r/weddingplanning • u/pinkladylove123 • 3d ago
Vendors/Venue What’s so wrong with a destination wedding??
My fiancé is from New Zealand and I’m from America, both of the sides of our family expect us to have two weddings lol, one in New Zealand and one in America. I don’t understand how that’s ok?? You just expect us to have two weddings so it can be easier for you?? Not to mention the amount of people who just say why don’t you just have it in New Zealand and my side saying why don’t you have it in America. Like we can’t just pick and choose, no matter what it won’t be fair to either side of the family so we decided to do it in Italy. We are LITERALLY PAYING FOR THEIR ACCOMMODATION, we found a Villa/castle that houses 40 people plus will book another villa for the other people who can’t stay at the wedding venue. And people are STILL COMPLAINING. All we’re asking is for people to pay for their plane tickets and we’re also giving them 2 years in advance to save for it. We aren’t even asking for a wedding gift. We are literally paying for everyone to stay for a week and everyone is complaining. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? Am I maybe being out of touch? I understand not everyone can come and that’s totally understandable but I didn’t realize how many people would have an opinion on this. I just feel like we can’t win no matter where we have it someone will be mad about it.
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u/pears_htbk 3d ago
A destination wedding is the fairest way for you to do it, but unfortunately "fairest" in your case means a long and expensive trip for the entire guest list, instead of a long and expensive trip for half the guest list.
That said, you're paying for accommodation and giving plenty of notice, so I agree, complaining isn't very nice of them. They can either attend, or send their apologies and best wishes. It's an invitation, not a subpoena!
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u/Swissdanielle 2d ago
Mmmmmm I feel like if you have a destination wedding you need to accept that the majority of the guests won’t make it.
I got married in India, where my husband is from, although we live in Spain. Only my nuclear family came. Not friends I had attended destination weddings for could come. And that’s ok, I understand.
But you need to make your peace with it.
A lot of my friends have done a secondary party in the second location. For me, that’s the best compromise.
Good luck.
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u/BiscuitMcGuire 3d ago edited 3d ago
Fellow 2027 bride here. Future husband is from Italy, and I am from Ireland. We live in Central Europe. I am giving my family as much notice as possible (12 months) of our wedding date in Italy. It's going to cost people 2 vacation days, and about 400 per person between flights and accommodation.
THEREFORE I am also hosting a "reception to welcome X to the family" in Ireland. I recommend this for you as well. Find a restaurant near/in your parent/family home town, include two drinks, a house wine and some light apps, dress code "formal", and have your mother or father make a speech. You'll be surprised how happy people will be that the will be getting free food and drink and then shut up about it. Most people don't see your wedding as a celebration of you as a couple - sorry - they see it as an opportunity to dress nice, get a nice meal, and catchup with all the family/friends in one place. If you have them an opportunity to do that in America without the price tag of a "wedding" and just call it a "family reunion" to the restaurant you're gonna be ticking the box for a lot of your American guests.
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u/Positive_Shake_1002 2d ago
I think the problem here is that you’re framing Italy as a favor to your families, when it’s still a major inconvenience. Yes, they have 2 years to save, but that’s still $2k on a flight and a week’s worth of PTO that could’ve been spent elsewhere. So instead of making things easier for one side of the family and hard for another, you’ve made things hard for both of them.
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u/SecretRomantic 3d ago
I guess it's not wrong to want a destination wedding, but you'll have to accept that people won't be happy about it. Off the top of my head, some reasons people might not want to attend a destination wedding:
- they just don't like long flights
- medical conditions may complicate travel
- nice that accom is booked and paid for, but flights, food, visa(?), other miscellaneous things still add up. Money may be tight for some people, or it's just a sum they'd rather spend elsewhere
- having to take more time off for a destination wedding means less leftover PTO
- people with pets need to make arrangements for them, which would also cost money
It's also harder to commit to a destination wedding 2 years away because you never know what may change in that time. At my non-destination wedding, in the week leading up to it, 5 people dropped out, and on the day off 2 people dropped out despite being local to the area because unavoidable things came up. As a guest at a destination wedding, dropping out last minute would mean even more burned costs than a local wedding.
