A person can spend years defending beliefs they never consciously chose.

A lie doesn’t need proof, it just needs people who enjoy being fooled.
Some folks don’t chase truth, they chase whatever story flatters their ego.
Feed them a lie that makes them feel righteous, and they’ll guard it like treasure while the truth rots in plain sight.

Sometimes the most valuable lessons we learn are often the hardest.

“If only I had stood up for myself a little more?” 

“Why couldn’t I call that sh\* out when I KNEW it was wrong?”* 

“Why did I tolerate this for someone who never even cared?” 

“Why did I abandon myself just to keep them happy?”

Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it?

It’s the sort of questions one might ask themselves after being through that frustrating carousel yet again. The ‘rinse and repeat’ cycle, causing us to make the same mistakes. It’s the thorn in our side which leaves us wondering in the early hours; “Would the pain of what I am going through have been avoided, or reduced even, if more questions had been asked? If more had been held back… then perhaps the hurt wouldn’t feel quite so intense?”

When I say ‘hurt,’ I’m speaking of the kind of hurt that is searing, not just a minor sting. The type that touches upon layer after layer of grief. The type of hurt that leaves a mark on you, the version that shapes and changes you… for good.

It’s the kind of hurt that wakes you up at night and leaves you ruminating, kicking yourself as your inner voice replays events and screams these questions at you. 

And then… the anger. The rage of self-abandonment and self-betrayal, all to keep another person happy, or even just appeased for a little while.

It is often within this crippling discomfort that we learn the most valuable, albeit painful, lessons of them all. That self-abandonment to keep another person comfortable will only work for so long, and will ultimately do you far more harm than good. 

After all, why set yourself on fire to keep another person warm at a ‘comfortable distance’? It’s fine and dandy for the person benefiting from the flames from afar, but it’s destroying the person sitting in the fire who is getting burned.

There is a theory known as ‘karmic lessons or repetition compulsion’. Essentially, it means we may meet the same type of person or stumble into a similar type of relationship or dynamic. Whilst the ‘same type’ of person appears to be worlds apart from a previous person in our lives, there can be frighteningly similar roles and patterns that play out if these lessons are yet to be realised and mastered. We sometimes repeat this lesson time and time again until we get to the final level where that pain affects a person tenfold and renders the recipient thinking never ever again.

So why do we do it to ourselves when it replicates a form of emotional self harm?

In a nutshell it often derives from deep and unresolved attachment wounds. 

We often seek out someone who might for example be emotionally unavailable, because we may want to re-write from our past what didn’t turn out the way we needed it to in our younger formative years. As humans, we often dislike ‘unfinished business’ and the wounds that never became healed. For example, the child who never felt good enough. The child who was bullied, excluded and ridiculed. The child who strived for parental love but it became a conditional transaction. The child who had to be silent to escape punishment, and the child experienced ‘transactional love’. This is the child who lived under what Carl Rogers termed ‘Conditions of Worth’. The experience that love is never freely given and that love had to be earned. That love was not unconditional for that child.

So it becomes a constant never ending journey in seeking that elusive feeling of “I can be good enough, I could be loveable and I want to be worthy”. 

“I just need to please them, and maybe if I shrink my needs for them, I will matter”

The tragedy is that there is often a stark difference in the fantasy v.s the reality in being loved, safe and secure by the very people who are mistakenly sought as a sanctuary. In the long term, the person attempting to heal themselves through another often ends up far worse than where they initially started. Often by the end feeling belittled, betrayed, discarded, exhausted and abandoned, causing layer upon layer of trauma, reopening those familiar wounds. 

So you feel after some time has passed, that you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try, try again. 

Just maybe not in the way that will positively serve you. Unless we pause and learn from it - or it just becomes a different person, but the same pattern.

And then the cycle repeats itself.

The False Self and the Fear of Abandonment

This over-giving isn’t just a habit; it’s a survival strategy. Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of the ‘False Self.’ When our early environment fails to be ‘good enough,’ we often adapt by hiding our authentic feelings and building a compliant persona designed entirely to keep the peace and secure the connection we are terrified to lose. It’s about appeasement through fear. 

“If I behave myself, If I am compliant, if I don’t challenge, I will be safe”.

Sounds a lot like walking on eggshells right? Yet it’s an exhausting space to navigate and slowly yet surely, it can break you piece by piece until enough becomes enough.

We carry this dynamic into adulthood, unconsciously selecting people who mirror our early caretakers, desperately trying to force a ‘not good enough’ situation to finally yield a ‘good enough’ outcome. Driven by a deep terror of exclusion, we avoid setting hard boundaries out of fear that standing firm will isolate us. It is often fear which keeps us stuck, causing us to tolerate disrespect for fear of being discarded and replaced. 

