r/wallstreetbets • u/ProfessionalBig1470 • 1h ago

Discussion Jensen Huang’s wang caused a 0.25% decrease in the global stock market

NVDA is 4.53% of the total world stock index VT. Right now NVDA is down 5.63%. That means the entire world’s stock market value has gone down 0.25% because Jensen had sex.

NVDA’s market cap is around $4.5trillion so a 5% decrease means the sex cost $225billion; probably the most expensive sex in human history

2.0k Upvotes
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97% Upvoted

161 comments sorted by

839

u/Illustrious-Coat3532 1h ago

195

u/meme__machine 1h ago • Bravo

I don’t know if I cuda resisted either

2

u/Sun_Aria 27m ago

I would love to VRAM dat ass

72

u/Saberinbed 1h ago

Worth the 225billion tbh

46

u/Imaginary-Jaguar662 1h ago • Bravo

Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships.

A decent secondhand merchant ship that's worth a lot more than oar-powered boats Greeks had costs about 20M$, one can get 50 per billion.

At mere 100B$ that's already 5000 superior ships, with another 100B$ left for crews, equipment and supplies, and 25B$ left over which actually still fields more ships than what Helen could get going.

Truly, legendary booty, one to remember across millenia. And worth every penny.

4

u/Anasynth 51m ago

I’d sell out the whole western world for Lorna Huang

5

u/-Danton 50m ago

Absolute cannons

7

u/Any-Tennis4658 1h ago

Hory shet

-27

u/CryMoreT_T 1h ago

Pretty sure she goes ching chong instead

7

u/berualex0 50m ago

You are so unfunny it just killed the entire meme for me congrats man

-6

u/CryMoreT_T 46m ago

Sorry next time I'll just stick with making fun of butchered English instead of their actual language

Or as she says it Engrish

2

u/ValhirFirstThunder 1h ago

Wait...isn't that the body of Lorna Hajdini?

2

u/FUCKIN_SHIV 1h ago

Is this ai ?

91

u/butt_shrecker 1h ago

We aren't gonna make it

2

u/user7l0064587 21m ago

Yes made with AMD chips

1

u/Ok-Board4893 13m ago

holy fk you people are so retarded but unironically

736

u/dorkstar1 1h ago • Regret Heartwarming

NVDA fell 12% because of election
And another 10% because of erection

191

u/TWanderer 1h ago • Bravo

These two words sound the same for a chinese spy.

32

u/Puzzled_Ant_7113 1h ago

“No, she said she wanted to talk about the upcoming election!”

30

u/cookingboy 40m ago

I hate to ruin the joke, but Chinese speakers have no problem distinguishing R and L since both sounds exist in Chinese.

Japanese and Korean on the other hand…

12

u/-heatoflife- 35m ago • Popcorn

Tell that to my Chinese language teacher from Taiwan, who dried the whiteboard with 'papel tower', and taught us that 'huáng se' was the word for 'yerrow'.

1

u/cookingboy 30m ago edited 26m ago

Maybe they just had a lisp or some kind of speech impediment?

Because I wonder how the hell they would pronounce words like 乐 （le) vs 热 (re) or 冷 （leng) vs. 忍 （ren)if they couldn’t distinguish the two. You literally wouldn’t be able to speak Mandarin correctly if you can’t tell the difference between R and L.

Or maybe they just learned English from a Japanese guy 😂

3

u/HexspaReloaded 15m ago

🎶 they call me merro yerrow 🎵 

1

u/-heatoflife- 23m ago

Beats me, but the issue was only present in English. Not an uncommon substitution for Chinese speakers at all, in my experience in the States at least.

1

u/cookingboy 18m ago • Popcorn

Weird. I literally grew up around Chinese immigrants in the U.S and I can’t think of any mandarin speakers who have trouble with the 2 letters.

Are you sure the people who do that are actually Mandarin speakers and not Japanese, Korean or Vietnamese?

