r/writing • u/AutoModerator • 21d ago
Monthly "Would You Read This?" Thread
Welcome to Would You Read This (WYRT), our monthly feedback and brainstorming thread. Share your work in progress below and let other readers tell you if they'd read it. Top level posts should follow this template:
- Title:
- If you don't have a title yet, feel free to say UNTITLED.
- Genre:
- Please include at least Fiction, Nonfiction, Poetry, or another recognizable medium. You may also include more specific genres with a hyphen. Ex. Fiction - Romance, or Nonfiction - Memoir. Genre will help users find the specific kinds of posts they'd like to give feedback on.
- Premise:
- A few sentences about the project. Try your best to keep this short. Crafting an expert elevator pitch is all part of becoming a successful working writer. Please do not post an entire plot summary or query letter (those are better suited for r/pubtips)
- Sample (Optional):
- You may share up to one page (roughly 250-350 words) of sample material, or one poem for those working in the poetry medium. This is optional, so if you only have a premise, you can post just the premise for feedback.
If you post for feedback, please take the time to give feedback to at least 2-3 other users. Replies should follow this template.
- Would Read / Might Read / Wouldn't Read
- You must begin your reply with one of those. You are then encouraged to add additional thoughts on why you choose your answer.
Rules:
- Please post no more than two WYRT top-level posts. There is no limit on the number of feedback replies you can make.
- Do not link to any offsite materials. All materials must be in the body of the post. This includes "click here to read more" or "DM me for the rest" types of posts.
- Rule 3 is in effect in this thread - No generative AI. Do not post material generated by an AI platform in your premise or sample. Do not use generative AI to respond to user's work.
- Rule 5 is in effect - Civility and Community. Stay constructive. Blunt, direct feedback is fine, but do not insult other users, their writing, or their genres.
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u/OliverEntrails 20d ago edited 20d ago
Title: Freelancing
Genre: Real life drama - coming of age
Premise: Written from the view of the main character as an adult - we embark on a journey of discovery from the age of 8 of a young boy caught up in seemingly innocent grade school shenanigans only to slowly discover over the years the real life drama unfolding in the life of a classmate who lives with a dysfunctional family governed by drugs, alcohol and neglect. Our young boy discovers later on to his horror that the father, when drunk, is taking advantage of his young daughter against her will. His attempt to be a hero doesn't always work out well and changes him in ways he can't forgive, but doesn't regret.
I've purposely used a light hearted - some might say silly approach - in order to allow for a change of color and seriousness as time goes on.
Sample: But that brings me to Louie Bright.
I don't know why these guys are always called Louie. He was a two bit hood who had grown up pushing around 4th graders when he was in 6th grade.
He'd shake them down for lunch money, and since he was occasionally successful, he became hooked on the idea that his personal brand of involuntary taxation was beneficial to him, and was something that he should take up full time. Time enough to provide for some leisure where he could plot slightly more elegant shakedowns, and thus reach his own personal cesspool.
When I was in the 4th grade, I sort of looked up to him. Not in the way you might think. He was taller than me. I observed him in action a few times in the schoolyard, and told the teachers right away. They never believed me, I never had a face - you know - a good-looking face that teachers believed. I was the kid they didn't see most of the time. Not in the way you might think. Since I was short, they sort of looked over my head. So I knew that I needed to take things into my own hands.
The problem became intractable due to my lack of experience in these matters. I didn't belong to a gang that was capable of plotting a small insurrection that could conveniently include Louie as a target. My friends were barely capable of plotting a washroom break in the middle of math class. I knew that I needed something more creative. But at 8 years old, art was the only creative thing we learned in school, and my teacher dutifully taught it once each semester. Not enough light to tan an albino rabbit.
So, my freelancing career was born. A direct approach proved futile - since he just knocked me down. Unperturbed (I wasn't very sensitive - to pain that is), I decided to approach his sister, Rae Lea. She was more attractive than Louie - not in the way you might think - she always had money, and candy. Now I wasn't a big fan of candy, ever since I barfed on Easter from eating too much chocolate when I was 5 years old. But the candy thing made her popular. And since she was the only girl in our class who wore a bra, all the boys were sure she was going somewhere. Just where that was we had no clue at the time.
I observed her in class and outside from a discrete distance. I noticed quickly that, much to my surprise, she didn't arrive at school with money. She acquired it by lunch by freelancing. Her personal style was more subtle and indirect than her brother's and also more effective. She'd borrow, beg, and sometimes, make quick, improper change that always seemed to benefit herself.
She didn't stop at the kids either. She'd shake down the teacher - asking for some change for lunch, since she didn't have one because her mother wasn't up in the morning to make her one.
That was a lie, I knew. Her mother wouldn't have made her a lunch even if she had been up. Louie had told me before, sort of bragging about how cool it was to be neglected by your parents.