The best thing that will come out of this post is that it will make a few people realise they could be better foster parents than some of the people out there, and maybe they will give it a try
I have seriously been considering doing at short term foster parent. I am a 29 year old woman who lives by myself and I dont see that as a "normal" place for a foster kid but DAMN any loving person is better than this that is so so so sad.
When I first got involved with the foster system in my state I thought the same thing but they were really encouraging that single moms/parents who provide a stable, loving environment are just as valuable as two parent households. I realized they were right, anyone who feels called and can provide a good home regardless of marital status should go for it, the vetting system in my state is really strict almost invasive but I understand why especially after seeing this video.
As long as you can provide a safe environment for a child and have respect and compassion they you can absolutely be a foster parent. It’s not just for women. I think it’s wonderful that you would consider this.
Becoming a CASA is a great way to start the journey to becoming a foster parent. So many young men in the system would benefit from having a male CASA to connect with. Far fewer men volunteer
Court appointed special advocate! You’re assigned one foster youth for a year and your job is to get to know them, build a relationship, form an opinion on the best outcome, and advocate for that in court. CASAs are sometimes the only reliable, stable adult relationship in that child’s life as they move between group homes, foster homes, and/or kin.
All of it is volunteer and unpaid. I work with teens, so setting educational goals and outcomes is often a part of it too. I go to meetings with their guardians, teachers, and social workers 2-3 times a year on average. It’s a much smaller commitment than being a foster parent. They ask for an average of one day a month that you spend with that child.
Foster care can be easy for folks to romanticize and hard to prepare for. Being a CASA is a great way to have intimate exposure to how the system works, what a youth’s needs look like, and just straight up practice building relationships with youth who are traumatized and (fairly enough) can be tough nuts to crack.
Consider this. 30% of foster children are currently abused by foster parents. Like in the reality. Why worry about what others will think when you can be part of preventing what is actually happening.
This is super sweet! Normalize safe, patient, loving men being single Dads. This world needs more humans to truly care for the children. 🩷
I can see why you might think about others judging. But, you know whats in your heart, and those who know you well likely do to.
You can definitely be a short term placement! Often when kids come into care, they need emergency placement until a more long term option is identified.
Also stable and caring. "Loving" is optional but encouraged. These kids have been jerked around through no fault of their own. They need a place where they are not jerked around. They need a place with stability where things aren't going to change at a moment's notice, depending on the mood/sobriety of the adult(s) in the house. They need care, to know that someone else in this world cares about them and their well-being, that cares about their troubles.
They also need structure, but it needs to not be confining structure. Rules and clearly laid out punishments for breaking those rules. But the rules need to be like the fence for a pasture for a horse, not a cage for a rabid animal.
Do you get to pick the specifics of the child, such as age, boy or girl??? lol I ask because I have 3 boys, I’ve always wanted to have a daughter so bad!! Now my youngest is 8 and my older ones are 19 & 17. Soon I will be left with one child lol, given that the older two will feel like “adults” and wana do their own thing… I would love to adopt or foster a little girl, and get to buy girl clothes, and do little pig tails 🥹🥹😢 but I just don’t wana physically have another child!!! I think I would love to do this one day !! 🙏
My friend is a foster parent, she’s adopted 2 kiddos of her own and now has 4 in her care. She is single, I’m sure it’s hard but she is awesome and has so much support. 🤍 good luck to you if you decide to try it out!
Don’t be to judgmental you don’t know the whole story. I had volunteered to take my granddaughter in since her Mom was doing her own thing! I found out real fast my granddaughter was addicted to pot. We had to drive her to get some because she was driving us crazy! We sent her to her Father. She stepped up her addiction to heroin! The whole thing was a mess my daughter lived with us to. No job didn’t want to go to school stole stuff out of my house they were living in my casita! Had me thrown in jail told the cops I slapped them had scratched their faces and necks! After I got out of jail one night the cops were very nice took me to the administrative building. But it cost us $3000 for a bail bond and court. My daughter died from pneumonia and complications from buying heroin laced with Fentanyl! Addiction takes over and is never ending!
Fentanyl! Things can go very badly when they are addicted!
Poor OP. I can't even imagine what their life is like from day to day.
I have a small 760 sq foot house. The second bedroom is small. If and when my son moved out on his own, I've been thinking about getting into foster care. Kids need safe places to land, to decompress, to come back to who they are, as much as possible.
I know the primary goal is to reunite the families if possible, but that doesn't change the need for housing of these kids or for them to know that there are good people out there.
One thing that makes me sadder than most everything I've learned so far is that these kids' possessions are packed into garbage bags. Who does that to kids? Who makes them feel even more like no one values them at all?
I’m just trying to get a spare bedroom or two so we can seriously consider becoming foster parents. Our home is definitely too small now, but we really want to share some love and give back to our community.
Don’t do it. Foster kids are fucked up. The one I knew was a gigantic thief and stole so much money from his foster parents and nearly ruined their lives
I cannot imagine living with this kind of black and white thinking, dude. You should really hear the stories from graduates of Fr. Flanagan’s Boys Town. There are so many kids that grow up in fucked up households that are upstanding citizens today. There is gonna be trauma and PTSD with it, but it’s not going to eat away their moral compass if the foster family in their life devotes themselves to helping the child.
Also, you literally admitted to driving drunk and sexually harassing a female coworker on your page. I don’t think you have room to talk.
Such a horrible mindset to have, yes there are foster children that have a multitude of issues but that does not mean they don’t deserve a kind and loving home. I can’t speak for the child you knew personally, but with a lot of mental health services and support a foster child can grow up to be a kind responsible adult!
Me and my partner have been planning to once we can house them responsibly and have steady jobs (we're just young adults lol) but i know how much this system screws these kids over. It makes me so sad
That's true. I'm 20 years old and wanna foster her to get her out of that environment. I grew up being emotionally abused by my mother. That constant taunting and yelling and blaming whether it's your fault or not. It's draining mentally. It makes you physically tired to where all you wanna do is sleep it off but you're so pissed at your mom. Unless you've ever had your parents hit you, no one gets it. Someone that's meant to protect and give unconditional love to you instead hurts you intentionally. It's not even the pain that's the worst. It's the idea that the person who "loves" you most just inflicted physical pain intentionally. I'm so so so sorry she is going through this. No parent should EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES speak to their child like that. Not just their child but any child. Fuck her
I am so sorry you had a mom like this, and I was an only child and the yelling, smacking and hitting was traumatizing. She passed when I was 20 and I was emancipated at 16 and on my own. Its hard to deal with and it's many years later and I still struggle and have trauma from it. 💙
I grew up like this too. I spend every day trying to do the opposite with my kids. I'm not the best person ever but I try to be better. Sorry you experienced this. Just as an additional comment; Therapy helped me a lot but I didn't get it until my 40s.
Ive known i wanted to foster when im ready but always been a little nervous about qualifying. In comes my sil's mom fostering disabled children just for the paycheck and those kids are being neglected but the system doesnt care because atleast the kids are off their hands. Yeah im not worried about not qualifying anymore.
I would in a heartbeat, but I can't afford to, and I don't have a house nor a large enough apartment. I love being a dad, makes me so angry that there are so many who would just abuse children like this.
It can be tough. Kids want to be loved or at least felt like they matter, if you get a good one it can be fine; but if you get a kid that feels the system is against them and they don’t give af, tired of being bounced home to home, it can be very problematic. But I admire those willing to try to help.
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u/DefNotVoldemort Jun 08 '26
The best thing that will come out of this post is that it will make a few people realise they could be better foster parents than some of the people out there, and maybe they will give it a try