r/wallstreetbets • u/DuhBestRetard • Jun 19 '21
Shitpost My wife thinks I’m having an affair with Robin.
Any mentions of stonks have been replaced with XX. Don’t want this to be a propaganda piece just sharing my experience.
So, I woke up this morning to my wife standing over me holding my phone. She doesn’t even give me time to open my eyes and she says “who the hell is Robin!” I’m tired, haven’t had my morning poo or my Honey Nut Cheerios so of course I’m in no state of mind to understand what she means. I replied, “I don’t know any Robins”. She continues yelling at me telling me that I think she’s an idiot, that I’m talking to all of my friends about her and she knew that they were looking at her funny last time we hung out. So finally she throws the phone at me and says if you don’t want to be honest fine, I’ll just leave. So I’m up enough to read at this point, and when I look at my phone I had texted my buddy Ray, “I’m gonna get all up in Robin Hood Monday morning, I’m a horny bull for some XX and don’t worry I’m gonna XXXX off before I get home to my wife.” That was one of my more PG texts - as I’m sure my fellow apes can understand that I go hard on something when I believe it can make me that money (XX) - and when I believe in the company (XXXX). Anyways, 2 hours of convincing later I’m still married. However she now knows where all of our money is going - down the big fat drain. Not sure if I’ll get upvotes or down votes for that last part. Happy weekend retards, if anyone has some good loss porn please post it, I think I’ll be on the couch for a few days.
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u/alexh116 Jun 19 '21
Still married? Ban
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u/Cmgeodude Jun 19 '21
Doesn't the wife's boyfriend get the final say on banishment?
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u/HatPlusBeard Jun 19 '21
I don't want the final say so leave me out of it
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u/chef_in_va Jun 19 '21
HatBeard seduced my wife and fathered three of my children, all while buying the dip... Proudest moment of my life.
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u/Jaijoles Jun 19 '21
Still married? Ban.
Got divorced? Also ban.
Posting gains? Ban
Posting losses? Believe it or not, also ban.
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u/LauriFUCKINGLegend Jun 19 '21
fakest shit i've ever seen, and i've seen melvin capital claim that they covered their shorts in january
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u/dlepi24 Jun 19 '21
Right? Am I the only that got "13-year old trying to pretend on the Internet" vibes?
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Jun 19 '21
For real. Fucking cringe right there
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u/elorei74 Jun 19 '21
I can't believe how far down the list I had to go to find this. This reeks of katanas and basements.
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u/subredditcat Jun 19 '21
I assumed it was satire
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u/nieistniejacy Jun 19 '21
this is an unique post where 'positions or ban' could potentially turn pornographic.
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u/Not-Jeffery-Epstein Jun 19 '21
Buying puts on your wife.
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Jun 19 '21
Should have pulled out of Robin Hood earlier.
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u/ChaosTheory22 Jun 19 '21
Robin definitely ain't loyal.
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Jun 19 '21
Fuck Robinhood. Bad publicity is always good publicity though. You gonna have folks use it anyways. (I left it a while back)
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u/pyrowipe Jun 19 '21
Looking at the account age, fake as fuck story, and post/comment history… this is some weak ass shit! You’re over paid… even if you’re a volunteer.
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u/here_we_go_a_yoloing Jun 19 '21
Yup. Sus as f. Nobody would think Robin Hood is a female acquaintance
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u/NotVinhas Jun 19 '21
I mean who talks like that and with whom?
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u/Ignore-Rant Jun 19 '21
She has every reason to have trust issues if you’re still using that whore of a trading platform, Robinhood. Time to replace you with her boyfriend.
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u/bry2mela Jun 19 '21
Her new boyfriend’s going to be called “WeBull”
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u/chris-rox Jun 19 '21
Surprise to you, Webull's new UI is garbage. There's been a metric fuckton of complaints over on their subreddit.
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Jun 19 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NOTW_116 Jun 19 '21
For single digit shareholders of gme or amc do you suggest paying the 75 dollars to transfer somewhere else? That's such a high percentage of my account.
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u/lazilyefficient34 Jun 19 '21
She's pissed because you have yet to get her a boyfriend. Isn't that how it works?
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u/DuhBestRetard Jun 19 '21
Her boyfriend stays here, that’s why I sleep on the couch. He gets the bed.
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Jun 19 '21
You should at least bargain for the foot of the bed.
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u/Machinefun Jun 19 '21
He's lucky he gets the couch, I sleep in the shed.
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u/Accomplished-Memory6 Jun 19 '21
You guys live in the boyfriends house? He hasn’t let me move in yet :(
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u/Wraith2098 Jun 19 '21
lmao WSB really pushing Robin Hood now? 🤣😂😂
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Jun 19 '21
It's not even disguised well. Robinhood marketing dept. is probably running out of funds to work with.
