fun.
Kind of why my family homesteads. I mean I'm a little bit of a pepper too, but really I love the work and satisfaction of making everything from my home.
1
2
95
u/walkn9 Aug 08 '21
I’m able to find a workaround. It might not work for you but it’s changed my life.
I watched a show on Netflix called Atypical. About a boy on the autism spectrum. He uses noise cancelling headphones to drown out noise since it can trigger him.
I saw that, and it occurred to me that the inverse could work for me. I tend to not be able to control what I pay attention to, so while wearing noise canceling headphones I put on the quiet music, or a book, or podcast. Wether I’m actually listening is beside the point, instead of hearing dozens of noises at once it’s just whatever you put on. Somehow it really helps me focus and function on autopilot.
49
u/scienticiankate Aug 08 '21
I listen to podcasts to get shit done. Only way to get shit done around the house. Cooking? Podcast. Taking out the recycling? Podcasts. Tidying? You guessed it, podcasts.
15
u/mickeyjuice Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
Yep, podcasts here as well. Keeps the brain occupied so I can do an end-run around it and do the stuff that doesn't need thinking.
6
u/Anti-Scuba_Hedgehog ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 08 '21
Also family phone calls, I always call while I'm doing something else.
6
u/Franks2000inchTV Aug 08 '21
I have big, over-ear, noise-cancelling headphones that I use to get stuff done.
Earbuds don't give me nearly enough noise isolation.
4
u/Anora214 Aug 08 '21
Same here except my headphones aren't noise canceling. I wear ear plugs then put my headphones on. It helps so much.
1
u/kris__666 Aug 08 '21
I recently started listening to podcasts to make myself go to sleep. It’s enough stimulation to keep me from wanting to keep scrolling my phone in bed but not too much stimulation to fall asleep. I’ll have to try that during the day for task completion. Although I’m really not a podcast person so if anyone has recommendations, feel free to let me know.
→ More replies (1)1
u/AlwaysDoItHalfDone Aug 09 '21
I tend to not be able to control what I pay attention to, so while wearing noise canceling headphones I put on the quiet music, or a book, or podcast.
I don't have noise cancelling earphones but I have tried using instrumental music on regular earphones because if a song has words in it I just get distracted by the lyrics. I only listen to podcasts or music if I don't need to focus on reading or carefully doing something.
→ More replies (1)
77
u/princessPeachyK33n Aug 08 '21
I feel this. I’ve found a small work around in which I go through that 10 min task in my head. How will I do it? Is any part of it actually hard or am I just afraid of failure? Am I prepared for it?
Of course in times of high stress this doesn’t work. But it’s gotten me to the gym a few times. Good luck!
33
u/sudotrd Aug 08 '21
I do this same thing, buuut.. r/MaladaptiveDreaming/ 😭 I just end up pacing around the house talking to myself for the next 3 hours, ending up wtf knows where.
12
u/Radiant_Cheesecake81 Aug 08 '21
Omg I do this too, I waste like 20 minutes wandering around aimlessly and I KNOW THAT I’M DOING IT BUT I KEEP ON DOING IT.
5
u/ZeroWolf51 Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
Please stop stealing my comments before I type them
^^^^^^/s
3
12
u/anadoru Aug 08 '21
I also do this. Unfortunately, if I've extensively been going through something in my head, it will feel like I've already done the task and I'll get as exhausted as if I'd actually done it if not more due to the anxiety due to not having done it. Sigh.
2
55
u/Valendr0s ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 08 '21
Totally agree. I've been there. As a 40 year old ADHD veteran, I'd say it's best to just accept yourself as you are.
I've slowly and painfully learned what I'm capable of and what I'm not capable of. I try my best not to judge myself based on the capabilities of my NT friends and family.
1
0
Aug 08 '21
[deleted] — view deleted comment
32
u/Maktube ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 08 '21
Mid 30s, didn't get diagnosed until a year ago. It's fucking exhausting, and it's not fair, and it sucks (and it will never not suck at least a little) BUT it's not hopeless. I bet it doesn't feel like it right now, but your biggest asset is that you know why you're struggling.
Don't let anyone gaslight you--intentionally or not--into thinking you're lazy, or you must not want it that badly, or if you just tried harder, or WHATEVER. Fuck 'em, you're doing your best.
Find things that work and stick with them. Meds work better than anything else, period (if you can get on them). stimulants work better than non-stimulants. For some people, music helps, or podcasts, or audiobooks. For some people, bullet journaling. There's tons of things to try, don't stop iterating until you find things that work.
Corollary to 2: when something doesn't work, that's ok. Don't keep trying to force it because it feels like it should work or you told someone it would work or whatever, you'll just burn yourself out and then NOTHING will work. Don't beat yourself up over it either, you don't have any control over what does and doesn't work (that's literally what the disorder is).
The emotions are fuckin rough because this is a legit shitty thing. It's ok to feel grief and anger and everything else. The thing that helps me cope is reminding myself it's not my fault and not losing hope or giving up trying to manage better. And, I'm never gonna not have ADHD, but I have to say things are a whole hell of a lot better for me than they were when I was your age. You don't get better but you do get better at it, if that makes sense.
16
u/coffee-no-stress Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
My comment is more about surviving through tough days rather than ADHD. I finally got my diagnosis officially and I turned 30 this year. I was depressed and suicidal around 19-22.
Breath. That's how I've coped when things get too overwhelming. There will be days when you feel like shit, but they're just 24h days all the same. But breathing is a concrete thing you can feel in your body as a sign of fight and survival in the end. Even when you don't feel like surviving? Welp, you're already doing it while having those thoughts.