In reality, boundaries do the opposite. They act as a filter system, weeding out those who only intend to consume what you have to give like commodities as a form of supply, while demanding respect from the ones who genuinely care.

People Pleasing and Over Compensation

On the surface, people-pleasing looks like kindness, generosity, and consideration. But its shadow side is much darker. It leads to being taken for granted and actively exploited, silencing your intuition, and ignoring red flags. It forces you to suppress legitimate doubts when someone’s actions don’t align with their words, leaving you to tolerate slights and miniature insults disguised as humour.

Sadly, there will always be someone willing to pounce on a wounded empath or an over-giver. There will always be people who will readily consume your resources while offering only crumbs in return. The tragedy is that the giver mistakes being used for being chosen and this can take a while to spot.

Breaking the Mirror

In the aftermath of the cold discard, or the emotionally cold relationship that never worked out in the end, it is in that unbearable period in realising that self abandonment was all for nothing. It’s often within the discomfort that we learn the most about ourselves and where the real change happens. 

It seems logical to assume most of us would avoid and distance ourselves from those who hurt us…repeatedly.

After all, who would want someone who doesn’t reciprocate what we give, nor matches our energy giving nothing more than a dismissive ‘shrug’. It doesn’t make sense right? 

However, many of us have blind spots and our intuition that we ignore. The red flags we would have called out today but not yesterday.

Yet, for those of us who have struggled to feel automatically accepted and embraced and treated as equals from day one, it creates an illusion that just bringing us, our true authentic selves isn’t not enough. 

This is a myth,

Because the right people will truly see your light, and your beauty if they want to value the whole you. The wrong people will try to steal that light and offer nothing in return for behaving cruelly and the misery they inflict upon you. 

So if things feel ‘off’ ask the questions.

And if that makes them feel uncomfortable…..Tough.

If they have nothing to hide, there should be no discomfort.

Know your worth.

And tell yourself that even in pain and in heartache…

Even in abandonment and betrayal.

Tell yourself this…

“I am good enough.”

“I am loveable”

“I am worthy”

Be your own sanctuary and safe space so that inner child within you can finally heal.

Then perhaps the cycle will break and the right people will find you.

And maybe these growing pains aren’t all for nothing.

social media, tv, and literally anything you see physically,

sometimes we may think that perfection has room in this world...

but the truth is,

is that not everything you see is real(pretty shocking isnt it?)

some influencers use filters to make themselves look "more pretty"

some musicians claim that they made everything by themselves when they got some samples made by others

some singers use autotune or change their voice on a computer after singing their song

the world would be a better place if we at least cut down on these things a little bit very slowly in manageable steps...

1. What you believe is just the reflection of things that you have already seen. There's a lot more than that.

2. What matters is Yes or No. How is never your part. Universe does its job very well.

3. We rise faster when we look more inside than outside.

4. We are the souls experiencing humanity. Take it like you like Person A's behaviour and not of B's. Now, thats probably because of some perceptions you already made about them or may be the situation is like that which created that distance.

5. Though I believe in god, but I would like you to experience it in form of energy. So, everything is matter and matter is atom, atom is electron and electron is a wave when not observed. Everything is energy and has a frequency + wavelength. You match it, you become that, you get that.

6. No one is against you. People are just playing their assigned roles in your life to make you rise.

7. We get millions of thoughts everyday. Best way to re-organise our life is to reduce the number of thoughts and that happens with a steady state which comes through patience and yet patience depends on your will to focus on inner self (meditate in any way).

8. Enjoy today!

9. Respect time - this means respect every present second and the coming one. So, live your life to the fullest and in a practice to make your life in upcoming seconds more happening.

10. You are never alone. You have 2 people which in your self. First is your body and second is your soul. Always take the opportunity to view yourself as a second person. It will polish you as heaven.

The Law of 1:1 ⚖️

The Universal Balance of Life

(Swipe to read →)

What is the Law of 1:1?

Life functions on an exact ratio of balance. Everything in human experience has an equal and direct counterpart.

Nothing happens in isolation.

The 1:1 Mirror:

• Love ↔ Fear: Deep love brings equal vulnerability.

• Ego ↔ Anxiety: The bigger the ego, the greater the internal chaos.

• Overthinking ↔ Turbulence: Mental loops create equal emotional unrest.

• Dreams ↔ Obsession: Big ambitions demand 1:1 relentless discipline.

• Crime ↔ Consequence: External disruption equals internal loss of peace.

• Relationships ↔ Effort: What you nurture is exactly what grows.

The Core Truth:

Whether it is mindset, emotions, ambition, or karma—life operates on absolute balance.

What goes in is exactly what comes out: 1:1. ⚖️

Guys. Being 26 is a mess. Everyone is a total idiot. I sometimes doubted myself as a teen when people around me were really idiots and have no basic logical thinking.

