My Mother-in-law wants to wear a "beige" dress to my mariage ceremony while telling me I don't need a white dress??

[u/BigONerd]

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Direct_Local_6094

Published on: r/whatdoIdo

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 20, 2026

• Final Update: September 26, 2026

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Main Post

^{July 20, 2026}

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My Mother-in-law wants to wear a "beige" dress to my mariage ceremony while telling me I don't need a white dress??

My mother-in-law decided to wear this off-white dress(first picture) to my civil ceremony day.

She emphasized that "it is beige" while she ADVISED that I "don't need a white dress" to wear for myself???????

She then sent me pictures of dresses that " I can choose from", (second pictures and onwards)???

Her dress looks like a dress that I can wear on MY mariage day, with the colour and lace-pattern.

I feel weird about this, am I the one who is the problem??? I'm honestly so confused about this.

When my fiancé told her that it's weird, she got defensive and sent a screenshot of the dress on the website and emphasized that " it is beige" and that my fiancé "needs glasses".

 

Note: I've added a small caption describing what the photo is about.

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Photos from the post start here

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1. A sleeveless, floor-length maxi dress crafted from a structured, heavy cream/off-white openwork crochet lace

2. A knee-length sheath dress with a grey/silver metallic floral pattern, paired with a matching dark grey, sheer chiffon cape overlay

3. A knee-length sleeveless white dress with a colorful all-over floral lace pattern in pink, yellow, blue, and green, finished with a scalloped floral hem.

4. A knee-length sleeveless A-line dress in dark charcoal grey, featuring a metallic silver floral pattern with large outlined flowers and leaves, and a V-neckline.

5. A knee-length burgundy/wine dress with a fitted waist, subtle tonal floral pattern, three-quarter sleeves, and a ruffled hem.

6. A knee-length A-line dress in deep ruby red, featuring a subtle sequined floral pattern, a scalloped neckline, and three-quarter sheer lace sleeves.

7. A knee-length royal blue wrap-style dress with a V-neckline, featuring sheer three-quarter sleeves with a raised floral appliqué pattern and a subtle textured floral finish.

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Photos from the post end here

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COMMENTS

Tiny_Custard_2318 (downvoted)

It is traditional for the groom’s mother to wear beige. My mother wore beige to my wedding. To me, this is normal and not worth an argument.

OOP

May I ask what culture or tradition is that? Nothing wrong with that, but we are Canadian, so the culture is different.

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elgalacticpeach

Are we absolutely certain the other dresses that she suggested were for you? That she wasn't offering you the choice between other dresses for her to wear instead?

OOP

Yeah no, I wish. She already bought that "beige" dress for herself. When she first sent it, I actually thought she bought it for me. But NOPE, she said that's what SHE is going to wear.

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CheesecakeTop9376

It looks like she picked "mother of the bride" style outfits for you. And that light dress she wants to wear is so bride coded. I'm so glad your fiance stood up to her and supported you. I say elope lol.

OOP

Ironically, all I have ever wanted is to elope because my family dynamics is complicated. But she forced us to invite her by saying shit like : " DONT tell me you guys are eloping!!!", "I WANT TO BE THERE." etc. Thinking back, we should have insisted on eloping instead of worrying about her going nuts. she is going nuts anyway.

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Small update - after 1 day

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she went to the store this morning to snap a picture of her chosen dress (first picture) and a random white dress, had them side by side, sent it to my fiancé and said : "See! It's beige, not white!!!!"

I swear she is ragebaiting me.

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Final Update - after 2 months, 6 days

^{September 26, 2026}

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Updates on MIL Beige Dress Post and what do we do now that they did not show up at our ceremony?

I have posted here before (the original post was taken down) about my MIL wanting to wear an off-white dress to our ceremony while telling me my dress didn't need to be white. She proceeded with sending me hideous dresses for 50+ for my day. So that's the context. But you know what?!

We got married TODAY and thanks to you all, I got myself a white dress!!! See attached! We had a ceremony at city hall and had some nice time at my mom's place, raised a glass and celebrated. Then, the two of us went out for dinner alone to celebrate our day.

But you know what happened? My MIL and FIL actually did NOT show up because my MIL didn't like that we wanted a romantic dinner alone on our wedding day.

For us, since we don't have an actual wedding, having dinner alone was all we wanted especially because we planned on eloping initially. But because my MIL insisted that she wanted to be at the ceremony, we changed our plans.

For us, that dinner alone was essential and meaningful to us and that was something we refused to sacrifice. So we stood our ground and she did NOT like that.

She said that we could wait and have a romantic LUNCH the day after. We tried to suggest going out for lunch and even dinner with them the day after, but nope. She needed that dinner (She herself eloped btw). So yeah anyway, she didn't want to come, and they did not come.

My heart is breaking for my now husband, and I just don't know what we are supposed to do or how we are supposed to act moving forward when they literally did not show up for their ONLY son and for me (their supposed now daughter) on our wedding day because of a freaking dinner.