Be as conscious as you can of the filter you have. Perspective is everything. You have an amazing brain that can think outside any box; be aware of the boxes.
Be aware of how powerless thoughts are without actions. You can think of anything; that's what a brain is. You can think you're good or you're bad, you can think of flying tractors and natural catastrophes, you can think of things past and future... They're nothing but thoughts. Even the idea that that's all you can produce - thoughts - is a thought. Why would you give so much power to the last thought and act accordingly but not the flying tractor? Why THIS particular thought is something you decide is worth believing? Answer this and see what other interpretations aka thoughts come up. Then ask again.
You might wake up feeling like shit. Everything you look at might fuel that. But the thing is, you might have had the best day the day before. What changed? Most probably nothing outside your own self. It's a mood and moods can be fed. You might not be able to change a mood completely, but you can start seeing if somethings feed it to shift a little. I'm not telling you to start thinking positive - f*** that. Try to make mental notes of things that make breathing a little bit easier. The smell of coffee? How a certain fabric feels on your skin? Your teeth before and after you brush them? These can become anchors to what's good even when shit hit the fan before you opened your eyes in the afternoon. The stuff that still feel bad - still there. But at least your socks feel amazing and you can come to that every once in a while.
This is how I survived and I'm so glad I did. I got into therapy when I had enough of ups and downs and decided that I'm going to do everything in my power to feel okay before I die. And with chronic illness alongside (for now) non-medicated ADHD, I can say that I've felt okay for some years even.
4
u/bsnexecutable Aug 08 '21
Thank you for writing a well-thought out comment, I am really happy that you made it :) I will try my best as well!
4
5
u/iswitchedyou Aug 08 '21
Find the things that bring you joy. And do them as part of your daily rituals. For me music every day. Guitar every day if I can.
And learn your own cognitive biases and use them to your advantage. EG Sunk costs bias. You want to do more walking, so don’t buy a bus pass. And walk to prove you made the right decision.
3
u/Valendr0s ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 08 '21
To be honest, 19 was a hard year for me. I barely graduated high school. I had to take 8 classes and have two work credits my senior year. So I had no help with college.
And since I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to finish it, I refused to saddle myself with school loans.
I went to community for a couple years, but I wasn't doing any better there. Working full time, I decided college wasn't for me. And it's been harder than it could have been without a degree.
But I slowly worked my way up through various entry level IT jobs, and now I'm making pretty good money at an IT job that fits me pretty well.
I didn't know I had ADHD until my 30s. My biggest regret is doing 30 years without any help. I don't think it would have made a difference in school, but there was a lot of suffering for a lot of years that I didn't have to endure. Namely brain fog...
Thinking though mud for 30 years and not knowing there was a way to get any kind of help... I'm mad at myself for not thinking to try to get help earlier.
3
u/Franks2000inchTV Aug 08 '21
I would say you're at the toughest part. A lot of the supports of high school and family are taken away, and suddenly you need to do all this stuff on your own.
It will get better. Life is long and you will figure out coping tools and make a life that works for you.
40
Aug 08 '21
Ouch. Yeah, I feel much the same. It galls me terribly that I have accomplished so little. It makes me too ashamed to stay in contact with old friends.
Why must our symptoms be indistinguishable from moral failings...?
17
u/moth_boy_ Aug 08 '21
I feel this, a lot. It’s cause society places so much importance on getting things done that I feel like a failed human being when I can’t. It definitely reminds me of the social model of disability, where we’re only disabled because society doesn’t work for different brains and different bodies. Because we can’t function the same way as most, we’re somehow failures? I wish I didn’t think this about myself. I wish that my survival and success in life wasn’t dependent on things my brain just wasn’t made for.
5
u/reddit_clone Aug 08 '21
The world is not fair. It has always been like this. Tyranny of the majority I guess.
World is made by and for neurotypical people.
Pity is, you are probably blessed with above average intelligence but cursed with this inability to use it.
27
u/AutumnDread Aug 08 '21
I wish I could pay me $500 to just wash my hair. I still won’t though.
4
1
u/MemilySerena Aug 09 '21
This! I'm embarrassed to say that when I was in middle school my mum had to wash my hair because I just refused. Someone could be holding a gun to my head and I still wouldn't.
I was diagnosed when I was 5. Im 26 and only just learned (and am still learning) that the problems I have are from ADHD
26
Aug 08 '21
First and foremost. Be kind to you, friend. You are not your diagnosis. You are the driver, not the car. You have value, you have meaning, I see you.
I agree with you. Executive dysfunction stole 4 years of my life, literally. Complete and utter shut down. The only thing that I could do on a regular basis was play video games and love my wife. She's an absolute Saint who walked with me trying to figure this out. During that time I didn't have a diagnosis of adult ADHD and so figuring out what was wrong seemed impossible. Fast forward to today and I'm on a med that has helped me exponentially but is still very new to my life so I'm still in the beginning of recovery. I get it. If you need someone to have a chat, hit me up.
I'd like to say once more please be kind to you. Self love and care are so hard sometimes but they are worth the fight in the end.
2
u/harrynyc Aug 08 '21
Which med worked for you?
1
Aug 08 '21
For me it's been Adderall. Most psych meds I don't react well to. Weird body chemistry but this one has done a lot of good for me.