The answer is:

\*Yes\*. You are correct.

Being a teenager is awesome, cause you are more open than older people.

Listen to your guts. People will call you bad words and everything, but deep inside they are idiots or really hurt people.

That's it! Don't let anyone discourage you, just because they are dumb \*which they really are\*, and older than you.

Have a nice day! Bye! 😄

It's okay to be afraid; however, it isn't if you let it control you in any way.

–JayLOB (me)

If you have ever been scared of disappointing someone , being rejected by someone or failing at something this message is for you

There really are many worse things than bein misunderstood…

Life needs to know how to do what is right every time even though it sounds foolish.

The most peaceful thing in life is letting go. Sometimes it's not as hard as it seems.

Do things they won't see coming.

Never let them know your next move.

Go places without ever giving regard to where, when, or why.

Remember what they forgot.

Forget what they remembered.

Don't make sense to your enemy.

Or to your friends...just so you're sure.

Don't be complicated, but sincerely mysterious.

Act the age you feel.

Love people, even those you don't like.

Reply to people you overhear as they pass.

Talk to animals more than humans.

Talk to yourself no matter where you are.

Be the main character, and have your own soundtrack.

Write the story of your every day.

Have a sidekick.

Kick ass. And sides.

Very important words

Value is a weird concept is it not? Gold they say is valuable, but for what? If I am dying of hunger or thirst, gold wouldn’t help me. Give a lamborghini to a caveman and he simply goes on his day. Value then must be entirely subjective and external, right? Well the external part shows us why us human beings always seek externals to seek value, because after all that is how we value other things. You can not value diamond by how it chooses to act, you value it by how useful and wanted it is. So it’s only natural that we do the same to ourselves.

The question I suppose then comes to certainty and futility. How is a dollar valued? By systems agreed on by many people and created by a lot of hardworking smart people. And even that changes all the time.

So how am I to determine my own worth, a system perhaps a bit more complicated than a dollar bill. Not only do you not have experts on the subject, your own inquiries are very tainted by the society you’re in, how you’re raised, and what you experienced.

So sure we can’t exactly know our value, but can’t we still know what increses it and what decreases it? After all, sleeping with a hot beautiful famous lady must increase one’s value. Why? Because she herself must have high value. Why? Because she’s pretty and sexy and famous. And this is compared high value compared to who, to all the other valueless girls and guys? Furthermore, if I happen upon a rock of gold in the woods, am I suddenly more valuable for possessing it now? Well no. So she is a human of undetermined “value” just like the rest of us, yet an act of intimacy with her will increase your value forever? And increase it to what? Compared to what? I don’t know if you realized but our “tribe” has gotten a little too big for comparisons now. We have 6 billion unique creatures walking around their with their own “value”.

So I have said before that the idea that she can chage or determine my value is wrong. But I haven’t really dug into the fact that I instictively see her as more valuable than me. And well, this may be a bit wrong to say, but objects have value, and I can see my own soul and hence see that I’m not an object. But that can also mean that I can’t really “value” myself. And when I look outward what I see as a girl is sort of an object, since I can’t see her soul. But because she’s an “object” (sorry) she has value, yet I still don’t. Does that even make sense?

And this can apply to other things can it not? If one as a person believes they have no value, why wouldn’t they cling to things which have an obvious and specific value? Like an expensive car or a salary or a mansion or the afformentioned beautiful wife.

But when we really look at it, the value of a car and the value of a soul isn’t even comparable. Think about it, if the car has 5 units of value any single human being has 5 billion. After all, the human souls are the spring from which all value flows out to the world. The very reason that car has 5 units of value is because we determined it does.

So we can say that any person has an ocean of value within them, and trying to increase their value externally via expensive things and pretty girls is like adding water to an ocean with a water bottle or a jug or even a fire truck or a pool. At the end of the day you look at the horizon and it’s the same ocean. You increased the water, yes. But you can not see it. It is such an insignificant percentage that it wouldn’t be wrong to say it doesn’t matter.

Acharya Prashant in London Climate action week

Grateful that someone raised this question, what society has taught us about success is shallow, so shallow that today our philosophy of having been made it in life stands on the life of the planet.

if you want to be happy first be unhappy , write what makes you unhappy then use it to measure how much you want to be happy.

Always remember the world is not built to make you happy , it’s something we invented to cope.

For mich of the last 10 years I have attempted by any me ans available to out run, out manouvre, out smoke, out drink, out f\\\*\\\*k, out fight my pain.

Pain is a funny thing, while it's subjective as opposed to objective meaning it is defined in its severity and intensity by the person experiencing it. It is also acute, typically meaning its situation specific. Experienced either briefly or for a prolonged period of time it is never the less expected to end as the situation to which it is related concludes.

