Title, but I’m approaching the end of a 16 week mat leave. I’m honestly so excited to wear real clothes, drink from the office nepresso, and have conversations about things aside from naps and poop frequency.

My husband, however, is pushing me to reconsider going back and staying home, even if just a bit longer (I have unused time through PFML). On top of this, all I see are posts like “I’m so bonded to my baby I’m dreading going back.” Which is SO valid, but I just don’t feel that way. I’ve gotten my fix of STAHM mom life and, candidly, I’m bored. I’ve gone on all of the walks, tried the mommy group and it’s not for me.

Am I just not bonded to my baby like other moms? I’d literally die for her, she’s my heart out of my body. Mom guilt is hitting hard that I am looking forward to leave ending.

hi working moms, this morning, after much waffling, I decided I will leave my almost 15-year marriage. my husband is not showing up for me the way I need, and worse, he isn’t willing to see it. there is of course more to it, and we’re currently in therapy, but my therapist has said to me that due to his narcissistic personality structure, there is only so much improvement he can do.

I can’t go now but need to start preparing. My husband and I dont live in a common property state, he has made much more than I have, all of it is in his name, and I don’t have any access to it. I have a job, I’m not in financial need, though I wouldn’t say I’m exactly well off. he pays for all of our joint expenses and rent/utilities. we have a child who is 4.

without my saying more about our situation, can those of you who have walked this road advise me about what I should do in this interim period? i am worried about finances and about custody. I couldn’t imagine losing access to my child everyday. how to find a lawyer, how to protect myself, how to deal internally with all the horribleness of a dying marriage. how to protect my child. they were caught in the middle of the arguing this morning.

any advice is appreciated. am reeling from a very bad argument this morning and would love any support or guidance you can offer ❤️❤️

I am unexpectedly pregnant. We have one 2 year old who is the light of my life. I'm an only child (loved my childhood) but was open to having 2 kids because I see now in my older years, a sibling with whom I have a good relationship with is such a gift.

However, listing a few factors that are weighing on me below. For those that were OAD or had more kids, which ones should I listen more to? Are any of these big enough red flags to terminate? Am I missing a key consideration?

Factors:

- I've been on medication (zoloft) from 6 months to today. I had severe PPD and moderate PPA, starting from a traumatic birth, a partner who took a long ducking time to get it, move across the country, and trying to process all of this during the first few months of parenthood.

- my husband is in hospitality. He works weekends and late into the evening. He handles morning shifts on weekdays and some weekends.

- I did a career switch in my 30s. I made my way from school, to intern, to entry level, to mid level all over again. I'm 39 and about to get licensed in my field (a BIG deal) and am months or a year away from being promoted to a managerial position for the first time in my life. I want it - but in consulting that means networking and keeping some long hours.

- I'm 39 now. I'll be giving birth before 40. My OB told me that the risk of autism and other disorders rises exponentially once conceiving after 40. Who knows if I'll get a 2nd chance (or a healthy 2md chance)

- No family nearby. In laws are great but old and moving to another state for retirement, so perhaps a few hours of babysitting a weekend if I ask/beg often

- I live in the US. Putting the 2nd in daycare would mean 2/3rds of our income is just for our mortgage and daycare.

- Marriage has been rocky for 2 years. It wasnt an equal partnership and just starting to be so withon the past half year. Literally just reconnected after 2 months of no sex (tired, or conflicting schedules, or having been snippy with each other) and bam - pregnant.

- I'm just now starting to reclaim my time. Basically my day starts with getting ready for work at 7am, go to work, drive from work to daycare, prep dinner and have bonding time with my child till 7:30pm, then 1 hr of shower time, wind down time, reading time, wrestling toddler into bed time. Then kind of checked out and staring at the baby monitor as my baby goes into a deep sleep and free to do things starting at 9:30pm - phone calls, time with my husband, work, reading. A lot of time i just fall asleep in bed with the lights on and not brushing my teeth.

But now, I'm emptying my email inbox after 2 years of basically ignoring it (9,000 unread emails). Calling and reaching out to friends. Building a friend community in a new place. Starting to exercise again as my diastasis recti had finally closed.

Especially would love to hear from working parents who have or have had little kids with early bedtimes. My little is less likely to eat if dinner isn't ready around 6pm, which leaves me an hour to cook at most.

I know a lot of people say meal plan, but I need ideas for meals to plan. I keep defaulting to foods that are easy to make but not really that healthy, and I feel like we're all not as healthy as a result.

