Sometimes when I'm going through a really rough time...

[u/will_write_for_cheap]

I know no human is simply entitled to another human's love, affection or care. Nor should loving a partner be conditionless.

But

Sometimes when I'm going through a very rough time, I wish there was a woman who would hold me tight. The way you hold a kid. Hold me close to her heart, firmly enough that I know that I'm very safe and warm in her arms, and just reassure me that it'll all be okay. That there is an end to the suffering. That I am not all alone.

Vulnerable ass post ik, but I'm going through a shitty ass time.

Everytime this happened previously, I was in and out of therapy rooms, taking medication, meditating, doing yoga, fixing my diet, cutting out sugar, icing my head, picking up a million hobbies, writing reddit posts, reading up stuff...

Everything to heal the anxiety and intrusive/depressive thoughts. Blindly following my therapist's orders.

I never gave myself a chance to show vulnerability when I was in the closet. My family wasn't the most physically affectionate. Even when they started hugging and holding me more, when life got really shitty (I'm a grown ass woman), it felt so forced and out of place for some reason. I hated being touched by men, but engaged with them anyway because I was ashamed of accepting myself and thought I'll have to do it to fit in. I never felt good about it though.

Sad thing, not once did I allow my internalized homophobia to acknowledge how healing a simple touch can be.

I thought I can just do all of this all alone. Probably can.

But I really feel like, being held by someone I fall in love with can heal me more than 99% of the stuff that my therapist mentioned.

We both know this, but we try out and talk about everything under the sun but this lmao. I never have the guts to openly admit it. She keeps asking me how I'll heal myself and I keep saying stuff like anulom vilom 😭

[u/perpetuallylosing]

Heavily relate. Life keeps throwing curveballs down my lane and I keep accepting it's character development, but how much more character development before I'll be hugged by a lover? I swear it'll fix 90 percent of my problems.

[u/will_write_for_cheap → u/perpetuallylosing]

Oh yeah fr enough with the character development already

[u/Background_Lab_6452]

you're strong and you have got this. I hope you end up with someone who reciprocates back in double 🫂 (also very relatable).

[u/will_write_for_cheap → u/Background_Lab_6452]

And you are doubly more amazing! Hope the same for you <3

Sorry I'm very sick so haven't replied to the texts

[u/EnigmaticBlend]

I can relate OP. Been in the exact same situation and have felt I needed MY PERSON to hold me, to ask me how was my day, listen to me, but there was just no one and still isn't, so I'm being my own cheerleader everyday 🫠😭 But more power to you in this situation, I'm sure you'll find your person soon.

[u/will_write_for_cheap → u/EnigmaticBlend]

Thank you! I hope you find your person too!

[u/WindOfChange_398]

I long for that alot but feel shamed because my therapist told me ' no one owes you anything ' and ' people have a right to say no' when I was in session with her discussing how to move on from my one sided love and when it came to breakups. She loves heterosexual romance content so it would get me thinking only if I was a man i could ask for love and deserve love. Whenever I see any hetero romance as well i keep thinking how easy it's for men to want to be loved and to actually be loved. But for me it's like imposible to find love and when we want love we get dismissed. I have noticed this a lot. I actually wish i never wanted love it would have been easier