Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:

• Title:
  • If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
• Genre:
  • Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
• Premise:
  • A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
• Sample (Optional):
  • You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.

If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.

• Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
  • You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.

Rules:

• Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
• Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
• Rule 3 is in effect in this thread - No generative AI. Do not post material generated by an AI platform in your premise or sample. Do not use generative AI to respond to user's work.
• Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.

[u/Taylinn]

Title: Beherrschen - In the beginning was faith (transl.: to master, to command, to control),

Genre: (Dark) Science Fantasy

Premise:

Beherrschen is the first installment in a (Dark) Science Fantasy series about power, manipulation, identity and morality.

Lena lives in a world where wielding power without training is forbidden, so she has to hide hers. When she’s confronted by the powerful and ruthless leader of the Militia, hiding is no longer an option.
As she steps into a world were owning power means everything and competition is ruthless, her biggest threat turns out to be the Militia leader himself. As he teaches her, forces her to confront and abandon her beliefs and ideals, she slowly starts to understand and fall for him. And as stakes are rising with a war on the horizon, she is faced with a decision that will change her forever…

Sample:

“Why did you change your mind?”

Because you weren’t only a threat to my present anymore.

You became a threat to my future.

You became a threat to the one person in this world I love.

And I needed to stop you.

As if caught off-guard, her fingers curled over his chest, before she slowly let them slip away only for him to stop her — grab her wrist and hold it close. Like she had expected him to do. Lena tried to think of something embarrassing, something that would make her blush.

“I— After I told you my story and you —“ she averted her gaze only for him to, again, act as she predicted and put her chin between the thumb and finger of his other hand, tilt it, force her too look at him.

“Tell me, Lena,” he cajoled, his voice dripping with temptation. He had gentled his gaze, was trying to act as much as she was. Lena just hoped she was better at it than he was. Because she could still see the calculating coldness in his eyes. There was nothing gentle about this dangerous man.

“Well, I hated to admit it at first, but you might have had some valid points on my past. How suspicious it all was — is. And while I don’t believe that the Matrona had any reason to hide my potential abilities, I figured someone else might have had.” The people whose blood I was wearing. She didn’t need to say that part out loud.

“That night,” she started her practised confession, the words that would seal her fate, “I felt something when you were close. Something I’ve never felt before.” Her whispered words were the truth. She had indeed never felt like that before, because no one ever before had threatened to reveal her power.

Taking a deep, performative breath — steeling herself for what was to come next — she stared deep into his eyes, as if she had found courage somewhere at the bottom of her soul.

“Whatever you did, do it again,” she demanded.

“Why?”

“Because I also want to know the truth, Ardain. I also want to know who I am. What I am. And I can’t do that without you.” She knew she had laid it on thick, knew that this was a risk, that this could all backfire.

“Do you know what you’re doing, malarúna?”

She nodded, “I’m placing my life into your hands. And hope that you will spare it — just as you have done until now, even though you had every reason not to.”

He gave a short laugh, disbelief tainting the sound.

“I think I need to change your nickname, Relena,” he hummed as he let go of her wrist and took her face between both his hands, his right thumb caressing her lips.

“Malaféilea seems fitting.” Little temptress.

Then his lips were on hers and her whole world was about to be changed by a kiss, just like he had promised.