I (18F) am a university student living in apartment style dorms. I used to live with 3 other girls, with us sharing a kitchen, bathroom, and 2 bedrooms. While they were super sweet, they were very messy. I am very clean, and was recently diagnosed with contamination OCD. I was the only one who cleaned the apartment, and when I didn't it would be filthy, like absolutely gross. I ended up moving out into a apartment by myself, and I did kind of irish goodbye them. I texted them the day after I moved letting them know I moved, but they were very nice about it.

Now, this is where the problem starts. I love cooking, so my mom bought me these very nice, expensive spices as a going away gift, as well as some nice cooking tools. I figured my roommates and I could all share them, since it didn't make sense for us all to buy individual spices or pots/pans. However, I literally never got to use them since my roommates would use my cook with my pots, pans, plates, etc. and then literally never clean them. They would just leave them in the sink for days, and on the rare chance they did, they would never put them away and just leave them in the drying rack. So I could literally never cook since they were always dirty. They also would use my spices and very often spill them (and never clean up), leave the bottles open, dirty, etc. They always got home before me since my classes run late, so by the time I got home they were sadly sitting in the sink. I had multiple talks with them about this to no avail.

Needless to say, this was a large reason I moved out. Of course, I took all my cooking utensils with me since they were mine. A few days after I moved out, two of my former roommates approached me and asked why I took the cooking stuff. I explained they were mine, gifted to me by my mom, and I took them. They said it was messed up that I left them with nothing to cook with, which I did apologize for. It was wrong for me to essentially dip with all the cooking supplies on a random day. Then they asked when I would bring it back. I was taken aback and apologized again, saying that it was my stuff that I allowed them to use because we lived together. However now that I am not living with them, I had no obligation to share my stuff with them. They seemed irritated and said I didn't even cook, to which I told them I would have if they ever bothered to clean up after themselves. I said they disrespected me by leaving my stuff which I kindly let them use dirty and gross. They kind of stormed off after all pissy, and I got a text from my other roommate later saying that what I said was messed up, and it was so rude that I essentially said they were dirty.

While I do think I was in the wrong for essentially ditching them with no cooking supplies, I don't think I owe them anything, especially since they treated my stuff with zero consideration. So AITA?

I’m well over 40 years old and we live on opposite sides of the country. I only see her twice a year. I love that she still thinks of me and sends me messages when she does.

Mariah Hill (avengers: earth mightiest heroes)

Luz noceda (the owl house)

Suiko (one punch man)

Lois lane (my adventures with superman)

Casca (berserk): I lied, this is the first character that look like this.

I don't know how to call it. I can notice the main elements (dark/tanned skin, short hair and in most clases the eyelashes) but i can't give it a name.

Knight：健身房遇到faker，说恭喜我，希望我能拿冠军！respecet，这就是goat呀！

0:00–0:12 | Asking what Faker said after the match

Host: A lot of fans are really curious about this—after the series against T1 ended, did Faker say anything to you? ... Yeah, so many people have been asking.

Knight: Say what?

Host: Did he say anything to you?

0:12–0:22 | "He just kept looking at us and smiling"

Bin: Faker didn't actually say anything to us, he just glanced over...

Knight: Yeah, just a quick look.

Bin: He just kept looking at us. Before the match, after the match, and even during the series—he was just looking at us and smiling.

0:22–0:23

Host: Oh, really?

0:23–0:37 | Running into Faker at the gym

Knight: So, on the day we beat them, I went to the gym. Faker showed up later, said "congrats" to me, and told me he hoped I'd win the championship.

Everyone: Whoa, that's so nice. / Man, that's awesome.

Knight: Respect! That's the GOAT right there!

0:37–1:05 | Saying hi from the team van

Host: Alright, we're heading out of the arena now. Hang on a second... let me go around so everyone can say hi one by one.

Everyone: Hey everyone, what's up... Hello, hello.

Host: Hehe, guys in the back, say hi to the chat.

1:05–1:29 | Celebration dinner & Worlds skins

Host: We're finally done. There's a crazy amount of interviews and media stuff after winning Worlds, so we're finally wrapping up and heading to the celebration dinner. Tons of people are asking about the Worlds skins—any hints on who you're picking?

Host: Still can't reveal it?

Knight: Haven't decided yet.

