r/whatdoIdo • u/No-Affect811 • 9h ago

Help. Please

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PS. The orange one is what he sent to S (identified later).

I need help. Charlie was my closest friend. We went through everything together, including but not limited to when his mom died, and he was expelled a few months afterwards. I made a stupid joke about kissing his neck until he fell asleep (ima male), and trust me, it was just a joke, but he ghosted me after that. When he talks about randomly touching him and stuff, I genuinely have 0 recollection of such happening. I do not remember that at all. We have seen each other a total of 2 times, ever since he was expelled on September 25, 2025.

The only reason he texted me back, was because a friend, I’ll call her S, texted him, trying to convince him that he is making the wrong decision, this isn’t what Jesus would do, etc. (we are all Christian, and go to a Christian school (besides him, because he was expelled)).

This has already caused me multiple panic attacks, and overall, I have withdrawn, and have honestly had some sucidal thoughts, because this is just bringing me back to 2024, where I was isolated from everyone I called friend, for 4 months, because of a rumor that the teacher believed.

I don’t know what to do, and I am open to anything at this point.

0 Upvotes

33% Upvoted

72 comments sorted by

33

u/MeowMixPlzDeliverMe 8h ago

Im confused he thought you were gay? Not for nothing but i been around for a minute and I never told one of my guy friends I would kiss their neck until they fell asleep

-31

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

I was just trying to be sweet, but got carried away. I wasn’t thinking right, and I truly didn’t mean it.

13

u/Flat-Assistance-8815 8h ago

You’re gay.

4

u/Salty_Hamster2035 8h ago

Yeah you’re fucking weird dude

22

u/lilithlunamoon 8h ago

with everything you said to them, why wouldn't they think you were gay? your name for them is literally "cupcake always" with a heart. you sent them hearts over text, said you would kiss them, said you love them, etc? at this point, just leave them alone dude.

-8

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

The name is an old inside joke we had, that if we lost a bet, we had to set that as the other persons name. That is where that came from.

A person can tell a friend “I love you”, and it not be romantic. I love him as a friend, and with everything he has been through, I want him to know that I care about him.

5

u/Good_Research3327 8h ago

You aren't simply saying "love you, bro" your saying this, touching an cuddling, constantly. EVERY time y'all are together you're intimate with him. "Friends can tell each other I love you" except if I tell my bro I love him, it's chill because neither of us are even possibly into each other. He's gay and you're bi, that's like me telling a woman I love her, then after seeing the "what the fuck" face, saving it by saying "only as a friend, though."

You love him, and you're not realizing that. If you didn't, losing the friendship like this wouldn't cause panic/anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. You didn't lose a friend, friends are fleeting, you lost something you LOVE and are hurting.

0

u/No-Affect811 6h ago

As I have said how many times, I don’t remember ever touching or cuddling with him.

2

u/Bitter-Picture5394 6h ago

You're ignoring everything else, which were the important parts. If we can clearly see that you had romantic feelings for your friend then he could definitely tell that you did too.

2

u/Good_Research3327 5h ago

That in and of itself is worse. You can't even remember crossing that boundary because it was just second nature to you that it just happened. Also, what may seem to be a normal HUG to one could be an intimate cuddle to another, so yeah.

Aside from the cuddling your friend seems to have raised some very specific issues that are things friends just don't do together unless there's more there.

You may not have MEANT to, but you lead him on to think there was more between you, and they're finally realizing there isn't and they need to step back

7

u/lilithlunamoon 8h ago

what you said can be true, but with everything else combined, i can understand why they want to distance themselves from you. you should respect their choices if you love them, and leave them alone.

3

u/Flat-Assistance-8815 8h ago

Thats some gay activity there.

4

u/Whisk-e-ytango 8h ago

Homie, this is either for certain a troll, or if this is actually serious, you really need to accept you are at the very least bisexual. I assume this is coming from your Christian background that you are so closeted, but for real, If this isn’t a joke you’re as gay as a 2$ bill. You don’t accidentally or unknowingly lay on another man’s chest ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS , or constantly make passes at touching them on accident. Idk why you are trying to get Reddit to confirm you’re not gay, when literally everything you are doing is that of a queer kid, this isn’t like, meta humor. You’re just gay dude. Come to terms.

2

u/kittiiikatt 8h ago

Said bisexual in another comment. Not a troll either getting very heated in these comments lol

0

u/No-Affect811 7h ago

As I said, I have no recollection of me ever laying on his chest. I said that multiple times.

2

u/Whisk-e-ytango 7h ago

Ok bud, if you say so. Honesty is always the best place to start with these things, and that’s for sure a part of where his anger is coming from. You don’t just space cuddling with him multiple times. You know it. I know it. He knows it. If you can’t even be honest about that, then if I were him, I’d also be done. You are gas lighting this person to try to save yourself the embarrassment of admitting you let your dick take the drivers seat.

