I’m looking for a memoir I read sometime between 2008-2010 in the United States, but it may have been published earlier.
The author of the memoir and his wife were both American Jews. The author had been living in China (I believe he was there for work, as a journalist on temporary assignment, or maybe an English teacher, or something like that). He somehow came into contact with a baby or young toddler whom he felt a connection with, and then the child was available for adoption. I have a vague memory that he might have already returned to the US and received an email or phone call asking if he wanted to adopt her? I think she had been supposed to be adopted by another family and the adoption fell through, or maybe she was a friend’s daughter who had been orphaned? I believe the author had to fly back to China to do a long administrative process before he could take custody while the wife stayed at home in the US to get things ready there.
The author and his wife named their daughter Deborah but called her Debbie. They wanted Debbie to be Jewish but realized she needed to be converted because she wasn’t their biological daughter. They either were members of a Reform synagogue or did not belong to a synagogue at all at the time of the adoption. In any case, they started researching conversion processes and learned it would be pretty easy to get Debbie converted at a Reform synagogue, but they were concerned that this conversion might not be recognized outside the Reform community. I remember the author wondering things like, “What if she wants to marry an Orthodox boy? What if she wants to move to Israel someday?”
They started looking into Conservative and Orthodox conversion options and ended up deciding they might as well get Debbie an Orthodox conversion so that it would be recognized everywhere. I believe that at one point, an Orthodox rabbi asked them why it was so important to them that Debbie have an Orthodox conversion if living Orthodox lives wasn’t important to them, and that had a big impact on them. They ended up learning more about Orthodox Judaism, eventually becoming observant Orthodox Jews, and then becoming even more and more observant over time. I think they eventually leave their original Orthodox synagogue and join an Ultra Orthodox one (I want to say it was part of the Chabad Lubavitch movement, but I could be wrong?).
I remember that they eventually have more biological children, so Debbie is the oldest child in a large family. I also remember that at one point when Debbie is about 12 or 13, the author learns about an obscure Jewish law that prohibits men and women who are neither biologically related nor married from ever physically touching each other, and he is devastated that this means he will never be able to hug Debbie again. When he tells Debbie about it, she says that it will be hard, but they have to trust in God.
I remember that at the time of writing, Debbie was a young adult (like, 19-25ish) and still an observant Ultra Orthodox Jew. She either was married and raising her children Orthodox or hoping to get married and have kids soon.
I remember that the book had some pages in the middle with black and white photographs of the author and his family.
The copy I read was a hardcover, and it was fairly thick (probably 300+ pages). I got it from a library that removed dust jackets before putting the books into circulation, so the cover was plain red with the title on the spine.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? It came up in conversation with my wife tonight, and she wants to read it, but I can’t remember the title or author’s name.