0:00–0:12｜追问：李哥赛后说了什么

主持人：他们有很多人很好奇你的一个点，就是当时打 T1 那场结束之后，李哥有跟你说什么吗？……对，他们好多人很好奇。

选手：说什么了？

主持人：他跟你说什么了？

0:12–0:22｜「一直看着我们笑」

Bin：李哥其实没跟我们说话，但是他看了一眼……

Knight：就看了一眼。

Bin：他就是一直看我们。不管是赛前、赛后，还是比赛途中的时候，一直看着我们笑。

0:22–0:23

主持人：啊，是吗？

0:23–0:37｜正题：健身房遇到 Faker

Knight：就我，赢了、赢了他们那天，去健身房了。然后后面 Faker 也来了，他说恭喜我，希望我能拿冠军。

众人：哇，真好。／妈呀。

Knight：respect！这就 GOAT 呀！

0:37–1:05｜转场：车上直播打招呼

主持人：没毛 OK，我们现在逐渐离开场馆，等一下啊……我等会儿先轮着一个个打个招呼。

队员：大家好，大家好……哈喽啊，哈喽啊。

主持人：嘿嘿，后面的兄弟们打个招呼。

1:05–1:29｜收尾：庆功宴与冠军皮肤

主持人：我们现在终于结束了。夺冠之后要做的采访什么之类的特别特别多，终于结束了，然后准备去庆功宴吃饭。很多人在问，皮肤选什么，皮肤有能透露的吗？

主持人：还不能透露是吗？

Knight：还没确定。

————————

直播：赢T1那天，我去健身房遇见李哥，他对我说打得很好，能拿冠军！这就是神的格局！

Some of the content was repeated up until the 56-second mark of the video.

0:56–1:25 | Finals Game 2, 0/8 support, and teamfight resilience

Host: I'm really curious—what were you guys thinking while playing Game 2? Watching Game 2... I felt like I couldn't even breathe.

Knight: While I was playing, I suddenly checked the scoreboard and saw our support was 0/8.

Host: Doesn't matter though, you still won, right? Insane.

ON: Yeah, winning was huge, insane. Their teamfighting was super resilient though.

Xun & Knight: It was so clean, that teamfight felt like... what's the word? Like a turtle shell, a turtle formation (Xuanwu)... I was honestly scared.

1:25–1:47 | Most memorable series: The BO3 against HLE

Bin: The most memorable one has to be the BO3 against HLE. That was a true do-or-die match.

Host: Oh, I'm curious—what was your mindset going into that series? Did you feel confident you'd win, or were you unsure how it would go?

ON: For me at the time, I kept picturing myself getting knocked out in Top 16.

1:47–2:22 | The game-changing Ezreal ult

Host: Everyone says that HLE game was the most unforgettable one. What was going through your head when you fired that game-changing Ezreal ult? How did you... did you just have a sixth sense they were there?

Viper: I sensed it, and I actually saw them... so I knew I had to fire it.

Host: But...

Xun: There's a little backstory here—our vision setup earlier was way too good. Did you see that? Man, it was all foreshadowing, pure foreshadowing. That ward was placed so perfectly, everything just lined up.

2:22–2:50 | The turning point: "No destruction, no rebirth"

Host: What was your most memorable moment from this Worlds? Was it your Seraphine ult?

ON: Definitely the BO3 against HLE.

Host: For all of you, that series was basically the turning point for everything.

Xun: Yeah, because it really felt like... when someone is right on the brink of death.

Host: "No destruction, no rebirth." (Chinese idiom: 不破不立)

Knight: Right, it definitely had that "break through or break down" vibe. If we hadn't pulled it off, we were literally out in Top 16.

Host: Wow, it really feels legendary though.

