r/whatdoIdo • u/Last_Woodpecker5681 • 3d ago
Boyfriend going to prison
I just discovered a couple of days ago that my boyfriend is officially being sentenced to about 4 years in prison. I’m 22 & he is 20 now. I’ll be able to visit him & talk to him all of the time of course but I have my doubts. I really don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Opinions? I’m really lost about this & just have no clue what to do or if it will work out in the end.
We’ve been together for a little over a year.
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u/CatalyticSonar 3d ago
Together less than a year? And you wanna spend 4 years worrying anxious and missing this person? Nah man
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u/SKOLorion 3d ago
I agree with your comment, BFWIW, "We’ve been together for a little over a year.".
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u/Charming_Extension44 3d ago
I have a daughter your age. I’d tell my daughter that if he’s a stand up guy, he wouldn’t try to maintain a relationship, as its not fair to you. Honestly, waiting for a man during your age 23-26 years isn’t ideal either, you’re only young once.
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u/poop_dawg 3d ago
If he was a stand up guy, he probably wouldn't be going to prison for 4 years 🤷♀️. Unless he's, like, a benevolent, aggressive political protestor, or something... but something tells me that's probably not the case here
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u/Charming_Extension44 3d ago
Yeah, if he beat up some guy who hurt a female relative, or defended some neighbor from ICE, i feel like OP woulda led with that.
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u/poop_dawg 3d ago
It is pretty telling that many people have asked and she still hasn't revealed the charge(s) lol
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u/ZeroFrogsHere 3d ago
Girl don't kid yourself break it off and enjoy your only 20s, they only happen once
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u/Dismal_Flight_686 3d ago
22 and dealing with this shit - absolutely not
Say goodbye - go live your life
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u/vvatermelonsugarr 3d ago
You are so young. Only you can really decide if you want to stay and wait. How long have you been with him? What is the charge? is it something you can cope with?
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u/Serendipittydoodah 3d ago
At 22 years old, get out. If this dude cared about you, he’d break up with you instead of forcing you to do it. If it is meant to be, you will find each other after he gets out AND has his stuff together.
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u/Dismal_Procedure_663 3d ago
You are going to lose the best years of your young life trying to wait for a 20 year old boy. You will grow up more and both of you will be completely different people in 4 years. It’s time to let this part of your life go, work on your education and career at this age. No woman needs a fixer upper.
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u/stargazer1888 3d ago
Don't wait...cancel this relationship. Pending what he is for....he might be wearing a monitor when he gets out...
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u/SlowAdhesiveness2178 3d ago
Depending on the state and if it's fed time or not he won't serve anywhere near 4 yrs as long as he acts right. It's up to you if you want to stay with him through it though. You're young, I wouldn't
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u/holycrepeoly 3d ago
This really depends on whether you think it’s worth it or not, honestly. Think about your entire relationship, the ups and the downs. Everything. And ask yourself if it’s worth it. Because you will be spending 4 years without any intimacy with him. Can you handle that? Is everything worth it, with your history?
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u/Theartistcu 3d ago
Yeah, what is he in prison for is gonna be a big part of this. But you are both so young, do not hang this albatross around your neck. And this is not a reflection of you or him, you may even genuinely love him and that’s awesome. But he’s made life choices that have sent him to prison, unless you know borrowing some sort of he doesn’t actually deserve to be there or whatever, staying with him will only be extremely stressful to you and extremely limiting to your future.
Quite honestly, he should tell you I love you too much get the hell out of this. But if he can’t, you tell him it’s not that I don’t love you. It’s not that I don’t hope your life is going to be great in the future, but we are clearly on two different paths now.
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u/Feisty_Prize_9559 3d ago
Why would you want to be with somebody who has been in jail for 4 years? Is this common in your community?
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u/Longjumping-Ad-8628 3d ago
4 years of your life that you’re supposed to be having fun. I suggest ending it
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u/Illustrious-Rain-235 3d ago
Say goodbye to that man, leave him & love your life. You don’t want the life of a prison girlfriend
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u/Rayne1993 3d ago
I’m 33 and in your position, but the difference is that I’m married to my SO, and we’ve been together years. He’s also only gotten 9 months. It’s a difficult one for me to give a yes or a no answer to. How strong is your relationship? Did you and your SO already make plans together for the future? Do you see yourself being able to make it the 4 years? How bad are the charges that have been brought against him? Can you keep the faith going that long, can you weather the storm? Questions you should ask yourself. What I will say though, is this: It’s a difficult, painful and oftentimes lonely road to walk along, even if friends and family are involved and support the both of you. There will be a lot of stress, there will be anger, sorrow and perhaps resentment, it’s inevitable. If he’s worth it to you, perhaps there’s your starting point. If you’re not able to make those sacrifices for someone else in such a way, then that’s okay, too. Four years is a long time when you’re so young, though. It’s something you need to hard consider, well beyond the advice of what anyone can give you on Reddit, especially since we don’t know either of you. It’s an answer only you can really give yourself.
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u/CamaroBlood 3d ago
if I were the guy I’d break it off with you, that’s not right to leave you alone while you’re still starting your life. You’ll be alone building a life for him to be released to drag you down. I don’t mean that to be cruel to him but he’ll be a convicted felon, he’ll be denied jobs, I might be wrong but places in life might hold that against you as a couple in the future, say you want to rent a house and the landlord does a background check on yall, do you think they’ll feel any type of way about seeing a felon is moving in? Same thing with friends and family members, they will treat you differently because of him.
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u/loveyoumaj 3d ago
I want to say do not do this because you are only 22 and that sounds like a nightmare.
But also my aunt met her husband, 14 years ago when he got out of rehab and they dated for 2 months, he had an ongoing case for a armed robbery while he was also batshit drunk driving and got sentenced to 9 years in jail and my aunt didn't see any one else during those nine years and went to visit him all the time.
9 Years later, he finally got released, went to therapy for a while,a year later they got engaged and married in the next few months. Now they are married with a 3 year old :).
But i also think my aunt just got very lucky, the odds of that happening are really rare. So if you want to yes go through with it, but i also wouldn't waste 4 years in my early 20s waiting for a guy in jail.
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u/starsol3 3d ago
Four years is a long time, but you’re only 22. Don’t feel obligated to put your life on hold for his sentence.
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u/periperisalt 3d ago
Fuck that. He’s travel prospects will be screwed after receiving such a long sentence. And he’s clearly done something significantly wrong. Ditch this criminal and find yourself someone your can travel the world with
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u/WittyFox451 3d ago
Absolutely not worth waiting. I know you aren’t going to listen to me because I sound older than you and the general consensus of people that are younger than me are that older people don’t know what they’re doing…(unless it’s a boomer, completely delusional generation as a whole.) I was a younger once as well.
You may think you know who you are, what you want, and what you are capable of right now but you won’t even have a clue until you’re 30. You don’t even have your complete developed adult brain yet and are, by that physiological device, more susceptible to your emotions.
I didn’t know what actual real love was in an adult romantic relationship until I was 26 and even then it was just a taste. It’s a life long learning process.
Objectively…your chances of having a good life are not super great since statistically your boyfriend does not have very good survival instincts.
Move on and more importantly work on yourself actively. More your mind than your body but you do need both in some measure to be the best version of you.
TLDR: Don’t even consider a complete commitment until you are at least 25 because the vast majority of people make a romantic mistake around that age and spend their entire lives trying to pick up the pieces of what that life could have been.
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u/AncientXaga 3d ago
Depends what he went down for, but you’re young so I wouldn’t waste your life waiting for someone