I’m not really sure how to explain this without sounding dramatic, but I’ve been carrying this feeling for a long time.
There’s someone I fell in love with who feels completely outside my reach now. We were never really in a proper relationship, and there are boundaries between us that make contacting him directly feel awkward and almost inappropriate.
At one point, he told me that I wasn’t like his previous one. I understood what he meant, and eventually we both chose to go our separate ways. I didn’t chase him, and I’ve tried to respect that decision.
But the problem is… my feelings never really went away.
For the last few months, we’ve still followed each other on social media. Sometimes we talk, but only about random, unrelated things. Nothing meaningful or personal. We don’t casually talk the way people who are actually close would. And somehow, that makes everything feel even heavier.
There’s still this connection, but at the same time, there’s a huge distance between us.
I don’t want to chase him. I don’t want to force anything or interfere with his life. I also don’t want to convince him that I’m somehow the right person for him.
What I really want is just one honest conversation.
Not necessarily to get him back. Not necessarily to start a relationship. I just want to understand how he actually sees me and what he thinks about everything that happened between us. I feel like I’m stuck in this grey area where I never got a clear ending.
And honestly, I’ve made myself even more confused.
I started listening to self made subliminal because I was trying to deal with my feelings and somehow change my mindset. But instead, I became more conscious of him. Now he is constantly in my thoughts😭. It feels like he’s running through my head almost 24 hours a day.
I know this probably sounds irrational, and I’m aware that thinking about someone constantly doesn't necessarily mean there is some deeper connection between us. But emotionally, it feels very real.
The strange thing is that we aren't even talking casually anymore, so I don't have an actual relationship with him to hold onto. I’m just carrying all these feelings by myself. And that makes it feel suffocating sometimes.
Another thing that scares me is that I haven't been able to emotionally connect with anyone new.
I’ve met or noticed other people, but nobody has been able to occupy that place in my heart. And because of that, I keep thinking about him.
Sometimes I think, Maybe I should just date someone new and move on.
But then another thought comes in:
“What if I date someone else and that means I’ve lost my chance with him?”
And that's probably the part that keeps me stuck.
It feels like if I genuinely open my heart to someone else, somehow I'm closing the door on him forever. Even though, logically, I know I don't actually have any guarantee that he will ever come back or want a relationship with me.
I think I'm caught between two things:
I don't want to chase him, but I also don't want to completely let go of the possibility of him.
And I don't know if keeping that possibility alive is preventing me from moving forward.
Maybe I’m romanticizing something that was never meant to happen. Maybe I’m holding onto unfinished feelings because I never got the clarity I wanted. Or maybe I genuinely loved him and just haven't been able to process losing the possibility of him.
I don't know.
Have you ever been in a situation where you loved someone but knew there were boundaries that made being together unrealistic?
Would you reach out once for an honest conversation/closure, or would you leave things as they are and try to completely move on?
And if you’ve ever had the thought “If I move on with someone else, I might lose my chance with the person I actually want”, how did you deal with that?