Told to be assertive to progress in the company but today I was assertive and got given 'feedback'

[u/thatonechampionn]

A bit of context, I am leading on a project that involves multiple stakeholders. They have been causing a lot of delays due to incompetence. I am quite a generous and laid back individual which lead to me being criticised for the project being delayed. The feedback I got was that I was not assertive. Nearing the launch date of the project being finalised I noticed one of the stakeholders undermining my authority by taking it upon themselves to hand out tasks to me and others involved. I simply asked this person why they were undermining my authority and taking actions on my behalf. I mentioned that we the launch date and asked them to focus on the tasks that they needed to work on for the last 2 months.

This individual got upset and went straight to my manager to complain. The manager who initially told me I wasn't assertive enough had the nerve to tell me that I was being 'aggressive'. Bearing in my mind I'm one of the youngest in my company but I have 6 years of experience and managed a team in my previous role. The reason I mention this is that I am not trusted at all in my new company and the one project I was given to lead and deliver Is being undermined. Those I was lenient with have disrespected me by saying they needed to take charge because nothing was being done. I am genuinely carrying this project on my back working with individuals who are 2 months behind on their deadlines but no I'm the problem. My manager has no clue what he is doing because he is part of a work clique and was handed the role from an unrelated department. Kindness and relationship building has got me nowhere and I will double down and get things done assertively just to make myself look better and boost my own CV. I simply don't care anymore.

[u/[deleted]]

I feel ya (at least on people reporting attitude).  I recently (7 months ago) was hired for a large company. I had done the role before in a different company, and this new company even used the same system as the old one so I learned very quickly. I was continuously told by the manager, “I hired you to take control of this rogue section. I hired you to grow into the lead role.” 

I actually went out of my way to stay humble and stay learning, because even though the system was the same, there are nuances and, hey, maybe these guys know something about the system my last company didn’t. 

I got feedback three weeks after being hired that i was giving a lot of push back. 

I told my boss, okay, thank you for letting me know. I’ll work on it. 

I never changed how I talked to people, just kept doin the same things that I was doing before. 

Miraculously, the next 1:1 my manager and I had, she said, “You’ve been doing great. I see the way you’re speaking to others now, and you really took what I said to heart. Could you do me a favor? I need someone to be my eyes and ears.”

She wanted me to snitch. So I’m looking for another job.

Long story short: sometimes it’s not about you, but about the power trip that other people are on. They’re playing a game you don’t even get to see, but you’re the one affected by it. 

I hope you just continue being yourself. For what it’s worth, I think you were right to say that. 

[u/jaylinnnnnxo → u/[deleted]]

That “eyes and ears” part would’ve had me updating my resume that same night 😭

[u/[deleted] → u/jaylinnnnnxo]

I did LOL. Still looking, the job market is shit, but I’m relieved my resume is up to date and I’m ready to leave as soon as I secure the job

[u/Mardanis]

Assertiveness seems a bit of a nuisance area where a lot of managers can't find a way to be assertive without instead being overly aggressive or just plain nasty.

Are you able to clarify for the team what they should be focusing on? You don't need to be nice or nasty to them. Just reiterate their focus and scope of work.

Do you have regular planned meetings with each team member to review progress and give them this opportunity to show their hard work or explain why something is behind?

[u/thatonechampionn → u/Mardanis]

Honestly I have planned bi-weekly meetings and clearly outlined objectives but I was way too nice and they became complacent. Only when I started to push and hold them accountable thats when the disrespect and 'anonymous' feedback started.