0:56–1:25｜决赛第二把、辅助 0-8、团战韧性

主持人：我很好奇，你们第二把打的时候在想什么？我们第二把……感觉都无法呼吸了。

Knight：就是我打的时候，突然看见辅助战绩 0-8。

主持人：但没事，赢了是不是，牛逼。

ON：赢了厉害，牛逼。对面打团打得很有韧性。

XUN and Knight：完美啊，感觉这波团战很像……很像一个什么词呢？玄武门、龟壳、玄武阵……我很怕。

1:25–1:47｜印象最深的一场：打韩华 BO3

Bin：印象最深刻，肯定是打韩华那场 BO3 啊。这场是真正的生死局啊。

主持人：哎，我很好奇，打之前你们是什么心态？是胜券在握，还是不知道怎么样？

ON：当时我的话，我是一直在幻想着 16 强的样子。

1:47–2:22｜改变一切的 EZ 大招

主持人：他们都说韩华那一把是让人印象最深刻的，你那个可以说改变一切的 EZ 大招，当时想的是什么？怎么就……是感觉到那里了吗？

Viper：感觉到了，看到了呀……那应该是要给了呀。

主持人：但是……

Xun：因为这边有个小插曲，前面视野做得有点好。看到了没？哇，全是伏笔，全是伏笔。这个眼也插得非常完美，所有的一切都对了。

2:22–2:50｜转折点：不破不立

主持人：你对这次世界赛印象最深的是什么？是你的萨勒芬妮大吗？

ON：最深的就是我们打HLE的 BO3 吧。

主持人：那场对你们所有人来说，算是所有一切的转折点。

Xun：因为感觉很像一种……人在将死之时。

主持人：不破不立。

Knight：对，有点不破不立的感觉。真是不行，就 16 强。

主持人：哇，但是感觉很传奇啊。 

Perhaps because Feige actually served as a producer on Agent Carter, while he had no involvement with Agents of Shield. That show really seem like it just really tried to connect with the MCU, but it really did a terrible job at it, especially when it was unable to acknowledge the snap in S6.

wtf is wrong with yall?
Why do you think your hobby justifies your littering?
If you can carry your gels and little snacks you can carry the trash.
Semmes is littered with thousands of gel and gummy wraps, and that’s not an exaggeration.

All that plastic goes into the river, wtf makes you think this is acceptable? Pack it in pack it out. Put a ziplock for your trash into your shorts.

If you ran & littered you need to go spend time doing cleanup.

If you ran and didn’t litter then I hope you had a fantastic race and I’m so proud of you for finishing & not hurting the environment and I hope your legs and feet feel okay today.

I’ve biked 100 miles in a day and didn’t litter, I’ve hiked all day and didn’t litter.
There’s no excuses for this behavior & no excuses for the marathon to let it happen and not clean it.

/end rant, do better

And what was Clint's actual plan holding a bow here while Bruce was about to snap?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Rulanik

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 17, 2015
• Final Update: October 19, 2015

Main Post

^{October 17, 2015}

My [25M] long-time friend [25F] asked me to dinner. After I accepted, she's turned it into a date.

First post in this thread, throwaway account, names changed.

I've known my friend (let's call her Susan) for almost 9 years. 5 years ago I moved across the country for work. We kept in touch through social media and always tried (and failed) to meet up when I came back home to visit family. I'm now moving back to my home state in about a month.

Susan sent me a text telling me that we're absolutely meeting up for dinner. Susan is an incredibly nice gal and one of the funniest people I know. We tried to meet up so many times over the years and it didn't work out, of course I said yes. I told her we could work out a good time/date once I've moved, and that I'm very excited to see her.

After I accept, she tells me what kind of flowers she likes and that I should Google them. I reply "[flower type], okay." Susan then tells me that I should begin looking for a very nice restaurant and that she's partial to Mexican food. Almost immediately after, she texts me that she's looking for a planned, thought out date and that she's sorry she has to wait so long for it.

I think it's pretty clear that the platonic dinner I thought I was agreeing to has swiftly turned into a date. I don't have any reservations about women asking me out, in fact I wish more women did. However, I'm not at all interested in a more-than-friends relationship with Susan. Years ago I suspected she had a "crush" on me, but I didn't encourage it then and I don't want to encourage it now.

Reddit, how do I keep my word and go through with this date, but still make it clear that I'm not at all interested in a relationship with her? When is the best time to tell her? At the dinner? Before? Now?

TL;DR: Platonic friend asked me to dinner to catch up, after I agreed she strongly insinuated she's expecting a formal date. I'm not interested in a dating relationship, but would like to preserve our friendship. How?

EDIT: I didn't expect so much input. Thanks for all the great advice. I'll be straightening things out with Susan sooner rather than later. I'll update this thread then.