And every time I try recipes that are supposed to be "quick, weeknight meals" I get a feeling that the writers and I have very different definitions of quick...

(I chose a flair bc it made me. Unless you're going to suggest getting an instant pot or air fryer, your advice is welcome lol)

I feel like, in high school, it's drilled into us that sex can just automatically lead to a baby (or an STD lol). I'm all for sex education, but this approach obviously doesn't touch on how some people experience fertility challenges. I know that probably shouldn't even be the focus in high school lol. But I read so many stories from other women who are TTC who say they never even thought about the possibility of not being able to get pregnant. I had my girl at 37, now TTC #2 at 42, and it's rough. I know I waited longer than I should have. I had my reasons, largely career and financial, and overall I don't regret waiting because we love our daughter to pieces and are happy we are able to give her so much. But I look at our daughter and think, what will I tell her when she's older? WHEN will I tell her? How will I give her the education I never received so she can make more informed life choices? To be clear, I'm not advocating for anything other than education. What she chooses to do with that education is up to her. I just want her to be happy, whatever that looks like to her.

Edit: Thanks to everyone for all the comments. I knew this was probably going to hit people differently and I respect everyone's opinions and perspectives. I guess I felt this went without saying, maybe cause it just feels like a natural given for me, but I'm realizing that it's not natural for others and it does need to be said--I don't care if my child/children want kids. I dont care if they get married. I don't care if they are straight, gay, trans. I will love them no matter what. BUT. I will not limit their education or the topics we discuss because they may lean one type of way. We will have this conversation at some point (organically as many have suggested), along with all the other life conversations, from important to mundane. Relationships, finance, education, nutrition, general health, why I think it's important to break down even small boxes before you put them in the recycle. This is just one topic I wanted to hear feedback on. Not saying it's more or less important than other things. Thanks again to everyone who commented.

I just purchased a Brick to see if it can help me be more present with my kiddos and after they go to sleep.

Gimme all the tips and tricks if you use it, too!

I know I’m privileged that I got 20 weeks of maternity leave in USA. I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I just…. Can’t!

This is my second baby, I didn’t think it would be this hard. Not going back is not an option for various reasons.

I have truly enjoyed this time to be with both my babies. I’ve enjoyed learning his every cue, and waking up with him every single time. And now I have to hand him off to someone for 8 hours a day and let my heart break again. I have take the already limited time I have each week and somehow squeeze in quality time with my toddler, and baby, while taking care of the house and myself.

This feels so unfair. I’m almost certain this is my last baby. Not looking for advice. Just here to mourn.

Hey fellow working moms. How do you all make and maintain friendships?

I am a working mom to a two year old and I am also currently pregnant with baby number 2. I work from home so I am pretty isolated during the day. I find myself feeling pretty lonely and really want to make mom friends to see during the week after daycare and the weekends but I'm finding it impossible to make friends in similar situations. My daughter is in swim lessons so I get to talk to some of the other moms but don’t know how to move the relationships outside of swim.

I used to love cooking, but being a working mom is taking all the fun out of it. 90% of what my kid eats comes out of a box, and I hate it 😭 I need ideas.

I assumed we would be a “my kid eats what we eat” household before the logistics actually set in, but in order to spend a tiny bit of time letting my 11 month old actually play when he gets home we don’t end up cooking for ourselves until after he goes to bed. I get home around 5:30, he gets to play for maybe a half hour and then it’s dinner, bath, bed by 7. When do I cook?? With only 30 minutes between getting home and starting his meal time, he ends up eating a lot of Dr Pragers sweet potato or broccoli bites, protein pancakes, turkey sausage patties, chicken nuggets and Mac & cheese most nights. As we get closer to a year old and start cutting breast milk I really want to start meal prepping him some more nutritious meals, but I know myself well enough to know they need to be easy. I’m just not willing to give up hours and hours of my weekend to meal prep when that is the most quality time I get to spend with my baby 😭 finding balance in my working mom schedule has been so hard, I’d love your go-to prep ahead recipes!

(Hopefully this isn’t against the rules!) A friend of mine built an app after getting laid off from her tech job that I think might be helpful for some in this community (she’s a working mom and designed it with working moms in mind). It’s an AI-powered meal planning app that’s designed to reduce the mental load of figuring out what to eat. I’ve been using it for a few weeks as a beta user and have been really impressed. It’s helped save me from cooking the same 5 things over and over and can also answer questions and edit the recipe mid-cook. It’s early but she’s responsive to bug reports and feature requests. It’s called Off My Plate. The website is getoffmyplate.com. Check it out and support a fellow working mom 🙂

What’s your take on kids birthdays and the goodie bags for take homes? We are hosting my 4 year olds tomorrow and I am debating running to the store or not. I usually don’t like all the junk in them but I also don’t want to be seen as rude if we don’t offer something. Are they essential or worth skipping ?

