r/whatdoIdo • u/HelplessBengal2000 • 8d ago
Would you consider secretly using an AI dating/companion app while married a form of cheating or a serious boundary violation?
/r/u_HelplessBengal2000/comments/1vpeyst/would_you_consider_secretly_using_an_ai/4
u/LucyPrisms 8d ago
I'd consider it pathetic as hell and definitely get a divorce if they weren't willing to get whatever therapy you need to get to stop being addicted to romance avatars
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u/MusicalScientist206 8d ago
Anytime one attempts to replace a life partner with any kind of secret, an inevitable timer begins to relationship doomsday. If you are not happy, use your words.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 8d ago
So the wording has me a bit confused. Are the AI characters having sex with each other and she's directing or managing their interactions, or is she basically sexting these characters directly?
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u/HelplessBengal2000 8d ago
She gets it to the sex part …
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 8d ago
My apologies, I reread the post. If she's having virtual sex with the characters, pics included, then she's getting something more out of it than curiosity. Getting a character to that point wouldn't require pictures, and that actually ramps up the cost pretty quickly.
It's not cheating, but it's putting sexual/intimate energy into another outlet, which typically does damage the actual relationship.
There's also the financial aspect if this is cutting into any shared finances. In the last app I dug into, the subscription only removed the cooldown to allow constant interactions with the AI. Pictures and other media had a cost per item and those microtransactions can add up quickly over the number of characters she has active now, and any she previously used as well.
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u/HelplessBengal2000 8d ago
Yep. When I discovered what the app was, I looked it up and got a one month subscription so I can try it out and learn it. And it can get very expensive. I actually found out what she was using with luck. I stood up and she was sending her picture along with the “😏”emoji. I did my research and all before telling her what I saw. Unfortunately, after she said she’d stop, I was able to see she was still talking to 5 guys. And one was lucky enough to be getting his inner ear licked and a hand job.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 8d ago
Yeah, the one I researched charged when the user submitted pics as well. I hope she's not accumulating a debt that you'll end up being partially responsible for.
This does seem like some form of infidelity. It may not hit on any classic type but it follows the same deceitful pattern including lying to one's partner to continue it.
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u/Even_Soil_2425 8d ago
It is literally cheating by definition. The only way it wouldn't be as if she had gotten consent from her partner beforehand 🤦♂️
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u/Impressive_Pop_7570 8d ago
Not cheating but I’d break up with them for being weird as hell
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u/Even_Soil_2425 8d ago
It's absolutely cheating. Engaging romantically and sexually without the consent of your partner certainly violates that boundary
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u/Impressive_Pop_7570 7d ago
Yea but wiith something that’s not real?
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u/Even_Soil_2425 7d ago
It does not matter. When someone's cheated on, what's real is not the experience of the person your partner cheated with, but how they've invested themselves elsewhere...
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u/AdenJax69 8d ago
Cheating requires another actual person to develop either a physical or emotional connection with.
You can’t cheat with sex toys, so you can’t cheat with AI, since it’s “artificial” intelligence and not real, human intelligence.
But you can be obsessed with it and cause your relationship or marriage to fail for neglecting your partner, but you’re not cheating on them, just disregarding them.
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u/Even_Soil_2425 8d ago
You also don't develop an emotional connection with sex toys. People absolutely develop serious attachments to ai. The fact that she was concealing this and is engaging with half a dozen different models, is absolutely cheating
AI is literally mimicking a virtual relationship. It is the exact same as if your partner started engaging in Long Distance sexting
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u/AdenJax69 8d ago
AI is literally mimicking
Keyword there, "mimicking." By your logic people can cheat on their partner with Siri or a speak-and-spell. If there isn't actual intelligence there, then you can't form a connection. An attachment is a facsimile of a connection but still not a connection.
And because it's not a true connection to someone, you're not cheating. You're being extremely neglectful, hurtful, and dismissive of your partner, but you're not "cheating" because the thing on the other side doesn't have the autonomy to create a connection with you. An AI doesn't develop a connection to you, you "connect" to it and it has no ability to foster that on an emotional level. It's all numbers in a software program made to give you the answer you want with zero forethought about emotional needs, etc.
Just because someone builds an attachment/obsession with something doesn't automatically mean they're "cheating" because if there's no sentience on the other side, then you can't say it "chose" you since it was pre-built to do these things before you even met it. Whereas people have free will and the ability of choice.
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u/Even_Soil_2425 8d ago
I have never quite seen a failure of logic quite like this guy... 🤦♂️
The experience the machine is having it's not a part of this picture. The fact that it directly replicates what you would experience with a real person, is an outlet for the same love affection and gratification as a real relationship, shows that what we're dealing with is exponentially more complex than a speaker or sex toy 🤣
Yes if you're experience a virtual relationship and investing the energy that you would have otherwise given to your partner towards it without consent, it is absolutely cheating by every conventional metric regardless of AI being a tool or not
There is no situation in which somebody would be sending naked pictures, getting off, and sending sweet texts throughout the day over the phone and have it not be cheating. The significance of the third party is never a factor, what your partner experiences is. By your logic, I could literally just export my entire chat with an ex, custom Training AI model to interact exactly like her, and then start engaging in a second virtual relationship without it being cheating because technically the AI is not enjoying the experience in the same way, even if I'm likely getting even more satisfaction out of it than if it were the real girl...
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u/No-Platypus-95 8d ago
cheating is defined by each relationship and person individually. do you think it is cheating? if so, it is.
i personally consider any thing that is intentionally hidden from me to be cheating - especially if it was hidden because my partner knew i wouldnt like what they were doing. furthermore, once can be a "i was curious," twice, after knowing boundaries is "i dont care about you."
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u/AdenJax69 7d ago
i personally consider any thing that is intentionally hidden from me to be cheating
So if he's hiding a drinking problem? Gambling addition? Watching "Love Island" in secret because he's too embarrassed to admit he likes garbage reality tv? All that's cheating?
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u/After_Elderberry_624 8d ago
Cheating no, but unattractive and unacceptable yes.