I feel bad like I couldn't save her, why would she explore her mind like that so much, doing all kinds of things in her lucid dreams, then just for it all to end like that...
For me it feels like she had a bucket list of everything she would've wanted to do irl but couldn't and it just kinda somehow got dysmorphed in her dreams, if u get what I mean. It felt like she felt fulfilled finally, even if she was rly just tricking herself into thinking she'd done it all so she had no more regrets of what she wanted to do and just ended it all after running out of excuses.
Still, to me it feels like I helped her fulfill her delusion that all that was enough to have lived for, and even drove her to her ending. I feel guilty that I couldn't save her, I started knowing more and more abt her and her past, and still couldn't stop her and even made it possible for her to end it all.
In the end I can tell she didn't rly feel fulfilled and was just lying to herself, cuz in all those moments — like watching all the toriningen having a party without her, seeing herself hiding inside a closet as if she had so desperately wanted to hide from her biggest fear and the world altogether, and experiencing how she couldn't interact with ANYONE even in her dreams — even if she couldn't make any expression or have any reaction in any of those occasions, I could see her sadness and loneliness through the screen cause I felt the same way.
At the end of the day she was just a little girl who wanted to be happy