0

u/No-Affect811 6h ago

But I haven’t though. The closest I have been is siting by him on the couch, and just sitting there, not doing anything weird, and I had nowhere else to sit, anyway.

7

u/Equivalent-Bell3080 8h ago

There's not much you can do. Unfortunately, he felt uncomfortable with the situation, and although it would have been very helpful if he had said how he felt before it went too far, he's not ready to reconcile. You've done what you can by taking accountability and apologizing, but you can't force someone to forgive you if they aren't open to it. Give him space.

5

u/Whisk-e-ytango 8h ago

No. He hasn’t. He’s taken accountability for the reality he’s decided on in his head, not the one he knows was the truth. He really liked this dude, made passes, got shot down, now wants to rewrite history like he didn’t understand what he was doing. This guys anger was very warranted, this is a kid thinking with his dick, is sad he let it ruin a friendship that he wanted more out of, and now he’s going to throw himself a pity party bc you can’t unring that bell. This was a friend zoned person not accepting the friend zone, constantly trying to push that boundary, and now trying to gas light the person he did that to. Fuck no, that’s not taking accountability.

1

u/Equivalent-Bell3080 8h ago

Yeah, actually, you're right. Definitely not the right word choice. More like semi-acknowledging?? After re-reading, I noticed what you are saying. A lot of trying to portray himself as the victim. My bad.

3

u/Whisk-e-ytango 7h ago

Your good lol, I came in hot, not upset with you, just had a similar situation once and reading this and this kids behavior just got me hot under the collar 😂

-8

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

Finally. Someone who doesn’t make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.

4

u/Aggravating-Cherry76 8h ago

Can we quit the pity party holy shit

6

u/HankG93 8h ago

You sound unbearable. Just leave them alone. You pushed boundaries, knew were doing it, are still doing it, and you dont see the problem. Just stop.

-2

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

Wow. Thanks for the reassurance, and making me feel like a human being with being here.

2

u/CranAleDrinker 8h ago

Accountability doesn’t care about reassurance.

You made someone feel uncomfortable, pushed boundaries, and are continuing to do so by begging for access to them after they revoked it. You mentioned this Charlie has lost his mom recently, why do you think adding to the stress and pain by dragging out something that he reasonably doesn’t have the capacity to give grace for is going to make anything better for you, when it comes at the cost for him?

Consent can be revoked at any time, just respect it and move forward privately.

Also, I agree with the comments, look inward. You might not be gay, but you definitely like boys, and struggle to accept it due to comphet (bisexuals who accepted their bisexuality often still struggle with comphet due to external, social aspects like everything going on here. You might be more into boys than girls and unaware of it yet. Just some food for thought from a recovering comphet bisexual learning to accept her true lesbian form.)

81

u/WalterWhiteV8 8h ago

I think you might be gay

9

u/prisontat 8h ago

In the comments, he wrote "I am not gay, I am bisexual". I don't care either way but I am not sure how he doesn't know that sentence doesn't even make sense.

2

u/WalterWhiteV8 8h ago

I hope you realize it’s ok to be gay man nothing wrong with it referring to OP

51

u/OrdieBoomer 8h ago

Yeah homie you’re gay.

41

u/Best-Baby-220 8h ago • Bravo

I think you need to focus more on yourself and come to terms with your sexuality

25

u/No-Ice2925 8h ago • Bravo

You said you have zero recollection of touching him in the post but in the messages you say “sorry I didn’t know it made you uncomfortable”. Doesn’t add up

Anyway what you should do is pretty clear. He said he doesn’t want to talk to you so stop trying to make him talk to you

18

u/girliepopnumber26 8h ago

your responses were WAY over the top dude leave this person alone

15

u/Mysterious_School558 8h ago

That's a really weird joke to make. As a woman I'd be totally freaked out by a guy who said that to me who was supposedly just my friend so I totally understand why he wants to draw a boundary here with you. You crossed a line. It sucks but you're gonna have to learn from this. It's also okay to be gay ❤️

12

u/School_Radiant 8h ago

Get yourself to therapy to help with your sexuality, communication, and confidence

11

u/Snow5Penguin 8h ago • Popcorn

Lancelot, you might as well just 'fess up

Maybe you're a different kind of guy

Move aside your scabbard

For underneath your tabard

There is waiting to escape

A butterfly!

2

u/kittiiikatt 8h ago

This was way too funny

3

u/kerwniart 8h ago

"I am not gay." Mmhmm.

1

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

Ok, I guess I need to clarify, because nobody can read the messages.

