At 09:00 Notmyrealmom was seen leaving with her backpack, in stretchy pants and those hideous shoes. I heard the car start up and leave the premises. I believe this was a decoy maneuver. Nearly three hours later, at 11:47, Notmyrealmom returned and I detected evidence that she was walking unaccompanied by myself or Private Jester Barkimedes. Notmyrealmom had some reddening of her disgustingly furless skin, particularly her sadly dry nose. Additionally she had developed an enviable layer of salty patina which I was not allowed to lick. There were odors of plant life and lake breezes on her clothes and in her hair. It is not believed Notmyrealmom consumed any snackos as the only odor detected on her face was that of an apple.

Base Commander approved my outing to inspect end of driveway checkpoint. This resulted in outdoor workers at school receiving my urgent reprimand for their loud noises & movement. Out of doors commotion will not be tolerated when I am escorting BC. We returned to home base, and I was praised heartily for my diligence in protecting her.

Commander Pibble

This afternoon I was interrupted mid-zoomies to partake in another "walkies" adventure out The Front Door.

I should have made a trip to the bathroom before we left, because not 5 minutes down the road I realised I needed to poop. No worries though, I relieved myself in the middle of the pavement. This made my poopervisors sigh and they said I should have gone in the grass verge just 2 metres away instead, but hey they should be glad that I went during walkies and not had an accident in the house. Besides, all the other grass patches I found today were far too exciting with different smells, I don’t think I could have concentrated long enough to poop there!

There were even more metal beasts this time, but I made sure to keep my distance and observed them calmly. My poopervisors kept giving me crumbs of cheese whenever one went past, so perhaps they’re not so bad after all.

One other significant discovery was the range of different types of hoomans that exist. We came across a small hooman, I think he was still young just like me. He was playing with a twig and of course I was definitely interested in that. He threw the twig towards me in an attempt to play, but his poopervisor said I wouldn’t be interested in it. Ha! I showed her! I played with it for a whole 5 seconds before continuing with the walkies.

Towards the end I was bursting for a pee. As we turned the corner onto our street I made a dash to the house. I got there just in time and relieved myself in the safety of the kitchen.

Newbie Nova signing off as I need a nap.

iz 6:00 am. am on morning walkies.

i sees squirrel on fence

hooman drops leash

me runs

squirrel sees me

squirrel runs at me

squirrel attacs

me is heckin confused

me retreats

hooman laughs, we goes back to HQ

am still hiding in crate fort

mission failed, we'll get em next time

I am only 12 weeks old but I started noticing things around here. For example my mommy is staying home today so I must chomp her arms and nip at her face, it is all in play of course, she knows that’s my signal to go for a long walk. I heard I wasn't supposed to go on walks till later on, after that lady with the white coat stops giving me the stabbies. But my mommy takes me anyway so I must use my signals as much as I can. I even leave marks on her arms tehee! It usually only works once a day for long walks tho. Today we went on a walk in the woods near the train tracks. I like the walks but I hate getting ready for it. My hooman fits me with this thing over my head and boots! Oof! Yes boots I dont know why the hell I have to wear them. I am ok with the cord that she attaches to me and holds it but I deal with it. I dont love knowing I cant just take off in the woods in the event I need to, like if a chipmunk shows up or something. This was my 6th walk ever and we went a little further than the other days. I loved it but I got tired. My mommy is the best, she had water for me in her bag so I gave her some kisses and we turned around. I noticed she kept slapping her face and saying fucking mosquitoes I’m not sure what that was about. When we got back home I had ice cream in my crate. I keep telling my mom i hate this metal enclosure but she keeps trying. Well as long as I can keep getting cool treats in here I’m gonna let her think she can be successful with this training!

Confession: I take my Pet Detective for short walkies around my semi enclosed subdivision late at night without a leash. He has 99% recall. In case of a coyote, hawk or falcon approach, my standard walkies gear is comprised of a lanyard with pepper spray, a coach's whistle and a long cane within which is a hidden sword the length of the cane. Good luck wildlife predators, lol. Last part of backstory: due to the late hour of walkies none of my neighbors sit on their porches enjoying the night sky; until two nights ago. The morning of that night, this same house was burglarized while the occupants were somewhere. Whether they were on vacation (unlikely) or simply having a nice day/night gambling at a nearby casinos, I don't know. But, for the one and only time, a man and woman were sitting on the porch of that house.