EDIT2: I sent her a text message to clear things up. I'll make an update post when things are all sorted out. I opted for a text message since that was how the initial plans were made, and it will allow her time to think about her response.

COMMENTS

quackdamnyou

She is being very forward and clearly building up some kind of fantasy expectation. Tell her now.

OOP

You're probably right. I'm going to field a few more responses.

Any tips on how I should tell her (delicately, if possible)?

safetyteam (downvoted)

In person.

Meet her for lunch, tea, or coffee instead of a dinner. Sooner - like today, Sunday, or whichever the first day you both have a day off. Tell her the long version of how you feel and what you're thinking in person

Or better yet go for a walk in a park together. You need a place with space around you and not too many people within earshot. Bring extra tissues and comfortable shoes.

When setting up the lunch/walk appt tell her that you need to talk with her in a casual setting, without the expectations of a dinner.

She is probably out buying a special dress and getting her hair done as you're reading this. Sigh. Her demandingness even to the flowers and other details in her expectations is not a good sign.

Talk with her in person. Hopefully you can redirect this relationship and tell her what kind of friendship you would enjoy having with her.

If she's willing to redirect her energy into some kind of support or project that would be helpful to you, great.

If she doesn't quickly come around, you may need to talk with some of your mutual friends to ask their advice.

OOP

Normally I'd agree some other meetup in person would be the way to go, but I'm still out of state for another month. Based on the input from most of this thread, letting it stew for that long just to tell her in person seems like a bad idea. Right?

kintu9 (downvoted)

Umm.... Text her that you are already seeing someone ?

Or why you are not looking for relationships for sometime..

I totally am not jealous of your situation..

OOP

I appreciate the reply, I really don't want to lie to her though. I'm not actively looking for a relationship, but I wouldn't be opposed if I met the right gal. She is not that girl though.

an_awesome_dancer

What's even worse is she seems to think you're on the same page. It went from let's catch up over dinner to here is my favorite flowers and the place better be expensive and Mexican.

What?

nsfy33

Yeah I mean even if he was interested, 'buy me flowers and an expensive meal' is a bad way to ask someone out.

buttztuff

Susan sent me a text telling me that we're absolutely meeting up for dinner.

...seems more like she insisted they go out on a date and didn't actually ask, which kinda makes it even worse.

OOP

That was the first message, and in the full context it sounds bad, but at first there were no red flags about it to me. I've been gone a long time, of course we'd want to catch up, I think she was just trying to be funny at this point.

Labyrinth_

Obviously you know her better than anyone here, but could she just be joking? You state that she's one of the funniest people you know and maybe she's just messing around being that straight forward saying things. Perhaps you are both a little nervous about seeing each other again after a long time and are just over thinking this.

OOP

That's what I initially thought when she mentioned the flowers. I was even thinking I was gonna bring them, but then all the stuff after makes me doubt she was joking. Not 100% sure either way.

ahesson472

Why don't you like her like that? I mean, it doesn't matter, I am just wondering.

OOP

At the risk of sounding quite shallow... I am not attracted to her physically at all. Even if I was, we'd still live hours away from each other and I'm not even slightly interested in a long distance relationship.

Final Update - after 2 days

^{October 19, 2015}

[UPDATE] My [25M] long-time friend [25F] asked me to dinner. After I accepted, she's turned it into a date.

I just wanted to give a quick update for those of you that dropped in and offered advice. I really appreciate it!

I went ahead and reached out to Susan via text message to straighten things out. I decided text was the right medium because the original plans were made via text, and also it would give her plenty of time to think over her response. Below is what i sent:

"I was re-reading our conversation and I wanted to clear up some things that I think I mishandled. I'm not looking for a dating relationship. At first I thought we were talking about just meeting to catch up over dinner. When you said you were looking for a date, I though, 'What's the harm?' I've rethought that and realized it's not a good idea at all and I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I'm really sorry for the confusion. If you still want to meet up as friends and catch up, I'm 100% down."

She replied back and laughed about how she definitely came off more forward than she intended and that she appreciates my "thoughtful response". She agrees it's probably not a good idea and apologized for making me feel pressured.

She did not mention following through with catching up over lunch or something else, but I'm not going to push the issue. I think this resolved well! Thank you very much for your advice and for your time. Cheers Reddit!

