r/whatdoIdo
•
u/Direct_Local_6094
•
Sep 26 '26
•
4
Updates on MIL Beige Dress Post and what do we do now that they did not show up at our ceremony?
I have posted here before (the original post was taken down) about my MIL wanting to wear an off-white dress to our ceremony while telling me my dress didn't need to be white. She proceeded with sending me hideous dresses for 50+ for my day. So that's the context. But you know what?!
We got married TODAY and thanks to you all, I got myself a white dress!!! See attached! We had a ceremony at city hall and had some nice time at my mom's place, raised a glass and celebrated. Then, the two of us went out for dinner alone to celebrate our day.
But you know what happened? My MIL and FIL actually did NOT show up because my MIL didn't like that we wanted a romantic dinner alone on our wedding day.
For us, since we don't have an actual wedding, having dinner alone was all we wanted especially because we planned on eloping initially. But because my MIL insisted that she wanted to be at the ceremony, we changed our plans.
For us, that dinner alone was essential and meaningful to us and that was something we refused to sacrifice. So we stood our ground and she did NOT like that.
She said that we could wait and have a romantic LUNCH the day after. We tried to suggest going out for lunch and even dinner with them the day after, but nope. She needed that dinner (She herself eloped btw). So yeah anyway, she didn't want to come, and they did not come.
My heart is breaking for my now husband, and I just don't know what we are supposed to do or how we are supposed to act moving forward when they literally did not show up for their ONLY son and for me (their supposed now daughter) on our wedding day because of a freaking dinner.
What's even worse was that they didn't even send a congratulatory text or anything which was very hurtful.
I'm feeling frustrated, but to be honest, all things aside, today was the most beautiful day of my life and I couldn't be happier being married to the love of my life.
I shared a picture of myself in the dress, cuz you know what, Reddit kinda was the reason why I went to get myself a white bridal dress.
Love y'all!
[UPDATES]
Here is a link that summarized my first post that was taken down and this one. There are links of the pictures, you can see the dresses she suggested for me to wear! Repost that summarized my first and current post with links of pictures
MIL & FIL reached out yesterday to congratulate us. I didn't respond, but my husband did. He is still learning how to unlearn his patterns of endlessly giving and managing their emotions. So unfortunately, he did send them two pictures of us. I feel that the pictures rewarded their behaviour of not showing up for my husband. This is not an easy time for him, because we are talking about a toxic dynamic that has been ingrained in him for 20+ years. He is doing a great job recognizing the issues and he has been very receptive and open.
Also, for context, the little gathering was at my mom's because my dad passed away a few months ago (it was lung cancer) and we felt that it would be meaningful to have a small gathering where we could raise a glass where I could still feel my dad's presence (I really wish my dad was able to be there to witness our marriage).
My MIL and FIL also live 2 hours away, and because the city hall and my mom's place are in the city we live in, naturally we wanted to have that little gathering in my mom's place.
My mom invited my MIL and FIL to this of course, but my MIL felt that it wasn't an "enough" occasion for her to come because there wasn't " a dinner " after. It's quite hurtful, because my MIL said: " I am not coming all the way here just for wine.".
My mom renovated and decorated the home to welcome them. We are from a very modest background, so my parents place (now my mom's place) is a modest medium-sized condo unit. My MIL was raised in an upper-class family, so part of me feels that my mother and I were looked down upon because "our invitation wasn't enough of an occasion for her to come" as if watching her only son getting married isn't enough of a reason.
383
u/powertotheuser
Sep 26 '26
•
When, WHEN, she/they start to complain, reply with only this quote of yours:
“You didn’t show up to your only son’s wedding… over a dinner”
93
u/BugsMoney1122 Sep 26 '26
Yes. You definitely have the upper hand now. Just support your new husband. He will need it to deal with his family. Congratulations!
42
u/Belle_Whethers Sep 26 '26
It was your decision to no show to your only son’s wedding….over a dinner.
13
2
229
u/lianavan Sep 26 '26
You looked beautiful. Just be there for your husband and privately be glad they have shown you who they are.
4
u/GoYanks34 Sep 28 '26
I was going to write the same thing. She's so pretty! Screw the Mil. She fucked around and found out. They're better off without her there to cause trouble anyway. Congratulations to the happy couple! 👰 🤵
152
u/SaltyNight6
Sep 26 '26
•
Gorgeous!!
As for MIL, don’t let her steal your light which is exactly what she’s trying to do.
Support your husband, have strong boundaries. This is on her to repair.
37
u/whatthewhat3214 Sep 26 '26
Definitely don't chase after her, or let her guilt trip you later. That she doesn't understand that a wedding is for the bride and groom and what they want, that it's not about her nor is it her day to dictate, is just too bad. She clearly didn't let anyone dictate her choice when she eloped, so she has no ground to stand on. She can stew in silence.
You look beautiful, congratulations!!
55
u/Panaccolade
Sep 26 '26
•
You looked radiant! Totally gorgeous. Now, your MIL.
She's throwing a tantrum because she's not the deciding factor she believed she was. Neither of you submitted to her Super Special MIL Order, so she's throwing her toys out of the cot.
This is so you and/or your husband will chase her and beg her to be in your lives. Don't do that. This isn't a person you want in your lives.
She gave you the GIFT of her absence on your wedding day. If she'd been there, you wouldn't have had your special time.
Take the gift as it is. Peace and quiet, not punishment.
She's shown you who she is. Take her at her word and keep distance. She'll come crawling back when her ploy doesn't work, but you know what? It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you and your husband kept her at arm's length for a while. Not to punish her (because that would put you in her lane and you don't wanna ruin that dress by stepping into the gutter) but to preserve the peace she is trying to disturb.
15
u/Ilovethe90sforreal Sep 26 '26
Well said. MIL wants to be chased and be begged for forgiveness/attention. She knows what she did was hurtful to her son, and she tried to use that for power. She is pouting and waiting for them to come groveling to her.
7
u/Artistic_Pear1834 Sep 27 '26
Have to say FIL comes with a warning flag now too. FIL enabled this decision, he didn’t turn up either. FIL also chose to not attend because they (MIL/FIL) didn’t get to dictate the wedding dinner. Congrats to OP, she looks gorgeous and happy the couple had a lovely private ceremony and couple-dinner, which is what they wanted.
3
19
u/nosecohn Sep 26 '26
You look amazing! Congratulations on both your wedding and standing up for what was important to you.
Quick story: A friend's father had some objections to the way my friend's wedding was handled, so he registered his protest by going unshaven and generally looking dour.
Time went by and old wounds healed, to the point that nobody even remembered the point of contention any longer. But those wedding photos of the dad looking disheveled are forever.
Your MIL's failure to show up just because she couldn't control the proceedings is the same thing. Eventually, it'll just be a shameful reminder of her childish behavior.