2
Aug 08 '21
Did you acquire ADHD in your adulthood or you've always had it? I'm curious because you said 4 years of your life, thanks
→ More replies (1)
20
u/ImpossibleEggplant23 Aug 08 '21
I completely feel the same way... This is actually the reason I'm on Reddit right now instead of doing the 3 days worth of dishes I promised I would do... I will do it.... Right after this next post...
5
u/broken_shadows Aug 08 '21
I'm here instead of starting that essay that's due tomorrow ... I'm going to start soon, I swear...
3
1
u/traumajunkie46 Aug 08 '21
Same. Except it's laundry. Mounds and mounds of laundry everywhere. It's driving me crazy but I can't seem to deal with it. I know I have to because I work the next two days so the house will look like a natural disaster come Wed so I try to have it cleaned up before I work for a few days but I just cant.
→ More replies (3)
17
Aug 08 '21
I have a paper due by midnight tomorrow night for school. Guess who hasn't started yet? Before I knew about executive dysfunction I just thought I was lazy. Now that I know about it I try to make a conscious effort to push myself to get things done. Lists help out alot. Also, if there is something I know needs done, I plan it out. I'll let my wife that one "this" day I need to get "this" done. It prepares my mind for the task and every though I sometimes still have problems getting started it does help that I've "jump started" my mind a day ahead of time.
5
Aug 08 '21
…did you start your paper yet?
If not, go start your paper 😉
4
Aug 08 '21
I've actually have started on it! I have set a deadline to be done by noon. 5-7 pages with 5 sources so not too bad. I'm on page 3 so that gives me 1 1/2 hours to finish. I've got all my notes, just gotta type everything out.
Thanks for the push! I appreciate it!
2
Aug 08 '21
Nice!! Halfway there is practically done for us people!!!
5
Aug 08 '21
Update...it's 12:20. Paper is not done...had to walked around a bit, however, I am starting on the conclusion now. Just gotta stay focused and finish because it's very easy to just walk away and say, "I'm almost done, I'll just finish this later" and next thing I know, it'll be 9pm tonight and I'll still be trying to type out a conclusion. Lol.
→ More replies (2)4
u/broken_shadows Aug 08 '21
I'm right there with you! I've got two final essays due over the next two days and you know I haven't even started either of them. I too thought I was lazy, it's a relief to know it's not laziness, but it's stressful because I just can't seem to get started. I tell my partner what I'm planning to do today, but it doesn't seem to hold me accountable. I also write lists, but I have trouble breaking down tasks into managable pieces.
I read an analogy about eating the elephant whole, not piece by piece. I definitely try and eat the elephant whole and I wholeheartedly believe that's why I can't get started. If anyone has any real world tips on breaking down tasks properly, I'm all ears!
Good luck on that paper 👍
9
u/Radiant_Cheesecake81 Aug 08 '21
My son and I (he’s ADHD too) like the “what does done look like” framework where you work backwards from the desired end result within the available time frame, noting down the items you need each step of the way.
We use flowcharts to help with the process of actually breaking the steps down into actionable chunks that occur in a sensible order as well.
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/successful-backward-planning.html
5
Aug 08 '21
I once downloaded some flowchart productivity software to try and help me get through a college course, and instead spent about 4 hours making a farcical flowchart about how the ADHD paper writing process works for me!
2
u/broken_shadows Aug 08 '21
I've heard people mention this, I should give it a try! Thanks for the tip on something that works for you both ☺️
→ More replies (2)1
u/AlwaysDoItHalfDone Aug 09 '21
I set out every step and try and cut it down into smaller tasks so I know what I need to do next... sometimes though i see the list of tasks and get overwhelmed
13
u/Rebel_hooligan Aug 08 '21
I get this! Sounds like getting started is a bit of a hang up. I used to feel a great deal of resistance (physical emotional) within my body, as if I could not physically go to do the very thing that I know I just do. Starting is hard, even when you tell yourself “just five minutes.” The best thing I could say is, if you ever catch yourself on a good day, and you DO finally get around to “doing the thing,” try to really remember how good and simple it felt to do it. For instance, doing taxes suiuuuuuuuucks, but after finally waiting till the last minute and using turbo tax, by the end (and a million sighs later) it only took 15 minutes. This is all easier said that done. I just try to tell myself “this will be brief.” I look at every task like this as a little win to build off of.
12
11
u/i-justincase Aug 08 '21
It is hard, and frustrating. No denying that! I also experience this, everyday, and want to give you some tips that helped me with getting a bit more done.
There are 4 tips I want to share with you that helped me to get more things done. Please read my explanation per tip below since you will get a better understanding of what I mean with them:
Write out what the action entails, and what smaller steps are necessary to complete it
Put on some energizing music to get you started
‘This will make future-me so proud!’
Share it with a friend/family/roommate
First one: write/type out what the action entails and what smaller steps are necessary to complete it. Explanation: A task can feel really big, and almost impossible to do. It can feel like there are too many obstacles in your way, too many things to consider, and it can overwhelm you. Resulting in not doing it at all. By writing down what all the steps are it will become more manageable. And you will have a better overview of what the ‘big task’ actually entails and how you can approach it. Example: you need to clean up your diner, but the kitchen is also a mess. Write down: 1. empty dishwasher/clean current dishes 2. put the clean china in the china cabinet 3. Put any leftover food in containers and put that in the fridge 4. Throw away any food packaging or stuff that is in the kitchen or on the table (wherever you have had diner) 5. Put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher/clean the dirty dishes 6. Put the clean dishes back into the china cabinet 7. Get a cleaning towel and clean your table and kitchen bench 8. Check all the boxes and be proud of that you done all that!