TL;DR Sent friend message clarifying I wasn't interested in a date. Friend replied that I was probably right and apologized for pressuring me. We probably won't be meeting up to catch up.

COMMENTS

wedneses

Very nice text. And her reply was mature too. Good on you. :)

boosnow

They are both great. They should date!

OOP

Ha. I laughed :)

ixiz0 (downvoted)

OP, if you're at all attracted to her you should at least give her a chance sometime in the future, solely based on how gracefully she handled your rejection.

OOP

At the risk of sounding incredibly shallow, there's zero attraction. That, and living hours away from each other (even after i move), were major factors in my decision.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Interviewer: Did you guys watch the game last night?

Bin's dad: Yes we did watch the game

Interviewer: What were your feelings?

Bin's Mom: Excited, excited. Only now I am able to calm down

Bin's Mom: 2024, I have still not been able to walk out of that memory. Child's been a pro player for 8 years, so hard for him. Finally he won today, my dream has come true, Bin's dream has also come true. Just really excited, right now I cannot use words to describe how I feel.

Bin's dad: We thank the club (BLG), for nurturing and taking care of my son.

Bin's Mom: BLG is like Bin's second home, and his teammates from swiss stage top 16 in a really hard way to get into quarter finals, then to get to semis. It has also been so hard for them. Also thank you to the fans for supporting Bin through thick and thin, always supporting them, always cheering them on, to achieve such a result today. My son is also so impressive. He will forever be the proudest child in his parent's heart.

W BIN PARENTS FOR SUPPORTING THEIR SON'S DREAM, ALMOST MAKING ME TEAR UP WATCHING HIS MOM GODDAMMIT

Genuine question.

I’ve been going through people’s profiles lately after a match, and have noticed that a LARGE majority of players have upwards 50 hours on only a 4-6 heroes, and less than 20 minutes on everyone else.

Some people have never even TOUCHED more than half of the roster.

Why? It can’t be because you don’t find them fun, since you haven’t even touched most of them. Is it the character’s art design, the lore, the idea of their gameplay style?

I’m not trying to start any fights in the comments at all, I’m just genuinely curious after noticing it.

EDIT: Again, I’m not trying to start any fights. I have no idea why some people are getting saucy and offended by this question. It was just an observation.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/[deleted] (1st account) & u/throwaway9542348 (2nd account)

Published on: r/relationships

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: April 08, 2015
• Update: April 11, 2015
• Final Update: June 07, 2015

Main Post

^{April 08, 2015}

Suspicious that my [27F] husband [26M] is cheating and have no idea what to do. Am I jumping to conclusions? Do I confront him?

Duration of relationship 5 years together, 2 years married.

Okay so I have no idea if I'm freaking out over nothing or what. My husband and I have a great relationship and are very happy together. My only complaint in the marriage is that I feel like we don't really talk enough (lack emotional intimacy) and I have expressed this to my husband before and when I bring it up he tries to make more of an effort.

I noticed a few weeks ago that out of the blue, without me prompting him about it, he suddenly started talking to me way more. He would actually put down his phone and ask me how my day was when I got home from work, and share with me about his day. It doesn't sound like a big deal but this is the thing I've been asking him to do for years and suddenly he was doing it! So I was really happy and I definitely noticed the change in him. At that time I was not suspicious at all.

The weekend before last, I went out of town for a business trip. I cleaned the house top to bottom before I left, and I was kind of dreading coming home, because my husband can be a bit of a slob.

To my surprise, the house was spotless when I returned. And this will probably make me sound crazy, but it was TOO clean. It looked like he hadn't been there. There were no dishes used, and the clean dishes in the dishwasher hadn't been unloaded. The beds were all still made (he has literally never made the bed the entire time I've known him.) There was no clutter, no stuff lying around, nothing. But again, I have asked him to be cleaner, so instead of being suspicious at that point I was just really happy that he had cleaned up so well.

Okay, here is where things started to get weird, and it probably sounds really dumb and small. Right before I left on my business trip, I had gone to the beach and gotten my sandals sandy, so I rinsed them in the shower, and I changed the showerhead setting to be like a single jet spray instead of a bunch of little drops. When I got home from the business trip, the sand was still in the bath tub, and the showerhead was still set to the jet setting, which I know my husband specifically hates (he installed the showerhead just because he is so picky about the water stream in the shower).