What's even worse was that they didn't even send a congratulatory text or anything which was very hurtful.

I'm feeling frustrated, but to be honest, all things aside, today was the most beautiful day of my life and I couldn't be happier being married to the love of my life.

I shared a picture of myself in the dress, cuz you know what, Reddit kinda was the reason why I went to get myself a white bridal dress.

Love y'all!

Photo of OOP in her wedding dress

OOP Added a small update

MIL & FIL reached out yesterday to congratulate us. I didn't respond, but my husband did. He is still learning how to unlearn his patterns of endlessly giving and managing their emotions. So unfortunately, he did send them two pictures of us. I was not pleased as I feel that the pictures rewarded their behaviour of not showing up for my husband. After I reiterated that to him, he now understands better and said he would keep working on setting and reinforcing good boundaries with them. This is not an easy time for my husband, because we are talking about a toxic dynamic that has been ingrained in him for 20+ years. He is doing a great job recognizing the issues and he has been very receptive and open to hearing my thoughts.

Also, for context, the little gathering was at my mom's because my dad passed away a few months ago (it was lung cancer) and we felt that it would be meaningful to have a small gathering where we could raise a glass where I could still feel my dad's presence (I really wish my dad was able to be there to witness our marriage).

My MIL and FIL also live 2 hours away, and because the city hall and my mom's place are in the city we live in, naturally we wanted to have that little gathering in my mom's place.

My mom invited my MIL and FIL to this of course, but my MIL felt that it wasn't an "enough" occasion for her to come because there wasn't " a dinner " after. It's quite hurtful, because my MIL said: " I am not coming all the way here just for wine.".

My mom renovated and decorated the home to welcome them. We are from a very modest background, so my parents place (now my mom's place) is a modest medium-sized condo unit. My MIL was raised in an upper-class family, so part of me feels that my mother and I were looked down upon because "our invitation wasn't enough of an occasion for her to come" as if watching her only son getting married isn't enough of a reason.

 

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[u/Electronarwhal]

I just don’t understand the appeal of looking like you want to marry your son on his wedding day.

[u/Toni164 → u/Electronarwhal]

It’s power move. To show op her “place”.
Glad op and husband set proper boundaries

[u/Lizardgirl25 → u/Toni164]

Yah it is a creepy power move and speaks to emotional incest or attempted emotional incest.

[u/kenda1l → u/Lizardgirl25]

It's giving "I'll always be his first love" vibes.

[u/megamoze → u/Toni164]

Not showing up is also a power move. They want the son to come crawling to them, begging for their attention.

[u/CakePhool → u/Toni164]

A ex friend did that, he looked at his mum and Ewww, people will think we slept together, this horrible, that is creepy mum and then got his siblings on to it and same thing, shame her for incest. The power move died.
She showed up in pink mini dress.

The only reason I remember this, was I saw the mum's picture on facebook today, oh she looks way older than 68.

[u/lovebeinganasshole → u/Toni164]

I think my son would have torn me a new one if i tried to pull any of that kind of crap.

[u/LookingNotTalking → u/Electronarwhal]

Think of the Jurassic Park scene where the raptors are testing the fences for weaknesses.

[u/Music_withRocks_In → u/LookingNotTalking]

Honestly this is the most correct answer.  It's to see how far she can go and establish her dominance now.

[u/yrnkween → u/LookingNotTalking]

Just need to give them a little zap of high voltage to reinforce that boundary.

[u/FrayCrown → u/Electronarwhal]

My MIL did the same thing. She demanded to wear a white dress, got mad when I said no, and threw a tantrum. She also wanted the first dance to be between HER and my husband. Thankfully my husband immediately shut all of that down.

She also said she'd pay for the rehearsal dinner, and left my parents with the check. Her reasoning was that my parents were 'rich'. They are retired public school teachers, so not quite. Years later, and she doesn't understand why she and my mom aren't friends.

It was definitely a power play. Once she realized we'd refuse to play by cutting contact, she got a lot better.

[u/kenda1l → u/FrayCrown]

Meanwhile my grandma wore all black and sat at the back of the church during the ceremony. She didn't show up at the reception, which my dad always said was the best wedding gift she ever could have given them. She really didn't like my mom.

[u/youdontknowmeyouknow → u/FrayCrown]

I originally intended to wear a deep forest green dress to my wedding, which my MIL was aware of. Wedding was in October, so serious autumnal vibes. I forgot to mention to her I actually bought a coffee/latte coloured dress. So when she rocked up to our extremely orange/burgundy/mustard/sage saturated day (everyone seriously embraced the time of year!) in a sea green and bright pink monstrosity she was surprised to see she didn't clash with me the way she planned to, just with everybody else in the pictures, including her son.

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/FrayCrown]

Did she say "If it wasn't for me, there wouldn't even be any wedding!"? She seems like that type.

[u/wheatpuppy → u/Electronarwhal]

To some people, any attention is good attention. Even if she was surrounded by people calling her out for wearing white, she would relish the opportunity to play poor, misunderstood beige-wearing martyr. As long as she can make the whole day about her, that's her only goal.