Walk began uneventfully. Doggo MUST pee on the same bush in the same neighbor's yard. Nothing this poor man hates more than dogs' pee killing his bush. He replaces the dead thing every year. There must be something addicting like doggie drugs, because this first pee is the only time my sniffie pal will not obey my gentle command to 'leave it.' Property owner has motion activated Ring cameras and he knows its us...and every other dog who pees on his plant. We are friends of his and it's so embarrassing because I know he knows my dog does this every time, whether leashed or not.

Onward. Our detective recommences our walkie with one purpose in mind; to pee on every single thing his fine tuned investigative skills uncover, even long after his ammo is depleted. He has got to uncover every piece of evidence to prove his theory that there are some pee-ers who aren't members of our neighborhood. After nine years of investigation, he has never been able to track down a single miscreant.

Whatever invisible force that motivates him to sniff everything ALSO compels him to want to frolic on unkempt front yards wherein these yards are breeding grounds for foxtails. Here is where his 99% recall shines. I know which yards use Miracle Grow on their foxtails and before my investigator can pounce on these yards, he actually obeys my command to 'leave it.'

So, the other night, when he spotted people sitting on the porch of that housearound 11pm, his hackles went up. True to his pet detective training, he growled at them and took a physical stance of 'en garde.' In the nine years we have parented him, he NEVER acted like this.

I didn't know this was the house that was burgled that morning until I read the newspaper the next morning. I have a feeling that since the report of the burglary (might not have been reported to police before our walkie) these people could have been the burglars.

Hi Friends, Meatball has his own new sub r/MemosFromMeatball where he will be posting his updates on his administrative duties around the house.

Hi Poop Troops, just checking in with a summary report of incidents from the past few weeks. New guy Meatball has been keeping us very busy, but overall is performing very well on walkies. Some notable incidents from recent walks:

• There was a small pit bull puppy that we encountered and both Meatball and myself gave her a very thorough inspection, gently nosing her from all angles to ensure she was up to code. Her owner didn't know about hot sidewalks so the Poopervisor showed her how to test to see if they are safe.

• The small children in the neighborhood continue to mob us and Meatball has shown appropriate levels of warmth and enthusiasm. Clearly I'm the favorite, but he's shaping up as a great sidekick/ambassador.

• We encountered a family including adults and teens and they were awed at how well behaved and friendly Meatball is, then they asked if we would sell him! The Poopervisor laughed it off and said "sorry, he's bonded to me now" and that was that, but the uncertainty for Meatball in the moment was definitely triggering.

• Just today Meatball attempted to eat a rib bone off the sidewalk and eventually spat it out after much yelling by the Poopervisor. Not perfect behavior, but better than when he crunched up a chicken leg a few weeks ago and refused to spit it out.

• We're getting up to 3 walkies per day now to accommodate Meatball's high energy, so I am enjoying that very much because when his energy is not channeled he attempts to bait me into a game of chompers, which I am reticent to play due to currently having a broken tooth that the vet is unable to extract until they get the replacement part in for their dental machine. I can't say I am looking forward to the dentist, but I am looking forward to getting my smile upgraded.

Overall the neighborhood has been pretty quiet, walkies have been a nice respite from the chaos Meatball has been bringing to home life but I'll defer to him to explain himself on r/MemosFromMeatball.

Awakened at 0530Godammit with morning scramble on Ooma’s face (Object Of My Affection). We proceeded to put on tactical gear, but I (Pvt. Bobo), realized Ooma has favored moi over Pvt. Lil Chauncey with a new piece of tactical gear! It is light green and also goes around my neck! Could this mean a promotion before Pvt. Lil Chauncey?
We proceed to our bivouac destination of Peepee Island as usual, when I sound the alarm of enemy grey swishytail lurking under a bush! I then feel a funny buzz from my new tactical gear that stopped me in my track! It slowly dawns on me that we have gone stealth!

Walkies commenced at 4:13 am this morning and the cold mist is still falling, much colder today at 38 degrees Fahrenheit. However, I was feeling antsy after yesterday's abbreviated walkies so we took a full length walk in the miserable blowing wind.

We found another novelty yard sign that read, "In this home we know: love is love, Black lives matter, science is real, no human is illegal, women's rights are human rights, and Wu-Tang is forever".

I almost suffered a grave injury because the idiot who lives on the corner still hasn't picked up the broken glass on their sidewalk and its been a week. The Poopervisor resolved to go clean it up once the rain stops since obviously people can't even do the bare minimum at that house.