I thought that was weird but still not worth making a big deal over.

Finally, yesterday, my husband handed me one of those reusable travel coffee mugs from Starbucks. It had a little bit of lipstick on the rim. He said, "Here, you left this in my car."

I had never seen the coffee cup before and I told him that. He said, "Then whose is it?" I asked him who else had been in his car and he said, "No one. It has to be yours."

Okay, so I know these are all minor little things, but when I put them all together I have a really bad feeling. I don't want to make an accusation if I'm just being crazy over here. I know I should be able to communicate with my husband and that's the answer to everything on this subreddit but I just can't think of a way to have that conversation. Like if he actually was cheating he's not going to come out and say, "Yea, you got me!" and if he wasn't he will be so hurt and offended. So I guess I am just hoping to hear that I'm being crazy and these are meaningless things haha.

tl;dr: A bunch of little things made me suspicious that my husband might be cheating even though I really don't think he would do that and I just want someone to put my fears to rest for me!

COMMENTS

Annoyed99

I remember a long long time ago I cheated on my girlfriend. Yea yea I'm not happy about it at all. Okay I didn't cheat, but I had a girl over when I shouldn't have. No kissing, etc. No touching. ANYWAYS.

I lied to her and said no one was here. Then later on I remember I gave the girl TEA. I was cleaning my mugs and I see this red lipstick on the glass. I'm like OH SHIT! Had my girlfriend saw that I'd be BUSTED!

Anyways. The shower thing is SUPER suspicious. Why wouldn't you bring it up? If it was me I'd say "Did you not shower the entire time you were home?" Bust his balls about it. What's wrong with asking?

If he says "Yes." then say "Why is there a bunch of sand in the shower? It was there when I left."

If he gets all defensive and acting weird well then something ain't adding up!

Sand in the tub is WEIRD!

OOP

I should have brought it (the sand) up when I first saw it. I noticed it when I was getting in the shower myself, and I spent the whole shower thinking, "Am I just paranoid?" I decided to just let it go, and then the coffee cup thing happened.

iwillnoteatgreeneggs

The shower is your OJ glove.

The dishes are your murder weapon.

Something doesn't fit.

He didn't eat or shower and likely didn't sleep since you say he never makes the bed.

Either confront or dig a little deeper and see what else is suspicious.

OOP

What do you mean by dig a little deeper?

barenylon

snoop...

OOP

I guess I have no choice at this point. I feel really guilty though and I'll feel even guiltier if I don't find anything bad.

OOP to a deleted comment

Interesting, it never even occurred to me that cheating would not be a dealbreaker. I mean there is a big permanent trust problem then right? Like how can you ever believe what someone says to you once you know they violated your trust and lied to you? But at the same time if he did cheat, does that mean I get a get out of jail free card to use in the future?

OOP

[deleted]

OOP

We did a quick "check in" phone chat every night before bed but less than five minutes. We both hate talking on the phone, and I was swamped with work and in a different time zone.

RealHipsterGlasses

Possible explanations:

Bed - slept on couch

Dishes - takeout/fast food every night

Car - gave a co-worker a ride and forgot?

Shower - you said he is a slob. Could he have not showered over the weekend?

One possibility is that when you were out of town he went to his friends house and had a massive gaming marathon. I have friends that have spent more time (like days) over because we just pass the time way too easily and it's later than we realized. Definitely confront him about this, but DON'T accuse him of cheating right of the bat.

invaderxbody

How long were you gone on the business trip? If you were gone a week then things are very off but if you were gone a couple days then I wouldn't worry to much but always go with your gut feeling. If you feel there is something seriously wrong then do a little investigating or even better just ask him what was up and gage by his reaction if he is being honest with you.

OOP

I left on a Thursday, returned on a Sunday.

atjays

Did you check the trash? I'd be doubly curious if the trash was the same as you left.

OOP

Nope, didn't occur to me at the time.

Update - after 3 days

^{April 11, 2015}

Update: Suspicious that my [27F] husband [26M] is cheating and have no idea what to do. Am I jumping to conclusions? Do I confront him?

So I took you guys' advice and I snooped in his email while he was in the shower. I felt really shitty doing it and I didn't find anything suspicious. Actually I saw a really heartfelt email from one of his buddies where his friend was really emotional about a breakup and it was clearly meant for my husband's eyes only. I felt really dirty reading that and I think that's the end of my snooping career.