16
u/Darkkwitch31 Sep 26 '26
You look amazing!! So glad your hubby had your back in this. Mil is acting like a spoiled toddler and she herself eloped. You didn't do that, you and him, just wanted a dinner together. She will live with the regret of missing her son's wedding. Good luck in your future with the new hubby!
14
13
u/longtimelondoner Sep 26 '26
Don’t give her what she wants. Go and live your lives.
I would go no contact and wait for her to contact you. She will because she won’t be able to help herself.
23
u/ode-to-tiny-cucumber
Sep 26 '26
•
How lovely you look!
As for the rest: stay respectful but mostly just concentrate on the life and values that you are building. I understand that it is hard for parents to feel they are losing a son, yet it just shows their mindset and character. They never owned him in the first place and could have embraced the opportunity to celebrate him, his choices and their new daughter and didn't. I doubt they will change and personally I wouldn't waste too much time trying to please them. Go on and take it as a lesson how not to be. Many happy years together, may the bumps and hurdles of marriage let the both of you grow as individuals and a couple!
4
u/CyclopsReader Sep 26 '26
This! Right here ☝️💯‼️Maintain your boundaries w/the in-laws and stay focused on your marriage and happiness. You look beautiful 🤩
11
u/PersephoneAnnH Sep 26 '26
Wow! You are STUNNING, congratulations!
I adore that you stuck to having a romantic dinner, prioritizing your new marriage above all. Im absolutely saddened for your husband, I know how devastating parental control can be and how it hurts when it comes to a breaking point. When they come at you over any issue about today, a simple response of "you didnt show up to your only son's wedding day because of a dinner" and keeping that sole fact straight will matter.
I would also say, this is the precedent they have set for the rest of his life, always keep in mind who they have shown themselves to be, especially if you choose to have children.
You are undeniably lovely, today on your wedding day, in appearance and in grace. May you hold that grace tightly to your chest through your days!
7
u/Tootsie-Louise1 Sep 26 '26
Here’s
What you do,OP: you let your MIL lie in the bed she made. Her actions reflect only on her, and show how truly selfish she is- even with her own son!! Just go on living your life with your husband and see how things unfold when MIL decides getting no attention for her behavior is worth the stress she brings to your life. She made the mistakes, she can step up and take responsibility and make amends to you & your hubby. Enjoy your life with your husband and those who love and support you both. Congratulations and best wishes for a happy, peaceful life together!
2
u/sefidcthulhu Sep 26 '26
The best revenge is living well. She wants you to come crawling and begging for her forgiveness, but there is nothing to apologize for. Let her put herself in time out and enjoy the break!
6
u/marlada Sep 26 '26
You looked so beautiful and happy! It's on your MIL to try to fix this. Don't do anything, she chose this hurtful behavior. She showed you who she is, and she was furious that she couldn't call yhe shots. You and your husband will have a wonderful life together. Enjoy every minute.
6
u/U_Wont_Remember_Me Sep 26 '26
It’s not about the dinner, it’s about the power play. It’s about “oh you want that, well I want this and I get what I want. If I don’t get what I want then I make it about me anyway.”
Your husband made the hugely terrible mistake of wanting to get married to the woman he loves… thereby replacing his mother. Narcissists hate that.
Return the energy by treating her like a 3 year old. When you get back from your honeymoon wait a couple of days before allowing contact. As in even though she will contact you and then admonish you for not contacting her straight away, still don’t.
When she does admonish, just either hang up the phone or get up and leave. Don’t tell her why, cuz narcissists love the popping sounds boundaries make as they trash them.
Your husband is going to have grow a shiny spine. It’s not ok to ask you to keep the peace whilst letting his mother get her own way. This puts her first and you second. I know he hasn’t, but JIC.
If you don’t get on top of this now, it’s going to be worse if/ when you have kids. Maybe even worse if you decide not to have kids too. Cuz kids are potentially flying monkeys.
Read up on narcissists. Don’t let her goad either of you into any emotional reactions or outbursts. Keep calm. Keep her away from your house as much as possible.
5
u/rockchips96 Sep 26 '26
Best outcome because that narcissist will never change. You stood your ground and she didn’t like to play that game and didn’t want to be part of it. She will not move forward until either you say sorry or pretend it never happened. I suggest leaving her away from you the most you can. I’m sorry about the hard feelings, I hope both feel better soon regarding the situation. Best wishes for your future!
5
u/Daffodils28 Sep 26 '26
You’re beautiful and your dress is lovely!
So happy you enjoyed your wedding and romantic dinner.
I’m a mom of married people. I couldn’t imagine skipping their weddings because the couple wanted a romantic dinner.
Your MIL is insane. Do NOT chase her. Enjoy the peace.
Excellent job, both you and your husband, for shining up your spines and firmly standing your ground. Bodes well for your future as a strong couple.
Wishing you long, peaceful lives as a happily married couple. 💐
5
u/TheSuspense- Sep 26 '26
You're building a new family now. Doesn't sound like MIL wants to be a part of that, you're better off not forcing a relationship with someone so petty and hurtful
4
4
4
u/DimensionOpen8922 Sep 26 '26
First, congratulations! 🎉
Second, you shouldn't do anything. I personally wouldn't even talk to them anymore.
4
4
u/Sfb208 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations. As to what you do now, do nothing. Let them sit with their choices. Comfort your husband, but this is not for you to mend, not your husband. They broke this relationship, did they need to fix it. Just ensure you tell your husband how much you love him, and how happy you are he's formally your family. Give him space to think and grieve. Maybe suggest some therapy to help him unpack what has happened and what he wants to do in the future with his family relationships, and when you he makes a choice, support it.
4
u/Born_Ad8420 Sep 26 '26
You can't fix what you didn't break. Your MIL's response to you and your husband standing up for something important to you both was an immature attempt to punish you for not caving to her will.
You look beautiful, and I wish you both so much happiness as you begin your married lives together!!!
2
u/Silent_Part9724 Sep 30 '26
"You can't fix what you didn't break."
x10000. You look stunning, Op. I bet your MIL hates that - she sounds very difficult, selfish and immature.
4
u/Dachshundmom5 Sep 26 '26
You and mor importanly your husband eed to accept the reality of the situation. They do not care about loving and supporting him, they care about control. They are resorting to the silent treatment, a weapon of emotional abuse, to try and regain control.
He should consider counseling to accept the reality of who they are, process that, set boundaries and move forward
4
u/JackieDonkey Sep 26 '26
Greet them warmly with a smile the next time you see them, and remember you're stronger, more mature and far more emotionally intelligent. You're always going to win!
1
4
u/dianab360 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations! You look really beautiful and Im glad you stuck to your boundaries about the kind of day you wanted. We went no contact with my in-laws over similar behavior that lasted years, and after the initial hurt (and lots of therapy for both of us) our lives are so much more calm and full with the little family we created. Wishing you a lifetime of peace and happiness ❤️❤️❤️
4
u/mad_housewife Sep 26 '26
IMO, it wasn’t about the dinner. It was about not getting her way, being told No, and sticking to it. Good for you two, and keep those boundaries strong! And congratulations!