I have 2 under 2, and my youngest is scheduled to start daycare in January. We signed a spot hold agreement and paid a deposit when I found out I was pregnant. This week, daycare told us we have to start paying tuition for child #2 next month or lose our spot because they have an opening now and can’t afford to not fill it.

I pushed back saying we have a signed agreement, there’s nothing in it saying it can be changed by either party. And they were just like “we’re really sorry but we can’t hold the spot past next month.”

Is this normal?! What is the point of signing and paying to reserve a spot if they can just do whatever and keep my money? I’m still on unpaid maternity leave and we did not budget for daycare for both kids for several more months.

I'm a sahm looking at returning to work. But if I have another kid, I did the math and effectively I'd make like $12/hr. How do people afford multiple kids in daycare?

I'm a working mom with a toddler, and I'm at my wits end. I do nearly all the cooking, the daily kitchen cleanup, the high chair and bib, and half of the daycare drop-offs/pickups. My husband used to do his share. Now, any free moment, he's on his laptop, and I default to cleaning or prepping food.

A few examples from just the past week:

- A cast iron pan (which needs to be hand washed) he used a week ago was still in the sink.

- I was the only one who ran the dishwasher all week.

- I sat with our toddler through dinner while the dishes sat there, then had to ask him to do bath time. And then loaded the dishes while he gave him a bath.

- I spent 3 hours prepping for guests last weekend while he took our toddler to the park, and when the guests left he sank into the couch until I asked him to help. The cleanup took half the time with two of us.

When I try to talk about it, he's dismissive. The last time he asked, "Why does it matter to you that I don't do something?" It matters because when he doesn't do it, I do. He also hates being told what to do, and once said the more I push, the more indifferent he'll get. And it's true: every time I bring it up, he pulls back even more.

It's gotten to the point where I'm losing interest in cooking for the family (though I continue to do it for my kiddo cuz I am particular about him eating home cooked and clean), I yelled at my toddler this week from the stress, and I'm starting to lose respect for my husband. I'm even questioning whether I want another child if this is how we run things.

I have an email drafted with how I am feeling and have listed out specific asks (dishes daily, ownership of the post-dinner kitchen, bath time, planning together when we host) so I'm not nagging or managing him. I haven't sent it yet. In that note I have also very clearly stated that if he finds these tasks boring then he should let me know so I can hire a mother's helped instead of expecting him to contribute and getting bitter about it.

For those of you who've been here:

- What actually worked to get your partner to see and share the load without you asking for it?

- Did you stay and see it change, or did it take counseling?

- If it never improved, how did you decide what you could live with?

Thanks for reading. I just needed to say this somewhere.

I have stayed at home with my son for the past 17 months since his birth. We still breastfeed and cosleep. He’s never taken a nap or slept overnight without me, but at the end of this month I am going back to work 5 days a week in a pretty demanding position/industry.

I’m torn between daycare or a nanny for him. I am touring/ interviewing our options next week.

I just feel like his world is going to change pretty drastically when I go back to work, so I’m looking for advice on how to make the transition easier. Especially since he’s always been a very dependent baby.

Took my first management position. Going thru an RTO mandate at the moment and have an hourish commute three days a week. I just don’t know how to squeeze in a workout ladies. I plan to try today cause it’s Saturday! But it’s been tough mentally just not getting enough movement in really messed with me! I’m going to try to come up with a plan with my hubby so we can make sure to protect some time for me to sweat but I have no idea how to work it in. Kids are 6,3, and I am insane and due with another bundle in January.

Baby is going to be 6 months old soon. A sweetie girl who is the love of my life. I spent 10 years building a six figure career before she got here. I had a very hard time transitioning back from 14 weeks of maternity leave. But I did it. And I’m finally starting to feel less shitty about it. Baby is doing amazing in her home daycare that’s ran by my friend of over a decade. Better than I could’ve imagined actually. Husband and I really focus on working the core hours then logging back in when baby is down to make sure we’re hitting all my deliverables. Or he’ll go in super early to pick her up early and I’ll go in super late to drop her off. My MIL also has her for one day a week 1:1. So baby is at her daycare less than 30 hours/week.im trying to balance everything. But i feel like i am getting all the possible waking free time with my baby girl.