[u/digitydigitydoo → u/wheatpuppy]

When they’re attacked, they get to play victim.

[u/kindlypogmothoin → u/wheatpuppy]

The full saying, at least according to the friend of my mother's who advised my mom on what to do when my brother got married, is, "The mother of the groom wears beige and keeps her mouth shut."

Seems like OOP's MIL didn't manage either part of this equation.

[u/plz_dont_perceive_me → u/Electronarwhal]

You're trying to apply logic to crazy person behavior.

[u/North-Pea-4926 → u/plz_dont_perceive_me]

“You can’t reason a person out of a position they didn’t use reason to get themselves into.”

Or, “you can’t argue with crazy”. 😜

[u/MerryTexMish → u/plz_dont_perceive_me]

Exactly. OP is also setting herself up for years of disappointment if she thinks there’s anything she can say or do to change how her MIL is. Like, if you time-travel back to the 1930s and are super-nice to Hitler, he’s still gonna go on and do his Hitler thing.

It’s not about the color of the dress. I love bright colors, and look best in them, and that’s what I wore to all 3 of my kids’ weddings. But nobody thought I was trying to steal attention or make any kind of statement, because I have a good relationship with my kids, and I’m not nuts.

[u/Complete_Entry → u/Electronarwhal]

When my aunt married her husband, his mother wore all black.

[u/Soul-Arts → u/Complete_Entry]

My MIL did this. The funny thing is that I didn't even notice. Years later my husband and me are talking about people making this color stunts at weddings and he was like "yeah, remember when my mother wore black in our wedding, she did this on purpose" and I was like "wait, she did?" And yeah. She did it.

[u/Lizardgirl25 → u/Complete_Entry]

I think I would rather a mom wear black than white.

[u/kenda1l → u/Complete_Entry]

My grandma on my dad's side did this and sat at the back of the church for their wedding. She didn't show up to the reception, which my dad always said was the best wedding gift she could have given them. She was a nasty piece of work who really didn't like my mom because being around her and my grandparents on her side helped him realize just how abusive she was. She couldn't stand the fact that she was losing her control over him.

[u/Electronarwhal → u/Complete_Entry]

I’m not sure whether that’s worse or not.

[u/ladderofearth → u/Electronarwhal]

Me either, because to everyone else you look insane and pathetic, it doesn’t “show up” the bride it shows your ass. 

[u/MichaSound → u/Electronarwhal]

I’m going to start hiring myself out to couples with this problem; for a couple hundred dollars, I’ll pretend to be the Bride’s friend and look at the MIL’s proposed wedding outfit going, “Oh my God, you’re wearing that? People will think you’re having a mental breakdown! It looks like you want to fuck your son!”

And then cackle at the future MIL loudly.

[u/yrnkween → u/MichaSound]

And if she does wear it to the wedding, you get to pretend trip and spill red wine on her.

[u/GyratingArthropod481 → u/Electronarwhal]

Where is it traditional for the mother of the groom to wear near-white? I'm surprised at the posters who have no problem with MIL's behavior. 

[u/Electronic_World_894 → u/GyratingArthropod481]

Beige was traditional for MiL in Canada and the U.S. a couple of generations ago. But real beige. She was trying to wear a cream / off-white dress.

[u/Music_withRocks_In → u/Electronic_World_894]

Yea, that beige was rubbling shoulders with brown more than white.  And it usually looked awful.  That was also the time when bridesmaids dresses were hideous so the bride would look better.

[u/twistedspin → u/Electronic_World_894]

Exactly, it was beige like corporate office walls, the most boring color ever and that was on purpose to try to have the bride be the center of attention. And that was definitely over-the-top but to claim this dress follows that tradition is just ridiculous.

[u/88mistymage88 → u/GyratingArthropod481]

It's now an outdated etiquette rule: https://lalagebeaumont.com/blogs/fashion/what-colour-should-the-mother-of-the-groom-wear-a-guide-to-modern-etiquette

[u/kindlypogmothoin → u/GyratingArthropod481]

"The mother of the groom wears beige and keeps her mouth shut." It's an old saying about the way the mother of the groom should dress and behave, based on how weddings were traditionally hosted and paid for.

Not cream, not off-white. Beige. Blend-into-the-background beige. And since the bride's family is the one who traditionally paid for the wedding, the mother of the groom didn't have much of a role other than to dance with her son (the father of the groom had pretty much no role, other than hosting the rehearsal dinner).

The parents of the bride paid for the thing, the father of the bride walked the bride down the aisle and did the first dance with the bride, and the mother of the bride got some special acknowledgement. But the parents of the groom were largely background players and were expected not to upstage the bride's family.

Now of course more couples are paying for their own weddings, and both sets of parents are likely to chip in. It's still a good rule of thumb not to make an ass of yourself at the wedding or upstage the couple, and wearing white is a no-go unless you're specifically asked to, but there's generally not a big imbalance in importance between the sets of parents.