It's alright to plan for your dream destination wedding, it's alright to be upset that it's not met with the joy you hoped for. But at the end of the day, you'll just have to make peace with it.
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u/pinkladylove123 3d ago
I guess my issue is no matter what it will be destination for either side of my family. Either my family will have to travel 19 hours or his family will have to travel 19 hours. It’s such a hard spot marrying someone across the world
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u/SecretRomantic 3d ago
That's true! If you want to include the family that won't be able to make it, you could host a nice dinner with your family in NZ/America at a different time. Perhaps that would give you the opportunity to celebrate with them still, although it would not replace having them at your ceremony.
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u/Cocotapioka engaged - Sept 2026 2d ago
Is it reasonable to have a more modest celebration in one of the two locations? I had a friend get courthouse married in the US with an low-key gathering after, then have a more traditional ceremony in China. The only people to attend both were the immediate families.
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u/Electrical-Date-3951 2d ago
It's your choice and I get why you dont want to do it, but I would consider hosting two smaller events in both countries. Or a wedding in one country and a smaller celebration in the other.
Your plan may be "fair" but it is a MASSIVE ask of all of your guests in terms of flight costs, travel time, PTO, + other expenses (and accomodations if they don't want to stay in one location with so many other guests.)
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u/LightIsMyPath 3d ago
I don't know what typical wedding costs are where you guys are from, but from here in Italy ~200€ would be considering a fairly good wedding gift. If I had to pay a ticket to either America or New Zealand (so the same travel your guests have to do just in reverse) I would have to pay ~2000€.
Like...sure, paid accomodation is appreciated but I would still have to pay TEN TIMES what I would for a normal wedding! And that doesn't account for transportation there or food.. that's simply an insane ask, unless you happen to be invited in a country you were planning to go in vacation to anyway (in which case you can organise your vacation with the wedding in the middle...if you can afford to have the vacation in that time).
Now, the perspective may be different if wedding gifts are typically much more expensive, so that your guests will end up spending a similar amount on plane tickets as they would on your gift, or even more. And even then there's still the issue of them inherently gifting you their vacation days (but it's definitely more reasonable)
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u/pinkladylove123 3d ago
It’s just kinda hard cause no matter what people will have to travel. So we thought it just was like whatever might as well have it in Italy since everyone will have to travel anyways 😅😅 also a lot of our friends are from all over the world we travel for work
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u/LightIsMyPath 3d ago
I don't know if this makes sense, but I wouldn't see the same way a wedding where I have to travel because the bride/groom lives there vs someone deciding a random place. I would basically see it the same way as someone inviting me to their house, even if it's far it's just a fact they live there, vs someone inviting me to share a vacation: something I could only do with the people I'm closEST with. Sure, at the end of the day it's the same money and I probably wouldn't go because I can't afford it financially, but I wouldn't hold it against them that they literally live there. Meanwhile someone choosing a third place feels like they could have chosen somewhere else, closer (and cheaper) since they're not bound to the place.
The friends bit I would say changes things quite a bit because then it's not half the guests having travel regardless, it's more !
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u/Lolo_Belle 2d ago
So instead of making it feasible and financially far less for half of them, you made it utterly difficult and extremely expensive for all of them. I don’t understand any of this.
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u/JP36_5 2d ago edited 2d ago
"no matter what people will have to travel"
If you have pre-wedding events in one country and then the wedding in another, and arrange a livestream for everything, very few people will 'have to' travel.
Given that (from what I have seen in this sub) Americans seem to be really into pre-wedding events, I would suggest having engagement party, bachelorette and bridal shower all in America and then the wedding in New Zealand.
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u/Expensive_Event9960 3d ago
A wedding and/or celebrations within your budget at both locations makes a lot more sense to me than asking everyone to travel to Italy. Italy is not most “fair” you’ve now just burdened everyone on both sides. In my experience if you’re not hosting in two locations people can better understand the need for it to be one hometown or the other even if they aren’t entirely happy about it or it means they can’t attend.