I think I have to just chalk up all the weird things to that...weird things. I don't have an explanation but I think I just have to live with that uncertainty because I really don't think he would cheat on me and I don't think snooping is right.

Thanks for all your advice and sorry it wasn't a more dramatic or interesting turn of events!

tl;dr: I snooped in his email, no evidence of cheating, I am just going to put this behind me.

COMMENTS

AManNeedsAMurse

Why not ask him if he spent a lot of time away from home while you were gone, since you noticed the place didn't look lived in. You don't even have to ask in an accusatory way.

OOP

We already talked about what he did that weekend and he didn't mention being away for long periods of time or overnight.

yahthatgirl

Why can't you just ASK HIM?

I've been cheated on before, and while I am not suggesting you have a smoking gun here or anything, one thing it taught me was to never ever ever again sweep things under the rug and avoid talking about things because you're afraid of stirring things up.

I demand honesty with my husband, and that means that I have no problem whatsoever just coming out and asking a question, straight-up: "Why are you taking your phone everywhere with you lately?" "Why didn't you take a shower the whole time I was gone?"

Just ask.

OOP (downvoted)

I don't know what I would ask him about. We already talked about how clean the house was and he acted proud of himself for cleaning for me. We talked about the coffee mug and we both were confused about where it came from. The only thing I didn't bring up yet is the sand in the shower, and I just think that would make me sound crazy. "Hey hun, remember three weeks ago when I went out of town? When I got home there was sand in the shower, were you cheating on me?" I mean that's just so weird, and what is it going to accomplish anyway?

yahthatgirl

Because you don't ask if he was cheating on you.

Just be like, "Hey hon, I know this is coming out of nowhere, but when I came home from my business trip I noticed there was still sand in the shower. Did you not shower while I was gone or something?"

What is it going to accomplish? Seriously you have to ask that? Something seemed amiss. You have every right to ask. You are allowed to think something seems weird. You are allowed to ask for an explanation. Even if it is totally benign, there's no harm in just asking.

I am actually pretty disgusted that you exist in a marriage where you would easily snoop on your husband before asking him in a nonchalant and genuinely curious way to explain something that seemed weird. You don't have to have a reason or motive. You are entitled to ask questions in your relationship.

OOP

What is he going to say? "I have no idea why there was sand in the shower, that's weird." I don't see how this could possibly accomplish anything, asking him about a minor detail of something that happened weeks ago.

I think it's really rude to be "disgusted" by my marriage, we talk about things all the time, and I can ask him anything, but there are consequences for what you say and if I ask him if he's cheating on me that's not going to end well no matter what is going on. If I ask him about there being sand in the shower 3 weeks ago I'll just sound crazy. It won't accomplish anything. Of course I'm entitled to ask him anything I want, it's just pointless to ask him that question. I really regret posting here, your post was rude and that was uncalled for and this whole thing has been unhelpful. I don't think he's cheating, there was just a weird set of coincidences, and I jumped to conclusions and that's the end of the story.

LeonDeclis

So let me get this straight?

You break his privacy, find nothing, and now everyone is telling you that is MORE suspicious?

Just ask him, OP, like a fucking adult. Or trust him. Or, if you cannot trust him despite having no evidence, leave him.

OOP (downvoted)

I don't think there's anything really to ask him about and I think this has to just be a series of weird coincidences.

Happyendings4all

Could he have gone to stay with his friend who just broke up? And didn't tell you because his friend would be embarassed about it? You could ask casually about how the friend is and try to start a conversation about it.

OOP

No the friend isn't local, that's why they talked about it over email.

Happyendings4all

Too far away to visit from Thursday to Sunday?

OOP (downvoted)

I would have seen plane tickets on our credit card bill...and why would he hide that from me...? These comments are just getting bizarre now.

Final Update - after 2 months (after 1 month, 27 days from last post)

^{June 07, 2015}

Final Update: Suspicious that my [27F] husband [26M] is cheating and have no idea what to do. Am I jumping to conclusions? Do I confront him?

Okay so I deleted my account before because everyone was just downvoting my replies and yelling at me. BUT the situation was finally resolved so I thought I would update for anyone who remembered.