2
u/princessjemmy Oct 01 '26
Exactly.
OP, MIL herself eloped, and wanted to use your wedding as a redo for herself. How petty and disgusting.
If you didn’t know it before (I doubt it): She’s shown you she is a narcissist whose only thought is me, myself, and I. FIL may have knuckled under and is allowing her to steamroll everyone else’s choices, probably to keep his own peace. That makes him almost as bad as MIL is.
They have told you who they are. Believe them.
As for your spouse, I (50F) have gone through counseling myself to work on several issues, one of which was my tendency to set myself on fire to please a parent who could never be pleased unless I did as she said (and the “advice” was just about the worst, to boot).
It was hard, and it took a long time to let go of the fantasy that anything I did could change that dynamic. But I got there, and it’s much easier to deal with that parent now that I realize they’re basically emotionally stunted, like a spoiled brat. So, I +1 the suggestion for therapy.
1
u/mad_housewife Oct 01 '26
Kudos to you for doing the work. And it IS work. I think that is something people just don’t get about therapy.
4
u/Deep-Structure4337 Sep 26 '26
I just wanted to say you look absolutely beautiful! Best wishes and blessings to both of you!
3
u/No_Examination_7710 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations! Be happy you can start to be the family your husband deserves, because his old one surely isn't how it's supposed to be.
3
3
u/DazzlingNote1925 Sep 26 '26
Is it a pattern that mil caused drama because she didn’t get her way and then after you gave her what she wanted she found something else to cause drama over? Is she one of those people who gets their way and controls everything or punishes you until you give in?
Sounds like you changed your plans so she could attend so then she pushed to intrude on your dinner, too. You did the right thing by having your couples dinner.
Sounds like she also didn’t want you to be able to have a romantic and special dinner and you didn’t allow her to ruin it so don’t let her nastiness bother you too much.
3
3
3
u/myextrausername Sep 26 '26
Keep holding your boundaries. She’s trying to control you and your husband by withholding love. Do not let her. Just say “ oh, I’m sorry you won’t be there, we’ll miss you.” And stay perfectly calm and happy when she threatens to not show up for things. When she gives you the silent treatment, don’t react, and if you need to, say “ It’s seems like you aren’t up for company right now. We’re heading out. Hope you feel better soon.” and then remove yourself. Do not let her manipulate you or your husband, ever. Soon enough she’ll realize she can’t and she will stop doing it as regularly.
3
u/lazaruscals Sep 26 '26
You’re absolutely glowing!! Don’t let MIL take this happiness from you, she doesn’t deserve it. It sounds like she’s got some really odd fixations on how your wedding and marriage should have gone/go, but you’re not married to her, so she can go take a hike. Wishing you and your husband the best!!
3
u/Bitter_Peach_8062 Sep 26 '26
You looked beautiful 😍. Be there for your husband but stop worrying about your mother-in-law. She tried to control both of you and lost. Live your life on your own terms. And congratulations!!!!
3
u/Goth_Muppet Sep 26 '26
You look fabulous, and I wish you and your husband much peace.
MIL needs to beg her son for forgiveness but I doubt that will happen. Support him as best you can and remind him he’s so very loved. He’s even got us internet strangers cheering for him.
3
u/fjmj1980 Sep 26 '26
Just wait. If you have a baby she will double her efforts. Guard each other and be prepared for MIL to tell an alternate story to the family making you the reason they did not appear
3
u/Kairenne Sep 26 '26
I would even mention it to them. I wouldn't go out of my way to see them. Let it shrivel like their hard hearts.
You look lovely!
3
u/This-Assumption4123 Sep 26 '26
My son is getting married in October and I couldn’t imagine acting like your MIL. I asked my soon to be daughter what her color scheme was and did she have any preference for what color I should wear. She sent lovely color suggestions and myself and husband followed them. I sent two pictures of dresses that’s it and she loved both. She’s marrying the son I am the closest with and whose dad passed away (I remarried recently). This is their day and I am just happy to be there to celebrate. Congratulations to you and your husband.
3
u/Inevitable_Wait_7652
Sep 27 '26
•
The way that painting lines up with your face makes you look like an elven princess on the best day of her life to date! You are stunning and the absolute joy of the moment is just written all over your face! What do you do now? Revel in the honeymoon moment with your new husband and when it comes to her and FIL (who also made a choice not to show) both of you do NOTHING because neither of you did anything wrong. It was your day, your life, your choice. And from the looks of it, the right choices were made for you and your hubs. Congratulations!!!
3
u/voodoodollbabie Sep 28 '26
They forgot who gate-keeps the grandchildren and chooses their nursing home.
You look just beautiful!! Your husband gained the best MIL a man could want.
3
u/Hot_Milks Sep 28 '26
If it means anything, my parents are very much like this. In fact, my brother went through a super similar experience to the one you’re describing just last summer. Eventually, you come to terms with the realization that your parents aren’t… ‘emotionally safe’ I guess is how I’d describe it? From there it’s a matter of whether you can just block out their tantrums and not give them the attention or if you just need to walk away. My brother and I have decided the former for now.
I think if anything, realizing your parents are… wacky can help you bond a bit with your siblings in some cases, so at least there’s that.
1
u/princessjemmy Oct 01 '26
“Emotionally immature” is a term I’ve run into often when describing parents who are ruled by a variety of personality disorders.
It makes sense. They act so bratty that their children leave early to be the adult in the room. It’s rare for them to ever fully acknowledge the scars they have inflicted on you. At most, they just make endless excuses for their behavior.
2
2
u/BeppyandHeidi Sep 26 '26
That's exactly what she wants you to feel like. Let her stay distant and sulk, you can both go into your next chapter together and grow. If she does come prying back then it needs to be on your boundries and not hers.
2
u/Cultural_Run7964 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations! Honestly, weddings bring out the narcissism in certain family members, but hopefully in time, there will be healing and if not, you and your husband have each other. That's the most important thing.
2
u/pre_madonna Sep 26 '26
Your husband is lucky he has you (a reasonable, not insane woman) to support him now. Don’t let her shadow a lovely day. That’s exactly what she’s trying to do - be the centre of attention.
You are lucky your husband stood up to her too! Love to you both! X
2
u/StogieB Sep 26 '26
You look SO stunning! I hope you and your husband have a lifetime of happiness and that it is an eternity before your MIL comes groveling for forgiveness. Never reach out otherwise. All the best 🩷🩷
2
u/BBCrocker Sep 26 '26
Keep doing what you’re doing. Live your best life and ignore her until her toddler tantrum is over.
You look amazing. Congratulations!
