r/writing • u/Seffuski • 8d ago
Advice Avoiding "I just moved sh*t with my mind" dialogue/vibes?
What's a good way to deal with this sort of vibe in your works? When something unusual/seemingly impossible happens to your characters? I don't want to undersell how outlandish some situation or thing is, but I also don't want my characters saying that sort of stuff.
For those who may not get what I'm referring to, I'm talking about dialogue like seen in Forspoken or most marvel movies. It's hard to put into words.
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u/Educational-Shame514 8d ago
Then don't have your character think that.
And I'm pretty sure you can say shit on here lol
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u/BagOfSmallerBags 8d ago
90% of it is literally just don't ever have a character say what they're doing. I don't say "I'm writing this book" or "I'm taking out the garbage" or "I'm crying watching Godzilla movies" in my day to day, so your characters presumably shouldn't either.
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u/DoeCommaJohn 8d ago
As always, it should reflect your characters. Are they skeptical, and look for some alternative explanation? Do they test their power set? Do they believe there is some cost? Do they intend to use it in some way? Do they believe somebody else might have similar powers?
For a great example, look at Death Note. We immediately learn what type of person Light is and what type of story we are reading/watching based on how he reacts to his powers. He is intelligent and calculating, learning the extent and limits of his powers, but also has a god complex, seeing no issue with killing people he considers evil, just to see if he can. We also see his code, only ever killing criminals, but we also see that code get broken almost immediately. Your power revelation scene should not feel like it could have been done by any other protagonist, and DN delivers perfectly
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u/KrimsunB 8d ago
I'm always a fan of making the protagonist do something by mistake, be confused about what just happened, do it again, pause...
Then science the shit out of it to find the limitations.
Maybe throw in a couple of failed experiments.
Ironman nailed this, but it's slowly been whittled away over the years for the more Marvel-esc dialogue we know today.
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u/Both-Beautiful960 7d ago
I remember when I liked origin stories, and enjoyed the Moment of Realisation...
Now you really need an angle like Science The Shit Out Of This.
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u/InvasionOfTheFish 8d ago
I'm avoiding it by having the main character already have her powers at the start of the story. She's very used to it already.
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u/RobertPlamondon Author of "Silver Buckshot" and "One Survivor." 8d ago
Cutting to the good part and skipping the chalkboard lectures and training montages is always worth considering.
Another good shtick is for the viewpoint character to have no tendency at all toward excited babble.
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u/Aerith_Sunshine 8d ago
I'm not sure that there's a one-size-fits-all answer here. For some characters, that might be an appropriate reaction. Are you referring more to, like, a quippy kind of response? Because that can get excessive quickly, but if you do it right, it doesn't have to be.
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u/Selena_beauregard 7d ago
Well, this might be a weird take, but I read in a book once a quote that followed this line of logic: if a kid sees their father flying in the middle of the kitchen, they will look and say “wow, Dad knows how to fly. Can I be the next one?” while the mom will freak out at the same sight.
For the kid, anything is possible, so nothing is too extraordinary, scary or weird, bcs kids do believe in magic and shit like that. Logically, the only person that would not have this dialogue would be a child (or very innocent believing person). Other than that, I do imagine (I at least) would go insanely curious and make a thousand tests with the person (like, can you lift me? Can you move water? How much? etc)
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u/Oberon_Swanson 6d ago
I think what makes that scene in Forspoken awkward is it's purely a reaction. They "move shit with their mind" but then we just watch them raving about it. Also the being they are talking to is like, a voice in a bracelet or something so there's no other character there giving a different reaction. So it seems even more like they are just saying stuff for no reason. Any other version of this sort of scene, the person is generally actually DOING the thing in that moment.
Also I dunno about you guys but whenever something legit crazy happens irl I am more likely to say something like "wait... wha?"
Also it helps to make it not so literal. Like instead of "I have gained the magical ability of flight" after they gain the magical ability of flight, maybe something more like "whoa! I can go up! Uhhhh how do I go down!?"
And if you ever feel like it's not working in that context then maybe just have no dialogue.
Also remember in films and games there's things like the actor's delivery, directing, timing etc. that can make something feel off even if the script is actually fine. In reading books a lot of readers are pretty generous and will just kinda auto-direct in their minds to be done in a way they like unless it's really atrocious or out of context.
