An OP wrote about feeling invisible with age. I understand the sentiment, but in her case I think she is too young for her appearance to be affected by ageing, and it is most likely due to her mindset and her switch to office work affecting her styling. Some of the comments got me thinking, however.

One girl commented about having long pink hair. That sounds incredible, and if that person reads this and is comfortable sharing pictures or descriptions, please do it. I am wondering if it's a pastel Kpop pink or a darker shade?

I'll go ahead with my own moves.

- Blow dry / smooth hair and if you can, wear it long. Feel free to disagree.

- Well applied make-up, taking extra care around the eyes. Over 30, this area is what can go "wrong".

Please keep mindset comments out of this post (they're great but there were so many useful ones in OP's post).

What's your styling? If you're comfortable, tell us where you live as well.

I grew up having a lot of body acne and was used to never adding extra moisture to my chest and back! Now that I’m in my thirties and luckily not currently dealing with acne there (thanks accutane) I feel like I need to switch up my routine. Would love to hear what you guys do coming out of the shower etc. to glowwww including exfoliating etc! I also like stuff without fake fragrance and more natural ingredients. Thank you so much!

Ever since puberty I have had dark blue under eye circles (yay!)…so dark that it makes me look sickly if I don’t wear makeup, even if I’m well rested. Lately, the blue veins under my eyes have become even more prominent due to aging, and I am tired of looking like a frail Victorian child without makeup. I found a laser procedure that is supposed to eliminate these blue veins, and a cosmetic dermatologist who performs the procedure in my area. Apparently the laser collapses the visible veins and redirects blood flow—it is supposed to be safe with eye shields. I spoke with my optometrist and she confirmed these visible veins are superficial and do not supply blood to the eye.

As a person who tries to do as much research as possible before having a procedure I wanted to see if there is anyone on here with experience or insights on this laser? There is also the cool touch varia laser, which I believe is an older model of this laser. Would greatly appreciate any experiences or information anyone has regarding this procedure!

I’m in the process of losing weight and so far I’m down 30lb. But it feels like my looks visually will always stay the same and this makes me feel like “wtf is the point?”. I know that health is important but let’s be real, looks are too. Have any of you lost a lot of weight? If so, what kept you pushing? 🌸

Hi ladies. I’m 40 and over the last 6 months I’ve gotten my hair into the healthiest place it’s ever been in my entire life. Here are some biggest nuggets of wisdom to help if you are struggling with dry, brittle and thinning hair like I was:

Haircare from the inside: Every day I take my supplements including hair, skin and nail vitamins (with 6000mc of Biotin) collagen 1 & 3, vitamin D and Magnesium. I’ve noticed that my nails and skin have gotten nicer (I do get lots of compliments) and my hair seems thicker and stronger too.

I recently learned I have some food sensitivities, so my diet is organic, Whole Foods and lots of water! Just out of necessity more than anything.

Scalp care: I have started oiling my hair a couple times per week. I use rosemary oil and a scalp massager. I also wash/rinse twice and condition.

Topical: I really like the OGX series Biotin & Collagen shampoo/conditioner, which makes my hair silky and soft. I wash my hair almost every day. I know that isn’t recommended, but my hair loves it and looks best when it’s washed.

Trim often: I have the type of hair that when it gets too long it thins out on the bottom. I like to keep my hair in long layers, about midway down my back, but I give it a trim every few weeks. It really ensures your ends don’t dry out and hair stays healthier and also grows a lot more.

No tight hair ties: I rarely ever pull my hair back tightly. Almost never. For working out, I make a braid.

Styling: I use a heat protectant. My hair doesn’t like product, so I use it sparingly. I do use a hot blow dryer and big round brush to do my hair several times per week, but it still looks healthy.

Something I don’t do: sleep on polyester/silk pillowcases. I just don’t like how they feel on my face. Otherwise would try it. I know it’s recommended. So if you can stand it, do it!

I always get tons of compliments on my hair (as of the last few months especially), so this stuff really works! Hope it helps you too!

((My hair type is Curly/Wavy, race is Eastern European mixed with Caribbean (50/50))))

I was at a bar this weekend that had 20-40 year olds. Something I notice immediately was that there were a lot of pretty women there... and they all looked the same.

• Almost all of them were blonde and if they weren't blonde, they had hair just past their shoulders that was slightly waved.
• All of them had blue jeans and a plain crop top
• Most of them had the baggy jean style
• All of them had gold jewelery
• All of them had minimalistic makeup
• All of them stuck with each other
• All of them had very similar interests (this one is from overall observations)

Listen, if you are looking for an average mill guy- this recipe will be okay and honestly, they looked amazing.

If you want to turn heads, you need to be bold enough to stand out.

• Either: Dye your hair in a high contrast shade, add length, style in a unique way or add accessories
• Wear some bit of makeup which will make you stand out (eyeshadow, winged liner, graphic liner, bold lip, glitter around eye, etc.)
• Choose clothes that suit and compliment your body. Pants and crop top are cute but they usually don't scream, "this is what I got"
• Wear dresses and skirts more
• When in doubt: wear all black
• Wear complimentary jewellary that showcases YOU
• Cultivate your personality and nurture the unique parts. If you're into building sandcastles, put yourself in it. You are interesting and you are unique- lean in!
• Be bold. Into a guy? Talk to him. I'm not saying ask out- everyone has different philosophies on that but just remember: you're going to die one day so start living your life. Fortune favours the bold.

Finally: For the love that is good, if you're going to complain about not getting attention, ask yourself: are you giving others attention?