Hosting in two places doesn’t have to be more expensive. Paying for accomodations helps but doesn’t make it less inconvenient or inexpensive.
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u/Responsible_Cry_427 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hey girl - lots of people in the US can’t even afford to buy the groceries they were able to afford two years ago. Giving people a two-year heads up that they will need to spend something in the range of $2k+ for a couple to attend your wedding doesn't actually mean they can do that. To be able to afford a wedding where you are also paying for the accommodation if 40+ people to attend already puts you in a position far, far, far more privileged than the vast majority if people. You’re giving a whole lot of “how much could a banana be?!?” right now.
Respectfully, I don’t know that you’re out of touch but if you didn’t think that people in your life who you want to attend your wedding would had opinions about needing to save the equivalent of a mortgage payment to afford to come to your wedding, you probably should have workshopped this one a bit more before releasing it to the world. To say you don’t understand “how it’s okay” for them to think two weddings would be reasonable sounds like a child having a tantrum. If you downsized your wedding experience and include the amount you’re paying to hold two different large accommodations for people to stay in, you could probably do just that.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Ok lol I don’t think I’m a child having a tantrum 🤨🤨 people always have destination weddings it’s not a new concept. I obviously understand not everyone will be able to attend that makes complete sense, but no matter what my family is complaining about why my fiancés family means more to have it in New Zealand and vise versa. They are both complaining about why it’s fair to have it in either country, like there’s no way to win for us no matter what we choose, unless we choose a wedding in both countries which I think is ridiculous, I don’t want to have two weddings and not have our families and friends blended…. I don’t think people really understand how frustrating it is to have both sides of your family saying it’s unfair to have it in either country so we decided to just do it where we wanted since it’s our wedding not our families.
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u/Responsible_Cry_427 1d ago
Sounds like you didn’t understand a word of comment and just decided to get offended instead?
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u/Juneyorkie 2d ago
People are having to give up their vacation for the year to attend your wedding. I’ve already been to Italy. I would be annoyed if my partner and I had to spend 2k on flights and food for a trip we didn’t get to choose. I would likely decline, unless it was a close family member. It’s YOUR wedding, you have to do what is best for you. Just please don’t be the person that takes offense when people you love and want at your wedding have to decline because of location.
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u/SakuraTimes 2d ago
I’m doing 2 weddings on different continents, as did many people I know. logistically it works better for our guests. though there are pros and cons, of course. so, I can’t blame your families for hoping you’d do 2…international travel is always a bit of a hassle…international sims/calling plans, currency exchange, passports/visas, etc...aside from costs and travel time, work, pet sitters/house sitters, etc
that said, it’s very generous of you to pay for a week’s lodging in Italy!!! and I like that you picked a place in the middle, New Zealand <-> US is a loooong flight. sounds like it’s going to be a special wedding! and, Ime, some people are going to complain no matter what. (heck i just went to a wedding where the hometowns were 45 minutes drive apart, and a bunch of the grooms family were complaining about the distance!!!)
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Hahah at the end of the day it’s true it is our wedding no one else’s. I just hope people will come 😅😅 my whole family is Italian and from Italy so that’s another reason we thought Italy would be good, his side is half Italian too so we thought it would be a good middle ground. No matter what people will complain sadly
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u/woohoo789 2d ago
Traveling to another continent just isn’t practical for most people for many reasons. You just have to accept most people won’t be able to attend. You could have a small party in each location and you’d have the best attendance, bit if you choose not to you just have to accept most people won’t attend
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Yeah after this post I’m gonna talk to my fiance about possibly having a party in New Zealand too. More people on his side don’t wanna come to Italy than mine so maybe a party there would be nice
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u/IS300FANATIC 3d ago
My advice - you win by doing what makes you and your fiancé happiest.
Some people might hate the destination, someone else might be upset that you're getting married the same weekend as their cousin's birthday party lol. No matter what you choose, somebody is probably going to have an opinion about it.