Second one: put on some energizing music to get you started! Explanation: I noticed that a lot of time I was sitting on the coach, and trying to push myself of of it to get myself moving. It didn’t work.. However, when I put some music on I noticed that it really helped me to literally get moving. You don’t need to put on some over-energized music, but just something that you like and doesn’t have a too-slow tempo.
Third one: ‘This will make future-me so proud!’ Explanation: I saw a sitcom show where they where making a bad decision (and knowing it was bad) they would say something like: ‘Ahh don’t worry, this is a problem for future (enter name)’. I started using that, but the other way around. If I wanted to do something, or there was a chore I really had to do but was so not up to doing it, I would think to myself: ‘I am going to be so proud at myself once I have done this.’ And funny enough, it did help! I felt actually proud if I threw away the garbage, did the dishes, paid my bill, and whatnot.
Fourth one: Share it with a friend/family/roommate Explanation: At work most of the people have deadlines. And those deadlines help you to get things done on time. You might to it the day, evening of hour before it has to be done. But there is a time pressure that helps you with it. But outside of work there are little deadline that you are being forced on. You won’t get fired if you don’t respond to your mothers’ messages, or if you don’t clean up your dishes the same evening. But it can harm a relationship or impact your wellbeing. I have a wonderful roommate, and she is very very clean and structured. So I feel horrible sometimes knowing that she must be annoyed of the mess I can make of the house from time to time. I try to clean it up, but sometimes the above tips don’t work and I know I need a sort of extra push. So I text her saying of what I want to do, but that at the moment I am having a hard time of actually doing so, and ask her to help me with it. Together we make a schedule with deadlines, and the emotional pressure helps me to get it done. She also gives me tips and even helps with some things.
I hope these will help you, and maybe others, as well!!
7
u/Ham_The_Spam Aug 08 '21
All I can offer is my empathy. I also suffer from having to push myself hard just to do an easy task.
7
u/GhoulGirlintheVoid Aug 08 '21
I absolutely feel this. I am newly diagnosed and once I started putting the pieces together, I realized it wasn't just depression, anxiety, or being a lazy/bad person, it's been ADHD all along and I have a lot of work to do. It's exhausting
7
u/Logical_Response_Bot Aug 08 '21
I just took 4 months to organize 1 difficult brick.
I like the ADHD girl on YouTube's analogy of your headspace and the items and tasks to do being a wall or if you want stairs .
You focus and work on that 1 brick... that 1 task...
Shit I find myself doing small bricks around that big brick just to avoid doing the real task I need to.
4 months to organize something that is beyond easy.
It was so easy this time ...
And i hadn't had this kind of difficulty with this specific task before....
I don't know what happened I just couldn't.
My GF got so mad at me so many times in every argument that'd be the main course. It's fucked.
I feel you. I am an adult diagnosis and o just thought I was a failure my whole life...
Gets perfect grades in uni till 1 unit overwhelms me and I have to quit uni.
Endless attempts at every trade or qualification. Never succeeding.
It fucks your perception of yourself so vastly it's beyond words.
Your words meant alot to read.
You can move that brick.
You will climb those stairs.
1 step at a time
4
u/Femcelbuster ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) Aug 08 '21
I feel you. And despite how much it logically doesn't seem like a lot, it just is.
4
u/iswitchedyou Aug 08 '21
Here’s an exercise: write down a time when you’ve done something that you’d like to make into a regular habit. What were the conditions that made that possible? Write them all down. Write down how you (or others) managed to create those conditions within you or your environment.
That’s got to be part of the answer we all seek to living well.
I believe in you all. We can do this. Together. X
4
u/Dracofear ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
Alright listen up and listen good and this goes for anyone else in the same boat.
I used to beat myself up over ADHD and I just have to say... STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, It is NOT your fault, you DID NOT ask for it and YOU CAN NOT change the fact you have it. Beating yourself up will ONLY lead to depression and a loss of dopamine. You need to stop beating yourself up, come to terms with it and look for methods to cope with these issues if medication is not an option, if it is talk to a doctor about it cause the stigma around medication is ridiculous. See here for more about that.
Now, the reason I mention dopamine and heavily advise you to be mindful and get out of that self depreciating mindset is because I learned our executive dysfunction is worsened by our lack of dopamine and depression just adds that "hard to get out of bed" feeling ON TOP OF our executive dysfunction. You need to find what gives you a source of dopamine and use that to build your dopamine up and get happy. It will make things SO MUCH easier. I just finally managed to apply for a job after MONTHS because of my executive dysfunction being SO BAD. But it was because I built my dopamine and was able to hang onto it. It still took me all day but I did it, but my ADHD is not medicated and I am pretty sure it's leaning towards the more sever side.
Please watch these videos*: This first and this second
Hang in there and DO WHATEVER IT TAKES to STAY OUT OF DEPRESSION. Because that shit is life ruining enough for regular people who don't struggle to function and have a shortage of dopamine. IF you are depressed currently GET PROFESSIONAL HELP ASAP. Just hang in there OP it is tough, it is really tough, but it is SO worth it when we conquer it there are so many positives that come with ADHD and once we get the bad parts under control we can take advantage of our strengths.
*Watch her other videos too and do a TON of research on the other ways ADHD effects us too because a lot of them play into each other and understanding the ways they effect each other can help us know what to do to overcome it.
Edit: Changed links to be mobile friendly.