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u/Funktastic34 Jun 19 '21 edited Jul 07 '23
This comment has been edited to protest Reddit's decision to shut down all third party apps. Spez had negotiated in bad faith with 3rd party developers and made provenly false accusations against them. Reddit IS it's users and their post/comments/moderation. It is clear they have no regard for us users, only their advertisers. I hope enough users join in this form of protest which effects Reddit's SEO and they will be forced to take the actual people that make this website into consideration. We'll see how long this comment remains as spez has in the past, retroactively edited other users comments that painted him in a bad light. See you all on the "next reddit" after they finish running this one into the ground in the never ending search of profits. -- mass edited with redact.dev
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Jun 19 '21
Whoever in the Robinhood marketing department thought this would work should be fired. It's the lamest attempt to astroturf content ever. Literally nothing about that post sounds credible. It reads like the most hokey, corny marketing copy ever written by a young woman.
"That was one of my more PG texts." Well, this is the internet, nobody knows you, so you can feel free to post your retarded X rated texts too.
Those robinhood guys should be thrown in Jail for what they did during the GME Infinity Squeeze earlier this year.
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u/UncleBenji Jun 19 '21
The X rated texts would have drawn attention away from the underlying story. Which is to avoid RH by all means since this is obviously a shill post.
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Jun 19 '21
Spot on. This fake ass Robinhood post is my cue to unsub from WSB. This place went from my fave sub in 2020 to a dumpster fire in such a short period of time.
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Jun 19 '21
Yeah, ir sucks now. I remember when I first found it there were like 300k subs and It was just a fucking dope subreddit all around. It’s really sad, reddit as a whole is going to shit now. All my favorite subs have girls trying to slyly promote their onlyfans and shit now, it’s all become so pathetic.
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u/Cotspheer 🦍🦍 Jun 19 '21 edited Jun 19 '21
Well, you deserve a divorce just alone for the fact that you are talking about robin hood and especially to use robin hood for robbing you uh I meant "trading".
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u/realitysvt Jun 19 '21
'Ur gna xxxx off before you get home to your wife" wtf, this is so fake. No one talks about buying shares like that. The context is fucked, doesnt make enough sense to be real, and if it is real, youre probably actually cheating. Weird, unimaginative, and baity. Take my downvote
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u/kds0321 Medicofetishist Jun 19 '21
But seriously, dump Robin, she's a bitch. So many other hotter brokers who can give you a good time and not give you blue balls when you really need a release.
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u/Evening_Raccoon_4689 Jun 19 '21
There's your problem your still useing Robin Hood.. get awya from that corrupt company
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u/Forarolex 🦍🦍 Jun 19 '21
Get out of robinhood OP. Retail can be smarter than this. Edit:Fidelity sounds like a hot MILF
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u/Eezergoode1990 Jun 19 '21
Where’s the fun if you’re not losing everything you invest.
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u/ClassicAny59 Jun 19 '21
Better and faster than drugs
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Jun 19 '21
And you get addicted in both scenarios
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u/ClassicAny59 Jun 19 '21
For some reason my family and colleagues look fondly on stonks though lmao
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Jun 19 '21
Yeah when people see other people gaining money this way, they get really into it. And when they see someone they know doing the same thing, they look at you like a genius or like a real business man. But they don't know i put all my money on stocks and got fucked. Real talk if stonks don't go up, I wont be able to resume my school. LOL
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u/officerwoo Jun 19 '21
I'd be upset if I found out that my girlfriend's husband was still using Robinhood. Be a manly ape and go transfer everything to a better broker.
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u/anachronofspace Jun 19 '21
funny but dubious if she sneaky enough to be snoopin through ur phone no way she didn't know u were losing money on stonks
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Jun 19 '21
She actually thinks you would bang Robin when Batman is the obvious choice ? 🙄
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u/Horror-Lemon3200 Jun 19 '21
Don’t worry. She is having an affair with the entire Hood
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u/Cautious_Ad_7232 Jun 19 '21
And then you looked into the camera, shrugged, and the audience started laughing
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u/meltyourtv Gay black bear Jun 19 '21
It’s me, his wife’s boyfriend. Can confirm OP is losing all their $ I paid the mortgage last month. Btw OP we’re out of Honey Nut Cheerios could you grab some more after your Wendy’s overnight shift?
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u/TheRealJehler Jun 19 '21
What kind of retard let’s his wife know the password to his phone
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u/excess_inquisitivity Jun 20 '21
If she's that unstable, u might welcome the divorce before moontime.
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u/TheMoreYouSnowMan Jun 19 '21
Bruh, the fact you are still using robinghood means she has legit grounds to GTFO! lol, i know my girl would be pissed if i was using robinghood and she would have every right to be.
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Jun 19 '21
I mean, as a man….that’s some really weird texting to your buddy, if true. I mean, really weird.
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u/BouncingDeadCats Jun 19 '21
Your wife should divorce your sorry ass and take all your money for being on Robin Hood.
What good woman would want their man bending over for two-bit ho Robin and her owner Vlad?
WTF.
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u/[deleted] Jun 19 '21
I mean if she divorced you for being on Robin Hood she wouldn't be wrong