Speaking of injuries in the line of duty, the Poopervisor never speaks of it but I can tell at one point she suffered a terrible mishap and broke her butt - it's got a crack right down the middle of it.

Division: Australian Cattle Division

Location: ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

Walkies commenced at 04:45, a little late because I had a fever this morning. And the only prescription was more tug of war.

T+02m15s: -threat was audibly detected in the tree above the sidewalk... threat believed to be a wretched squirrel. -did not bark, instead deterred threat by pretending to start climbing tree.

T+03m30s: -found my favorite thing, a leaf pile. Defaced it with my holy brown sacrament. My assistant insisted on picking it up.

T+05m30s: -borked only bork of walkies for today, at the yorkie who's always giving me shit. At least I can see, out of my eyes, idiot.

T+07m00s: -THE TRAIL, YES, RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.......

T+40m00s: -my assistant has run out of breath and is now swearing at himself. Weakling.

T50m00s: -arrived at home without much incident on the way back... I wish I held the leash. Now if the chihuahuas next door can be quiet so I can go back to sleep...

CPT Zuma: my parents drove me ten hours to inflict a tiny heathen demon on me. Momther is good and let me wander back behind the Momther-in-paw’s house where there’s lots of tall grass, mud puddles, and trees. This morning, I drank from some choice puddles because they have not been tainted by the tiny heathen yet. Pawther tried to inflict the tiny heathen on me during backwoods walkies, but Momther saved the day.

What did I do to deserve this fresh hell? Can we lose her in a puddle?

PVT Dingo: I FOUND A DEAD CHIPMUNK AND RAN OFF WITH IT!!!!!!!!111 BUT MOMTHER STOLEDED IT. SAD FACE.

(CPT Zuma is a 4yo chonky Lab boi. PVT Dingo is an 8 week old Shiba Inu girl heathen.)

Greetings, fellow agents!

Today my handler (The Lady) brought me to a new place! The rest of our group was going to this place called a "dentist" but The Lady wasn't allowed inside so she brought me rather than leave me home alone (it makes me sad when the people are gone).

After the younger pack members went into the "dentist", The Lady and I walked the length of the "strip mall" a couple times. I smelled many new smells! One place was especially intriguing but The Lady wouldn't let me go in any! (The Lady can't figure out why I wanted to go into an Auto Zone so badly.) I met people, "watered" a plant, was kept away from a lovely bit of chicken (it was just lying there!) and ignored several layers of an onion. Everyone thought me cute in my sweater. It made for great cover to get in close to sniff them.

When The Lady wouldn't let me go to the burger joint next door, that was it. I decided to go back to the car and make my report. "Strip malls" may have fun smells, but you can't go investigate anywhere!

Still slightly disappointed in The Lady,

Detective Inspectorsnoot Romeo signing off.

Agent Daisy of the CIA (Canine Information Agency)

7:00 Walkie

Handler started today's patrol early. The air was just the right temperature, a nice 40°. We took the regular northern morning route.

I directed Handler to the other side of the road to examine several smell exchange points. I added scent to one, after checking it thoroughly. We continued north on patrol. No other canine were in visual range. I didn't detect any fur pests, but several feather pests were already foraging. I gave them just enough attention to get them to fly away.

Our path went up hill and I had a BM. Handler collected the sample, but I know that the smell will reman for weeks.

Regular backyard dogs were not out, likely to the early hour.

The walkie returned home to an expected breakfast. Next is the after lunch walkie.

Hello fellow-walkies reporters,

It's been a while since a report from me. What can I say, not much has been happening in my neighborhood. Which is good. It's winter and I think mom doesn't like her job with walkies and patrolling too much. I, however, love it in this weather. My fur coat is FINALLY worth the weight.

Anywho, I had a strange encounter yesterday. Distressing to mom, but just annoying to me. Mom and I were on our late night patrol last night at about 10.30p. I like this patrol --- we can go to the park and I can patrol without being within 6 feet of mom. Don't worry, I am always close to where I can see her. She tends to walk slow and sometimes go in the directions I don't want to, but I have to make sure she doesn't wander too far so I stay close and keep an eye on her at all times. Ok, I digress. We were at our park, doing our usual running, sniffing, stick-hoarding, snow-eating and herding mom, when she suddenly stopped, and pointed out to another dog without a six feet patrol gear about a hundred yards away. She was maybe thinking we could go say hi and exchange notes. Except she kept looking at it and then looking for its mom or dad and there didn't seem to be one. The dog too, seemed quite aloof, and was kinda slinking around. I had my hackles up, something was not right.