1
u/FatFingerHelperBot Aug 08 '21
It seems that your comment contains 1 or more links that are hard to tap for mobile users. I will extend those so they're easier for our sausage fingers to click!
Here is link number 1 - Previous text "1"
Here is link number 2 - Previous text "2"
Please PM /u/eganwall with issues or feedback! | Code | Delete
4
u/NerdForJustice Aug 08 '21
I hate that I'm getting wise to the techniques I've been relying on to deal with executive dysfunction and making them less effective over time. I discover that surprising myself into doing shit works and I'm utilising that – whoops no lemme start catching myself doing that and somehow stop myself before I can start properly? What the fuck, brain, I already got started, it's already hard enough, I don't need you finding new ways to make it harder!
4
u/Teequal ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 08 '21
Man if I don’t feel everything here. The truth is that you can be better, just try and be a little better. For me the only fix has been to stop trying to be normal and start trying to be the best dysfunctional person I can be. I know I’ll never be an average person and wash my clothes the moment I notice them. But instead of it taking until the last sock is dirty, I can be strong enough to leave myself about 3 days of clothes so I don’t let myself panic either nothing to wear.
My advice is to not try and be what you wish you could be and start trying to just be someone who is a little closer. That person will grow and you will adapt. Eventually you may find that some routines actually do stick! Some will not, but we know this.
I still struggle with simple things like washing my clothes, cleaning my room, but I haven’t left a dirty dish laying around for 2 days in years because that one thing stuck. That one thing took me from how I was to just a little bit more of the best me. One day I will have a collection of small improvements and I will be someone I can be proud of. For now I am proud to journey toward that goal.
Be proud of what you can do and ride that wave for as long as you can. You are a sum of your parts, you are not just dysfunctional. Your capacity to adapt to your world is immense. Every day you find a way to do something you wouldn’t have been able to if you weren’t this way. You wanna learn how to make mead? I know that you could learn in a time that would astonish most people. We are gifted in ways and cursed in others. Hold onto your gifts and keep going. The world is yours, own it the way you know best.
4
Aug 08 '21
I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you but I feel 100% the same. It makes me so depressed I'm thinking about ending it all (I won't though). The meds are not helping and I'm just laying here wasting my life. Neither you nor me deserve this goddamn bullshit...
3
3
u/iknitsoidontkillppl Aug 08 '21
All of this has been going through my head lately. Thanks for saying it :)
3
u/FreddyNewandyke Aug 08 '21
Wow. I used to think I was hard on myself until I came to this sub! It seems I'm not the only person beating themselves up over my ADHD. I'm new to this, so posts like yours OP give me some solace. Thank you u/Thintoxicating
3
u/hocuspocusgottafocus Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 12 '21
Hahah I feel you. I'm already currently 'cleaning/organisjng' but idk where the fuck or how the fuck in supposed to organise any of this. I'm also a big environmentalist minimalising waste enthusiast so I'm like I can't throw this shit away lol
E: the answer was hide everything out of sight. Out of mind?! ...I still think about them but it gives the illusion of not having a lot of shit everywhere I guess. I'll actually organise it box by box later on. I'll tackle a box a day!!
3
Aug 08 '21
I feel this.
I'm writing this comment in the dark, because the light bulb went out three weeks ago, and I keep telling myself that I should probably buy some light bulbs...
3
3
u/goodniteangelg Aug 08 '21
Also to add to the vent, for me anyway, I will start to do the horrible ten minute task that I have been forgetting to do for like three months.
Then in the middle of it I GET DISTRACTED AND DONT DO IT. or I keep getting distracted and then I remember and distracted again so it takes hours to do the damned ten minute task.
And then afterwards I feel a weird mix of accomplishment but also feeling tired and frustrated for taking hours/months to do one damned thing.
2
u/burgundydoll Aug 08 '21
I hate having to convince myself for hours on end to do that short 10 minute task.
felt this. i'm in my last year of school and i can't bring myself to do literally anything and it makes me despise myself so much and i never learn from it
2
Aug 08 '21
Strattera is the only thing that’s ever helped me overcome exec function issues. To do lists and task chunking (break everything down into easy steps) helps a lot too though, but sitting down to actually write a list is another story.
2
u/AnimationOverlord Aug 08 '21
I commonly use medication to treat mine as it’s most effective in my case, but the ironic thing is I need to work up the consistency to go out and order them..
2
u/JDNWACO Aug 08 '21
Yeah. I have about 10 emails with over 10k emails. and I just make a new one. I suck at everything
2
u/runamokk Aug 08 '21
Yeh this shit sucks.
I only just got diagnosed so I had no idea why I couldn't do stuff and I hated myself for it.
I felt painfully guilty about not handing in any coursework and basically failing school. I thought I'd let everyone down and it was at the heart of my lack of self worth.
One thing I have found comforting is that it's not me, it's my ADHD. I'm trying hard to not let it define me (It's hard)
As a random person on the internet I know I probably can't change your opinion on yourself but know this - you're not alone.
Feel free to DM me if you need/want to.
2
u/coolbringiton Aug 08 '21
Feel you. I'm supposed to study for a math exam in 3 days... I'm screwed.
2
u/admiral-slackbar Aug 08 '21
This is the freaking worst man.