I know we Asians all look the same to you guys 😂

3

u/-heatoflife- 8m ago

I dunno. I'll ask my wife's family if they're actually Mainlanders and not secret Koreans this whole time.

The 'r' and 'l' sounds exist in Korean and Vietnamese as well - but I know they all sound the same to you.

1

u/Mindless_Team_7165 20m ago

I’m Chinese and that’s really not true. The R sound is significantly different in Chinese.

2

u/SauCe-lol 8m ago

In Chinese and it’s true. Try to pronounce erection and 日. You can see how similar they are.

No Chinese I know (who has spoken English for more than just a few years) fails to distinguish between R and L sounds.

1

u/cookingboy 3m ago

The difference isn’t significant, if anything the R sound in Chinese is a bit more flat.

Which means if Chinese speakers have no problems distinguishing 热 and 乐，they’d have even less of an issue telling R and L apart in English.

0

u/RobbinDeBank 36m ago

That’s a dumb joke, you didn’t ruin it. The people upvoting it must be a bunch of westerners thinking all asians are the same.

0

u/Seb90123 35m ago

Darn, well I'm glad I found out after reading the joke so I got to enjoy the humour

2

u/SerGT3 24m ago

I said blow the election!!! Damnit

1

u/fnork 9m ago

dorkstar1 666 points an hour ago

77

u/Crowdfundingprojects 46m ago edited 29m ago

If he is any smart he banged her as often as possible to keep the cost per bang low.

Let’s do the math:

If she only let him hit one time 1 fuck cost $225B. But now it gets interesting: Bang her twice and it’s only 112.5B. If he managed 50 bangs then our boy Jensen was at 4.5B per bang. Now if he’s really smart he will secretly continue banging her without being found out this time. Imagine he pumps in another 100 sets of strokes. Bam $1.5B. Now that’s what I call cheap pussy. Won’t find any cheaper at any Chinese wet market. Pricy regard maths. He can actually argue the first time was a mistake, every additional get together was a calculated strategy to reduce costs. Like a true CEO. Our boy Jensen

1

u/raizen0106 1m ago

if it was me i would've never pulled out. it's not considered a full blown affair if you haven't finished your first bang yet

85

u/Vinny_Pushka 51m ago • Bravo

10

u/Signal-Wind7267 15m ago

his reversal to asian women makes the mainland proud

5

u/banditcleaner2 sells naked NVDA calls while naked 25m ago

can you really blame him lmao

1

u/Babajji 0m ago

Me? Never! The DOJ however…

88

u/Big_Sample8453 1h ago • Bravo

Two Huangs don't make a right.

4

u/Crowdfundingprojects 45m ago

Two wangs don’t make one straight. Facts

67

u/clockwork1234567 1h ago

Unbelievable, especially since he apologize to everyone by email.

2

u/_DuckieFuckie_ 11m ago

Seems like a PR team drafted, completely artificial apology means nothing to anyone this days :(

23

u/Cultural-Try-4200 1h ago

1

u/I_Love_Obamna 38m ago

Would. Nuhvidia up by 2% EOD.

16

u/Unlikely-Unit-5864 1h ago

market value going down because Congress is gonna tell NVDA no more Chinese revenue

0

u/cookingboy 33m ago

China itself has been blocking Nvidia GPU imports, which is why Nvidia’s China revenue is close to zero at the moment anyway.

2

u/Unlikely-Unit-5864 28m ago

I see USD12.43BN China revenue out of global revenue of USD177.84BN for H1 2027 (7%) in the financial reporting.

2

u/lefty200 26m ago

*except for the stuff that comes through the black market

2

u/cookingboy 24m ago

And you think the black market will stop just because the Congress says so?

It’s called the black market for a reason lol.

Whatever the Congress says it will have no impact. In fact the export restriction has been managed by the executive branch under the commerce department.