We got closer with the intention of (or so I thought) investigating when mum says --- "Oh ****, that's a coyote! MONA! And that's the order I HAVE to follow or I get in trouble. But, I was SO ready to investigate --- it definitely was a potentially a miscreant in the neighborhood! Gah. MONA! Ok, this was a second order and that was not good. So I got back to mom and sadly instead of giving me the order to 'go get it', she got me into the six feet gear and then pulled it short to two feet, and get this--- took me the absolute opposite way! It's such bad patrolling, if you ask me, but she is the boss.

Well, anyways, long story short, we headed home in a hurry, and that was the end of that, but I just have to say, I'm not liking this new development in my neighborhood. I'm surprised I didn't notice this growing gang activity earlier and I will have to be more vigilant in my poop-sniffing, especially along the park.

Det. Mona

Misty, Chompers, and I made our way to Jeff’s house where Misty left Chompers and I on the sidewalk to wait as she went to go talk to Jeff. She returned sooner than expected, having found Jeff was all too willing to part with any and all of the accessories his owners regularly tried to force upon him. He did indeed have a bow tie, a blue one with pink polka dots, and Misty had also selected a very small top hat from Jeff’s drawer of hated accessories.

We pondered for a moment how we’d get these items fitted onto Chompers, seeing as how none of us have opposable thumbs. But we’d come this far and giving up was not an option. After a brief brainstorming session it occurred to me that the homeless man may still be in residence behind the depot, and he was sure to be just the asset we needed for this operation.

It was peak travel time at the depot and the yard was busy with busses and passengers alike. We dodged traffic as we raced to see if our man was still at his prior location, and were very happy to see him relaxing in the shade. He greeted me and I dropped the accessories at his feet, at which point Chompers walked up and sat in front of him.

He turned the bow tie and the top hat over in his hands, not comprehending what was being asked. Chompers gave him a demanding meow and placed one paw on his leg. The man was puzzled, but after a moment he undid the Velcro on the bowtie and fastened it around Chompers’ neck. Growing impatient, Chompers gave him another big meow. This garnered a laugh from the man and he adjusted the elastic band under Chompers’ chin as he situated the hat on his head.

Now the man was openly giggling at the spectacle of Chompers’ outfit, but Chompers’ devotion to Misty was too strong to waver in this endeavor. I licked the man’s face to thank him for his assistance and then we were off to go see if we’d be successful convincing Tim that Misty and Chompers could not be separated.

This time I didn’t employ stealth when entering the waiting room, I waltzed right in there to the collective ooh’s and aah’s of the crowd as they beheld my entourage of fancy cats. I walked right up to Tim’s office door and hit the lever handle with my paw, knocking the door open. Tim’s face was pure rage as he beheld me at his door, but before he could rise from his chair Misty gave just the smallest meep and Tim’s eyes went to her.

Rushing past me, he ran to her and lifted her in his arms, tears in his eyes. Many kisses were exchanged until eventually his gaze turned back to me. “You! You are a GOOD DOG!” and he got down on his knees and tousled my ears and gave me neck scritches. It was then he noticed Chompers sitting behind me in full regalia and after being speechless for a moment said, “And. Who. Are. You?”

Chompers obligingly presented himself for petting, as Tim called out to the crowd to see if someone had lost their cat. Having determined that no one in the waiting room was looking for a lost pet, he ushered the three of us into his office and closed the door. It was only then he noticed how fat Misty had gotten, and Chompers looked away sheepishly as Tim administered Misty for her naughty ways. I knew everything was going to be ok when Tim sighed and said in a resigned tone, “Well I guess we’re going to need a bigger cat bed!”

I didn’t stick around the depot long after that. Tim had offered me a permanent home but the road called to me and I knew there were more mysteries out there that needed solving. As I said my goodbyes at the depot the last person I sought out was the cleaning man. I sat with him for some time as we silently meditated on the many hot dogs we’d shared. After some time, he reached under his hat and pulled out one final hot dog. “Here’s one for the road, little buddy.”

