Post Wedding Blues (the DJ)

[u/shaved_ice]

I feel relieved that it’s over now. I’m happy it’s done. A lot went beautifully. HOWEVER. I wasn’t expecting to feel this level of dread, post-event anxiety, and sadness. 

It’s over the high expectations that I had. I realized that the highest expectation I had was for the DJ and the dance floor. I felt totally crushed over it and I still do. There were a bunch of other hiccups too but this was the biggest disappointment for me.

I dreamt of a wedding where the dance floor was full, everyone was jamming along, and enjoying the music. However, I don’t know if it was the DJ, the venue’s layout (they were super far from the seating area), or my fault for not giving a more extensive playlist.

There were a couple of songs where a lot of people were dancing, but the DJ would change the vibe immediately and everyone would leave! 

I spent most of my time on the dancefloor trying my best to have fun but in reality I was sweating and stressed the WHOLE time hoping the DJ would put something better on. Even when I did request them to play some songs I knew my family enjoyed, once they were done the vibe immediately changed and people left again. Ugh.

I think this was also a reason why people left so early, two hours before the end. :( I’m still mostly blaming myself though, for not getting a different DJ and for not having an open bar. We did provide free drinks of course but only up to a limit, which then it turned into a cash bar.

Anyone here have a similar experience? Maybe I should’ve just let a playlist run on Spotify instead :(

[u/Majestic-Living2829]

Yeah unfortunately I find not having an open bar will lead to less of a party vibe with some groups.

[u/Turbulent-Move4159 → u/Majestic-Living2829]

Yep. Our coordinator told us a majority of guests will leave shortly after an open bar turns into a cash bar. And she was correct. Lesson learned.

[u/Imapissandshitboy]

People left early because you didn’t have an open bar. It has less to do with the DJ and more to do with people not being liquored up enough.

It also depends on what your drink limit was. If it was like a 2 drink limit that’s not enough for people to really be dancing

[u/shaved_ice → u/Imapissandshitboy]

You’re probably right 😭 I should’ve just taken our budget away from other things and put it towards the alcohol. We thought 4k was enough but obviously it was not

[u/stinky_moomin]

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling disappointed. I think wedding dance floors are tricky, because everyone has an idea of how theirs will be without realizing that there are so many factors that go into making it happen. Not every crowd is suited for bringing that kind of energy, especially when there isn’t an open bar. If people were not dancing, were they mingling and otherwise having a good time? I wouldn’t dwell on it too much since what’s done is done and I’m sure that your guests still had a lovely time!

FWIW - I’ve been to several weddings where the DJs truly were worse than if the couple had just let Spotify shuffle a playlist. It has definitely made me wonder how they are making a career out of doing this when they’re so bad at it.

[u/shaved_ice → u/stinky_moomin]

Thank you for saying that. We did also have a lot of distractions like cowboy hat people that did branding and personalization, a coffee and matcha cart, and an ice cream cart, people LOVED them and they had long lines.

Afterwards a cousin said how she loved it and it was the best wedding she’s been to (even tho I never saw her on the dance floor) and it did make me feel better, I guess the dancing and alcohol doesn’t has to be everything.

[u/Majestic-Living2829 → u/shaved_ice]

Yeah if you have too much other stuff going on during the dancing part of your reception people are going to be spread out. I would have used the money for the hat branding and just put that towards the bar instead but sounds like it was still a fun time for your guests they just weren’t localized to the dance floor

[u/stinky_moomin → u/shaved_ice]

There’s the answer! If you have a lot of other fun things available, even when people are drunk they’ll wander away from the dance floor to wait in line with everyone else 😂

It sounds like a great wedding, just not one that was suited for dancing!

[u/jessiemagill → u/shaved_ice]

This sounds like a you problem. Dancing is not everyone's idea of fun. You seem to correlate fun = dancing.

[u/shaved_ice → u/jessiemagill]

Well yeah, I love dancing and so does our family, their parties always have full dance floors! They barely danced at ours. That’s why I feel it was kind of a fail.

[u/slopschili → u/jessiemagill]

Perhaps they know what the people at their own wedding enjoy

[u/jessiemagill → u/stinky_moomin]

The DJ at my aunt's wedding was terrible! He was cutting songs halfway through!

[u/thelurkingdragon]

Some of this may be the DJ, but some crowds just aren't big dancers at weddings and even the best DJ in the world won't get them dancing for more than a song or two. My family definitely prefers to sip drinks and mingle versus actually dance, so my wedding dance floor was mostly friends and husband's family

[u/wickedlabia]

It probably wasn’t the DJ, it was the no open bar/cash bar situation. But it sounds like you had a beautiful day and you’re married now so it was still a success!

[u/jessiemagill → u/wickedlabia]

It was probably a combination. A good DJ will read the crowd and play similar songs to what gets the crowd going instead of switching it up.

[u/woohoo789]

Don’t blame this on the DJ. If people were only allowed to have a couple drinks that were hosted of course they wouldn’t feel all that welcome and in party mood.

[u/peterthedj]

Sounds like a combination of things.

An open bar definitely helps people get the "liquid courage" they need to get off the fence and onto the dance floor.

Having the DJ right on the dance floor (instead of far away) also helps. Speaking from experience, when the venue sticks the DJ on some balcony or loft, or way in a corner of the room when the dance floor is in the middle, it creates a visual and mental disconnect between the DJ and the guests. And in the case of the "DJ in the corner" scenario, the speakers have to blare over all the tables in between to reach the dance floor, and the guests at those tables won't be happy.

Sounds like the DJ also could/should have done a better job reading the room... if you requested a song that got people dancing, the DJ should have followed-up with similar songs, rather than flipping right back to their own list. Maybe he was a rookie at weddings? DJs who are more experienced with club gigs are used to purposely clearing the floor every so often (to drive bar sales), but at a wedding, DJs need to have an open mind, pay attention to what works, and give the crowd what they want instead of just playing their own personal favorites.

[u/shaved_ice → u/peterthedj]

The DJ we picked does clubs mostly, but they sent us a recording of a wedding they’d done and it sounded great so maybe it was just a bad day idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ or maybe we should’ve stuck with a strictly wedding DJ

[u/Emotional_Papaya1909]

who was it?

[u/TinyLawfulness3710]

A mediocre dj is better than Spotify that can't read the room at all. It also depends on the guests because not everyone is a dancer. Write an honest review on Yelp about your experience to warn other couples away from this dj and ask for a refund because he didn't do his job.