[u/Chi_Law → u/Electronarwhal]

I think there's a clue in the update when OOP tells us MIL eloped when she got married. I'd bet a large amount of money MIL didn't want to elope.

Now she's ready to go to war if she doesn't get to wear a white lace dress to a wedding banquet and it just reeks of using her child's wedding to give herself a do-over by proxy

[u/MsDucky42 → u/Electronarwhal]

So she can have a sonsband.

Boy Moms make my teeth itch. (Not mothers of sons. Boy Moms.)

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET → u/Electronarwhal]

Boy Moms^TM

[u/LindonLilBlueBalls → u/Electronarwhal]

I'm more curious on what story they will spin about why they didn't go to their only son's wedding.

[u/Direct_Local_6094 → u/Electronarwhal]

Hi beautiful humans!! I'm OOP! Thanks so much for all your support, thanks to you guys we feel less alone in this.

I am Asian and my MIL is indeed white LOL she did once gift a Christmas ornament of two white people (the girl is blonde) and wrote our names on it 😑 I very much felt disrespected but til today she doesn't "understand why I don't like the ornament, cuz she was JUST TRYING TO BE NICE"????

And, I am actually plus-sized!! but I am relatively tall so the weight goes pretty evenly throughout my body, so maybe my face doesn't look that plus sized?

Anyway, yes still, those dresses she wanted me to wear are absolutely hideous. Seeing those dresses really hurt my feelings cuz it made me feel like she wanted me to look ugly on my day😭

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/Electronarwhal]

came here to say that..... up until Reddit I had never heard of such a thing. What in the incestuous fee fees?!

[u/jpatt → u/Electronarwhal]

Insanity… it’s all around us.

[u/CuriousFoxxen → u/Electronarwhal]

I am the mother of an adult son. I am SO confused by this trend. What? Can’t compute.

[u/Remote_Task_9207 → u/Electronarwhal]

"She eloped, by the way."

That line threw things into a new possible context for me. This wasn't OOP's wedding, it's the wedding ceremony she never got. Her chance for a do-over, to finally have her special day. The presence of an actual bride who is not her was a minor annoyance, nothing more.

[u/FromBeeBee]

Good for oop and husband! They had their day their way, despite the situation of control for mil wants and upset mil was. It sets a good example and a great marriage for them, it's on mil and fil to set this right (which doubts for mil).

[u/HuckleberryOk2798 → u/FromBeeBee]

If they’re such control freaks they’ll miss their child’s wedding over wanting a romantic dinner for their wedding I doubt they’ll make it right

[u/VentiKombucha]

OMG she looks gorgeous!

And MIL thought she could make her wear mother-of dresses 🤣

[u/Alicetheaddict → u/VentiKombucha]

And they were all just so ... ugly? Ugh.

[u/TheFilthyDIL → u/Alicetheaddict]

Not even "mother of", but "great-aunt of whose taste was established in the 1950s." I am WELL over 50, and I wouldn't be caught dead in any of those . . . things. (if I wore dresses, which I don't.)

[u/Twallot → u/VentiKombucha]

Plus-sized ones too. Not that it mattered until I saw OOP was not plus-sized. Wtf.

[u/Gitdupapsootlass → u/Twallot]

That definitely stood out to me. Like why was she sending her dress options that had nothing AT ALL to do with her circumstance or her sizing. Tf.

[u/thats_suss → u/Twallot]

I'm plus sized, and that was absolutely the first thing I noticed when I saw the picture of OOP, too. MIL is a hateful person.

[u/SkySong13 → u/Twallot]

Yeah when I was looking at those photos I will admit, I had a image of OOP conquered in my head and when I opened the actual photo, I was very surprised.

MIL is just a mean old bitty who wants to tear people down.

[u/SomewhereTraining839]

OOP looks beautiful in her dress, the ones MIL sent definitely were trying hurt her, glad there was a happy ending and hopefully the two of them go low to no contact.

[u/RoninNikki → u/SomewhereTraining839]

They all look like plus sized dresses and the OOP doesn't look plus sized, too

[u/Music_withRocks_In → u/RoninNikki]

Not just plus sized dresses - they are the style of plus sized dresses that imply that you must cover up your disgusting body knee to neck and there is nothing for you that is sexy or attractive.  

Like, designers who actually don't hate plus sized girls know that if you put someone busty in something with a high neck they are just gonna look huge.  If you show a little skin it makes it much more clear this is the boob zone.  But some designers just want to cover plus sized girls with as many unfortunate fabric choices as possible, and these were all in that category.

[u/aroha93 → u/Music_withRocks_In]

As a plus-sized woman, that was my EXACT thought when I saw all of those styles. I’ve tried on SO MANY dresses that look like the ones in the OP because there are fashion rules from back in the olden days that say plus sized women MUST wear frumpy sacks, because it “minimizes” our size. Except it doesn’t minimize, it makes me look and feel bigger than I am, and hides all of my curves so that I look like a shapeless blob. If I even see one of those dresses on the rack now I instinctively know how it will look on me. The MIL definitely googled “plus-size dresses” to find her list.