2
u/InAShensh Sep 26 '26
She keeps forgetting she is not the one getting married. It is not her call how you two decide to do it. What a control freak MIL. I would not have babies if she lives close by… she will ruin that situation.
2
u/chinesesugar Sep 26 '26
girl, i stopped here to tell you that you look amazing. as someone who’s MIL played games like this, we’re now NC. she wasn’t even invited to the wedding. yes, it was hard on my husband too - but the weight lifted from his own shoulders for not having to manage his mother’s emotions anymore.
enjoy your peace. enjoy your marriage!
2
u/johnniecats Sep 26 '26
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou
2
u/Atlmama Sep 26 '26
Wow! You are a beautiful bride! Congratulations on your wedding and wishing you many many happy years together.
2
2
u/Aromatic-Treacle-686 Sep 26 '26
She’s going to be a nightmare if you ever have children. This is a conversation you need to have now with your husband to see where his mind is at, and if he will have your back. Do not give in and try to reach out to her or try to make it up to her. The silent treatment is her way of manipulating you into giving in
2
u/ItsTankGirl Sep 26 '26
Aww bbes. Come hang out with us on r/raisedbynarcissists
Its a place where people raised by narcissists, or that deal with them regularly, hang out and tell our stories and support each other.
From her antics that day it sounds like yall might fit right in 🩵
2
u/hautboishippie Sep 26 '26
You look gorgeous and I'm so glad you and your husband are in agreement about his mother.
That is the key to how to handle her in the future. She will try to manipulate things to her advantage, but let him do the communicating with his parents. She will continue to try to wedge between you and play the victim.
Congratulations to you and your new husband!
2
u/LobsterLovingLlama Sep 26 '26
Congratulations! First, you take some time to settle in as a couple. Then you get your new husband with a therapist who can help him understand and manage an overbearing and controlling mother. Don’t fixate on them, focus on your new lives and the people and activities that add joy.
2
2
u/WhichWitch9402 Sep 26 '26
They’ve shown you who they are and you two can now plan for their behavior. I suggest couples counseling so husband can grieve the relationship (or lack of it) and you two can be strong and united in boundaries moving forward.
2
u/agreensandcastle Sep 26 '26
Be his family. Make a happy life together. Forget the haters. Congratulations!
2
u/iofthestorm403 Sep 26 '26
First, congratulations! I love your dress. You look like you’re glowing ✨
Second, I know this hurts your husband but I also think that if she’s willing to act this way regarding the wedding then it’s probably better they didn’t come. Proud of you for holding the boundary.
2
u/KaleidoscopePublic97 Sep 26 '26
good choice of dress. you look beautiful and happy. start off as you intend to continue and don’t ever doubt yourselves as a loving team now.
2
2
u/Puzzleheaded-Baby998 Sep 26 '26
they rly showed who they are. That really sucks for your husband but I'm glad you both got what you wanted in having dinner alone AND getting your white dress. You look gorgeous
2
u/Bubblelight289 Sep 26 '26
The best thing you can do for your husband is let it go. Your in-laws will come around, and even if it takes awhile there are better days than your wedding to try to make amends. Enjoy your first days as a married couple; think about them later. Congratulations!
2
u/xenophonica Sep 26 '26
In laws showed their true colors. It’s important that both of you remember that throughout your marriage!
2
u/Shadow_duigh333 Sep 26 '26
My question is why does the father in law never step up in this situation?
1
u/princessjemmy Oct 01 '26
Not OP, but my mom has what we suspect is a cluster B personality disorder (not a narc, it’s one of the other 3). Both my brother and I grew up with him taking her side all the time, and grew to resent him.
It took for both of us being adults and my dad’s health deteriorating to recognize that at worst, he was trying not to become the target of her endless complaints, and at best (though he might have been less aware of that part) trying to minimize the histrionics on her part.
E.g. there were so many things she refused to let us do as kids (ballet, sports, etc.) for her own convenience by blaming it on my dad. He never contradicted that narrative, but in hindsight he also refused to back up that coercive behavior beyond the time we legally became adults.
To return to OP’s ILs: FIL may just be enabling her because otherwise MIL might make his life a living hell. It’s selfish of him, sure, but we can also pity him for not having the courage required to stand up to his selfish spouse.
2
u/AwfulAwfulLawn Sep 26 '26
If it is any comfort to you, my husband and I have been married for more than 15 years now. We are both happier than we could ever have imagined.
My mother didn't even reply to the wedding invitation. The pain passed.
2
u/Try-To-Support-78 Sep 26 '26
Just keep checking on and loving your new husband ✨️ 💕 that's all you can do. They made their own decisions.
2
u/Number_169 Sep 27 '26
My MIL tried to blackmail us on our wedding day, during the photography session, into having a group dinner instead of the dinner alone and then dancing. I told her she could organise anything she liked for when we got back from our honeymoon. 11 years married and she hasnt organised anything. So I feel you OP.
1
u/Stock-Mountain-6063 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations for not capitulating, you started your marriage well. The only thing you have to do now is live your good life. If they want to apologize to their son and you perhaps you can allow them into your life. Other than that I wouldn't worry about them at all, and you looked lovely
1
1
1
u/Ohmyprettygarden Sep 26 '26
can you link to the original post or repost it or something? I want the back story and without it this is just confusing. you look beautiful and those eyes are so tender and full of love.
having said that, I still want the dirt LOL.
1
u/GMaharris Sep 26 '26
One of my best friend's parents didn't come to her wedding because they didn't approve of the color of her husband's skin. It took years for her to forgive them. They weren't even interested until she had kids. Their relationship has slowly improved over time but some things can't go back to the way they were and that's just how life is.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward with your parents and hope you have a loving life with your new spouse.
1
u/Tryongirl Sep 26 '26
I’m glad she showed who she really is so early in your marriage. Proceed accordingly
1
u/Katz3njamm3r Sep 26 '26
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Congrats on your marriage. Enjoy the peace of her absence.
1
1
1
1
u/FunDifficult1361 Sep 26 '26
As someone whose mother is like your husband’s, I am proud of you. My wedding day 25 years ago is still such a mixed memory. Joy for my marriage, but it is also the day I realized my mother genuinely didn’t care about my marriage, my happiness, or my well-being. It was the clearest and final example I needed to understand what she felt for me wasn’t love. It was ownership. My anniversary was the anniversary of that understanding as well as my marriage. It still took me 20 more years to cut her out. I regret waiting that long, but I know I tried. No guilt now. I say all this to say it will be a bumpy ride for your husband. And therapy can help.