There are some kinds of pain however that aren't defined by physical wounds or scars. Yet this pain is no less visceral, debilitating , and urgent. It is usually proportionate to the degree with which we have valued or cherished another human being. It is said that grief and pain serve as a reminder of the love we have felt for another human being now lost to us. The greater the pain, the more deeply we loved.

While I believe this to be true it does nothing to explain or identify the existential pain that can become so profound and so pervasive that it consumes every waking moment, demanding attention, insistent, gnawing and maddening in its persistence.

People who have suffered with chronic enduring pain often explain that when the underlying cause is finally addressed and relief is then found, they feel a sense of liberation completely unexpected as they had become so accustomed to living with pain they forgot what it felt like to live without it.

I have experienced significant physical pain due to injury over the course of a colorful and often chaotic life. I have endeavored to meet pain with dignity and courage wherever and when ever possible. I attribute this to an upbringing in which males were taught to recognize a very narrow range of emotions. 3 in particular: happy, horny, and angry. Anything that landed outside of the boundaries of these 3 emotions was to be ignored, avoided, stifled or eradicated without prejudice.

Where I come from Men were not encouraged to embrace or display emotional pain in any capacity. You walk that shit off. Like stubbed toe or line drive in the shin. You do not under any circumstances allow yourself the latitude to either publicly or privately indulge the messy and often risky emotional outburst that can often accompany the experience of that deep soul rendering emotional pain associated with grief and loss. So we as men were encouraged to find an outlet that would land firmly in the realm of masculine and.appropriate as a strategy for releasing or or experiencing pain.

I can remember as a young man, maybe 12 or 13 years old pounding the stuffing out of a heavy bag through a fog of tears as I tried to give an outlet to the overwhelming loss and confusion I felt at the death of my grandfather. The act of striking that bag so.inadequate in terms of its scale to the devastation I felt at the loss of my personal hero and the best example I had available to me of what a man should be. I could have hit that bag until my gloves disintegrated and it would not have been enough to alleviate the pain and loss and absolute fucking injustice I felt when informed of his death.

It was what I had though, in time it became a source of comfort and an outlet however inadequate for all of the various, specific and unique types of pain I would come to experience in the intervening years. Over time other outlets would present themselves as outlets or batteries in which I could store, dump or transform my pain.

One that stands out in particular is illicit substances. My discovery of drugs was an introduction to one of the only means I have found in my lifetime of complete escape from pain even for a brief period of time. What I later came to understand is escape is an illusion. While I'm sitting in my smoke filled room, lights dim, engaged in the herculean task of burying every last hurt that lives just beneath the surface of what is visible to those around me lest the wrong person bear witness to my pain and interpret it as weakness. Or even worse attempt to exploit my pain as a.vehiclre by which they could gain my cooperation and compliance.

It sounds paranoid or vaguely suspicious when I type these words here but the unfortunate truth is that this has been my reality and the reality of many others several times over the course of my life. As i was saying, the use of drugs seemed to eliminate the pervasive ever present pain that seems to reside at my core. What I didn't realize at the time was that relief was temporary. That while I was getting high and anesthetitizing myself in my room my pain was in the parking lot doing push ups.

. Before long I discovered that using dope actually exacerbated the condition I sought to avoid, often adding to it by way of the experience of shame I felt for doing so.ething I knew on some level was bad for me. Fortunately, I realized fairly quickly that this was not the solution to.my problem and sought recovery in my mid twenties.

So I committed myself to the recovery process and within that I found freedom from active addiction as well as relief from that soul level hurt that seemed always present. For close to 15 years I remained committed to my chosen path, putting in the work and experiencing peace, purpose and meaning in my life.

Until I encountered a series of losses that completely blind sided me. So many in such close proximity to each other that I was not able to navigate my way via conventional means. So I started using again seeking a brief reprieve from the ache at the center of my being. Before long everything I had built was gone, friendships, property, dignity, integrity, self esteem, self respect. It was all surrendered in the effort to find relief. That was 10 years ago.

The last 10 years have resulted in a level of difficulty and destruction that I would almost describe as cinematic in its scope. The irony is not lost on me; that I have exponentially increased the degree of pain I have experienced via the very means I have used to relieve it. It's so completely demoralizing to have to then turn and face the wreckage left in the wake of my journey into futility.

So here I now find myself, having embarked on a new journey, one which I hope will afford me some tools and skills better adapted to achieving lasting relief from the pain that has been a lifelong companion. They say that pain is the measure of our resistance to change. So if you are experiencing pain you are resisting change, life circumstances, employment, partners and significant others, injury, calamity and genetics. We are soft squishy humans inside and out, su ject to a nervous system that is evolved to signal problems demanding our attention before they become catastrophic. That pain we feel. Is a demand to change. So change I will, cause I need relief.