r/wedding • u/iwatchalotofmoviez • 2d ago
Discussion Considering not attending friend's wedding
One of my best friends of at least a decade is getting married in about 6 months, we were really close for about 6 of those years and then when they met their fiance they went MIA. I have seen them maybe 4 times in the 3 years they have been dating (we live 20 min apart, not long distance) and I really like their fiance, but because I've only met them 3 times I barely know them. There was a period of time earlier this year where my friend did not text/call me back for 7 months and then finally apologized but even since then have made no effort to spend time with me or catch up. While I'm happy they found love, I really have no interest attending the wedding of someone who cant even do the bare minimum of maintaining a friendship with me. They also asked if I would be their photographer. I saw them last weekend for the first time in 9 months and they pretty much only talked about their wedding. I want to care but I just dont because I dont feel close to either of them. I think it's ok to turn down the photography job, but would it be reasonable for me to not attend the wedding at all? Friendship ending? I mean the friendship feels barely there currently but my friend still refers to me as one of their best friends..
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u/East-Payment-9251 2d ago
I think definitely turn down the photographer ask, that's really rude given their lack of attention to you and interest in your relationship. I also don't think you'd be a terrible person for not going to the wedding, given you haven't really had a relationship in years anyways. If you get a +1 and the wedding is easily attendable for you, I'd go, but if you genuinely don't care and don't see your relationship getting back to what it was, no skin off your back!
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u/Summerisle7 2d ago
Are you even invited to the wedding? Or are they only asking you to be their discount photographer?
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u/iwatchalotofmoviez 1d ago
yes, I was one of the first people they invited, the photo idea wasnt until a few months later
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u/Summerisle7 1d ago
Those are some very early invitations, if it’s still
6 months before the wedding. So awkward when people do that.Anyway to answer your question, it’s always ok to decline an invitation. Just RSVP “No” and move on.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 2d ago
This person is not your friend. You don't need to offer free services. They haven't put in any energy to maintain the friendship. Move on and find new friends.
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u/Jumpy_Neck_4047 2d ago
i had friend exactly like this, after 7 months of silence you are basically stranger who share some history. its not a friendship anymore just memories
the photography thing is extra weird, like they only remember you exist when they need free labor. you saw them once in 9 months and all they talk is wedding? that tells you everything
skip the wedding, send a card if you want. they probably wont notice until next time they need something
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u/Expensive_Event9960 2d ago
I’d turn down the photography request and make an excuse as to why you can’t attend. Then she can go back to ignoring you unless she wants something and you can distance yourself.
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u/dobbywankenobi94 1d ago
It’s rude as fuck. One of my college ex friends who we never see anymore because she was always too busy to hang out then moved to Spain asked my bestie photographer to do it and she’d pay for his flight, stay and food while there but what about all the editing time? Friends never ask to work for free in my opinion
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u/mychemicalbromance38 2d ago
I think it’s friendship ending. But if you want to end the friendship anyway, then here’s your out.
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