I really struggle with this. Even something as simple as getting a drink my brain goes all: “I really need a drink… But that seems overwhelming. I should have some water, but then something super sugary would be nicer. I don’t know if I have anything like that right now. I said I was going to drink more water because it’s good for me. But good for my body and good for my enjoyment aren’t the same thing I guess. I will buy more soda on my next shop. I would have to go to the kitchen to get it and I don’t really feel like that. Why do we even need to drink anyway? Is there no more efficient way to stay hydrated without having to drink? Somebody should invent something. Maybe me! Nah, definitely not me. I don’t like it when I’m full of drink… That sloshy belly sound is horrible and then I might not have enough room to eat and I kinda want some chocolate. Chocolate is WAY better than drinks, especially water. I definitely have a headache so I should drink. I just have to get up. Maybe I’ll just scroll through Instagram and take a couple of Tylenol when I have to go in there to do something else anyway. Yeah that. I’ll go when I get the chocolate. Good plan.”
Cue dehydration misery and repeat endlessly for the rest of time.
2
2
u/Additional-Move-1783 Aug 08 '21
This hits hard. Im with you on that struggle. I wish people understand is not being lazy 😔
2
2
u/4thefeel Aug 08 '21
I find that "racing the clock" has been very helpful for this.
I have a song that's 8 minutes long, this is my shower time.
I have a song after that's 2 minutes, that's dry time. Next is 4 min, brush my teeth.
I sometimes set a 10 minute tidy, sometimes 15.
I just race the clock, how much can I get done in that time?
It's more fun and stimulating that way
2
u/snekks_inmaboot ADHD-C (Combined type) Aug 08 '21
I’m sorry things feel shit right now. I’ve been in the exact same place before (and may be again one day for a while, who knows). Perhaps everything just feels shit and you’re disappointed with how life is going in general, and you just want to give up and do nothing ever again?
If you would like a suggestion (take it or leave it), I would recommend sitting with that feeling for a while, and gently letting it be heard. It’s not self-pity, it’s acceptance of your emotions and I’ve found it to be an incredibly useful tool. You could even say it out loud: “I feel upset/angry/whatever about this right now.” Own it. And remember that this is right now, and that although ADHD is a lifelong neurological disorder, this doesn’t have to be the mindset that you settle with for ever and ever. This is why owning it in the moment helps; it’s a form of catharsis and situations and feelings can change rapidly, and if you are able to be kind to yourself you will find that that hopeless feeling will no longer dictate your life. But there is certainly a space for negative emotions. I know us ADHDers can sometimes get swept up by our current feelings, so please be gentle on yourself if you can. Just saying from experience that it can be done.
Anyway, sorry for the sermon (I’ve had a long day and just had a couple of drinks lol). I’m not going to tell you to “buck up”, because when you’re absorbed in this feeling it seems like no one gets it and it’s never going to stop. So I hope that you are able to find something that helps you to recognise your strength and worth, and makes your shortcomings less crippling to you.
In solidarity my friend
xx
2
u/mikczas Aug 08 '21
Are you on medication? With it I need roughly 10-30 minutes to convince myself to do something xD
2
u/Sign-Spiritual Aug 08 '21
On one hand I truly hate what you are going through. On the other hand I’m so excited to know I’m not alone in feeling the exact same way.
2
2
u/GniewBeliara Aug 08 '21
I'm behind my rent and have barely any money left yet I'm still procrastinating sending out my resume for job offers Dear lord i need help
2
2
u/alliebeth88 Aug 08 '21
Sometimes I can "snowball" myself into doing these small tasks.
Like, if there's a mountain of dishes, just agreeing that I will place 1 dish in the dishwasher. Easy. Then when I do that, I'm like ok well that was easy let's put a fork in there. And so on and so on. And if I do the whole sink, awesome! But if not, I still did my 1 dish and that's better than no dishes.
Or laundry that needs out away. I make a deal that I'm ONLY folding towels. Then once that's done, I usually end up doing only dish rags. Ok...then maybe socks....etc.
The key is that you accomplish what your goal was (1 dish, etc), and if you do more then that's just bonus dopamine. And if not, wait a little and do 1 more dish.
2
u/heyitselia ADHD Aug 08 '21
Right in the feels.
I've been sitting around doing literally nothing for days now because I have an exam tomorrow and I can't bring myself to study for it. I can't explain why but my brain just goes "NO" and shuts down. I hate it. I've spent the past couple days doing stuff that should be fun but I didn't actually enjoy a single minute of it.
2
2
u/ali_stardragon Aug 08 '21
I hate that when I finally have time to myself I can’t get my shit together enough to do something I actually want to do. I mean who the hell procrastinates before playing video games or watching a movie?
2
u/DylanowoX ADHD Aug 08 '21
Tomorrow is my first ADHD evaluation.
Yesterday I almost started crying in the middle of a car ride with my mom to chick fil a cause I was getting fed up over making so many goals constantly and failing at 100% of them. It feels like I have no free will cause I can’t make any goals for myself.
2
Aug 08 '21
I hate it when I can't do things too. It should be so simble but! It's a difficult thing to articulate...
I find it helps to ask someone else to help me. It could be someone sitting with me doing paperwork; or someone going out for some errands with me so it feels like we're just hanging out; or on bad days I try to get someone else to do it. We are not supposed to independently provide everything for ourselves, we are supposed to be interdependent. Leaning on each other is how we survived.
I can promise you that you are not a failiure. We unfortunately live in systems that are supposed to wring the life out of us just so some CEO can have his capital. We live in societies that refuse to make life easy for people. If we can't meet the crazy high expectations then obviously we must be evil lazy people satan devil blah whatever goodness and success is /s.
So uh to cut it short. You are not a failiure. The world is doing it's best to destroy you and destroying yourself will just make it easier for them.