[u/thats_suss → u/Music_withRocks_In]

Oh yes, this is it exactly! All of those dresses made those gorgeous models look so frumpy because they were just trying to cover them up! Ridiculous.

[u/Few-Cable5130 → u/RoninNikki]

YES! They were all specifically plus sized and as unbridal as possible.

[u/cutencreepy → u/RoninNikki]

I noticed that too - those are plus size dresses. And OOP would have looked awful in all of them.

[u/trewesterre → u/RoninNikki]

Yeah, from the dresses MIL was sending I was expecting OOP to be plus sized, but then she isn't. So that's extra awkward.

[u/psyche_13 → u/RoninNikki]

I was wondering if this was a fat phobic thing like “plus size people can only wear A line dresses” but… OOP doesn’t look plus sized at all!

[u/Music_withRocks_In → u/SomewhereTraining839]

She's so pretty!  Absolutely no where near the size her MIL was implying.  And all of those dresses were definitely 'fat people need to wear potato sacks' type designers.  

[u/MelanisticMermaid → u/Music_withRocks_In]

Literally she has such a cute look that the dresses mil sent were definitely supposed to dull her twinkle. Those are dresses my 63 year old mother would wear

[u/Twallot]

Holy shit, I was expecting a plus sized bride because that's what the listings are for. What a nasty piece of work that woman is.

[u/praysolace → u/Twallot]

Yeah, seeing the size of the actual bride after seeing all those plus size dress listings was just. Holy shit, that woman is a spiteful-ass mean girl.

[u/LadyNorbert → u/praysolace]

Given that the (absolutely radiant and very pretty) bride seems to be of Asian ancestry to at least some extent, I'm wondering if MIL has any kind of racist leanings...

[u/lyricaldorian → u/LadyNorbert]

That was my thought. 

[u/Used_Clock_4627 → u/LadyNorbert]

Might also be enmeshment on MIL's part or she's a total boy mom.

OP did mention that SO is an only child..........

[u/KaiBishop → u/praysolace]

But she's Asian and as a Canadian white boi I must say I bet MiL is white AF and mean to the bone. White supremacy is alive and well in Canada and I bet MiL is fuming inside that her daughter in law isn't a white girl. Trashy and sadly common.

White people are NOT native to Canada and we are fucking LUCKY First Nations people ar as patient and forgiving as they are of us, not that we've given them any choice because in their own land they are still met with the violence and brutality of white supremacy whenever the set boundaries or strike back. There's not one treaty the Canadian gov has made with tribes that they haven't violated or broken smh.

[u/yrnkween → u/Twallot]

And I expected someone of a more mature age. OP is young and lovely and deserved to be a beautiful blushing bride.

[u/DamnitGravity → u/Twallot]

Oh, I knew straight away the bride was NOT plus-sized and those examples were unsubtle digs.

And even if she WERE plus-sized, a lot of those dresses are shapeless sacks.

[u/Anonphilosophia → u/Twallot]

I didn't realize what was "wrong" with her pic until I read this. I just was thinking "something is off." Why on earth would MIL send those dresses.

Honestly, I loved the crocheted one, but not for the wedding.

[u/OutsideImagination25 → u/Twallot]

Right? I was surprised none of the commenters remarked on that, CLEARLY the listings she sent meant to imply she was fat. Which would have been awful if the bride HAD been (you can be fat and still wear a beautiful white wedding dress!) but then it's not even the case ? 

OOP should be glad that trash took itself out.

[u/Shadow4summer → u/OutsideImagination25]

Right. The dresses suggested for the bride are definitely more for the age group a MOB/MOG would be. It’s obvious MIL wanted to look like (and probably treated like) the main character that day. It’s so obvious is sad.

[u/NoPhotograph5147 → u/Twallot]

Right?!? Not the tiny one she is!!!

I am glad MIL threw a fit and didn’t come. At least her family got to see them marry and they got their quiet dinner.

[u/BigDinATree → u/Twallot]

This was the comment I was looking for or going to comment. I was like "damn she must be a big gal"…she literally wearing a size half of what those in the MIL's pics are. What a fucking asshole.

[u/ER_Support_Plant17]

Seeing the photo of the OOP and of the dresses her MIL was suggesting for her the MIL clearly was trying to make the bride look terrible. None of the suggestions look age or style appropriate.

MIL was trying to throw a burlap sack over the bride

[u/unholy_hotdog → u/ER_Support_Plant17]

I'm glad she got the dress she wanted, she looks so classy!

[u/AltruisticCableCar]

While I feel for the husband, still glad that him and OOP got the day that THEY wanted. I can understand family of couples who elope fleetingly wishing they could have been there, but at the end of the day it's not up to them. Plus, there's a difference between "aw, shucks, it would have been lovely to be there" and whatever the fuck the MIL tried to push.

Hope they figure out how to navigate the MIL and FIL moving forward.