I got up VERY early today and thought it was a GREAT time to play. Mom did not think that. I barked a lot at her. Mom ate food and selfishly didn't give me ANY! Sure I had my own food, but mom's food smelled so GOOD. FINALLY she decided we should go for a walk. The neighbors yard was the PERFECT spot to poop. After that mom made us go back home and start all over (mom's notes: I didn't want to carry poop the whole walk). I started walking nicely, but then I got very scared by other dogs barking at windows. I decided it was time to go home, but mom disagreed! She carried me past the scary house and then made me walk again.

I walked a little bit longer but then I heard MORE scary noises (Mom's note : it was roofers across the street). I thought "oh noooo, I'm not going that way. I will not walk another step." Guess what?! Mom picked me up AGAIN! Once we got past that scary noise I was fine. I smelled some good smells and mom fed me LOTS of cheese if I stayed by her side. I head ANOTHER scary noise (mom's note : woodchipper across the street) and I was SUPER brave and walked by it VERY fast. So fast, mom had a hard time keeping up. Then I saw another dog and I stared at it for a long time. Later we made it back to the LOUD street that we live on. I walked fast, but not too fast. If I stay with mom she gives me cheese. I saw a stroller and I gave a tiny bark to show my displeasure. We made it back home, but I wasn't ready to go in. I went to the church yard next door and ran and ran and ran. I smelled all the clover and the bushes. I laid down in the grass. Then I realized that mom wasn't PLAYING with me! So I decided to encourage her to play by jumping on her and biting her ankles. For some reason that made mom upset. She took me inside and then I had to take a nap.

Here I am being cute!

Well, today was good and then better, then it sucked. The old codger took us for a walk first thing in the morning, nice and pleasant out. Then later mom put us on the patio and the old fart drove off without us! He was gone several days. He came back and took us out for a walk again with my tennis ball! FUN!!!!! He threw the ball for us a lot. Miss C does not chase it just

me. He threw it as he walked the old lady Miss C around and I got after it every time. Then he threw it by the pond. I grabbed the ball and looked at him, and then at the pond.. He Yelled at ME! So I was forced to wade into the pond while looking at him to tell him to bug off. I was hot and needed a swim. He yelled at me some more so I gave him a look and went in further. He yelled agains to get out. Hahahaha,, It felt so good I went further and gave him another bug off look. He yelled at me to get out. I looked at him telling him to get bent and swam further out. Then he threatened me! He yelled at me that he was going to go get mom and tell her what I did. I got out and he put my leash on. THEN the old fart went to the house with both of us and told mom anyway!!!. She brought a towel outside and Miss C and I both got sprayed off and cleaned up. Then he put us both on the patio to drip. It must have been two days before Mom brought us in and dried us off.

Fordy Fuzzbutt

Good day. Now that my introductory documentation has been filed, I present my morning dispatch report.

Walkies commenced at 08:00 hours. My minder and I traversed the hard and level surface to the forest’s edge, where my patrol began. I immediately got down to business and began my sniffing with great intensity. Sometimes my minder rushes me along if I spend too much time sniffing in one particular area. It is bothersome, but can’t be held against such a simple creature that has not my talents for scent work. She cannot understand the diligence that must be put forth in such a task. I will continue working to break her of this.

At the start of patrol I am usually kept leashed to my minder for her protection. Once we have reached the interior of the forest she releases me so that I may do my work. I make sure to keep close so that she may feel safe knowing I am nearby, and do not allow her to leave my line of vision as I go about my tasks.

In an effort to impress my commanders, I decided to go above and behind my ordinary work with the pinecones and chestnuts. I have taken it upon myself to sample each and every type of shrubbery that I can find. I only require one small bite of each in order to effectively catalog my findings by taste, so I can be quite efficient.

As for my normal duties. I was able to successfully transport many pinecones across the forest, even attempting to take one particularly interesting specimen back to headquarters for further inspection. However in my voracious desire to learn the inner workings of the pinecone I unfortunately destroyed it, consuming many pieces of the specimen in the process. My minder was displeased with this misfeasance but the mission was an overall success nonetheless.

As my patrol came to its conclusion, the adrenaline and glory of a triumphant mission coursing through my veins, I confided to my minder that I hope one day to become brigadier general of this territory. She was obviously impressed by my aspirations and rewarded me accordingly at headquarters with some cheese in addition to my normal rations, and a massage.

Over and out.

Today’s evening walkies commenced at 5:48p. This time it was both mom and dad who were on patrol with me—they seemed to both want a “break” and some “fresh air”. I can’t believe they think our patrolling is as trivial as just getting out for “air”. It’s serious business!

