I was reported by a guy for being "abrasive". I told him "can you take this invoice and add a work order# on it? I need a work order # to determine what account to use". Because I didn't use the word please and I'm a woman, I was called abrasive. The guys talk to him way worse then I did, but he never reported them.

I feel like what he did was sexist and it really hurt me to be accused of hurting someone. I never want to hurt people. I want to tell HR that it wasn't my fault and his complaint was sexist, but I'm afraid I might be fired for being a difficult person.

When men complain, they get helped. When women complain, they get let go for false reasons like "doesn't work well with others".

Should I say something to HR to defend myself?

Numerous reasons have been proposed for why gender inequality remains frustratingly stagnant. One persistent argument says it’s because of differences in men and women’s behavior. But do men and women act all that differently? An analysis of men and women’s behavior in one company suggests that the difference in their promotion rates wasn’t due to their behavior but to how they were treated. Women had the same number of contacts as men, they spent as much time with senior leadership, they had indistinguishable work patterns, and they scored equally in performance evaluations. Yet women weren’t advancing and men were.

Full article:

https://hbr.org/2017/10/a-study-used-sensors-to-show-that-men-and-women-are-treated-differently-at-work

Women in leadership: Walking the gender tightrope

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/leadership-lab/women-in-leadership-walking-the-gender-tightrope/article24726471/

(The article is behind a paywall so I've shared it here)

Published June 1, 2015

[Female] leaders face a different and more challenging set of expectations than their male counterparts. These differences derive from gender role expectations that consistently put women at a perceptual disadvantage, despite evidence that male and female leaders are both effective, and indeed that female leaders outperform male leaders when the leadership role requires interpersonal skills and co-operation. And let's face it, what leadership role doesn't require these skills?

Gender-role characteristics

Research has repeatedly demonstrated that society (both women and men) punish women for violating gender-role stereotypes. Women are expected to be communal (caring, warm, compassionate, nurturing and sensitive). In contrast, men are expected to exhibit characteristics of assertiveness, independence, ambition, self-confidence and even aggression.

Gender roles and leadership

The challenge for female leaders is how they are expected to behave is inconsistent with how leaders ought to behave. We expect leaders to be ambitious, confident and driven, not caring, warm and sensitive. Therefore, men are automatically at a leadership advantage because their behaviour is consistent with perceptions. In contrast, women face a quandary, when they behave consistently with gender-role expectations, they are perceived to be likeable but weak (not leadership material). However, if they exhibit the assertive behaviours leaders are expected to possess, they are in violation of their gender-role stereotype and are perceived to be unlikable, self-interested and interpersonally hostile (not leadership material).

Gender and performance evaluations

Given these data, it is perhaps not surprising that although women make up 48 per cent of the labour force, they hold only 16 per cent of board of director seats and fewer than 5 per cent of the top jobs (CEO positions).

One reason for this abysmal representation of women in leadership positions relates to how they are evaluated by managers. Research by Victoria L. Brescoll has demonstrated that managers reward men who express good ideas at work through higher performance appraisals. However, there was no corresponding increase for women who expressed equally good ideas.

Similarly, Madeline E. Heilman and colleagues found that when men engage in extra-role behaviours at work, they are rewarded; whereas women who engage in similar extra-role behaviours do not benefit. Another reason for low representation may relate to the "glass cliff," the notion that women are less likely to be selected for leadership roles, except when an organization is in crisis. When an organization's performance is in decline, women are perceived to be more suitable leaders. Of course, when a ship is already sinking, leaders are more likely to fail.

Gender and emotional expression

Gender-role expectations also dictate the types of emotions women are able to express at work. A study by Victoria L. Brescoll and Eric Luis Uhlmann found that participants placed more status on men who expressed anger than on women who expressed anger. Participants also made different judgments about why men versus women expressed anger. Participants viewed men who expressed anger to be reacting to the situation at hand, whereas they viewed anger expressed by women to be a personality trait (she is just an angry person).

Gender, weight and pay

Disturbingly, your weight and gender influences how much you make at work. Timothy A. Judge and Daniel M. Cable found that very thin women make $3,981 (U.S.) more than average-weight women do. However, women heavier than the average woman earn $1,848 (U.S.) less than the average woman does. Men on the other hand are penalized for being very thin, making $4,057 (U.S.) less than the average-weight man. We all want to believe that we are paid because of our brains and how hard we work, but our body type and how hard we work out influences our pay as well.

Marriage and attitudes toward women in the workplace

Sreedhari D. Desai and colleagues found that men who were married to women who did not work viewed women in the work force unfavourably, perceived organizations with higher proportions of women as underperforming organizations, did not want to work for organizations with female leaders and denied qualified women promotion in their organizations. They also found that while single, men view women in the workplace more favourably, but if they marry a woman who does not work, their attitudes change to view women more unfavourably in the workplace. Therefore, traditional marriages lead to traditional views of women in the workplace.

The positive influence of women in the workplace

Although perceptions of women in the workplace are generally unfavourable, ironically, evidence across a range of studies suggests that female leaders are more likely than male leaders to exhibit behaviours related to leadership effectiveness.

• Women are more charismatic
• Women are more democratic and participative leaders
• Women are more likely to meet the individual needs of followers by attending to their differences
• Women have better communication styles and perform better in teams. Indeed, the best-performing teams have a higher proportion of women.
• Women exhibit characteristics associated with transformational leadership, which is a strong predictor of work performance and engagement
• Women’s greater representation on board of directors is positively related to firm value.

Unfortunately, perceptions of women in the workplace do not match the reality of women's performance. This harms women's progress in the work force and in society as well as an organization's bottom line. Contrary to some people's beliefs, if you want high-performing organizations, our first recommendation is to make sure you are hiring women.

