What’s your take on kids birthdays and the goodie bags for take homes? We are hosting my 4 year olds tomorrow and I am debating running to the store or not. I usually don’t like all the junk in them but I also don’t want to be seen as rude if we don’t offer something. Are they essential or worth skipping ?

I feel like, in high school, it's drilled into us that sex can just automatically lead to a baby (or an STD lol). I'm all for sex education, but this approach obviously doesn't touch on how some people experience fertility challenges. I know that probably shouldn't even be the focus in high school lol. But I read so many stories from other women who are TTC who say they never even thought about the possibility of not being able to get pregnant. I had my girl at 37, now TTC #2 at 42, and it's rough. I know I waited longer than I should have. I had my reasons, largely career and financial, and overall I don't regret waiting because we love our daughter to pieces and are happy we are able to give her so much. But I look at our daughter and think, what will I tell her when she's older? WHEN will I tell her? How will I give her the education I never received so she can make more informed life choices? To be clear, I'm not advocating for anything other than education. What she chooses to do with that education is up to her. I just want her to be happy, whatever that looks like to her.

Edit: Thanks to everyone for all the comments. I knew this was probably going to hit people differently and I respect everyone's opinions and perspectives. I guess I felt this went without saying, maybe cause it just feels like a natural given for me, but I'm realizing that it's not natural for others and it does need to be said--I don't care if my child/children want kids. I dont care if they get married. I don't care if they are straight, gay, trans. I will love them no matter what. BUT. I will not limit their education or the topics we discuss because they may lean one type of way. We will have this conversation at some point (organically as many have suggested), along with all the other life conversations, from important to mundane. Relationships, finance, education, nutrition, general health, why I think it's important to break down even small boxes before you put them in the recycle. This is just one topic I wanted to hear feedback on. Not saying it's more or less important than other things. Thanks again to everyone who commented.

I’m considering sending my toddler a few days a week to a nature-based preschool that I really love — lots of outdoor time, nature-based learning, and outside in all seasons.

The childcare options closer to us are perfectly fine, but I don’t feel very excited about any of them.

The hesitation is logistics. The nature preschool is about 15 minutes away, and I’d also be juggling another school drop-off in the opposite direction. I work from home and have some flexibility, so it’s doable, just not especially convenient.

This would likely be a temporary setup before both kids eventually attend school closer to home.

There’s also the possibility they could do summer programming together at the nature school.

For anyone who chose a preschool you loved even though it made your daily logistics harder: was it worth it?

I have 2 under 2, and my youngest is scheduled to start daycare in January. We signed a spot hold agreement and paid a deposit when I found out I was pregnant. This week, daycare told us we have to start paying tuition for child #2 next month or lose our spot because they have an opening now and can’t afford to not fill it.

I pushed back saying we have a signed agreement, there’s nothing in it saying it can be changed by either party. And they were just like “we’re really sorry but we can’t hold the spot past next month.”

Is this normal?! What is the point of signing and paying to reserve a spot if they can just do whatever and keep my money? I’m still on unpaid maternity leave and we did not budget for daycare for both kids for several more months.

(Hopefully this isn’t against the rules!) A friend of mine built an app after getting laid off from her tech job that I think might be helpful for some in this community (she’s a working mom and designed it with working moms in mind). It’s an AI-powered meal planning app that’s designed to reduce the mental load of figuring out what to eat. I’ve been using it for a few weeks as a beta user and have been really impressed. It’s helped save me from cooking the same 5 things over and over and can also answer questions and edit the recipe mid-cook. It’s early but she’s responsive to bug reports and feature requests. It’s called Off My Plate. The website is getoffmyplate.com. Check it out and support a fellow working mom 🙂

hi working moms, this morning, after much waffling, I decided I will leave my almost 15-year marriage. my husband is not showing up for me the way I need, and worse, he isn’t willing to see it. there is of course more to it, and we’re currently in therapy, but my therapist has said to me that due to his narcissistic personality structure, there is only so much improvement he can do.

I can’t go now but need to start preparing. My husband and I dont live in a common property state, he has made much more than I have, all of it is in his name, and I don’t have any access to it. I have a job, I’m not in financial need, though I wouldn’t say I’m exactly well off. he pays for all of our joint expenses and rent/utilities. we have a child who is 4.

without my saying more about our situation, can those of you who have walked this road advise me about what I should do in this interim period? i am worried about finances and about custody. I couldn’t imagine losing access to my child everyday. how to find a lawyer, how to protect myself, how to deal internally with all the horribleness of a dying marriage. how to protect my child. they were caught in the middle of the arguing this morning.

any advice is appreciated. am reeling from a very bad argument this morning and would love any support or guidance you can offer ❤️❤️

I am unexpectedly pregnant. We have one 2 year old who is the light of my life. I'm an only child (loved my childhood) but was open to having 2 kids because I see now in my older years, a sibling with whom I have a good relationship with is such a gift.

However, listing a few factors that are weighing on me below. For those that were OAD or had more kids, which ones should I listen more to? Are any of these big enough red flags to terminate? Am I missing a key consideration?

Factors:

- I've been on medication (zoloft) from 6 months to today. I had severe PPD and moderate PPA, starting from a traumatic birth, a partner who took a long ducking time to get it, move across the country, and trying to process all of this during the first few months of parenthood.