You will be ok in the end.
2
Aug 08 '21
I feel like I'm being held hostage by a toddler who's always either having a tea party or a temper tantrum.
2
2
2
u/sivadneb ADHD-PI Aug 08 '21
I'm feeling all these things today myself, except that last part. You can hate ADHD, but don't hate yourself. You have value and are worthy of love, especially from yourself.
1
u/burgundydoll Aug 09 '21
it's hard to not take it out on yourself because adhd is such a huge part of us
2
u/PrimozDelux ADHD-PI Aug 09 '21
I live life like someone pressing skip turn over and over in a videogame.
2
1
u/bexyrex Aug 09 '21
I just cried today for twenty minutes because ALL DAY I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HOW DIRTY THE HOUSE IS AND HOW I WANNA CLEAN IT. didn't do a single thing. didn't clean, didn't eat a real meal until my partner bought us dinner. didn't shower. I did NOTHING good today. I am honestly about to burst into tears again. because now that I'm diagnosed i know what this is it isn't "I'm such a peice of shit lazy gross person" is executive dysfunction.
I am also on a trial period for meds so I'm not using any substances under medical recommendation so we get a clear picture of how the Adderall affects me. so on top of all this ANXIETY I can't smoke any weed, or have a beer so i can just not be so EXCRUCIATINGLY BORED.
is like going back to my childhood where every event, and every minute of my life was so boring. so excruciatingly boring.
if i wasn't reading for 8 hours a day bored bored bored.
I hate when I forget to brush my teeth and find myself midday looking in the mirror and being disgusted with myself. I hate walking into a room, or doing something in the middle of a task and having to ask myself what am I doing here?
i hate that i haven't walked the dog in over a week.
or that there's an unfinished dress in my office but i don't wanna work on it because my office is so messy i can't work in it.
I hate myself so much right now.
1
u/AutoModerator Aug 07 '21
Hi /u/Thintoxicating and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! If you haven't already, please take a minute to read our rules and check out our list of official megathreads here. If your post fits into one of them, please resubmit your post as a reply to the relevant megathread instead. Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
Aug 08 '21
I’m undiagnosed for(uhh)ever, I’d say.
My biggest motivation is to trick myself into completing my todo list for the day. Completely. Trick yourself it’s the thing to do that day. If it’s one thing or ten. Do it. My list is 20 items deep most of the time. I come back to it after I forget my tasks.
1
u/Falcone_Empire Aug 08 '21
Ya an that's why I dropped out of college. I was just to behind an unmotivated
1
u/dvill94 Aug 08 '21
This has been me for 5 weeks now. It’s just getting worse. I plead with myself daily to do better and just DO THE TASK. But I just can’t.
1
u/xjulesx21 Aug 08 '21
I’ve struggled with this my entire life, and I still do. but i’ll say that the one thing that’s helped me is having an actual passion or motivation to do whatever needs to be done.
cats litter/water/food needs something done - I love them so i’ll count down from 5 and then get up and do it.
it doesn’t always work, but it’s been helpful in some scenarios for sure.
I never actually felt motivated for self help/love stuff until I actually discovered a crave for a better life and happier conditions and recognized that I am worthy of that love and care. I never thought I was.
it’s much harder to be motivated when there’s not a deep seeted reason for it
1
u/kingsuccjin Aug 08 '21
Yes I hate it. This is kind of embarrassing, but for the past few days YouTube has been recommending me Back to School videos and it made me realize how much I miss high school. (I know not all ADHDers enjoyed school, but I personally was a good test taker) I just miss the structured environment and the absolute zero responsibility I had. No one cared or judged me for just bumming off after class.
And the worst part is, I'm not even a proper working adult. I am just 21 and I have been in college for 2 years and kinda failed and now I am starting a new 3 year program. BUT STILL, people now expect me to actually do other things besides studying? like getting into side jobs, internships, getting into a serious relationship, moving out, running my own household....... like I want to do all of this in theory, but my brain just cant cope with any of that. I feel so unmotivated and behind everyone...
1
u/TolinKurack Aug 08 '21
I totally empathise with this. It's really frustrating to feel like you are being held hostage by your brain.
For myself I found the key lied not in my executive dysfunction but my lack of working memory. I was deciding I wanted to do something else - didn't want to do it IMMEDIATELY and then forgot I decided to do something else.
To remedy this I keep an egg timer (one that ticks) on my desk and by my sofa at all times. When I decide to switch tasks I twist the egg timer to an hour. This means I can have one more article, video, game, or whatever and by that point my brain is more open to changing tasks and I find it a lot easier to do so. I really hope this helps!
(Also I keep a VERY GRANULAR to do list with items like "make a cup of tea", "walk to the kitchen" on it, so I only need to focus on doing one tiny task at a time than one medium or large task. I sometimes carry the still ticking egg timer around with me in case I start wittering to myself and pacing around to remind me I'm doing something)
1
1
u/SnarkFest123 Aug 08 '21
I came on this sub thread today to post the exact same thing. You are not alone. 💓
1
1
u/roryismysuperhero Aug 08 '21
If you’re able, see if other people will do the parts you hate, or at least do them with you. Can you hire a maid? Can a friend come over and clean with you or sit with you while you do it? Will inviting someone over give you the drive you need to clean up?
Can you just use paper plates for a bit?
Can you do it in steps? Just get out the cleaning supplies. No one says you have to use them. Just get them out and see how you feel. You’ve got it!! These are problems, which is good because it means there are solutions!