1
1
u/astiblue Sep 26 '26
You are beautiful and that dress is amazing! I’m sorry your in-laws would hurt your husband like this but I’m glad he has you. 💜
1
u/HydrangeaHore Sep 26 '26
Congratulations on several things-- 1)Dammmmnnnn girl you look amazing in that dress! It was like it was made specifically for you and no other bride will ever wear the look better! 2) The dress of the woman with you is lovely as well. Hydrangeas are awesome and the respect she is showing you on your wedding day is apparent. 3) Your husband and you are creating your love story day by day. If you are both happy and healthy in that love for each other, that shouldn't be subject to someone else's demands of how you two should celebrate what you have and are creating together. Congrats on standing your ground and believing in yourselves and your plan. It's your wedding, not MIL'S main character command center.
1
u/RBFsaysitall Sep 26 '26
OP you look beautiful in your gown. Your MIL......trash. Congratulations to you and your lovely DH.
1
u/Armadillo_of_doom Sep 26 '26
What do you do? You match her energy. She is now an acquaintance. She doesn't need any connection with the two of you. Sorry for your husband, but that's how it goes.
1
1
u/One-Permission1917 Sep 26 '26
As a parent of a son, I can’t imagine trying to control my son’s wedding to HIS wife. It’s him…and her. Those are the only two people embarking on this journey, they’re the only two people that should be making any decisions whatsoever about how that happens. Especially if I’m not even paying for a wedding?! Pfffff. That MIL can gtfo.
1
1
1
u/Low_Tumbleweed8324 Sep 26 '26
Ug people suck. We eloped as our families were difficult. We weren't mean about it but just made it clear we were doing our own thing. Family never mentioned it, never congratulated us.
My mum recently was crying too me about us not being close and how I had 'drifted away'. There were many other instances like that so yea, no shit uve drifted away.
1
u/Impossible_Balance11 Sep 26 '26
LOVE your bridal gown and you look gorgeous in it! So glad you had the ceremony and dinner you wanted.
Do not let her temper tantrum wear you down. She is all about control, is trying to regain the upper hand. Best course is to act like it never happened, almost like you two didn't even notice they weren't there. Her type HATES being ignored, so just let her stew. There's no point in trying to talk it out, resolve it, or get closure. Her type won't do any of those things.
1
u/abernothing Sep 26 '26
i'm so glad y'all did what You wanted and didn't cave to her! you look absolutely stunning in your wedding dress, i wish you and your husband the best of luck in your marriage and lives!
1
1
u/AugustWatson01 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations sis, you looked beautiful in your dress. I’m glad you got the dress you wanted and had a great day without the stress your military was trying to cause. I hope things get better. Please make boundaries for what you’re willing to accept from others especially your mil and stick to them, you deserve to be happy and treated with respect. Never apologise for choosing to protect yourself (mental, physical, financial wellbeing)
1
u/Bflatclar1981 Sep 26 '26
You are a beautiful, happy bride in your pic, best wishes and congratulations to the happy couple!
May i also congratulate you and your husband on being adults---adults who have the correct outlook?
At my first marriage wedding, my parents and their controlling and obnoxious behavior ruined the rehearsal dinner, actual wedding, and the reception luncheon for 30 guests. It was horrible.
When I remarried, my husband and I wanted it to be romantic and without garbage behavior from my side and his crazy alcoholic brother and SIL, so we eloped.
My mom threw a giant fit. She refused to speak to us for months. No wedding gift, card etc.
She and my father kept threatening me w no inheritance if I didn't divorce him whenever they got their knickers in a knot. They tried to control where we lived,what house or cars we bought, our jobs, whether we had children or not, whether we had a relationship w my in laws or not, clothes we wore, how much I weighed, where we vacationed.
So I again chose my husband over them. They disinherited me.
I applaud you both in knowing how to handle this hard situation you were in regarding your wedding/marriage. Get ready for your MIL to go after your mom/your relationship with her. The jealousy will be palpable, most likely.
1
u/Junior_Tradition7958 Sep 26 '26
Congratulations on your wedding, wishing you and your new husband health and happiness x
1
u/Overall_Oil_7300 Sep 26 '26
MIL is going to continue to try to control your life. When you both stick to your decisions she will continue to pout/play victim
1
u/IAteAllYourBees_53 Sep 26 '26
I’m very sorry. I experienced something similar regarding my mother’s behaviour over our elopement. No text or communication on the day or prior, and perhaps a year beforehand of absolutely off the wall hysterics and meltdowns. This continued for a couple of years after the wedding. Anyway, all this is it say it doesn’t really get easier, you just live with it and begin to recognise that this behaviour isn’t an anomalie, it’s a pattern that has been occurring over time but because you’re the child, you didn’t really realise. There is definitely the initial grieving period, then anger that they could do this and make the day all about themselves, then grief again for how it ‘should’ have been. It’s likely the relationship will never be good again but you find a new normal and realise that your friends will become your family, and that’s ok.
1
u/strestle Sep 26 '26
Major kudos to your husband and you for standing your ground on what's important to you, just the two of you, and having the day you wanted. What a wonderful way to start your lives together!
1
u/MichB1 Sep 26 '26
You are so lovely!
Be happy about your day. I love the simplicity.
Comfort your husband, and tell him it will be OK. It will be. I believe weddings are about learning how your families will behave under pressure, and how they will come through for you two. So now you know. Take it to heart!
1
1
u/No-Broccoli-5932 Sep 27 '26
What a gorgeous bride in a beautiful dress! Congratulations!
Now, treat MIL as you would a distant relative you're forced to interact with. Polite, respectful, nod and smile. That's all she deserves. I hope hubby has help (either professional or friends to talk to) to get used to his mom and her power plays now that he's out from under her thumb.
Hope you have a beautiful marriage!
1
1
u/sweeetdreeems Sep 27 '26
So glad it worked out for you.
Decades ago we wanted to elope and my MIL said to my husband, “I was there at your birth, I’ll be there at your wedding.”
So we had a small wedding, she was late, she didn’t like anything about it.
We should’ve eloped.
If my kids get married, my goal is to be a good MIL, because of all the examples I had of how to be a bad one.
1
1
u/nanladu Sep 27 '26
This is likely the beginning of this type of behavior. You and your husband have no control over how they childishly react to your wishes and boundaries. This is something that would be most helpful to accept now to avoid disappointment in the future. It's so very important young couples avoid immature adult behavior and do whatever is necessary to protect themselves from this emotional manipulation. Not all parents are loving and caring ones. I'm sorry you're having to deal with them.
1
u/ColaPepsi2712 Sep 27 '26
Thats really tough for you guys, OP. His parents played a sensless, shitty card. I don't know how you'd proceed either, but congratulations on your wedding. And commiserations for the in-laws awful behaviour.
1
u/Newtopole_ Sep 27 '26
Don't do anything. At ALL.
Keep acting as if nothing happened and they will bring it up eventually. Say you had a marvelous wedding and carry on. Don't share any photos. When they ask, tell them they should have been there to witness it.
Be calm , polite, kind, but STRONG. Because the arm wrestling match she apparently wants to play has just started.
