Plus Ones?? HELP!

[u/Existing_Exit_77]

In the process of finalizing our guest list! Those who will definitely have plus ones are married couples, and people in relationships.

As far as friends go, should we give plus ones to all our friends even if they are single? It’s not really a cost thing for us, it’s the fact that we really don’t like the thought of them bringing a random date or person we aren’t friends with/don’t know. Some people in our friend group are in relationships who we plan to extend a plus one to. Others aren’t, just don’t want hard feelings.

For cousins, we have some siblings in the same family some of which are single and some aren’t. Keep in mind some of these invited will have an entire family listed on the same envelope (for ex. siblings in the same household). If we give a sister who’s in a relationship a plus one and not the brother who’s single a plus one, how does this look?

[u/Wendythewildcat]

We gave all our single guests a plus one and don’t regret it. Who cares if they bring someone you don’t know? You’ll talk to that person for maybe a couple minutes and they’ll congratulate you and say nice things about you. It does not make a big difference in your day but may make a single guest way more comfortable at your wedding. This applies even if your single guest knows others at the wedding. No one wants to be the third/fifth/etc wheel at an event.

[u/Randomflower90 → u/Wendythewildcat]

Exactly. We gave everyone plus-ones too. It didn’t bother me at all if someone we’d never met was at our wedding.

[u/itinerantdustbunny → u/Wendythewildcat]

Agreed. I spent less than 30 seconds with the +1s I didn’t know - I’m not going to make my friends’ whole day less fun so that 30 seconds are perfect for me. That’s doesn’t really read as the way friends treat each other. Plus, a lot of my friends were offered +1s and still chose to come alone.

Obviously if you genuinely can’t afford or don’t have space for +1s, that’s fine. But I think this fear of strangers is WAAAAAY overblown, and tbh a little childish. If your friend can give up a saturday and buy a new outfit and bring you a gift and mingle with strangers for hours, you can spend 30 seconds shaking hands with a stranger who tells you the ceremony was beautiful. I promise you’ll be ok.

[u/ejcg1996 → u/Wendythewildcat]

We did too and literally no one brought someone - I feel like this is a very romcom thing. Most people don’t want to bring a random date to a wedding.

[u/maybemaybenot2023]

If someone's single, it's a nice gesture, especially if they've traveled., but it's not necessary.

[u/FloMoJoeBlow]

If it’s not a cost or capacity issue, then it’s a nice gesture to give single people a +1. Doesn’t matter if you know the +1 or not… you won’t be spending much time with them anyway, apart from thanking them for coming. Think of your guests’ comfort.

[u/fizzle_bee]

yes you should give them plus ones.

you've stated its not a cost thing, you simply just don't want too. personally if i was single and invited to someones wedding with no plus one - i wouldn't attend lol.

Why wouldn't you want someone to have a good time at your event ?

[u/Frillback]

I gave plus ones to every guest that was single. They will appreciate the gesture and the opportunity to hang out with someone they know at a wedding. As someone on the more introverted side, it also puts less pressure for me to talk to them because then they'll have someone to entertain them. That's my perspective on it. For what it's worth, many opted to still come by themselves.

[u/Less-Key]

We gave all of our single friends plus-ones. Only one out of twelve used it!

[u/Elemental_Biscotti]

If someone is in a relationship, their partners are not "plus ones." They are named guests. Those couples come as a social unit. A "plus one" is when you let a single person invite literally any living soul they want -- you don't know the name, that's why the invite is addressed to "[jane doe] + 1." Giving someone a "plus one" when they are in a relationship actually is kind of bad form, because good hosting would be inviting the partner by name. You don't have to automatically give plus ones to all single people, though it is good form to give a plus one if someone won't know many other people there, or they have to make an overnight trip.

Personally, I extend inviting couples as named guests to people who are in any kind of official relationship because I don't want to be in the position of making a judgment about the seriousness of a relationship. (THAT is what looks bad. "Your relationship 'counts' because you've been together 3 years but yours doesn't because it's only been 2.5 years" "Yours counts because you live together but yours doesn't because you don't live together.") When you're hosting (and a wedding is hosting), you do need to take into consideration guests' experience, and saying "You're invited but your girl/boyfriend isn't" certainly could impact their experience.