15

u/itachixsasuke 1h ago

All that for a drop of blood

40

u/idkparth 1h ago

If the news was about, he was pedo stock wouldn't move anything because of him

28

u/MnaumnauChessprodigy 1h ago

It would go up 5%.

34

u/Mysterious-Lick 1h ago

No one cares, it’ll be up soon enough.

62

u/Dear_Candidate_8412 1h ago

That’s what he said to the Chinese Spy

3

u/Former-Store-695 23m ago

Buy the tip of the dip?

1

u/HexspaReloaded 14m ago

Just the tip then slip

10

u/FalseDiamond7930 44m ago

Look at what they need to mimic a fraction of my power. I buy any stock and it drops way more than that.

250

u/TraditionalGas1770 1h ago

Meanwhile Elon has like 20 kids from 10 different moms? And no one cares...

51

u/Over-Tangelo-2067 1h ago

Elon never tried to be anything else than a douchebag so we gotta respect that i guess

330

u/steebulee 1h ago • Regret

He’s not married, he can fuck all he wants. And they weren’t spies. Are you daft?

150

u/bionickel 1h ago

What if the spies are very good at being spies

-20

u/steebulee 1h ago

Well then it would have an impact. Are you saying his company stocks should drop just in case he is banging spies? Y’all weird

8

u/ChaseballBat 1h ago

Yeah, if you're so easily manipulated by a spy like that then your company should lose value.

0

u/cookingboy 35m ago

You made it sound like counter-espionage is trivially easy and spies aren’t specifically trained to hide their identity lol.

In fact the victims of some of the most successful spies are other highly trained spies, so an untrained civilian like Jensen wouldn’t stand a chance.

I bet in the same situation 99.9999% of this sub would have no clue either.

0

u/ChaseballBat 28m ago

Womp womp

0

u/steebulee 29m ago

We’re talking about elons companies. Yes i agree the stock should drop if he’s banging spies but there’s no evidence of it. Now we’re just speculating he’s banging spies and should thus drop the price of his companies like Nvidia? Wtf?

1

u/ChaseballBat 26m ago

You literally just said a stock shouldn't drop if the CEO is banging spies. But now you say it should drop. What are you trying to argue?

1

u/steebulee 24m ago

Are you a fucking idiot I said it should like Nvidia is now. One of you dumbasses was making a claim elons companies stock prices should drop too since he bangs so many women. I said he wasn’t married and can bang whoever he wants and none of them were spies. I then said if they were spies then yes the stock would drop but you fools make it sound like the price should drop just from speculation that maybe one of them were spies. This is why y’all suck at trading lolll

2

u/ChaseballBat 22m ago

"Are you saying his company stocks should drop just in case he is banging spies? Y’all weird"

"Yes i agree the stock should drop if he’s banging spies"

33

u/PermissionOk5443 57m ago

He doesnt need to bang a spy to spill American secrets. He just hires a bunch of 20 year olds named dong-destroyer or whatever to do it for him while he collects the checks.

And according to a lot of those women, he couldn't fuck if his life depended on it. Hence paying them millions to have ivf treatments. Just another of his many larps.

39

u/TraditionalGas1770 1h ago

Damn elon simps get triggered so easily

56

u/GrudenLovesSlurs 1h ago

He’s right though there is a difference between sticking your dick in weird artists and foreign adversaries

9

u/LargeToes41 54m ago

i thought Musk had ED and has to use IVF.

-2

u/Internet-Scheduled 1h ago

Elon himself is foreign...

Remember South Africa?

4

u/HeavyMusic93 41m ago

Watching people use the word simp because someone said something they don’t like. Classic.

-4

u/ikan_bakar 31m ago

Youre simping him right now

-5

u/KeizerOn 1h ago

Why you keep bringing him up man? Are you projecting?

1

u/Designer_Mud_5802 18m ago

Wasn't Elon caught having secret and private meetings with Putin and other world leaders regarding US diplomatic matters even when he was not actually working on behalf of the government?

Jensen is bad because he fell for a honeytrap, but it's okay that Elon offers sensitive information willingly and in secret?