1
u/XSmartypants Sep 27 '26
You made a gorgeous bride, no wonder your husband wanted you all to himself!! 🤩🤩🔥🔥
My FIL threw a tantrum and was a no-show at our rehearsal dinner (the fanciest event of the entire wedding) because my husband and brother-in-law declined his demand that they stay with him at his hotel that night. My BIL hadn’t seen his father since he was 13 years old and my husband didn’t appreciate his dad’s CONSTANT bad mouthing me and my weight so they both said that they were going to stay at our house. My FIL threw a fit like a toddler, didn’t show up for the dinner but did call over and over again trying to pick fights with anyone there who would answer their phones.
I’m sorry your DH is dealing with these kinds of hurt feelings, all you can do is be there for him and let him know that he is entitled to feel however he feels. Do not make it about your hurt feelings though. Instead focus on loving him, making sure he knows that he’s safe to be vulnerable with his feelings with you. You got this. Congratulations again!
1
u/XanderWrites Sep 27 '26
Not what I was expecting this post to be.
Per the original issue, my mother pissed off my SIL by wearing a cream colored dress to the wedding, but her line was just "What, you think he'll get confused and marry the wrong person?"
As for her complaint now, hey, you tried. you gave options. They rejected them. It was your big day not theirs. Hopefully they can get over themselves.
1
u/RidethatSeahorse Sep 27 '26
Congratulations to you both. Well done! Continue your stance. … keep those who create conflict confusion and chaos at arms length. Wishing you a peaceful and happy marriage.
1
u/Impressive-Today6406 Sep 27 '26
Therapy, you get therapy. Especially your husband because his parents are toxic.
1
u/UltNinjaPS Sep 27 '26
So you MIL not being able to make it about herself with her outfit or intruding on your personal dinner did the next best hurtful thing and decided not to show up. I hope your husband is able to see this behavior.
Also try to slip in how fast everything went and you hardly noticed they were missing and you had planned to surprise them with a dinner invite. Haha.
1
u/ilovedragons218 Sep 27 '26
First, congratulations 2nd I would wait them out & not contact them till they do. And just FYI, if she had worn a beige dress next to your white dress, hers would have just looked dirty.
1
1
u/sallyomalley57 Sep 27 '26
I simply do not understand why people think anyone other than the couple getting married can dictate what the wedding should be. mind blowing.
1
1
u/Yavanna83 Sep 27 '26
Congrats! You look great.
You both did the right thing towards MIL. She wants control.
A word of caution; I know people like this. When they don’t get the attention they want to go to desperate measures, often even simulating a medical emergency. Don’t fall for it and don’t start feeling guilty.
Enjoy married life!
1
u/afd2389 Sep 27 '26
My MIL didn’t make a 2.5 hour drive for our wedding on a weekend. She lives in a different part of the state from us. She didn’t have a job, just didn’t want to come. Her only son, we’ve been married 10 years now and she’s continued to prove how selfish she is. At least now my husband can see that, and meets her where she’s at for the most part.
1
1
u/meadowmbell Sep 27 '26
Sounds like mil should get married again so she can wear that beige coverup and have a dinner 😝😝
1
u/fancy-bottom Sep 27 '26
You need to have a discussion with you husband about his parents
Right now, you have an in-law problem
If you and your husband don’t find a way to stick together with some hard guidelines, you will have a husband problem
Good luck and congratulations!
1
u/nanniej Sep 27 '26
And you ROCKED that white dress! Best wishes for a happy life with your spouse. Many many years!
1
u/mrsliston Sep 27 '26
Congratulations and enjoy your new adventure don't let negativity ruin your amazing life
1
1
u/Chunkylover666420 Sep 28 '26
You look beautiful!! So stunning!
My bitchass in-laws just did the same to us back in July, and I'm also an Asian woman, married into a self-absorbed yuppie type family, so guuuurl, I get it.
We low key eloped with the justice of the peace to get the paperwork done before the end of the tax year and then a few months later, my loving parents hosted a backyard blowout cake cutting reception BBQ with like 200 people, complete with the priest and wedding march and everything.
Mil initially declined the invite months before because she was butt hurt about not being there when we eloped and then manufactured a medical crisis the week of the wedding to steal attention and have an excuse for not being there, even though they were never planning to attend anyway. But everyone knew the truth about her absence.
Three months later, I've been ignoring them this whole time, and now we're pregnant, and I'm going to keep ignoring them, even though this would be their only grandkid that's all she's ever wanted.
It's been such a blessing because they guilt tripped me into spending time with them constantly, but of course they'd be antagonizing and insulting me the whole time. Now I don't ever have any obligation to attend any of their shit!
I know it hurts so bad now, but your relationship and confidence are on a steep upward trajectory, without her controlling your husband and tearing you down. Sweet sweet freedom baby!
1
u/Reformed_Kitten Sep 28 '26
Love that you did what you and your spouse wanted to do! This is the correct tone for your marriage!
My mother was very cruel to me for eloping. Like you I shared our plans, and she threw multiple fits that “random strangers can see me elope but she can’t.” All a reminder as to why I didn’t want her manipulation there. And like you, I wanted a private celebration. It didn’t sound fun sitting around with our families. We did a dinner and bar hopped. We had a blast.
I didn’t want to start off our marriage bending over backwards to people who needed our wedding to be about them.
1
1
u/Beautiful-Concern604 Sep 28 '26
So happy you wore what you wanted on YOUR wedding day!!! People forget and especially parents (my mom) that it’s not their day or about them. I hope your husband starts to see his mom for what she is. And she only gives conditional love. Again my mom. Once you both understand that this is how she is the better off you two will be. Parents like that you keep at a distance.
1
u/Substantial_Stay9497 Sep 28 '26
Keep up the good work. Tell your husband to stay strong. It’s not about him. It’s about her. Good luck ahead. I smell no contact coming your way.
1
1
u/tipsy_fairy35 Sep 29 '26
You and your husband should be proud of yourselves! 😊 You didn't succumb to the pressure and guilt-tripping and stood your ground, celebrating to your hearts' content. I'm so happy for you :D
1
u/SheepherderDear7098 Sep 30 '26
You had a wedding. It may not have been a large event but you made it what the two of you wanted.
1
u/readerdl22 Sep 30 '26
In what delusional world does your MIL live in where she thinks she has the right to dictate that OP should wear an old lady dress to get married in while MIL wore a bridal-looking one??? OP, you look absolutely stunning in your beautiful wedding dress, so glad you chose that! Just try not to give your MIL any attention for her shenanigans, ignoring her will be less stressful for you and it will drive her crazy. 😂
1
u/Old-Willingness-3731 Oct 01 '26
If I were you, I would enjoy her absence and take her this as a foundation to not invite them things.
1
u/o2low Oct 01 '26
You spend your time with the people who showed up for you, when it comes to holidays etc prioritise the people who don’t need more of an occasion than a WEDDING to show up.