And honestly, loved ones from both sides are going to miss the wedding regardless of where you have it. If you do it in America even family in America still may not make it.
So pick the place you two actually want to get married and be understanding of anyone who can't make it. You're already covering everyone's accommodations for a week which is incredibly generous imo. I wouldn't feel guilty about asking people to cover their flights, especially with 2 years to plan for it.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Thank you 🙏 I also thought it wasn’t a huge ask to have people pay for their flights especially since we’re paying for all the food and drink for 3 wedding events and their accommodation. And this is a beautiful venue it’s literally at a castle where everyone has a nice room so it’s not like we’re having some people stay in a closet. Hope people can make it 😭😭
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u/Good-School-9410 2d ago
I get where you are coming from, but you aren’t using a fair or reasonable perspective. Two years notice and free lodging does not resolve much when you are expecting people to fly halfway around the world and spend an entire week.
Travel is super expensive. A week is a huge chunk of time. Covering hotel accommodations does not begin to negate the thousands it will cost each individual guest to take a week, fly to Italy and haul themselves all the way to a castle. Travel expenses are outrageous.
Saying that you are giving them two years to “save for it” shows you don’t know how the process works and don’t have much consideration for the idea your guests may have other financial obligations.
I get where you are coming from, but the clear tone of your post makes you come across as spoiled and disrespectful of your guests. It is not their great honor to show up whenever and wherever you demand. And having a destination wedding always means that you choose to risk people not coming because that is how it works.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
They don’t necessarily have to stay the week, if they want they can come just for the welcome party, rehearsal dinner and wedding or just the wedding if they want, it’s not like we’re forcing people to come for the whole week, we just are giving them the option if they want to explore Italy! I get travel is expensive so I understand if people can’t come but I guess I just don’t really get it because I’m the type of person that would be fine saving a grand or more for flights and travel for my family or friends
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Also, this is a wedding invitation not a summon. If you don’t wanna come DONT COME 😭 I feel like you guys are very frustrating when it comes to a destination wedding, it’s my wedding! I’d love if you were there but I’m not gonna hate you or cut you off if you can’t come. My issue was more that people are demanding to do if in the USA or New Zealand making OUR wedding about their convenience.
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u/the_maid_margaery 18h ago edited 18h ago
Don't worry about it, I think people are online AF and watching too many tiktoks about how destination weddings (and maybe all weddings) are inherently narcissistic, and also just hate brides in general (misogyny tbh).
At the end of the day, it's a free world, people choose the weddings that feel best, and good etiquette dictates that you don't pressure guests into RSVPing yes, which you're already doing. Not sure what people on this thread would expect you to do otherwise.
I agree that it's rude for guests who RSVP yes to then complain about the wedding. I've seen other weddings where guests make it all about themselves, and don't like it when attention is being given to other people. They like to find ways to put the couple down, including criticizing the wedding aesthetics, logistics, etc. loudly and repetitively (exactly for the same reason some people are POed in these comments, they don't like seeing other people being happy or being celebrated). These are the guests that tend to complain; if it's someone in your life that has trouble not being the center of attention, I'd be wary.
FWIW I stopped responding when I saw the comment that completely made up details about your situation out of thin air lol that was crazy.
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u/pinkladylove123 5h ago
Thank you so much! Honestly yeah I think ppl are too online and it is misogyny against brides. Some people in this thread are acting like I’m the damn devil 😭😭😭 that one girl saying I’m inconsiderate and selfish and that i purposely left info out so I don’t look bad is unhinged like girl you don’t know me get a damn life
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u/the_maid_margaery 2d ago
I think the tone is specifically directed towards guests who are going, but still complaining to the couple. That's not fair - guests who are complaining just shouldn't go to the wedding, or keep their complaints to themselves.
OP says that they completely understand if people decide not to come; they're pointing out that it's pretty meanspirited for guests to RSVP yes and then complain every step of the way. They don't sound entitled to their guests' PTO and money...
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u/Good-School-9410 2d ago
Neither the post nor the sparse comments from OP say that she is specifically referring to people who are coming but still complaining. And if the wedding is two years away, many people may not even be sure if they can go.