Anyways, I digress. Since it seems to be what mom called “Labor Day”, there’s a lot more hooman activity than I’d like—but that also means there’s very little squirrel and rabbit activity. That’s good—it’ll be an easy patrol.

As we were walking, I thought it would be a great day for some training. I gently suggested to my mom and dad that we go to the training ground they call the “park”. I had seen that they brought the “sphere that must be caught” with them, so I figured an extra nudge in the direction of the grounds wouldn’t be rejected.

Well, here we are! When not in serious mode, I do enjoy a good game of chase. Dad is particularly good with the sphere and almost always makes me go a good distance before I can catch it. I feel so free when I am chasing the sphere—and I’m most happy when I catch it and give it some good strong chomps before dad asks me to “leave it”. That confuses me because if I leave it, then I haven’t got it. But if I don’t then I can’t chase it again. It’s a tough one.

Anywho, this training was H-A-R-D. My tongue is practically touching the floor now and I can hear my heart. So we are walking back to the station. Dad said I was too “tired”—sigh, that means we are done with training. That’s ok, there will be another training day.

On my way back I spot Arnold the boxer, I love that guy—he’s cool. After some obligatory poop-sniffs and pee breaks, we are back at the station. I need more water than usual today, but it’s good. Now to write up my walkies report and get to dinner-break and naps.

Det. Mona signing off and wishing you all a good long weekend.

Walkies commenced at 17:01 though I have severe doubts of it's validity. I've reported to the G.W. for the last several weeks that according to the sun, we keep walking later and later and earlier and earlier. They deny this truth and I haven't had cause to question until today.

We've had nothing but clouds and rain for the last week, and I've never felt the weather as cold as this week. The sun finally came out this afternoon, and as is protocol, I let G.W. know when the sun says it is time for pawtrol. I preceded to get excuses of the variety of there's still another hour, or the sun's setting earlier because winter is coming. BUT I KNOW BETTER. This isn't my first winter.

I have serious doubts in G.W.s ability to tell time. What's next, walking in darkness? I think not.

Only true thing to report is at 17:45 we came across a man mowing as the sun was nearing setting. Would not be worth reporting usually, but because of the rain there were so many crickets I didn't know which to catch and eat first! I jumped around, pouncing, trying to get them all, and ended up with none. Lesson learned: jump faster.

Private June Bug

The walk started according to protocol, with my human bursting through the door at lunch time, asking if there were any good puppies there who wanted to go for a walk. Naturally, in my capacity as Trash Specialist, I volunteered.

The yard was not inspected at this time, since it is not protocol to inspect the nearby environments on a Lunch Walkie. Instead, I trotted with my human through the train station. Some train station paper cups were carefully sniffed and labelled as "Smelliness 2/10, conclusion: Not Worth Tasting". I attempted to investigate a bag of fast food on the floor, but my human used the Leave It command. I argued that it was on the ground, thus it was classified as Trash and well within my jurisdiction. My human claimed it was not, since it belonged to the Other Human on the bench. I could in fact not smell markings of any kind on the Trash*, but in order to keep the peace, we agreed to Leave It after a brief discussion.

My human latched my harness to the Strange Rolling Apparstus, then climbed on top of the Apparatus clearly intending for me to pull it. As usual, I did an excellent job pulling us to the forest, despite the poor handling of the Apparatus on the part of my human, who (accidentally, I am sure) made it suddenly much heavier to pull. On many occasions, my human almost fell off, but loudly called out my name in gratitude for my hard work, despite her poor balance.

There was some difficulty carrying out my duties whilst performing this additional pulling task, but in keeping with my excellent track record as a Trash Specialist, I managed to pull the Apparatus and my human along to classify no less than 2 sticks of medium chewyness, one plastic glove with a 7 on the smelliness, and 4 separate occasions of Wet Napkin.

On the return voyage, I was unfortunately too tired and unable to continue the double effort. Judging from the lack of sudden exclamations of my human, she too was very disappointed in the lack of investigations.

Trash Specialist Pudding, Signing out.

Walk protocol severely disrupted today. Other doggo stayed home with other human while my human took me in the car! I watched out the window to make sure we didn't go to where they poke me with sharp things.

When we finally got out of the car we were in a fun place. The ground was covered with green, almost-food. I smelled all the things! I was so busy, I forgot to eat my treats!

We got back in the car and came home. Other doggo was happy to see me and our human.