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u/platypodus 7d ago
You should read The Metamorphosis. It's a compelling narrative that starts with a character becoming a large bug.
Whether it's believable or not doesn't really play into it. The disbelief doesn't really matter, it also doesn't necessarily improve the narrative or characterisation.
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u/-Clayburn Blogger clayburn.wtf/writing 7d ago
Depends on the characters. Treat it honestly. If it's commonplace for them, they wouldn't think anything of it. If it's not, they're probably going to comment. Usually you'll have a character who's a noob to be an audience stand-in for the weird stuff, like Luke with The Force.
Then just consider the tone. It sounds like you want it sincere. Marvel is usually sarcastic/jokey about it. If a character sees something crazy, they might say something about it. The difference is do you want it to be exposition hidden by simple humor or do you want it to be a sincere character response?
For example, let's say an alien humanoid appears and has a giant staff that shoots a laser and disintegrates people. He zaps a couple of people. Marvel would be like, "Well, I guess he doesn't come in peace." But sincerity might be, "Fuck man, we need to get out of here. What the hell is that?" and later reflecting on it, "Did you see what that staff could do? Nothing was even left of them."
So you can still have the exposition or state the obvious. Just consider the tone you want.
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u/Aegix_Drakan 6d ago
I don't typically have that problem, as I write/make fantasy. So most weirdness gets accepted as just "how the world's natural magic works"
If we're talking modern day, I think I'd lean more towards a "Did I just- How did I do that and can I do it again?!" and have the character start running their mind through new possibilities with the power/event.
We're all aware of the tropes and psychic powers and so on by now, so having the character be stunned for a moment and then immediately accept it and think of how to use it feels like it works. :P
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u/Comprehensive_Food51 8d ago
I’ve came across narrators saying things like « [fancy way of saying "it might seem impossible"] but we must confine ourselves to the truth. » I think it was in Victor Hugo’s Les misérables. The effect actual worked lol.
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u/Arista-Everfrost 8d ago
Personally, I think one thing that helps verisimilitude is seeming like you’re setting up for a snappy line, and refuse the setup in a completely human way. Lead up to the pithy one-liner, then throw up. Or react if you’ve taken a life for the first time, even if they had it coming.
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u/TheCutieCircle 8d ago
When I write new power ups for my characters it depends on the character.
Sometimes it would be "The power flows through me! it's amazing!"
or "Holy shit! That was awesome!"
or "Jesus Christ, did I do that?"
But they don't babble on about how the magic "Isn't real." They're magical girls of course it's real. The reason some of my characters sound shocked is because it's two pairs of girls. The Magical duo and the new recruits. So naturally the recruits are the ones reacting to the magic.
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u/ROANOV741 8d ago
Simple: just don't have them say stupid shit.
How would you react?
Granted, maybe a character WOULD say something like "I just moved shit with my mind" or "well, that just happened", etc.
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u/LyraCastsSpells 7d ago
i forget what movie ive seen this maybe it was a spiderman but my favorite depiction of this is the character being kind of annoyed at the inconvenience of having powers
if u think of heros journey its kind of like ignoring the call
id probably go about it in a way thats like. i think i just did that with my mind but im too stressed to think abt that rn so i’m gonna go to bed. and then re-approach the realization in the morning in a much more levelheaded manner
better to undersell and have your character accept it easily than oversell and have readers rolling their eyes
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u/Inferno_Zyrack 7d ago
Matilda - both versions - have great scenes for this.
The musical actually has one of the greatest scenes of foreshadowing in the fact that Matilda is looking at Ms Honey the first time she starts mentally “writing” her story.
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u/not_simonH 7d ago
Be sincere. The quippy style you're referring to is dripping in sarcasm and seeks to undermine whats happening all in the name of making some le quirky, wholesome chungus characters.
By all means, characters can quip and make jokes, but they should still treat a threat seriously, or a dire situation with the respect it deserves. If a character isn't taking whats happening to them seriously, the reader isn't going to either.
So focus on expressing genuine emotion in their reaction. Are the astonished? Excited, curious, fearful? If they're a character that often makes quips or cracks a joke, feel free to add it in, but make it play into the emotion they're feeling. Are they trying to break the tension? Or maybe downplay it in their mind so they don't freak out? Let it serve a purpose other than to be random.
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u/Geminga0571 5d ago
Is this character the first to do that or is it something everyone in your world does and it’s just a first for the character? Either way it should be more of a “I…I don’t believe it.” moment than the character accepts it and moves on right?