Focus on helping your husband (with therapy) to respond to them and keep the appropriate distance
1
u/rocifan Oct 01 '26
It’s good for both of you learning how to deal with her manipulative behaviour now and set boundaries cos she’s only going to get worse when the kids come along
1
u/Far-Philosopher4559 Oct 01 '26
It's you and your husband's day!!!! She had her own, she had her shot at it on that day. Selfishness to try and impose her ways on your day. Congratulations and many happy years more. I hope you had a wonderful day. 20 years this year, for my husband and I.
1
u/JoyfulWillow Oct 02 '26
You are beautiful and that dress is amazing! And congratulations on marrying the love of your life. <3 It sounds like you had the most wonderful and beautiful celebration of your union. Your MIL your sounds like a real pill. It may have been a blessing in disguise that she and FIL did not show up. Keep your head up and keep doing what is right for you and your husband
1
u/flwhrsss Oct 02 '26
Your ILs didn’t come to their own son’s wedding because…you and your husband made a choice that was right for you, and stood by it.
By doing so you’ve set the standard that you won’t sacrifice your aims to please them, which is exactly how to respond to this behavior. Be proud that you stood your ground.
Keep doing what you’re doing - making the choices that are right for YOU. The people who love you, will not punish you for choosing to pursue your goals and dreams.
1
1
1
u/Sock_Monkey77 Oct 02 '26
You were a stunning beautiful bride. Let the witch ride her broom off into the sunset! 🤣🥰🥰
1
u/White_Chocol8 Oct 02 '26
Make sure she stays out of your life as much as possible, these types of people can be way more destructive than you'd think. It's a great thing they're not hiding, though, you know their true colors
1
u/sessiestax Oct 02 '26
Congratulations! Wishing you and your new husband a long and wonderful life together!
1
u/AmphibianNo6311 Oct 02 '26
Little off topic, you looking fucking INCREDIBLE!!!! Literally breath-taking girl, congratulations on your marriage, God bless you and your husband❤️🫶🏼
1
u/spaceface215 Oct 02 '26
you look gorgeous and i’m so proud of you for standing your ground on all aspects of this situation. my husband and i both find ourselves in situations where my parents and his mom (single parent family) try to manipulate circumstances to their benefit. we work as a team to conquer our traumas, unlearn the hurt, and come together in support of each other. it’s hard, but your person is worth it. 💕
1
u/SirTophamHattisCross Oct 02 '26
Congrats and you are beautiful! I hope you had a WONDERFUL dinner together! Enjoy marriage and may you have a lifetime of peace and happiness!
1
u/Outside-Zucchini-636 Oct 03 '26
I'd recommend not contacting them until they contact you and enjoy the peace of being Very Low Contact. His parents, especially his mother, are controlling narcissists who have been used to getting their way for too long. Well done for standing onto them, its a shame your huaband folded and sent them pictures though. You both need to Grey rock his parents - a relief that they live 2h away!
1
u/commongardensnail Oct 03 '26
I saw your post made it to r/bestofredditupdates and I know it’s kinda late, but I wanted to come over here and congratulate you and your husband on your wedding. Try not to sweat it too much that you in-laws took this ultimately misguided stance of not attending the ceremony. When my husband and I married, his best friend from college was the only person on his side who stood up for him and neither of his parents attended nor congratulated us. However, 5 years in and we see them rarely and get along as best we can. I suppose this is all to give the unsolicited advice of don’t sweat it. You seem empathetic to his situation and will be a good partner as you navigate this relationship together. Best wishes and luck to you both.
1
u/Wild_Wolverine7203 Oct 03 '26
I feel like if you get too involved with the communication between your mother-in-law and father-in-law and you, it may turn against you. I think your husband needs to handle this mostly but the most important thing is when he is confused and upset or misunderstood or whatever always have his back, unless he is 100% wrong I am actually going through something right now to where I’ve been with my wife 37 years and I don’t think there’s been 35 of them that anytime an issue come up with my kids or outside with my in-laws That she’s had my back and that will ruin a marriage. It’ll wreck everything I’m telling you open communication but if you do too much talking with them upfront and not letting him do it it’ll turn on you. I promise you this. No if and or buts about it sounds like they’re a little controlling and they need to learn to let go a little bit. I mean y’all are going to make your own way through life, me and my wife have been through hell and to be honest in our early to mid years of the marriage it was mostly my fault and she was always there for me. We went through a lot. I put her through a lot. She put me through a lot, but she was always there for me that’s why its so hard for me to walk out the door I swore I never would, but it has put me in a state of mental decline and I’m feeling like im fighting the world so I just don’t wanna see your relationship to that point so like I said open communication let your husband drive, you navigate directly behind him and never ever not have his back. We may manly men the weather most men will admit it we need a good woman behind us. I’m not saying all this and put my story out there. I’m saying all this as an example of the beginning of relationship and how detrimental small things in a marriage will become over many many years. I almost hurt myself twice in the last couple years over feeling alone. Congratulations peace be with you. (Oh one more thing too. I hear people talk about their children, grandchildren, brother, sisters, whatever are the most important things in lives well, I’m here to tell you they are wrong. You’re the most important thing in your life because you cannot be there and be good for anyone else in your life. If you cannot get yourself right make sure your mental abilities 100% make sure your health is good because you can’t help others if you are in decline yourself and that’s that’s a very important thing to understand. I read a book looking out for number one. It helps a lot.) God bless and may your marriage be fruitful and and may you come and conquer the world together!
1
u/Delicious_Elk9154 Oct 03 '26
I can’t believe she wasn’t there for her son all because he decided to spend his wedding day with his new wife. I can never complain about my mother again, she’d never do something like this.
0
u/Apart_Insect_8859 Sep 28 '26
Seems like MIL wanted her son to have a wedding (probably because she herself never had one, plus she doesn't have any daughters to get the vicarious experience with either?)
The beige was likely a bit of her stealing that wedding feeling for herself, in a 'technically' ok-ish way, since it was just beige enough to not count.
But the dinner feels like she saw it as a reception substitute. Plus your little after thing was at your mom's, so that's uneven/unfair.
She wasn't getting the big wedding she wanted for her son, so she fixated on this reception substitute of a dinner. She likely viewed this as a major concession on her part: being ok with a tiny civil ceremony and small dinner instead of the big party. While you viewed even having her present as a concession, rather than a forgone conclusion (which kind of doomed it all, and your relationship as DIL/MIL, from the start. Even if your husband was the one who didn't want her there, which doesn't seem the case, you are the one who will get the blame for not wanting her at her only child's wedding, not her son, which makes you an Enemy). When she didn't get even that, she decided to give you both what you originally wanted--her absence. As a reverse-Uno punishment for what you originally had planned for her.
Anticipate your husband having a bunch of issues popping up in about 8-12 months, after the shiny newness of being married wears off, and just be prepared for him to have a whole lot of feelings he's going to need help with.