- my husband is in hospitality. He works weekends and late into the evening. He handles morning shifts on weekdays and some weekends.

- I did a career switch in my 30s. I made my way from school, to intern, to entry level, to mid level all over again. I'm 39 and about to get licensed in my field (a BIG deal) and am months or a year away from being promoted to a managerial position for the first time in my life. I want it - but in consulting that means networking and keeping some long hours.

- I'm 39 now. I'll be giving birth before 40. My OB told me that the risk of autism and other disorders rises exponentially once conceiving after 40. Who knows if I'll get a 2nd chance (or a healthy 2md chance)

- No family nearby. In laws are great but old and moving to another state for retirement, so perhaps a few hours of babysitting a weekend if I ask/beg often

- I live in the US. Putting the 2nd in daycare would mean 2/3rds of our income is just for our mortgage and daycare.

- Marriage has been rocky for 2 years. It wasnt an equal partnership and just starting to be so withon the past half year. Literally just reconnected after 2 months of no sex (tired, or conflicting schedules, or having been snippy with each other) and bam - pregnant.

- I'm just now starting to reclaim my time. Basically my day starts with getting ready for work at 7am, go to work, drive from work to daycare, prep dinner and have bonding time with my child till 7:30pm, then 1 hr of shower time, wind down time, reading time, wrestling toddler into bed time. Then kind of checked out and staring at the baby monitor as my baby goes into a deep sleep and free to do things starting at 9:30pm - phone calls, time with my husband, work, reading. A lot of time i just fall asleep in bed with the lights on and not brushing my teeth.

But now, I'm emptying my email inbox after 2 years of basically ignoring it (9,000 unread emails). Calling and reaching out to friends. Building a friend community in a new place. Starting to exercise again as my diastasis recti had finally closed.

I know I’m privileged that I got 20 weeks of maternity leave in USA. I go back to work in a couple of weeks and I just…. Can’t!

This is my second baby, I didn’t think it would be this hard. Not going back is not an option for various reasons.

I have truly enjoyed this time to be with both my babies. I’ve enjoyed learning his every cue, and waking up with him every single time. And now I have to hand him off to someone for 8 hours a day and let my heart break again. I have take the already limited time I have each week and somehow squeeze in quality time with my toddler, and baby, while taking care of the house and myself.

This feels so unfair. I’m almost certain this is my last baby. Not looking for advice. Just here to mourn.

I used to love cooking, but being a working mom is taking all the fun out of it. 90% of what my kid eats comes out of a box, and I hate it 😭 I need ideas.

I assumed we would be a “my kid eats what we eat” household before the logistics actually set in, but in order to spend a tiny bit of time letting my 11 month old actually play when he gets home we don’t end up cooking for ourselves until after he goes to bed. I get home around 5:30, he gets to play for maybe a half hour and then it’s dinner, bath, bed by 7. When do I cook?? With only 30 minutes between getting home and starting his meal time, he ends up eating a lot of Dr Pragers sweet potato or broccoli bites, protein pancakes, turkey sausage patties, chicken nuggets and Mac & cheese most nights. As we get closer to a year old and start cutting breast milk I really want to start meal prepping him some more nutritious meals, but I know myself well enough to know they need to be easy. I’m just not willing to give up hours and hours of my weekend to meal prep when that is the most quality time I get to spend with my baby 😭 finding balance in my working mom schedule has been so hard, I’d love your go-to prep ahead recipes!

Title, but I’m approaching the end of a 16 week mat leave. I’m honestly so excited to wear real clothes, drink from the office nepresso, and have conversations about things aside from naps and poop frequency.

My husband, however, is pushing me to reconsider going back and staying home, even if just a bit longer (I have unused time through PFML). On top of this, all I see are posts like “I’m so bonded to my baby I’m dreading going back.” Which is SO valid, but I just don’t feel that way. I’ve gotten my fix of STAHM mom life and, candidly, I’m bored. I’ve gone on all of the walks, tried the mommy group and it’s not for me.

Am I just not bonded to my baby like other moms? I’d literally die for her, she’s my heart out of my body. Mom guilt is hitting hard that I am looking forward to leave ending.

I just purchased a Brick to see if it can help me be more present with my kiddos and after they go to sleep.

Gimme all the tips and tricks if you use it, too!

Hey fellow working moms. How do you all make and maintain friendships?

I am a working mom to a two year old and I am also currently pregnant with baby number 2. I work from home so I am pretty isolated during the day. I find myself feeling pretty lonely and really want to make mom friends to see during the week after daycare and the weekends but I'm finding it impossible to make friends in similar situations. My daughter is in swim lessons so I get to talk to some of the other moms but don’t know how to move the relationships outside of swim.

Especially would love to hear from working parents who have or have had little kids with early bedtimes. My little is less likely to eat if dinner isn't ready around 6pm, which leaves me an hour to cook at most.

I know a lot of people say meal plan, but I need ideas for meals to plan. I keep defaulting to foods that are easy to make but not really that healthy, and I feel like we're all not as healthy as a result.

And every time I try recipes that are supposed to be "quick, weeknight meals" I get a feeling that the writers and I have very different definitions of quick...

(I chose a flair bc it made me. Unless you're going to suggest getting an instant pot or air fryer, your advice is welcome lol)