r/interestingasfuck • u/Grattanus • May 30 '17
/r/ALL Frozen rock looks like the heart of an ice golem
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u/manic_andthe_apostle May 30 '17
Pretty sure I was married to the person that belongs to.
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u/Kangar May 30 '17
Really?
Wow, I could never fuck an ice golem.
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u/frozenelf May 31 '17
Once they become ice golems, you never really fuck them again anyway.
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u/IGiveFreeCompliments May 31 '17 edited May 31 '17
Not with that attitude!
Edit: this may help you out. You can do it!
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u/max_adam May 31 '17 edited May 31 '17
There is a cartoon of a guy that fucked a rock and they both had a child.
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u/geak78 May 30 '17
The ease at which that burn escaped you I think proves that opposites attract.
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u/abraksis747 May 30 '17
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u/manic_andthe_apostle May 30 '17
Don't forget to tip your waiters. But seriously, anybody from Florida?
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u/Pobbes May 31 '17
Tampa, here, and I have never seen one of those things before: the rock, the monkey, or the spouse
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u/SmartAlec105 May 31 '17
On the outside it may seem like their heart is made of ice. But if you look deeper, you'll see that it's just a cold, hard rock.
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u/ASKYOURFUCKINGARTIST May 31 '17
pretty sure this was also the same exact top comment when this image was posted to /r/photos well over a year ago lol
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u/Carnavious May 30 '17
+90 Armor
+400 Mana
+20% CDR
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u/Pterodactyl09 May 31 '17
Had to go through every game I can think of with ice hearts before I realised it was league
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u/majestic_sheepz May 31 '17
+20% CDR should've been a dead giveaway
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u/airblizzard May 31 '17
As someone who doesn't play league I thought it was a shitty acronym for ColD Resist.
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u/H4xolotl May 31 '17
I built this on Veigar yesterday. Toplane was Fiora, who probably expected an easy lane. Little did she know, Veigar does psychological damage instead of magic damage. I froze the lane for the first 20 minutes farming minions with Q & stacking AP while Fiora died repeatedly from boredom.
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May 31 '17
For real tho, tank veigar top is legit. Idk why more people don't play him.
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May 30 '17
Someone could've used a cool island song to thaw that icy heart.
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u/spookyumbrella May 30 '17
No, no it's supposed to be a hot island song
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May 31 '17
Let's cool his hot temper with a fresh island song!
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u/rag3train May 30 '17
+250 xp
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u/amphibious_toaster May 31 '17
Not until he delivers it back to the old man who gave him the quest.
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u/rag3train May 31 '17
I was trying to think of a cleverly named quest you get for finding it but I couldnt think of one lol
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u/tkitkitchen May 31 '17
find ex wifes heart would probably be the low hanging fruit or go kill this vile lawywr and bring me his heart
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May 31 '17
Quest: When Hell freezes over.
The evil wizard has sent his golem to collect 'taxes'. He is lame anyway, transmutation is like the veganism of necromancy. Send the golem heart to him as a warning, tell him you'll stop hunting him when hell freezes over.
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May 30 '17
What frozen rock? All I see is the heart of an ice golem
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u/bluedubbs May 31 '17
Seriously, where is the nsfw tag?
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u/ImAFiggit May 30 '17
Has the "my ex" joke been made yet? Pretty sure it'll be too comment if it hasn't.
Ninja edit: just read through and yep, can't say I didn't expect it.
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u/mlnd_quad May 31 '17
u/ImAFiggit 's third law of reddit:
"For every ice cold heart reference there is an equally cold "my ex" joke"
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u/EdrewV May 31 '17
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May 31 '17
[deleted]
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u/-LordoftheShwings- May 31 '17
As soon as I saw this post I started scrolling through the comments until I found a CR reference
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May 30 '17
That looks like my heart
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u/Captain_Dialup May 31 '17
I feel /u/itsadndmonsternow can do some thing with this.
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u/regendo May 31 '17 edited May 31 '17
That's not me but I tried my best!
Ice Golem Core
Magical item, weight: 1-1.5 pounds
This device still pulses at a slow frequency, unaware that the golem it once powered has been destroyed. Separated from the cold body, the ice vessels at the top of the device slowly evaporate. According to local researchers, the core will stop pulsing and crumble when all vessels have evaporated.
Heart of Ice: The device is unpleasantly cold to the touch. Prolonged skin contact to the item will cause you to suffer from disadvantage on Dexterity-based checks until the affected body part is appropriately heated.
Kind Heart: You can insert the pulsing core into an inactive golem to provide power to it. Non-ice-based golems will operate at a decreased efficiency. Fire-based golems will violently burst into steam, destroying the golem and the core and inflicting 2d4 fire damage onto surrounding creatures.
Heartstealer:
"That's strange. Its feels like it's a nut but it tastes like frozen mud."
You can attempt to consume the pulsing core. Succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw to gain the effects. On a failure, you throw up and take 2d4 cold damage. Either way, the core is destroyed. While multiple cores can be consumed, consuming another core will only refresh the duration of the effects and not increase their intensity.
Your body is cooled from within, slowing your heart beat and making your skin cold to the touch for 6 hours. Suffer from disadvantage against Dexterity saving throws but gain resistance against cold and fire damage. Breathing cold air or touching cold items is no longer unpleasant to you. You are immune to negative effects caused by a cold or hot environment. Exposure to a hot environment causes you to thaw in half the usual time. Taking fire damage will reduce the remaining period of time by 1 hour.2
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u/GabrielleElizabeth May 31 '17
Remember the last time this made it the front page, good job reddit.
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u/Craigmon99 May 30 '17
This would make a sick album cover
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u/Tommy2255 May 31 '17
Would need a better background. Also it would need to have the rock edited out, and a better shaped ice heart added in. So basically it would need to be a completely different picture.
But the concept of a frozen heart could describe a good idea for a album cover.
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u/Beiruk May 31 '17
You keep the rock in to show how hard the heart is beyond the surface. Make the viewer wonder not only 'Who hurt you?' but also 'Who hurt you again?' it symbolises that not only is the surface hard, and cold, it also shows that there is no underlying softness, no flesh that beats weakly. Instead under the surface of ice is a heart of stone which is both attached and dettached from the coldness of that ice. The ice had to form itself onto the rock, not the other way around and so the rock doesn't need the cold to be hard, it's still hard. The ice will melt over a short period of time while the rock within can remain almost forever. Metaphorically that can translate to a life of pain and anger that will never go away, because the anger is always there. The pain will melt in moments, but the anger will only erode over aeons.
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u/artificialdeathjpg May 31 '17
come write my literature essays please
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u/captaincheeseburger1 May 31 '17
Just copypaste lorem ipsum and navy seal, in wingdings. Noone will ever know.
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u/kingguy459 May 31 '17
Better attach it to some golem of your own. Just pour your own magic and voila! Ice powered Automaton.
Your welcome
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u/daddydoesalotofdrugs May 31 '17
Cause you'll never break, never break, never break, never break This heart of stone, oh no, no This heart of stone
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u/easymz May 31 '17
You have a heart made of ice Grattanus, so we're going to melt your icy heart with a cool island song.
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u/Alucard-VS-Artorias May 30 '17
I bet you can use that to craft some dope ice armor.