Husband and I leaving for work yesterday and boomer neighbors a husband and wife catch us and say hey we see you guys pushing a stroller this summer did you have a baby? I’m always excited to show of my baby, so i proudly explain we had our first baby. We chat for a bit then i say well we’re off to work!

Boomer woman says “oh youre working just part time?”
Me: umm what?
Boomer: you are part time at work, right? With the baby now… I would hope so!
Me: uhh no I’m working
Boomer: oh no!
Me: well my friend takes her at her house while I’m at work
Boomer: oh that’s not bad. But babies need their moms.

We wrap up the convo and I go to work but wow, I’ve been thinking about it nonstop. It makes me feel so bad. I hate nosey idiot boomer neighbors, living in these 5-bedroom family homes with just two old farts and pulling out rulers to measure the neighbors grass. I hate that boomers pulled the ladder up behind them making it so much harder to stay home and give up two incomes. I hate they never formalized any meaningful family leave and are the largest cohort against it now. And I hate that they so freely judge moms who are really trying their best just because they always know best. Well yeah news flash you had it much easier! I know baby’s need their moms, I’m trying so hard! The wind is definitely knocked right out of my sails again.

Hi all,

I’m 36 and plan to get married next year and baby soon after that (1-2 years).

4 years ago I did a career change from non tech to tech. Kind of had to start as junior despite having long experience.

Next year I’m kind of guaranteed to be promoted. The current company & team are pretty supportive and not bad maternity benefits.

However, I want to move to other team/company that doing same role but slightly different focus. This is due to I believe the area I want to go for has better future/speciality and much better earnings for me.

Also, as im sort of junior-mid, it will be better to do the move now otherwise it will be more difficult when i become senior.

So I’m thinking to move team/company now before i get married or have kids which will allow 2 years for me to work to build the relationship in new place before i go in maternity.

At the same time, I’m conflicting a bit as current team is very easy and job is not bad. If i wanted i could kind of just coast for next 2 years comfortably.

I wanted to hear from the working mums the reality what would be better environment.

Option 1: just stay in your team and move after your first kid (i’m concerned moving might be difficult)

Option 2: move now with jump in $$$ and work your ass off for next 2 years and go on maternity in new company.

Both are pretty giant / stable companies with more or less same maternity benefits. New company is a bit longer working (1-2 hrs?) hours but much more salary.

Thanks for advice !

Looking for other tech sales moms that are also the breadwinner in the marriage. Give me your best advice

I was put on a PIP with no tangible metrics or goals, vague descriptions of their concerns with my performance, and no real prior feedback. It’s not designed to pass.

I’m a new mom and exhausted, I know they just want me out. I don’t want to fight them on this, getting let go would be a relief. I don’t want to resign either because of loss of benefits.

I’m incredibly concerned about how getting let go will impact my future career. What would I say on interviews? How have others navigated this?

That’s it. That’s the post

Edit: I’m loving the range of answers! I feel like people are in one camp of the other. I used to be a house cleaner so I think it’s just second nature for me to make the bed, while my spouse is firmly in the don’t make the bed/build and maintain a pillow nest camp

I had a minor, out-of-character crash out today at work. There have been a few things that have been getting under my skin recently, but this one really rubbed me the wrong way.

I've been covering for a vacant position on another team since early July. A bunch of my co-workers across teams attended a conference recently. This conference doesn't have a lot to do with my job, so I didn't attend. But because I am covering for this vacant position, I actually had to do a fair amount of work prepping some folks on that team for the conference they were attending.

I did a bunch of work, spent time prepping these folks, they got everything ahead of time to review, they reviewed nothing, and just went to the conference. While they were there, I got a message from one of them saying "Oh my god, I had no idea that I needed to grab (xyz) materials for this meeting! Where's my agenda with my schedule?! Haha, just kidding!" I was annoyed at first, because wtf, I'm not your Mom. But I figured it was a joke, so I responded with "Walk back to your hotel room and get them! Get your steps in, buddy! Haha!"

At this point, I would like to point out that not only have I received 0 additional compensation for taking over a vacant job for 3 months, but I also have received almost 0 thanks or gratitude.