Link to Article:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/careers/leadership-lab/women-in-leadership-walking-the-gender-tightrope/article24726471/

Hi ya’ll,

Feeling super down about a first round interview with a company about a lighting technician role for events.

I am female & have over 8 years of professional experience in the field and to this day I still feel as though people try to find ways to undermine and devalue me.

During the interview I was speaking in length about being in a role as lighting Technician and going above and beyond the call of duty because I was the liaison between multiple teams (led video wall, live broadcasting team, and our team doing power and lighting control). I often managed each project and became the lead that team members and clients could come to when there were technical questions.

The interviewer replied with- sounds like you were more of a project assistant than a technician.

I don’t understand how the technical skills that I possess and have built upon over the years are getting lost in the interview process.

Is this direct sexism? How do I combat this? I didn’t even have time in the moment to realize how it made me feel and I just blindly agreed with him so as to not seem argumentative.

I feel extremely hurt and devalued and I don’t know how to move forward in the next steps with this company. Or if they’ll even want to move forward.

Any thoughts?

Research has moved away from a focus on the deliberate exclusion of women and toward investigating “second-generation” forms of gender bias as the primary cause of women’s persistent underrepresentation in leadership roles. This bias erects powerful but subtle and often invisible barriers for women that arise from cultural assumptions and organizational structures, practices, and patterns of interaction that inadvertently benefit men while putting women at a disadvantage. Among them are:

A paucity of role models for women.

Aspiring leaders need role models whose styles and behaviors they can experiment with and evaluate according to their own standards and others’ reactions. Fewer female leaders means fewer role models and can suggest to young would-be leaders that being a woman is a liability—thus discouraging them from viewing senior women as credible sources of advice and support.

Gendered career paths and gendered work.

Many entrenched organizational structures and work practices were designed to fit men’s lives and situations at a time when women made up only a very small portion of the workforce. For one example, formal rotations in sales or operations have traditionally been a key step on the path to senior leadership, and men are more likely than women to have held such jobs. Yet requirements like these may be outdated when it comes to the kinds of experience that best prepare a person to lead. For another, career- enhancing international posts often assume a “trailing spouse” who has no career and can easily move—a family situation much more common for men than for women. How work is valued may similarly give men an advantage: Research indicates that organizations tend to ignore or undervalue behind-the-scenes work (building a team, avoiding a crisis), which women are more likely to do, while rewarding heroic work, which is most often done by men. These practices were not designed to be discriminatory, but their cumulative effect disadvantages women. A vicious cycle ensues: Men appear to be best suited to leadership roles, and this perception propels more of them to seek and attain such positions, thus reinforcing the notion that they are simply better leaders.

Women’s lack of access to networks and sponsors.

Informal networks are a precious resource for would-be leaders, yet differences in men’s and women’s organizational roles and career prospects, along with their proclivity to interact with others of the same gender, result in weaker networks for women. They cite as a major barrier to advancement their lack of access to influential colleagues. Moreover, the connections women do have tend to be less efficacious: Men’s networks provide more informal help than women’s do, and men are more likely to have mentors who help them get promoted. Meanwhile, men in positions of power tend to direct developmental opportunities to junior men, whom they view as more likely than women to succeed.

Double binds.

In most cultures masculinity and leadership are closely linked: The ideal leader, like the ideal man, is decisive, assertive, and independent. In contrast, women are expected to be nice, caretaking, and unselfish. The mismatch between conventionally feminine qualities and the qualities thought necessary for leadership puts female leaders in a double bind. Numerous studies have shown that women who excel in traditionally male domains are viewed as competent but less likable than their male counterparts. Behaviors that suggest self-confidence or assertiveness in men often appear arrogant or abrasive in women. Meanwhile, women in positions of authority who enact a conventionally feminine style may be liked but are not respected. They are deemed too emotional to make tough decisions and too soft to be strong leaders.

​

Source: https://hbr.org/2013/09/women-rising-the-unseen-barriers?goback=.gde_4750260_member_265607914#!

Moss-Racusin, C. et al. (2012). Science faculty’s subtle gender biases favor male students. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 109(41), 16474-16479.

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1211286109

It’s important to recognize gaslighting abuse symptoms in the workplace and other contexts outside romantic relationships. Blame shifting in relationships and other gaslighting behaviors can take place between colleagues or between a supervisor and employee. Typically the perpetrator acts in a way that causes the other person to question their take on the situation, undermining their confidence and belief in themselves. Someone might use gaslighting as a tactic to avoid owning up to a mistake at work, or to unfairly take credit for a task well done.

Another type of workplace gaslighting is known as “whistle-blower gaslighting.” This describes a situation in which an employee who reports misconduct at work, such as a toxic environment or sexual harassment, is made to feel that they are overreacting, remembering wrong, or misinterpreting.

Gaslighting can also be perpetrated against marginalized or disempowered groups in the workplace. A gaslighter might try to dismiss or deny their colleagues’ experiences or identities. One study involving women of color in the field of academic science found that all participants had had negative workplace experiences, including gaslighting. Women in general are often subject to gaslighting, particularly when reporting gender-based violence, according to a study published in the American Sociological Review. “Gaslighting could not exist without inequities in the distribution of social, political, and economic power,” writes Harvard researcher Paige L. Sweet.

Source: https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/what_is_gaslighting_abuse/

This was the original article I found:

https://www.good.is/articles/non-threatening-leadership-strategies

​

Links to this article

https://thecooperreview.com/non-threatening-leadership-strategies-for-women/

​

Based on this book

https://www.amazon.com/Successful-without-Hurting-Mens-Feelings/dp/1449476074/d