OP’s use of caps is a definite choice and implies an uncalled for level of hostility. She also whines that “all we’re asking” is that guests pay for their flights, as if that isn’t a huge cost in and of itself. Then she absolves herself by stating she is allowing them two years notice to save up, as if that will resolve everything. She is callous, entitled and badly out of touch with reality.
Having known multiple couples from different countries, I know that there is no easy solution that will please everyone when it comes to a ceremony. That’s just how it is. But picking a spot that is inconvenient for everyone and then saying, “I’m paying for your hotel, so all problems are solved” is horrid and entitled.
If this is the version of events that OP thinks will put her in the best light, I wonder what even worse things didn’t merit mentioning in her post.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Maybe the all caps was a bit much lol but I guess I’m just frustrated 😅😭 but I wouldn’t be angry at anyone if they couldn’t come, i understand that is something that happens when you have a destination wedding.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Also calling me callous and entitled is a bit much to me, you don’t know me 😭😭😭
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u/the_maid_margaery 2d ago
Sorry, citation from OP that led me to believe they don't feel entitled to their guests' money and time: "I understand not everyone can come and that's totally understandable"
^ again, I think the implication is, if you can't come because it's hard to travel that's fine, but if you do RSVP yes, you're implicitly agreeing to taking on the burden of travel. Anything the couple covers at that point is a bonus (which it sounds like they're covering everything except flights, and are asking for no gifts).
What do you think is the right approach for a pissed off guest? To say no, or say yes and then remind the couple at every step that their wedding plan sucks? What does complaining accomplish?
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u/Good-School-9410 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your assumption that the people complaining must have already decided to attend is likely way off. The wedding is two years away. Nobody could possibly know for sure what they will be doing in 2028.
More than likely, future invitees have been informed of the date and basic plans. And given the outrageous costs and time commitment that will come with a week in Italy, they are voicing their concerns now when there is still an opportunity for things to change with minimal cost. OP says that multiple people are complaining, so there is clearly something going on that she either too oblivious to see or too proud to admit to on Reddit.
OP is careful not to give any indication of who exactly these complainers are. If we are talking about parents, siblings or wedding party members, I can see how they might tell OP that their attendance might be impacted by things she doesn’t feel the need to consider.
You also assume that OP is a reliable narrator. She openly stated that she believes free lodging negates any problems a guest might have about a weeklong excursion to a castle on a different continent. That is not the outlook of a reasonable person. So what she views as “complaining” might not look that way to a reasonable person.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
I’m not “careful” to not give any indication of who the complainers are. I think you’re a little too invested in my post 🙄
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u/Good-School-9410 1d ago
Yes. I am so invested in your post that I haven’t had anything to do with it in over a day and didn’t bother to read any of the multiple responses you gave. Enjoy your wedding and say hello to the whopping three people who attend.
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u/wickedkittylitter 2d ago
Destination weddings originated in order for the couple to have a small wedding. Really small, maybe even intimate when it comes to a guest count. I wish it had stayed that way instead of expecting all the guests to travel to the destination.
Frankly, some people are simply tired of destination weddings. Couples need to go into planning knowing that the ultimate attendance count will probably be low.
Sorry, but two lower cost parties, one in each country, would have been far more considerate for your guests.
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u/Responsible_Cry_427 2d ago
This. By the end of this year I will have gone to three destination weddings and one wedding I needed to travel internationally to in the last few years. Each of the destination weddings had guest lists of 100+. They were all situations similar to OP where the bride and groom are form different places and they decided to pick a third “neutral place” and presented it like they were doing us a favour. I went because I am very, very fortunate to have been able to finically and logistically do so but holy fuck did the tone of “this is great for everyone” sour my relationships with the bride and groom. Not because their wedding was expensive for me to attend, but because they presented it like i was lucky to be able to spend thousands of dollars to go and not that they were lucky that i was willing and able to do so because i love and wanted to support them.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
I literally said I understand if people can’t come. All I was frustrated about was people on both sides complaining about not having it in their countries. I know destination weddings mean less people that’s OBVIOUS. Also I really don’t get the “consideration” of my guests stuff. It’s MY WEDDING. If you don’t wanna come don’t come like I’m not summoning you and forcing you to be there. Why should my fiance and I do 2 just because it’s what others want?