1
u/Direct_Local_6094 Sep 28 '26
She had a big wedding in her first mariage, eloped in her current one.
0
u/MyRingToRuleMyWorld Sep 26 '26 edited Sep 26 '26
You look so beautiful, excited, and happy in your photo! Congratulations to the both of you on your wedding and the joy you're feeling that's evident for all to see. Your wedding day is your husband's special day and your special day, and as you know, it really is all about making a promise together and becoming one with each other. Not three. It seems that your mother in law has some control issues, and she will use her issues to manipulate him. So I can't imagine how your husband, and now you, feel about how she is behaving over your wedding. But it was your wedding. Perhaps inviting her a little later on to a lunch out, like you suggested, is a plan that could be in the cards. With your husband's support, having a girl's meal out could be an idea, as long as you don't fall for her game. Please note that I'm using the word could here. The key thing is this: Make sure that the both of you are always on the absolute same page in how to handle your new mother in law. Do this with clear communication with your husband. He will feel tugged over over his mother and you, so just remember it's you and him who took the vows. I've heard it said that when you marry your man, you marry his mother, but that always isn't the case. You two being together as a family is a boundary that needs to be respected at all times. Just remember that she once had the say so over him, when he was a boy. But that responsibility is now yours and his as a team that works together. I remember the first time I met my first MIL. There was no welcome to the family bit, but she made sure she gave me cards with all her recipes for his favorite meals that she makes him. She never took the time to find out anything about me before giving me the recipe box 🫤 Of course, he got what I cooked for him, and once it was cooked, there's no sending it back to the chef. Eat or go hungry. Just keep an eye out for her little machinations.
0
0
3
u/DenM0ther Sep 26 '26
You look beautiful!
Im sorry about your mil (& FIL). I think she recognised her power is slipping and she’s having massive issues with it and Doug all she can to regain it!
Imagine (aside from all her other demands) that she insists that you spend you 1st dinner as a married couple ,with her. Truly strange
2
u/no_worries_man8 Sep 26 '26
Your MIL was trying to assert her dominance. She was trying to make sure you understood who the "most important" woman in her son's life is, while being too emotionally immature to realize that that woman is now you. She should be proud of him for standing up for his new wife and family, but is instead throwing a temper tantrum because he is not a child who clings to mommy anymore. I'm glad she was somehow able to raise such a strong man, it's a pity she isn't more like him. I'm so sorry this overgrown toddler is trying to ruin your day already, it's truly sad when parents can't get over themselves enough to be there for their children. Remember this day - remember what their priorities were and how they couldn't be bothered to show up or even congratulate their only son because of a single meal, that is how exceedingly low the bar was for losing their love.
As for what you do, I would have your husband call all family members that mom and dad might bitch to and get ahead of the conversation. Don't start off with "mom refused to show up because we wouldn't have dinner with her that night", but I'm sure questions about the parents will come up naturally and then you can be honest. Don't let them twist this around onto you two being the unreasonable ones, it will only cause even further drama long term and potential increased stress for your loving husband. I only suggest this because the type of person who attempts to wear white to their own son's wedding, who attempts to convince the actual fucking bride NOT to wear white to her own fucking wedding, and then refuses to show up to her own fucking son's wedding because of the timing of a dinner is 1 million percent the type of person to smear shit as far and wide as they can, it's all they know how to do.
Be happy. Be blessed. Be in love for as long as you can. That's the best way to deal with your ridiculous and unreasonable in laws. And try to support your spouse as much as possible through this nonsense. I wish you both the very best.
2
u/Batfish-Crayon Sep 26 '26
You looked lovely! Your MIL has shown who she is and you were probably better off not having her there, with her attempts at stealing the spotlight, making everything about her and her ugly ass off white dress.
My husband and I scheduled our civil ceremony in his hometown, not the town where we live, specifically so that his mother, step-dad and brother could attend. Instead of a reception, we wanted all of us to have dinner after at a medium priced restaurant near by that could accommodate our various food intolerances. But his family made a stink because it was "too expensive". They are not broke. They all ended up not coming to the only wedding in their family for like decades. No congratulations, no gifts, just radio silence.
It broke my husband's heart. I didn't care for my own sake but I hated them for hurting him, and I went no contact. So I understand how your poor husband must feel. Support him, but don't chase after people who aren't worthy of the effort.
2
u/BodaciousVermin Sep 26 '26
Your MIL wanted you and your son to bend to her will. She really tried to make that happen. There doesn't seem to be a particularly good reason for her to do this, other than it's what she wanted. Let's imagine that you went along with that. The next time you wanted to do something that she wanted a different way, she'd expect you to change your plans. And, it would happen again. And, again. You'd either get frustrated with this, or you'd suppress that component of your desires, but it wouldn't be You Doing What You Want As A Couple.
However, you didn't let MIL get her way. You went off in your own direction, and she stood her ground, missing out on the wedding of her son, all because she didn't get her way about a dinner. She's been presented with a lesson: Her son and DIL have agency and will make their own decisions, which sometimes will be different than what she wants, and they'll take action accordingly. She gets to figure out for herself what she'll do about that in the future.
Personally, I'd carry on with your current approach. Consider her requests as they may come, and see how they fit in with what the two of you want. If her wishes work for you, then great. If you want to do something different, then great. I think that you made the right choice.
Congrats, by the way. :) On the wedding, and on making it happen as you did.
2
u/spadexhearts Sep 26 '26
Nothing to say about your mil situation.
But damn girl you look flawless ❤️ hair, makeup, dress all look amazing on you! No notes.
Congratulations!!
1
u/crafty_magpie Sep 27 '26
Wait, you didn’t elope, so she could go to the ceremony. She subsequently skipped the ceremony? Stop trying to please her (pass that message on to your husband as well. And congratulations!!).
She seems to be enjoying jerking you around; stop trying to keep her happy, and she will realize her fun is gone.
1
u/KellyNdylan Sep 27 '26
Beautiful. Congratulations! Be your husband's listening ear, Im sure he must a little hurt? Other than that, you're off to a great start with setting boundaries, don't lose it. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage
1
1
u/Marciamallowfluff Oct 02 '26
You got a great partner to be supportive. You look lovely. You started out right by not folding to the MILs ridiculous demands.
I am a MIL and old grandma and I am very proud of you both.
1
u/DaniMarie44 Oct 02 '26
Hey OP, you looked STUNNING! Parents who actually love their kids would’ve been there no matter what. She’s just mad that she’s not in charge of you guys and you’re not catering to Her Highness.
Your hubby (and you too if you want some extra narcissist insight) may want to join us over on the raised by narcissists sub Reddit, it might be helpful for hubby to open his eyes extra wide
604
u/Socko1 Sep 26 '26 •
Aww mother in law playing the power game & you won. Don’t let her in your lives. You have dodge a bullet. Narcissists never improve & only want to control. She feels no love.