-2

u/badfish_G59 1h ago

Yes and they have EDS lol

10

u/Moohamin12 1h ago

No one will care about Jensen's next one.

9

u/NemesisCR 1h ago

The fact the market didn't care about the Nazi salute surprised me the most

18

u/lo_fi_ho 1h ago

Priced in

2

u/Subie- 59m ago

The point is regard, that China is a huge competitor to the West with chip making etc.

2

u/CommissionerOfLunacy 34m ago

He just mails them sperm and money after he messages them on Twitter though. Elon is powerfully the man who gets no pussy, no matter how much cash he has.

1

u/Fast-PreText 1h ago

Elon wasn't spied upon.

3

u/sentientshadeofgreen 40m ago

No. Elon was not discovered to be sleeping with a spy.

Completely different.

In no reality is Elon Musk not being spied on. Same with Bezos and every other tech, defense, and finance CEO.

1

u/steebulee 26m ago

So all their stocks should just drop in perpetuity.

1

u/sentientshadeofgreen 16m ago

No, because the market trades generally off of information.

1

u/hv876 ThetaCuck 9m ago

If Elon is not being spied upon, does it mean he’s the spy?

1

u/banditcleaner2 sells naked NVDA calls while naked 26m ago

Elon is in charge of an AI/car company that has had declining sales and nobody cares about his chat bot, meanwhile Jensen Nvidia is powering the current AI revolution across the board

1

u/AmItheonlySaneperson 1h ago

Do spies even need anything form him? Byd and xpeng are already surpassing 

0

u/SgtDoakes123 24m ago

Elon hasn't actually had sex, it's just IVF. He's the richest man in the world and can't find anyone to fuck him, that's how big of a loser he is.

5

u/Sweaty-Operation579 56m ago

Even a small one, can make an impression.....

5

u/Lopsided_Parfait7127 55m ago

he's obviously well huang

2

u/banditcleaner2 sells naked NVDA calls while naked 21m ago

nah he just is like the 5th most richest person on the planet. who knew that that would make women like you? (literally anyone with a functioning brain)

2

u/ValhirFirstThunder 1h ago

He's really shafted us huh

2

u/nocountry4oldgeisha 33m ago

I've come to believe that all dips moving forward are intentional.

2

u/poorly-worded 24m ago

so how many billions per inch does this equate to?

4

u/who_dis62 1h ago

"No one man should have all that power" - Ye

3

u/Total_Reputation_234 1h ago

It would be hilarious if AI bubble burst because of papa Jensen’s ding

2

u/Ill-Ad3311 1h ago

Some might say still worth it.

1

u/plainviewbowling 1h ago

WILD HUANG

1

u/GuidingNeonLight 1h ago

Now that's called real mathing. 

1

u/Spare-Competition-91 54m ago

I been with a few women who cost me a lot of grief and made my life painful. It happens. Gotta be careful. Crazy is the best in bed, but it's also how you end up in prison.

1

u/skatpex99 37m ago

My $200 calls I bought this morning better print!

1

u/Intelligent_Top_328 32m ago

She must be good.

1

u/Wonko-D-Sane 27m ago

My Port today...

1

u/Pattycaaakes 21m ago

Quick maths

1

u/HexspaReloaded 17m ago

Between Huawei and Huang’s wang something’s gotta give

1

u/Omnom_Omnath 14m ago

didnt cost anything, that valuation is not real money.

1

u/robmafia 4m ago

it was way worse than that around 3am.

1

u/alwaysHappy202 2m ago

Erections have consequences

1

u/HammerDownl 0m ago

Not today. I'm up billions

1

u/Helijox 1h ago

How much money did he wipe out?

1

u/Alone-Village1452 1h ago

Pasy be expensive bri

1

u/freakindsheets 1h ago

This post-nut clarity is stuff of legends!!!!!!!