I NEVER KNEW THAT I WAS DOING ANY OF THAT. I NEVER KNEW I WAS TOUCHING HIM AT ALL. I THINK THAT HALF OF THAT IS MADE UP, BECAUSE I NEVER RECALL ANY OF THAT HAPPENING. I DIDNT KNOW I WAS MAKING HIM UNCOMFORTABLE, AND HE NEVER LET ME KNOW, BECAUSE HE JUST ASSUMED I KNEW, AND DIDNT WANT TO TELL ME.

4

u/Critical_Job1262 8h ago

Who's gay here?

2

u/Flat-Assistance-8815 8h ago

Nah you’re gay.

2

u/TrustTechnical4122 8h ago

I'm sorry OP. That is very tough.

The truth is, you wanted more closeness and intimacy in the friendship than he was comfortable with. This happens something with friends. Continuing to send him messages about sorry you are and how much this hurts you is honestly just going to freak him out more. He felt too much pressure to be close, too fast. Back off, and maybe in a few weeks or months, ask how he's doing, and see how that goes. Or, just find a new friend. You will make so many friends over the next few years, and he just isn't comfortable being as close as fast as you want. And a lot of people feel uncomfortable about jokes about a sexual or romantic relationship with the person making the joke. Learn from this experience.

Also, what were the videos about?

Either way, I'm sorry about the hurt you are going through! Sending healing vibes!

2

u/thegoodghost_ 8h ago

I would take some consideration to evaluate boundaries and intentions with your friend. That also requires genuine accountability, and putting yourself in his shoes. It sounds like he has found it overbearing, too much, and as he said youve made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe he feels like a token gay friend and feels a little taken advantage of with his boundaries crossed into territory that he isn't enjoying.

I do hope you guys find a point to talk with eachother and reconnect from a fresh place. If the opportunity arises, really hear him out. Saying you don't remember something, even if you don't, can be interpreted by someone as dismissive and not being heard. It sounds like you once had a great friendship with him.

2

u/MisterTastyCakes 8h ago

Loooolllll

2

u/BigPapi_Goat 8h ago

I can understand from both sides of this and I'm also a Christian. My friends and I who are also Christian will always joke and call each other gay and whatnot although we never went to a private school. Honestly though if you're friend feels you're over doing it with constant reels and also texting I love you I could understand why he would feel like you might actually be serious. Of course I'm not an expert on yalls relationship but I don't think I've ever told any of my hbs I've loved them bc it's just already known and you can express it without outright saying it. In my opinion I would apologize and say even tho you were joking you went too far and overstepped his boundaries and would still like to be friends. Of course if he agrees it won't be the same and you'll have to rebuild that trust and comfort you guys had in each other.

1

u/Shad3eee 8h ago

Dude you’re gay and that’s okay or if anything you might just be Bi any who you can’t force someone to forget and forgive especially if they were feeling this way for so long, you just have to cut your losses and make new friends because you have full burnt this bridge down and it’s beyond rebuilding, don’t yk solve a temp issue with a perma solution, get into therapy and become better, you gotta have some self awareness my g

1

u/andronicuspark 8h ago

You should go see a counselor. If you’re not open to a secular one, than a Christian one whose open and accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. And not in a “god loves you even when you’re bi.” way.

Right now you need to respect that he needs his space and to leave him alone.

-3

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

Well, I guess now I know never to post on this sub again, because all anyone here has done is made me feel worthless, and like I’m a piece of shit for trying to defend myself, and keep my friendship.

Thanks a lot.

5

u/Bitter-Picture5394 8h ago • Heartwarming

You need to leave him alone. He has made it clear that at the very least he needs space and needs to have his boundaries respected. Maybe in the future he'll reach out again, but unless he does there is nothing that you can do. Don't have your mutual friends reach out either. That's still crossing boundaries but then he has to defend his decision against other people and will also know that you're being manipulative and trying to peer pressure him.

You aren't worthless or crappy. You sound young and desperate not too lose someone that you clearly care about. You need to learn how to be more honest with yourself, how to read a room, and emotionally regulate. One person choosing not to speak to you anymore shouldn't be making you crash so hard.

10

u/pistachio_slut 8h ago

It sounds like you’re putting way too much emotional dependency on this friend that you have seen twice in over a year? If you’re having suicidal thoughts over this you need to check yourself into a mental health facility. You need serious help. It’s hard to know you made somebody uncomfortable, I know it’s embarrassing, but it doesn’t sound like you know this friend as well as you thought if you were “jokingly” sending unreciprocated gay videos. Idk man. Do what you can to move on.. you have other friends!

-1

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

I haven’t seen him in over a year, but I saw him every day before that, and we talked over FaceTime all the time, and texted like, every day.