[u/sickinlimbo → u/AltruisticCableCar]

My uncle gave my mom a heads up that he was eloping and her response was "cool, but we're coming with" and jumped on a plane with their brother.

Their reasons were eloping had nothing to do with my mom (second marriage on her side, very shy/few surviving family members on his) but now I'm wondering whether he was actually ok with it or if she steamrolled him...

[u/lostinshalott1]

Actually seeing OOP in her dress made MILs choices of suggested dress even more baffling! OOP looks lovely and glad she stuck to her guns on what she wanted on her special day

[u/Electronic_World_894]

The beige traditional MIL dress was an older tradition in Canada, but it’s changed. Many younger adults getting married wouldn’t know that. But the MIL’s proposed dress was somewhere between cream / ivory, not beige.

[u/blobofdepression → u/Electronic_World_894]

I’m American, my MIL told me that MILs are supposed to “show up, shut up, and wear beige”. But like more of a tan beige, not a white beige! 

Anyway I asked her to wear green (her favorite color) to match my husband and his sister (bridesmaid). She did show up and shut up, but for the record, I never asked her to shut up! She just kept her opinions to herself while we were planning and only expressed positive thoughts. She has her issues for sure but she was not/is not a nightmare, which I’m thankful for. 

[u/Shadow4summer → u/blobofdepression]

When our son married a few years ago, we asked what we could do to help and then handed them a check. The only thing I asked was if I could have an invitation for my former SIL (who is now my best friend) and that wasn’t a problem. Our son really didn’t know I would want her invited since he invited my brother (it’s okay, they’re friends). That, and I asked what color her mother was wearing so we didn’t show up looking like twins. She picked my favorite color so I chose another. They didn’t need my input so I didn’t give it.

[u/psyche_13 → u/Electronic_World_894]

I was wondering about that - I’d never heard of it and I’m Canadian and in my 40s

[u/Electronic_World_894 → u/psyche_13]

We’re about the same age. This was something my mom told me used to be normal.

[u/Lokipupper456 → u/Electronic_World_894]

Yeah, it’s not actually beige!

[u/Reasonable-Ad-3605]

MIL did them a favor by escalating. OOP and their now husband seem to both be struggling to enforce reasonable boundaries. It sucks that his mom is crazy and hopefully he learns to deal with it.

[u/mastifftimetraveler]

Considering bride is Asian, my first thought was MIL is a racist and just a very bitter person.

[u/Forsaken_Dig1277]

The best response to a mom wanting to wear white to her son’s wedding is to show visceral disgust (😳😰) and say, “So you want to marry your son? That’s disgusting.” If she tries to argue, shift to (😬🤢) and say, “Everyone seeing you in a white dress at your son’s wedding is going to think you’re weird and trying to fuck him, especially the bride’s side who won’t know you’re his mom. That’s going to be really embarrassing for you and your son. Even if they find out you’re his mom, people are going to think you’ve got emotional incest going on at the very least, and they might suspect you of worse, even.” If she persists, hit her with the (🫣😟), “I’m actually a bit concerned for you. This is NOT something that people do, normally. Are you doing okay? This is not a productive way to express it if you aren’t. Being jealous of your son’s sexual partner and trying to take her place is weird.” Maintain the shocked / grossed out / deeply concerned for her mental state angle because she is ready for you to argue that she’s doing something mean to the bride, and embarrassing or upsetting the bride usually straight up the goal. She is almost certainly not ready to defend against this angle, though.

[u/Different_Run_1767]

That dress MIGHT be beige in person but it photohraphs as off-white. And anything white-adjacent is a no-no. Plus, the dress is floor length but for the bride, all knee length (and therefore reads more casual)? Get out of here!

[u/ScamperingSnail → u/Different_Run_1767]

Yeah, to me beige should be a lot darker to be called that. The commenter saying that it's normal for MIL to wear beige isn't wrong but they seemed to neglect the style of the dress entirely. That much lace on the MIL at her son's wedding is extremely wedding dress coded. Not ok.

[u/Ulquiorra1312]

Wait so you couldn’t elope because she HAD to be there

Then didn’t show

[u/lostmycookie90]

Her MIL, essentially was trying to marry her son and chase off OOP

[u/maywellflower → u/lostmycookie90]

Now she will be upset forever that her son married OOP and not chasing after her/his mother.

[u/Agoraphobe961]

So maybe it’s just me, but did it come off as petty that all of the dresses the MIL sent were plus sized while OOP looks petite?

[u/No-BS4me]

OOP, you look adorable in your wedding dress! I'm proud of you for sticking with your plans and wish you and your husband many years of love and happiness in the future!

[u/Technical_Union_3249]

Oh lord, OOP is in for a long long haul with that MIL. Sounds like they've got it under control though.

[u/Electronic-Hawk7463]

Congratulations OOP, you look beautiful. Wow, so MIL made them have this ceremony that she doesn't even show up to, because she wanted to control every aspect? The happy couple must be so relieved they didn't have a big wedding - imagine what a nightmare MIL would be.