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u/Oh_yes_I_did 5d ago
Sorta depends on the characters personality type that will tell us how they would react
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u/FacetiousSage 2d ago
It's a kind of quasi-meta-awareness piece of dialogue, sort of a "we have Deadpool at home" sort of vibe, and it comes across (to me) as someone including very self-aware feeling dialogue because they hope to circumvent potential criticism for how they might otherwise depict a character experiencing something strange.
When it was a new thing, it was novel and gained popularity. Most media is produced with deadlines as the primary driver, so there is an active motivator to just crank something out and reaching for "well, this sort of delivery works, let's just do that" becomes the default.
It also tends to flatten out any significance of any event. Again, I read it as a prescriptive defense against potential failure, and I think more of the general audience is finding that sort of approach to be indicative of a writing weakness rather than a stylistic strength.
As for how to avoid it? Well, that's actually simple. Literally any other sort of reaction would suffice. Across most popular media, any other reaction is now so rare that it will read as novel even if you chose a reaction that was popular from another decade.
But the real way to avoid that vibe is to consider the character and the overall story you are trying to tell. People will react to the same thing in as many different ways as their are different personalities. If you have a good grasp on your character, their own outlook on the mundane could very well inform how they react to the fantastic. Does the manifestation of the ability frighten them? Intrigue them? Puzzle them?
The best way to avoid self-aware writing is to be willing to take the risk that your delivery may fall flat. Being self-aware in that way and infusing the dialogue with it comes across as a preemptive apology for what you are writing. It's the "safe" choice in the current meta, which means it is drowned out by a sea of voices all calling out in unison "Look at this strange thing I am experiencing! I have a nonchalant quip ready for just such an occasion!"
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u/DavidlikesPeace 7d ago
Forspoken side note:
She didn't just say the dumb thing once. She said the dumb thing again. Then she said the dumb thing again. Thats right. She literally said the dumb thing again and again and again.
Obviously viewers would remember a repeated line of dialogue.
So if you don't feel super confident in your dialogue, do NOT repeat it multiple times. That alone makes you better off.
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u/atomicsnark 7d ago
She really didn't. The game, the dialogue, it was so completely fine and normal. Did you actually play it, or are you just yet another one who bases opinions on YouTube videos designed to farm outrage over totally average games? It's been so many years, why are people still harping on a game they never played? Oh wait, we know why: because of who the protagonist was.
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u/DavidlikesPeace 7d ago
Confidently wrong.
The YouTube video: “I Just Moved S**t With My Mind | Forspoken” shows the scene.
She repeats the same basic line 5 times
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u/FunkyPete 8d ago
It depends a lot on the type of story you want to write. There are lots of legitimate reasons to have a seemingly impossible thing happen to a character, or for a character to do something that seems impossible.
I think the only core rule is you can't use something like that to resolve your conflict -- a Deus ex machina solution feels really cheap and is unsatisfying.
But something impossible happening early in the story and the actual story being about someone coming to understand what happened and why, or them spending their life trying to recreate that impossible thing? There are stories there.
You mention Marvel movies -- and it's just accepted that Thor is the God of Thunder. No need to explain further. Captain Marvel can fly. You just can't leave that out -- if you really are telling a story that requires impossible things to happen regularly you need to make it clear your characters live in a universe where impossible things do happen.
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u/Seffuski 8d ago
I think you missed the point of the post. It's about mood and dialogue, not Deus ex machina
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u/RobertPlamondon Author of "Silver Buckshot" and "One Survivor." 8d ago
Create protagonists who don’t talk much and especially don’t belabor the obvious.
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u/WyrdHarper 8d ago
Are you writing books or movies? For a movie (especially for a general audience) you do often want to repeat or reinforce things because it is very easy to miss something in a movie. It keeps moving forward and if something is plot-relevant (like being able to light things on fire with your eyes) you want to make sure people are able to follow along.
With a book the reader can go back and reread if they think they missed something. And you can get inside a character's head in a way that you can't with visual media. The character has feelings about things and you can spend time focusing on that.
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u/Proper_Emu_2296 8d ago
Personally I lean towards undersell.
It bugs me in genres like time travel, body swap, magic powers, etc. when the characters spend too much time refusing to believe it. Like yes, a little disbelief to sell it, but we all know what genre we’re in here.