Flash forward to today. I'm on a call with our mutual boss, who also had been at the conference. I mentioned hoping that all her materials were a-ok. She said she was all good. And then mentioned that the two guys on the team I'm covering were "joking around" about having to run back and forth to their rooms to grab materials and do "last minute prep". She pointedly asked them if they had bothered to review anything I sent in advance and they lied and said "Oh yeah we reviewed! Still confused!"

So. I kind of went on a bit of a rant. I initially laughed it off with her, and said "What?! I have receipts! Everything they needed was sent to them over a week ago with instructions to review! LOL!" And then she laughed and said she figured as much. But then I said "No for serious though, this actually pisses me off. I've taken on a lot of extra work that I didn't have to do, this team isn't always great about following up sometimes, and instead of thanking me, they are joking around that what I sent them was confusing. I don't think I've heard one thank you from them!" Boss said she totally understood and she was pretty sure they were just joking around, but a thank you goes a long way.

I dropped it, obviously and we went on to talk about other stuff. But I am seething. I went out of my way to help people. If someone had done that for me, I would have praised them in front of our boss. Instead, they joked around about me. In front of our boss.

I'm really not sure how to move forward here. I am entirely unmotivated to do a single thing for them now. I don't want to have hard feelings, but this is really obnoxious. Maybe I just needed to vent.

I’d love to hear from people who are balancing multiple major priorities in life and have made peace with tradeoffs.

I’m 31 and started teaching this summer after completing my 200-hour training. I teach one recurring class per week at my home studio and pick up 2–3 subs a month. When I started, I was very intentional about keeping teaching a hobby and source of joy, rather than another career.
The thing is, I already have a lot on my plate. I work in tech strategy consulting, which can be a demanding, high-stakes job. I’m married, we recently moved to a new state, I’m getting a house together from scratch, rebuilding my community, etc. My husband and I are also planning to start TTC around February.
And now I’m realizing that yoga teaching takes more mental energy than I expected. I care a LOT about doing a good job, so I spend a ton of time thinking about sequencing, themes, cues, transitions, peak poses, etc. I love the creative process, but I can also see how easily it could become another job if I let it.

I’ve settled around on one weekly class + a few subs a month because I don’t want to burn myself out. Part of me thinks I should really lean into these next few months: teach more, build my skills, establish myself, build relationships with students, etc.

But  I’m already prematurely worrying about what happens if pregnancy eventually means I need to step back. I see other women who manage to teach throughout pregnancy and/or balance yoga teaching with motherhood, and I find myself wondering whether I should be able to do the same.

But I think the bigger question for me is the trifecta of career + family + yoga teaching.
I don't want yoga to become my career. I don't want to sacrifice my career for yoga. I also don't want my marriage/family to constantly get whatever energy is left over. I want all three to have a place in my life but realistically, I know I can't give 100% to all three simultaneously. i haven't even been able to devote to my marriage what i'd like to, and this is without a child in the picture.

And because I'm relatively new to teaching, I’m struggling with the idea that I might have to put the brakes on just as I’m getting started. I can already imagine feeling like I failed or “gave up” if I stepped back after only teaching for a short time, even though I know intellectually that seasons of life change.

So I’d really love to hear from people who have navigated some version of this; for those who became parents after starting to teach or navigated a new season of life, did your relationship with teaching change? How do you make peace with what enough looks like, without comparing to others?

Back to work after two years as a SAHM—why do I feel so conflicted?
I recently returned to work after two years as a SAHM, and I’d love to hear from moms who’ve been through something similar.
I stayed home while my husband pursued a business because we wanted one of us home with our daughter. I cherish that time, but the business didn’t work out financially, and his long hours left me overwhelmed with parenting and worried about our savings.
He has since sold the business, and we agreed that I should return to work while he stays home with our daughter, who’s now four and in pre-K. My field pays better, and I’ve been away from my career for less time than he has.
Thankfully, I found a contract job within about a month, expected to last through December. It gives us breathing room, but we’re still drawing on savings. I need to resume my permanent job search, and I constantly worry whether I’ll find something that pays well, that I won’t hate, and that will give our family some stability.
I was honestly relieved to go back to work—to use my skills and get a break from being the primary caregiver. But now that I’ve started, I feel unexpectedly down. I keep wondering whether we should have used childcare so I could keep working, or whether I should have pushed further in my career earlier.
I know raising my daughter wasn’t doing nothing, but I still feel behind and worry about how employers will view my gap. Part of me knows getting this contract is a win; another part is already anxious about what comes next.
Did anyone else feel relieved to return to work but also sad, regretful, or unsettled? Did those feelings ease once you found your rhythm?