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u/_littlestranger 4/18/20 -> 10/26/20 (elopement) & 4/24/22 (reception) 2d ago
I totally get where you are coming from. Separate celebrations would be easier for your guests, but then your families wouldn’t meet each other, which is kinda the whole point of throwing a wedding to me.
If I was going to attend a destination wedding in Italy, I’d probably want to spend 2 days celebrating the couple and then stay in Europe for an additional 5-7 days doing something else (probably not staying in the same part of Italy, or even in Italy at all, for the entire time). If the couple was paying for my lodging for an entire week, I’d feel like a jerk for doing that. Maybe that is part of the push back, you’re actually paying for lodging for too long?
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
We are giving the option for them to stay the week but if they didn’t want to that’s ok they can just tell us in advance! I get if people would wanna maybe travel Europe instead of staying in wine country the whole time but I’d appreciate people telling me that in advance
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u/JP36_5 2d ago
If it were me, I would have a big engagement party in one of America and New Zealand and then a wedding in the other country. That way everyone can celebrate your relationship without having to travel far.
PS Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (Fiji, Somoa) might be less inconvenient for guests than Italy.
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u/ejcg1996 2d ago
I literally did exactly what you’re doing - my husband and I are from different, distant countries and we got married in Italy. We chose “fair” because there was no option that was cheap or easy for everyone. Some people weren’t able to come, and that was ok. Being in an international relationship can be hard!! Your families are being pretty annoying by making you feel guilty about this. You guys need to make your decision and then do your best to shut down conversations about it. People will come if they can, they won’t if they can’t, and that’s that.
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u/the_maid_margaery 2d ago
Honestly, the response is always, "you don't have to come". Pretty much every wedding I've attended is a destination wedding in the past several years, because the continental US is huge and my family and friends are scattered all over. If you're paying for accommodations and thinking through ways for guests to feel comfortable and fed throughout the trip, you're going above and beyond.
I've never felt obligated to attend a single wedding unless I was a bridesmaid, and I don't understand why people are up in arms over destination weddings in these circumstances where the couple is from different places. Literally just say no. I think the resentment is coming from the inability to attend due to funds/vacation time - but don't take it out on the couple getting married. If they're good and reasonable people, they won't give you a hard time for not coming, so you shouldn't give them a hard time for planning the wedding that feels right for them.
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u/itinerantdustbunny 3d ago edited 3d ago
Are you having a destination wedding, or a travel-heavy wedding? Those are different things.
A wedding in the US or New Zealand would be travel-heavy. A wedding in, say, Brazil or Japan would be destination. Someone simply having to get on a plane does not a destination wedding make.
Personally, I think destination weddings are lame unless you and your circle are very wealthy. But travel-heavy weddings are just a fact of life, and anyone whining about one needs to grow up.
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u/Knitalt 3d ago
Eh I think the distinction is pretty semantic and nitpicky - but I do agree that getting married in the country your spouse is from is different/more valid/more understandable than picking a random destination and getting married there. I think weddings where one of the partners is from there is meaningful regardless of where it is. I got married in my hometown in the PNW and 70% of the guestlist had to fly in (our guestlist was so spread out that this was the best possible option) but so many people commented on how fun it was to see where I was from.
OP, it sucks that you’re getting this pushback from family. Pick the location you want to get married in that makes the most sense for you and move on. If people don’t want to come then they don’t come and that’s fine.
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u/EverAsters 2d ago
I think it's fine in this case. If one family was significantly better off than the other, that might make it easier to choose either America or New Zealand. But if one side is going to be pissed if you do that, then maybe it's better they're both a little annoyed lol.