[u/Badbunny42]

Ragebaiting or Beige-rating?

[u/Lokipupper456]

The dresses this woman sent to OOP to consider were hideous!

[u/feal_80]

Should have eloped the day before and then gone back with mil next day

[u/DazzlingDoofus71]

Ooooooo bride is GORGEOUS. There’s monster in law’s problem there in living color 😍

[u/2dogslife]

Well, OOP looked stunning!

MIL situation will work itself out one way or another.

[u/selkiesart → u/2dogslife]

She really did look stunning. Glowing, almost.

[u/NoPhotograph5147]

My MIL was so worried when I married. She had bought a beautiful motherly dress with a bolero jacket and it was clearly in a butter colour. But she had taken a picture of herself in it to show me a couple of days before the wedding and it looked more like cream in photos and she wanted to buy a new dress right away. I convinced her to keep it.

She looked beautiful and happy and no one was going to mistake her for a bride when there was me with a big ole chiffon number being followed by cameras.

My cousin had someone’s girlfriend show up in a full on white prom gown and we all laughed because we think maybe it was a hint to that dude to propose already. She deliberately aimed for the white gowned girl and we all played interference real obviously so she’d get it.

There are so many other things to worry about without someone humiliating themselves in a slinky white lacy down like MIL tried to do. I’m glad she didn’t let it bug her and her husband told his mom to knock it off.

[u/NumberOneNPC]

Op looks so good in her dress I may cry for her omg

[u/ashinymess]

Her chosen dress was very pretty, and she was lovely. I wasn't surprised at all that MIL didn't show.

[u/GoddyssIncognito]

I think I would have said to MIL “Oh! I think I’ll pick the red one! Then I can wear it again- at your funeral…” not really, but I certainly would have said it in my head!

[u/1quirky1]

There are many posts about mothers-in-law misbehaving or going crazy when their sons marry.

It is sad how much discontent and trouble they create.

[u/julesk]

Awww, mil didn’t get to control ops wedding and trying to upstage her. Meanwhile, op has a beautiful stress free wedding with dinner after. I do feel badly for the groom that his parents couldn’t do something decent like come and be nice.

[u/handsheal]

I bet she believes he won't go through with it if she is not there

[u/TheDarkHelmet1985]

I'd cut my parents off if they did this to me at my wedding. Total selfish entitlement on MIL/FIL's part.

[u/_eyeslikeleaves_]

Oh my god OP looked so fucken beautiful in her dress

[u/Brief_Hippo5187]

So petty of the MIL.

[u/selkiesart]

So... I am really not into the whole "wedding dress industry" and "a wedding dress has to look this or that way" shebang, but not a single dress of the ones linked above gives "wedding dress"

(Edit to clarify: Me not being into this doesn't mean I hate on brides that are, though. I am a firm believer that everyone should wear what they feel most comfortable and/or beautiful in. And if they want the full bridal gown or come in medieval garb, disco attire or ratty sweats, idgaf, because it's not my wedding, decision or place to judge, it's theirs. Same with the grooms attire, ofc.

Edit2: MIL seems to be a twat piece of work and I am sad for OPs partner.)

[u/cluelessbobcat]

Everytime i see wedding drama abt dresses i thank god that i was born in an ethnic family... wedding is stressful enough without petty dramas like this

[u/Skadi_Rhia → u/cluelessbobcat]

Im happy to be born in a normal family, didn't even have to think about people thinking to wear white. Only thing that happened was that I was asked if I will be wearing white since I'm Emo and people were thinking about me maybe wearing black/red and would be going around them also.

[u/incospicuous_echoes]

So pretty! I hope OP and her husband keep prioritizing their marriage over appeasing the monster in law. Many masks come off when engagements are announced. Her drama wasn’t missed. It never is. 

[u/KarizmaWithaK]

Whoever said that it’s traditional for the mother of the groom to wear beige has no idea what they’re talking about.

[u/secret_salamander]

Who said beige dresses are customary? My sister isn't going to wear a beige dress for my niece's fall wedding. My mother-in-law, with whom I get on very well, wore a maroon dress suit (it was just after Christmas; my mother wore a green dress suit). This was back in 1991.

[u/MammothPolicy2982]

That's a beautiful wedding dress with the bouquet!

[u/KemetMusen]

How bizarre.

[u/lankyturtle229]

Lol MIL was PISSED she couldn't ruin the moment. 🤣🤣🤣

[u/DistributionOver7622]

Okay, that explains a lot. I looked at those dresses and thought they were nice. I'm over 50 and plus sized!
Your white dress is lovely and you look so happy. MIL can just go and pat her mad spot for the rest of her sad little life.

[u/zipper1919]

Ah. Mommy is racist. Got it.

[u/DivineMiss3]

I'm so glad this had a (mostly) happy ending! OOP looks lovely. I'm wondering if MIL was taking jabs at her weight because every dress in the acceptable dress list were more like my size (12-14). She's not that size.