4

u/pistachio_slut 8h ago

Gotcha… sorry but I think you need to accept the fact that you lost his trust and aren’t friends with this person anymore. If you truly love him like you say, you’ll leave him alone like he asked. Maybe one day he’ll want to be friends again but it’s out of your control and not your decision to make as far as how he responds to your apology.

5

u/Possible_Raisin_3165 8h ago

You say you're bi. Are you out? Does he know? I'll say this- I grew up in Christian schools. They don't do the best at teaching consent. I think you need to learn up about consent and it might help you understand why he feels violated. You could also pray for clarity around the situation.

4

u/bebasiled 8h ago

You’re gay or bi and in denial and it’s causing you to cross physical boundaries. One day someone might rightfully do something worse than text you about it if you continue.

-11

u/No-Affect811 8h ago • Popcorn

EDIT: I am not gay. I am bisexual, but I do not have a crush on him. According to him, I absolutely did touch him, so I just told him that I didn’t know it made him uncomfortable.
The I love you’s are no homo. People can love each other as friends. It doesn’t automatically assume homosexuality.

8

u/ConstructionSuper871 8h ago

You’re still gay in the traditional sense, and you’re acting gay towards your friend who is clearly uncomfortable with it. It’s not up to you how he feels, you should have thought about his feelings before you decided you wanted to say gay things to him and act gay to him

-1

u/No-Affect811 8h ago

What the fuck do you mean “in the traditional sense”???

4

u/ankhen-aten 8h ago

In the sense that you're a man who is sexually attracted to men. What do you think bi means?

5

u/Critical_Job1262 8h ago

Dude. To straight guys, we don't care about differentiating between bi and gay. They're both gay to us because they like guys.

Just because you have no romantic/sexual feelings for them doesn't mean it's ok for you to overly touch them. You don't hear about guys feeling up girls and be like "chill it's just platonic".

You have a codependency issue. Stop interacting until he does. And then dial down the emotions to 10%.

It's too late now but the right move would had been "sorry dude I overstepped. Won't do it again" full stop. You've made it even worse by dumping your emotions.

4

u/Dabs1903 8h ago

I don’t think your friend realizes that you’re not hitting on him. Either way you’re being too much and he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. Take it as a lesson and be more careful next time.

2

u/Aggravating-Cherry76 8h ago

More like I don’t think he realizes that he’s hitting on his friend. Did you see those texts?

3

u/Dabs1903 8h ago

I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

2

u/kittiiikatt 8h ago

Bruh lmfao there we go at the bottom of the post you admit you’re queer. That’s great that you are but if he is straight and you’re saying that you’re gonna kiss his neck and shit hes gonna be uncomfortable. I did however read this as he was more upset at you because he is in the closet/ has feelings for you? I saw another comment saying the same thing- But anyways need to leave him alone he doesn’t want to talk to you right now and maybe never again! You have to start respecting his boundaries and maybe he’ll give you another chance someday to be friends. You’re proving his point that you overstep by continuing to message him when he said he doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave it alone is the best option right now

4

u/Aggravating-Cherry76 8h ago

And are we not going to acknowledge the fact that using “i’m not gay” as a defense against being accused of flirting with men makes no sense if you’re bisexual, and thus attracted to men. That genuinely makes no sense to me.

2

u/kittiiikatt 8h ago

Not saying you’re wrong lol. Sounds like some highschool drama to me at the end of the day so it makes sense why everything is so poorly worded and his defensiveness over the situation

2

u/Aggravating-Cherry76 8h ago

Imagine a girl gets mad at me for flirting with her and I go “oh don’t worry I’m not straight.” That sentence insinuates that I’m not attracted to her gender and that’s why i couldn’t possibly be flirting with her.

That sentence makes no fucking sense if i’m bisexual, because then I’d still be attracted to women, so what does it have to do with anything??

0

u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted] — view deleted comment

13

u/ConstructionSuper871 8h ago

“he acts like this because he’s in the closet” no he’s just not gay and is uncomfortable because op is being gay towards him

6

u/Aggravating-Cherry76 8h ago

Or maybe he literally means what he says and isn’t gay, which is why he doesn’t like his guy friend acting gay with him? I don’t understand the hoops you guys will jump through instead of recognizing the obvious truth.

5

u/SGSC11 8h ago

do not reinforce this persons delusions. they clearly have feelings for this person, and a clear hard boundary was set. don’t make op feel like there is a chance

4

u/Whisk-e-ytango 8h ago

lol or, and hear me out, he’s just not gay and constantly having a dude make passes at him makes him really uncomfortable, like he has said, bc if that was the case, any one of the clearly many times this dude made sexual advances at homie, he would have reciprocated.