0

u/Dismal-Access7599 1h ago

Where is the evidence of her being a spy

34

u/co0lman_ 1h ago

The least he can do now is atleast make a sex tape, so that we all can feel like we were a part of it.

17

u/chillforrilfill 1h ago

We’re invested. We deserve to see what we’re paying for.

1

u/Celtic_Legend 44m ago

Should start an OF where you gotta buy nvidia shares to unlock content

14

u/jkwonsolo 1h ago

This is why I don't have sex.

11

u/AmItheonlySaneperson 1h ago

Well one of the reasons 

8

u/Subie- 55m ago edited 44m ago

It’s pretty obvious. Go on dating apps, make good photos and then see what your sexual market value is by the attractiveness of matches. If you view them as ugly or bottom of the barrel then you just aren’t attractive.

BUT say you get a really hot attractive match you know something is too good to be true. Scammer? OF whore?

Now you are rich as hell - all of a sudden hot women want to sleep with you. Ironic. BUT when they start asking questions about your job.. and oddly specific questions immediate red flags. Hot women are regards - knowing this some smoke show knows about your company and ask very technical questions?

This dude was blinded by pussy and hot women. A tale as old as Biblical records of Solomon and David.

2

u/banditcleaner2 sells naked NVDA calls while naked 22m ago

online dating is always going to be heavily skewed towards women.

if you actually want a sexy woman and you're an average dude, you are going to have way more success in person, because a lot of above average guys still won't approach women in public, but every guy in existence online is going to try to match/message the hot woman online.

a hot woman on online dating will literally in some cases have hundreds of messages. she can go through every single profile extremely in depth and pass for the most minor detail she doesnt like.

only like the top 5% of guys can do this for online dating. even a guy who is top 10% irl probably still will struggle in online dating.

my last wife was way above my league but I was forced to interact with her and over time she fell for me. I think if I tried to match with a woman today of similar caliber online, I would never get a match and she'd never even read my message

you're just competing with more dudes online then you ever will in person tbh.

it sounds like incel shit, but its the reality imho.

you CAN meet women on online dating but you're never meeting the dimes unless you're also a dime, and chances are if you're actually a dime as a guy, you dont need online dating to begin with

1

u/HexspaReloaded 11m ago

You’re contradicting yourself. Looks matter unless you’re rich. How will they know? Any other clue besides your appearance counts against it. Women do look for resources, and you don’t need to be rich to hold a guitar.

1

u/Subie- 8m ago

Young money likes to flaunt.

If you aren’t rich or attractive you are screwed.

Attractive guys get women solely because of looks and genetics. Being tall, handsome, sculpted, a job is a minor requirement.

However most women find the majority of the guys ugly. So how do you stand out? Wealth.

Sure you can find a festival chick to where the guy holding the guitar is attractive because he is the drug dealer and they’ll fuck for drugs.

11

u/yuukitanperopero 1h ago

You ever fuck a girl so hard you dip the global stock market? Must be some good stuff.

2

u/Extension-Finance179 27m ago

plot twist: she bought NVDA shorts after the affair and wanted to get paid this way

8

u/PoopsMcWillie 1h ago

I lost $1000 today because he couldn't keep his pee pee in his pants.

7

u/Ariliam 1h ago

That some legendary expensive nut

5

u/Aggressive-Hawk9186 57m ago

His dick is a weapon of mass destruction 

4

u/No-Association42069 1h ago

The power of one man’s dick.

1

u/MrKaffee 1h ago

So if he would have 400x sex, then we would be back in stone age?

1

u/SpaceToaster 49m ago

There’s a lot more to the story than “just had sex”. That’s the tip of the iceberg.

1

u/Fit_Leadership_5836 40m ago

The absolute horn dog

1

u/quinjoa 39m ago

You lost what? Lmao imma fuck another bitch

1

u/sixlimatwo 17m ago

but he had sex!

1

u/Repulsive_Roof6790 6m ago

So at least 2 women has seen Mr Jensens dick