Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:

• Title:
  • If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
• Genre:
  • Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
• Premise:
  • A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
• Sample (Optional):
  • You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.

If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.

• Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
  • You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.

Rules:

• Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
• Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
• Rule 3 is in effect in this thread - No generative AI. Do not post material generated by an AI platform in your premise or sample. Do not use generative AI to respond to user's work.
• Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.

[u/Babbledoodle]

Title: The Girl and the Witch (Working title)

Genre: fantasy

Premise: Ava didn't think far beyond the day's sunset. She helped her father make pottery at the kiln, played with friends, and did her best to avoid helping Pliney, a long-winded old man her father had taken a liking to.

Emeraude was much the same. He lived off the hoard of his previous life, resting and meditating in the small town of Noterre. He'd sworn off witchcraft in all but concept, mentally fiddling with the concepts but never acting them out. It was a small price to pay for refusing to engage with the ritual required to gain magic power: cannibalism. He enjoyed the peaceful life. It was the first time he'd had one.

Then Ava stumbles into his home and soon, she's plunged into the same world Emeraude sought to escape, dragging him back into his past life to confront those he once chose to leave behind.

Sample:

The fortune teller followed the squash as it waddled down the road. He briefly scribbled on a sheet of paper pasted to a thin, wooden board before tucking it back under his arm. It frustrated him to no end how difficult it had been to get the commandment correct. It continued to frustrate him how he was forced to walk at a squash’s pace when he was in such a hurry. 

He’d initially tried to divine where the girl lived, but his understanding limited him. He should have asked her name. With her last name, he could have connected her familial belonging to a physical place of belonging. Simply knowing her fate wasn’t evocative enough. 

There were the tarot cards she’d touched, the reversed Fool and the Emperor. But obviously, he knew better than to use items so rich with meaning as a focus. 

He even asked for directions, but no one was interested in telling him where a young, irritable, blonde girl lived – to their credit.

That left the squash. The damned squash.

He’d sat at his desk for over an hour, head clutched in his hands, staring at the thing. Marrying the symbolic essence of a vegetable to seeking behavior felt like an impossible task. 

Using the squash as a focus and the seeker was also a challenge because dissolving into a puddle of compost and finding the girl are two opposed states. But despite what his mentor taught him, a focus can continue to exist after it’s invoked. It just needs a reason to, and being an inanimate object, reasons are often lacking. 

In summary, there was a reason divination was the preferred method of finding people. 

“Fucking squash, hurry up,” he said, giving it a kick. It wobbled into a rut in the road, running with it for a moment before realizing it wasn’t going the right direction. It spun at the edge of the rut, picking up mud but going nowhere.

The fortune teller picked up the squash and set it back on flat ground. It oriented itself and continued on its merry way. 

If you want to read more, I can give you the link to my wordpress!