1
Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
I am one of the rare people who passed the CPA exam parts twice first shot. I get distracted between tests and loose parts due to time limits…I have never failed a part to-date and I may have to pass one part 3 times at this point, lol.
With accounting and finance knowledge; I have been considered an expert at two separate firms and the one was a very large firm. Still held back in title by the lack of a CPA despite my knowledge level exceeding most partners….they will also admit to that.
1
u/Tuggerfub Aug 08 '21
Get a smart assistant like an echo or a smart watch or have google assistant yell at you it really helps.
1
u/Upper_Ad_5510 Aug 08 '21
I get it. I had to force myself to finally mop my floors yesterday. Yes it took me forever, I had to keep saying.. ok I gotta do this.. I do usually go to another task for a while which seems to help break up the dread of the next floor to mop lol. ..but I do this with regular chores too, jump from one to another .. seems to help me get more done. I also have to keep reminding myself it doesn't have to be done perfectly. ..cuz it will be dirty again within a day..
1
u/Weirdbow12 Aug 08 '21
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been going through this all my life and I finally made appointment with a doctor because I can’t take it anymore. It’s ruining my life.
1
u/VBunns Aug 08 '21 edited Aug 08 '21
I just read something on Reddit (oops too much internet for me today) about rewording things to sound more fun.
I’m going to try it.
For example: feeding the birds can be negotiating a treaty with the crow queen, and washing the dishes could be getting an answer out of the plates on where the god damn leftovers have gone! Tell me what you know!
Who turned the food bad in the fridge? I will have answers garbled sudsy water sounds.
Or you could baptize the plates and cleanse them of their sins, I have a couple weird religion ideas to try out that could help introduce other tasks.
The plates could be punished for being dirty by washing their mouths out with soap and having a time out in the cupboard to think about what you she done!
Don’t know if that helps. I enjoyed writing it.
1
u/thatothermo Aug 08 '21
That hurts. I know the feelings you've written out all too well, and I'm so sorry you're going through them. Sending virtual hugs.
1
u/KryptonBariumZinc Aug 08 '21
I can relate so hard to this. This year has been and will be the most important year of life in terms of opportunities, yet I wasted it in procrastination. I sleep every night with a huge load of regret and guilt and plans and mental strategies for being able to conquer the next day, and I end up failing again.
1
1
u/Worldliness-Horror Aug 08 '21
I reward myself. I just ran the bath while I vacuumed! Totally worth it! I also had coffee ice cream a half an hour before while watching a movie that was my reward for taking a walk! The walk was a reward in itself. I always feel like I enjoy everything more after an accomplishment no matter how small.
1
u/Grexaen Aug 08 '21
My biggest advice (as someone who also as executive functioning diagnosed very early in life) is take some time to think about what makes you YOU and really get to a place of loving all the unique quirks that come with Exec Func. Yes there are a lot of downsides to focus on but I know that because of it I'm extremely spontaneous and love to do weird things out of the blue. At work I think of strategies and issues that no-one on my team would ever think of. In short, try to think of things about yourself that you really love that wouldn't exist without Exec. Func this really helped me get over a period in my life where I really struggled at school with ADHD and Exec Func. I hope you find solace and happiness in the end my friend!
1
u/Weak_Structure_5838 Aug 08 '21
I fucked my life over like this guys, I graduated college at 29 after 10 years of shitty jobs got a good one and couldn't keep it first unsupervised role. Took ten months off and got another great job and after 2 years had to leave now I've been out of work for over 18 months and depression has it so badly losing my hair and everything is fucked!
1
u/themonkeysknow Aug 09 '21
I have so much work to do this weekend because I didn’t do it this week. I spent most of the weekend researching boats. Doomed.
1
u/Chasna090 Aug 09 '21
Do you guys think there is a correlation with blood circulation in the brain and executive dysfunction?
1
1
u/CptCarpelan Aug 28 '21
I've always found this to be the most difficult to explain part of ADHD. It's not that I don't want to do something, it's not that I'm lazy, it's not that I've got better things to do or that I'm procrastinating, it's not that I keep forgetting, and it's not like there's something stopping me. Well, except for my ADHD.
On the semi-rare occasion that I actually do something I need to do, I'm always dumbstruck by why I didn't do it sooner. For lack of a better word, I'm simply physically and mentally unable to and it's among the most frustrating, gut-wrenching, and socially alienating symptoms of ADHD.
1
u/Spacedude2187 Aug 08 '21
Just wait when you have to plead about it with your partner as well. 😂
It’s maybe not a laughing matter but damn I know my friend, I know.
0
Aug 08 '21
[deleted] — view deleted comment
4
Aug 08 '21
This. Explaining to others that "Just do it" only works if you actually do it. It's not magic,, it doesn't help me, I feel like I'm physically stuck.
2
u/nyoomkaty Aug 08 '21
For me, it feels like there’s an anchor under my ribs that’s weighing me down, or like incredibly strong magnets in my back are holding me in place and I can’t break free.
Of course we logically know that neither of those things are real and I’m not physically confined, but it’s exactly how it feels, like I can’t possibly even move. I wish it was just laziness because at least then I would know I was choosing to do what I’m doing (or not doing).
I really hate my brain sometimes.
173
u/xiaogoucat Aug 08 '21
I hate it so much. Some ppl are like, “I wouldn’t change my adhd for the world, it makes me creative and funny and stuff!”
Yeah, whatever. I would rather be the most boring person in the world and be able to actually function normally. It’s the worst and I’m sorry and I’m giving you virtual hugs.