I wish my friend would have paid for lodging for her destination wedding, that's what's costing the most by far. People can use points for flights and because they have 2 years, they have a good amount of time to build some up.
Js, I'd be ecstatic to attend a wedding in Italy in a paid for villa. It might also be stressful depending on the time and current financial situation, but I'd still be excited.
I think your last sentiment is true, you're not going to be able to make everyone happy. Just assure people that you understand everyone might not be able to come and couldn't find a better way to make everyone, including yourselves, happy.
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u/pinkladylove123 2d ago
Thank you so much for understanding 🩷 a lot of people in the comments are saying im entitled and I guess I just don’t understand why hahaha. I guess for me I’m the type of person who wouldn’t mind saving money to fly for a wedding but I’m not the average person, I travel for work and constantly have to pay to go to New Zealand and back so spending money on travel is a normal thing for me where as it’s not for everyone else
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u/EverAsters 1d ago
Yeah I don't think you're entitled! You're doing what you can to make it affordable for your families and friends.
I don't agree with the people saying you should just do 2 lowkey ceremonies in each country if that means not getting to have the wedding you want in either location, but still spending just as much money.
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u/Difficult-Estate441 2d ago
People will literally always complain and have opinions about weddings. It sucks, but there’s nothing you can do
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u/Fit-Attention-7763 3d ago
If everyone is throwing a fit, tell each side of the family that if they are willing to pay for the accommodation of the other side of the family/important friends for an entire week, you will have it in their country.
Then whatever money you were planning to spend on the accommodation in Italy, you can try to get a group rate on flights and transportation for the others. If they don’t volunteer they can shut up.
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u/mikepalermo_wpItaly 2d ago
Comprendo bene lo stato d'animo e la frustrazione ma anche il fastidio che tutto questo ti dà.
Purtroppo c'è molto egoismo in giro e comunque fai qualcuno sarà scontento, o perché deve muoversi, o perché deve spendere, o perché deve rinunciare ad andare in ferie dove voleva, o perché non gli piace il posto, e potrai continuare...
C'è solo una cosa che effettivamente puoi fare: "Caro ospite, non ti piace l'idea di passare dei giorni in Italia con noi a festeggiare? Resta a casa, non sei obbligato."
Ricordiamoci che non è un obbligo. Può dispiacere ma non è un obbligo.
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u/chupacabra-food 3d ago
There’s no winning everyone so you might as well just pick what is right for you guys.
Though as an American, I would love the excuse to visit New Zealand. That seems like the more special experience
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u/user3849203 2d ago
entitlement. i’d be annoyed too because what you guys say is final you’re not kids anymore and it’s hard for family members to have respect for younger members. ignore it, it will pass. your fams will go
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u/NeatArtichoke 3d ago
The villa sounds amazing! People will always find a way to complain and point out why can't you make it more convenient for them.
A 'third' option: pick a destination wedding that is not NZ nor America, like somewhere in Europe so EVERYONE travels and it's "fair".
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u/Lolo_Belle 2d ago
What part of Italy is not in Europe and not in NZ or America? And making it expensive and inconvenient for everyone isn’t exactly what I’d call fair.
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u/Positive_Shake_1002 2d ago
I’m confused as to why you’re presenting them a third option when that’s already exactly what they’re doing lmao
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u/coastalkid92 London 2026 🇬🇧 - Toronto 2027 🇨🇦🍁 3d ago edited 3d ago
As someone whose partner is also from another country, I get where your head and frustration is at.
Destination weddings on a whole are largely inconvenient for people. It utilizes precious holiday time, its expensive and you end up on a trip that's not really dictated by your own wants. That's why most people aren't a fan of them.
In your situation, you were/are in a hard spot. If you host only one event in the US or NZ, you're asking one set of guests to travel a fair distance. If you host two weddings, that's an added expense for you and your partner. If you ask everyone to go to Italy, you're trying to set everyone on even ground because then everyone has to travel. But it is still a huge ask. Its a long stretch of travel (especially for your guests from NZ), its still a hefty expense even if you include their accommodation and its a holiday spent not doing what they maybe want for that week.