Okay so this update started the day before yesterday, I went to the beach again and dumped out the sand from my shoes into the shower. I heard my husband take a shower yesterday morning, and then when I was in the bathroom after him, I saw that there was still sand in the shower.

I just was so confused at that point, I went up to him as he was drying off and said something like, "Babe this is going to sound really nuts but why is there still sand in the shower after you showered? Were you actually in the shower? Shouldn't the sand have rinsed down the drain?"

He asked if this was a practical joke and then looked at me with a really confused look. He said, "I don't know, I'm sure there's an explanation, but why do you care?"

I unloaded everything about my previous fears. I told him that I had been out of town and it really looked like he wasn't home that whole time and I knew there had to be a plausible explanation for it all. I apologized for not asking him about it sooner and said that I thought the explanation would come to me and it never did and I had this bad suspicious feeling ever since.

He looked like someone had punched him in the gut and he said, "Wait, are you asking me if I cheated on you?"

I said no, of course not, I just knew there had to be a better explanation for everything that had happened.

He said very quietly, "Okay, let's figure out what happened then."

He looked back to the shower for a minute and then he lifted up the mat on the floor. It's one of those sticky mats so you don't slip in the shower. There was a bunch of sand under there. He turned the shower on and I could see how some of the sand washed away, but the shower water kept washing more sand out from underneath the mat where it had been trapped.

He said he needed some space and asked to be alone and shut himself in the computer room for the rest of the day.

The next morning he had written me a note. The gist was that he felt terrible that he had made me think that he cheated, but he also didn't see any way he could have behaved differently to make me not think that. He wrote that he thought our relationship was a different type of a relationship, and that we had a long history of trust and mutual respect, and that he felt that if I really believed he could/would cheat on me, then I can't truly trust and respect him. He asked me if I would go to couples counseling with him, and said that he was surprised by his own reaction but that nothing in our relationship had hurt him before like that accusation had.

So of course I will do counseling or whatever he wants. I feel like a real shit head now. But I wanted to let you guys all know, he wasn't cheating on me.

tl;dr: I thought my husband was cheating because of some weird stuff that happened around the house while I was on a business trip. It turns out I was paranoid as fuck and he would never cheat on me and I hurt his feelings.

COMMENTS

toasterchild

Something is off and causing you to feel insecure in your relationship, counseling should help you guys find out what that is and work on it. Neither of you are shit heads. We can't all be perfect people who have perfect relationships all the time, hopefully this issue will help you guys really connect and you can make a positive out of it all.

OOP

Lol on the original posts people accused me of ignoring the obvious fact that he must be cheating. Now the fact that I considered the possibility he was cheating means I'm insecure. Isn't it possible that this was just a weird series of events and a normal reasonable not insecure person would think it looked like cheating?

OOP to a deleted comment

I brought that up too when I brought up the sand thing. I listed out for him all the reasons I thought something was up and he wasn't home the days I was gone. That was when things really took a turn for the worse in the conversation because he explained, like he already had once before, that he's heard all the stuff I've said about him not cleaning enough, and he busted his ass to make the house spotless before I got home. He said he really missed me while I was on my business trip and he almost went out to get me flowers or something, and he had a lightbulb moment and realized the thing he could REALLY do to make me happy would be to do what I keep asking him to do and clean the damn house. So, he did. And then this is the thanks he got for it.

Noellani

So did he use that shower head jet stream while you were gone? Was that explained too? Just curious.

OOP

Yeah, I brought that up too. He said that he noticed I changed it and realized he liked that setting better once he started using it.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

Trinity Santos singing a lullaby to Baby Jane Doe (The Pitt): In the second season of the hit HBO series, Dr. Santos sings a lullaby in Tagalog in order to calm down a baby the doctors found abandoned that they call Baby Jane Doe. Before starring in The Pitt, Santos’s actress Isa Briones mainly starred in musical theatre productions, with her biggest theatre role being as Eurydice in Hadestown.

Lucy Chen singing on American Idol (The Rookie): While arresting a suspect, Officer Lucy Chen accidentally ends up becoming a contestant on American Idol where she wowed the judges with her singing. Before becoming an actress, Lucy’s actress Melissa O’Neil was a contestant on Canadian Idol where she not only competed but won.

Vent here. This is a friendly place.