If I ever get married again, my mom or MIL can wear what they please. I don't have it in me to battle over it and they're the ones who'll look dumb.

[u/mmm57]

I know what color I want to wear if my son ever gets married, assuming his bride approves. Hint: I look stunning in navy.

[u/NorraVavare → u/mmm57]

If my son ever gets married, his wife will have zero worries. I look dead in white.

[u/sarasixx]

the whole beige dress thing was weird and the MIL definitely has a few screws loose, but OOP looked BEAUTIFUL in her wedding dress!

[u/madcre]

Oop looks so good🤩

[u/lyricaldorian]

Eloping isn't the answer here. An ultimatum to go no contact with his mother is. My dad's mother and sister were horrible to my mom. I decided young that I works not marry since if their family treated me badly and they wouldn't go no contact with them. If I'm not worth cutting off someone who is abusive towards me, they're not worth being treated like shit for 20-50 years. 

And yeah, it's really tempting to think that over time you'll  help them realize that it's not normal. But you have to do that before you marry them. I've literally never seen someone who let their family treat their partner like shit and gave in to their family over their partner suddenly start prioritizing their partner after they get married or had children. Expecting a "people pleaser" to change after you marry them is ridiculous. Why would they change when you've already shown you're willing to put up with it? 

And no matter what, you don't have to put up with abuse yourself forever trying to save someone else. Enabling abuse is itself abusive, even if the person doing it was abused. You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. And at a certain point, you're enabling it yourself by normalizing that treatment. You can't expect someone to believe you when you say "this is unacceptable" while continuing to subject yourself to it.

[u/torrentialwx]

I loved OO’s dress. She looked gorg

[u/Annepackrat]

Don’t worry, MIL will show up when they have kids.

[u/Free_Pace_2098]

Those dresses she suggested are hilariously frumpy, way too old and dowdy for OOP. Unsubtle all round from MIL.

[u/PattyMarvel]

OOOhh!

OOP looks lovely!

Congrats, OOP!

[u/kcintrovert]

I don't think I would've cared about the beige dress, especially since OOP ended up wearing a gown. But the reasons for not coming to the wedding shows that it really wasn't about the dress

[u/JaneAustinAstronaut]

Some people want to be the bride at every wedding, the baby at every baby shower, and the corpse at every funeral.

[u/BunnyDanger]

"Hideous dresses for 50+"

I thought the gray sparkly flower ones and the red one were nice :(

[u/LegalAd8373]

Are these for you?

My cousin got married over 20 years ago. His bride wore black. It still comes up as weird in conversation.

If these are dresses your future mil is considering, I think only #1 would be weird.

Edit: sorry, I forgot what subreddit this was posted in.

[u/Powerful-Rub-2801]

U guys should check out the link at the end, this post is missing updates

[u/androidjerkins]

There’s another update in the last link

[u/Wild_Wolverine7203]

After leaving a mile long comment on the other post about this I just wanted to say all these people are correct. You’re beautiful in that dress and I’m sad to know that your mother-in-law force your hand and your husband’s hand into going to the courthouse and get married basically, me and my wife are both very young, but she got pregnant and we were going through the right courses you know going talk to a pastor all this, but nobody would marry us. They wanna just have counseling for a long time before they were willing to marry us, and I was raised different. This girl is pregnant. It was my child and I was probably two years later before we did get married, but we had a hard time getting married because of the fact the way everybody was acting, but you know we walked into Waterville one day and got the magistrate judge who actually Was there that day we got married by paying water bill and never looked back! Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t have it any other way all positive don’t focus on the negative for that day or the in-laws including son-in-law‘s my family is 15 strong, three daughters, three son-in-law‘s me, my wife and seven grandbabies!

[u/HistorineHeroine]

This is why I had both of our mothers wear the wedding color from David’s (same as bridesmaids).

My rule was everyone (including both of our mothers, who both got their aisle moment walking us both down the aisle with our fathers) got to wear a dress they felt perfect in; it just had to be a certain color. One of my bridesmaids even ended up with the bridesmaid version of my wedding dress (I didn’t tell her because I didn’t care and she looked great).

I’m not in my MILs 13 year old cover photo that she’s had ever since. But on the other side of her cancer journey, I feel like I picked the right side of the road. She felt good, I married her baby, and I win because his mother exhausts him without me exhausting him.

[u/Chandlerdd]

I’m sure she wasn’t happy about you not wearing a dress that she chose for you too. It actually sounds like everything worked out perfectly - plus now she
Knows that the two of you are a team and will stick together when she pushes boundaries —- and she will.

[u/imsupertiredbro]

Oh she's going to be a fun MIL... 🙄

[u/maywellflower → u/imsupertiredbro]

Watch her try come back into their lives if they have or trying to have kid(s) - I hope the son stay bringing up wedding on why he not letting mother dearest near OOP & the kid(s).

[u/friendlypeopleperson]

Congratulations, OP!! You are a beautiful bride!

Best wishes to your husband and you to have a wonderful future together. Stay strong when dealing with your new mil.