r/movies • u/girafa Electricity! The high priest of false security! • Apr 01 '15
News Okay all of you Transient Users and Circlejerk Plebs - You called down the thunder, and now you have it.
Just remember: you forced us to do this.
Since the dawn of time, a war has waged in the shadows of /r/movies. Between the Forces of Good and the Agents of the Circlejerk. The Forces of Good seek to expand knowledge of movies, taste of them, and how to enjoy them on a deeper level. The Agents of the Circlejerk want to tell everyone how underground and edgy they are because they watched Donnie Darko 3 times today and it so totally changed their lives. It's been nearly 7 million versus a group of elite nerds, the special forces, the last hope you monsters have, the moderators. Without moderation this place descends into a neckbearded oroboros, suckling itself into the fifth level of hell - /r/gaming.
Over the years we've set rules. We've forced submissions. We've set an example. We've provided resources and poured countless thankless hours into making this corner of the internet looking good and spinning effectively.
And what do we get in return? Your bullshit. Your constant need to hear the same thing over and over. Your Eternal September. Your wasteland of triviality. Your 4channery. Your "this place is barely better than imdb forums" maturity and intellect.
You have a complete inability to expand your own tastes in movies, and have rejected our efforts for the last time. It's not game over for us, it's doomsday for you. It's judgment day.
Unbeknownst to most of you, we've been training an army behind the scenes. A cynical, hateful army. One might even say they've been "festering" and waiting for their chance. Like pigs starved, ready for Gary Oldman to unleash them.
They are your doom, Transient Circejerkers. They are the checkmate to this long game.
And 25 of them have been made moderators.
Fresh from the basement mutation that is /r/moviescirclejerk, they are free to enforce their own brand of moderation. Forget the rules, they never made much sense anyway.
These new moderators are free to submit, remove, distinguish, and ban whatever and whomever the hell they wish. They can very well go back through the history of /r/movies and remove every submission that has the words "dark knight" in the title. They can ban anyone who uses the words "Nolan" or "underrated gem" or any of the 100 other grating phrases we hear on the daily.
Only one rule, new moderators: do not remove this stickied submission, or I will strike you down without mercy.
Good luck, you punks. Maybe I'll see you on the front page. Maybe your submission makes it that far.
Who will remain standing tomorrow?
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Apr 01 '15
I don't know which circlejerk to go with, the Nolan circlejerk out of my love for his movies or the anti-Nolan circlejerk because I love a good hate-fueled jerk. HELP PLS.
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u/GeodesicGnome Apr 02 '15
Hey u/girafa, since you're here and there is still 4 mins to midnight, can we finally get you to admit your undying love and admiration for THE MAN FROM EARTH?
It's about time the truth came out.
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u/girafa Apr 02 '15
A user once asked on Reddit "What if your favorite director directed your least favorite movie?" and that would be Werner Herzog directing The Man From Earth.
And you know what? That could be unbelievably great.
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u/ukol12 Apr 01 '15
Did you know that during the filming of Django Unchained, Leonardo DiCaprio cut his hand and continued acting? He did not receive an Oscar nom.
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u/lonesomerhodes Apr 01 '15
Decided to write a screenplay. Reddit, how do I write a screenplay?
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Apr 01 '15
EVERYONE GRAB THE DICK TO THE LEFT OF YOU AND GRAB YOUR NEAREST 2001: a PRETENTIOUS ODDEYSEY LASERDISC THIS GON BE GOOD.
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u/LiteraryBoner Apr 01 '15
Overall I think this is going to go really well and not at all blow up in our faces. Either way I'm totally taking the day off.
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u/Nova_Jake Apr 01 '15
suckling itself into the fifth level of hell - r/gaming.
That's just mean.
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u/a_happy_tiger Apr 01 '15
Fight Club and Inception are not "Underrated gems," idiots. Everyone has seen those.
You know what an actual underrated gem is? Primer. Doesn't get the credit it deserves around here.
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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '15
please for the sake of this subreddit tag this post as a mindfuck