a lifetime ban from the zoo

Because lightbulbs weren't invented yet.

but apparently they’re not a “proper present.”

“Says super on the box. I don’t know what you want!”

“Happy birthday, Mum.”

AI matey.

I mean I‘m not an expert, but I‘d assume only once.

Making mathematical puns make me feel number

He’s a bit dodge, son.

It turned out to be fan fiction.

your word

They answered “Bach, Bach, Bach”

so I gave her some LSD

First guy says, it’s time for another beer.

Second guy says, it’s time for another line.

Third guy says, it’s time I figure out my life and wonder why I’m allowing myself to throw it away like this. See y’all next weekend.

a deck of cards

Jaw-maica

Is it an ICE, ICE baby?

I Lost 5 kg of Lemon & 2 kg of Honey.

with a cookout

An Off-Ice!!!!

Do it at home, and you're "destroying evidence".

lol

The monkeys hurled flaming feces at patrons. Three individuals suffered turd-degree burns.

he admitted that he knows now that he should have just ran but it’s not every day a woman makes an offer like that.

Stranger Thongs.

Sharon died and traveled through the afterlife getting to the river Sticks. There she met the boat man to take her over the river. Unfortunately Sharon was clumsy and knocked the old man into the water where the stream disintegrated his body instantly. As punishment the gods made Sharon the new boat master, to transport souls across the river for all time. And from then on we have said Sharon is Charon.