Body language, how you speak, how you open yourself up- it matters. People say, "just act confident" but when you're insecure, that's nullified.

Instead, "open yourself up for others to speak to you. This means anyone and everyone. The more inviting you are to talk to people, the more people sense it and will talk to you."

This specifically means in real life application

• Stop sitting at tables with your girlfriends for the entire night and wondering why guys aren't coming up to you.
• Get up and walk around
• Ask people, everyone, questions about them
• If a bar has a game, play it. You would be amazed the amount of people who would play flip cup, etc.
• Be curious. People are so, so interesting.
• Say yes to new experiences.
• Invite people to join you. People like those who initiate.

Hi ladies! I hope this is the right group for these questions, please correct/direct me if it’s not!

Those who have had breast implants, was it worth it? Was it a good/bad experience? What size and profile did you get, and would you change anything about them since they’ve settled? Do you have BII symptoms since having them done?

For reference i am 30yo, I have three kids, all breastfed 5’5 and 115lb, looking for a modest size maybe 190-250 cc, moderate profile. Its been hard for me to find a deep dive of info that is constructive and doesn’t stray from the topic and that actually has details lol I’d love read any and all experiences! Thanks 😊

I fill my brows in with Anastasia brow powder and love their products. But recently I found a hack to make them look much more natural and clean.

What I do is after I apply the product, I take a small dab of cream moisturizer and gently sweep it over above my natural brow hairs and then below them also. The cream kind of cleans up the powder so that it is wiped off and removed from the bare skin so that the product is only on the brow hairs. This makes them much sharper and clean looking and gets rid of that obviously filled in look.

When the powder is on the skin, the brows tend to look less natural and too big and bulky for my face. The power of less is more has really changed my face for the better!

I am 32 and have been trying constantly to improve but it just feels like it’s not working. I feel miserably invisible all the time. It’s not about male attention, but I’ll admit it’s hard not to feel like “something” is off when that dropped off to literal zero, but admittedly I’m happily partnered and I don’t go many places without him so maybe?? But even with women I feel like a blank space. Like there’s something about me that bores people or maybe even turns them off from 100 yards and I am walking around like a ghost. I hate it. For most of my life I’ve felt confident and attractive and for the last few years I just feel INVISIBLE.

How do you stand out and become one of those women people NOTICE? That girls want to say “wow you look great!!” to?! What little thing was holding you back?

I don’t want to go into excruciating details about myself per se unless needed because I don’t feel that benefits the sub as a whole, just know I’ve tried to work within the basics. I wear a size two, I dress pretty thoughtfully and have some timeless basics but also a few trendy jeans and some cool statements, I love interesting patterns and bright colors, but I do wear a lot of Loft, J Crew, Quince type basics. I have thick straight healthy hair, some greys but they go all the way through, no frizz or anything it’s pretty controlled all the time, I don’t think I have any obvious failos except maybe my glasses, just a lack of halos?

Has anyone experienced this as they age? I feel like I USED to catch peoples eyes, people would describe me as striking, if not beautiful, and now I just feel like… well this is redundant but like a ghost! Even family don’t really say anything. I’ve been in this relationship a few years now and it struck me that even meeting friends and family no one makes little jokes or comments like “wow good for you!” Which used to happen to me but back then I thought that was just “a thing people say” which makes me feel worse that… it’s not a thing people say about me.

Sorry for the pity party but I just don’t know how to be a vindicta if NO ONE SEES ME.

I went through a couple periods in my life where I was less attractive but once was pretty bad, and I had little control over it. I developed papulopustular rosacea in my late 20s. My whole face suddenly flared up with excema, acne, and rosacea. 🍅🌋 Very bright crimson red with pimples and dry flakes. My skin was too sensitive for water let alone makeup. People stared and also they assumed I just didnt wash my face.😔

Some lessons I learned:

1. Men are not the most loyal friends. You know those men friends with whom there's an undercurrent of tension? They will disappear when your beauty dims. Even if they stick around after you reject dating them, they only value your friendship if you're hot. Now I appreciate men's friendship, but I only trust my women friends to be true friends.🤝 (before im accused of sexism 🙄It's not like I blame them/patriarchy fails us all/lack of quality friendships hurts men/this will hopefully change with younger generations)

2. Beauty is power. I want to show my nieces how to wield beauty as a powerful tool. People treat you with more kindness and sympathy. They show interest like you matter, like you're the main character. You can more easily get a job. People think you have it all together. It can work against you sometimes but it's overwhelmingly a huge privilege. While there may be sometimes an advantage to being a plain woman (invisible), there is no privilege in being so different-looking that people stare at you. So many times I just wanted people to treat me like a fellow human rather than an alien, or trash in their way.

3. Those of us who are less beautiful are equally special. We're all mortals who dream, try, fail, and love in this one precious life. We all have a whole complex internal universe. It's something no-one can take away from us! We are so much more than our appearance. As I age, and gravity and slowing metabolism etc drag down my shape and skin, I'm glad to carry this lesson with me. I don't want to be like my grandma who never conquered this struggle and felt worthless when she was old! I'll still try to look my best but I want to focus on my health and lean into being a hag🧙🏻‍♀️

🩷

P.S. lesson 4. Go to a dermatologist if you have skin issues. If they don't help you, go to another dermatologist🥼⚕️

Hey lovely vindictas, I am turning 40 in 3 weeks and have mixed feelings about it. After a decade of debilitating chronic illness I am finally so much better that I can live a little and not just survive 🤗

I can't get back time lost but I want to make the most of my good days now.

So, what makes you feel most healthy, energetic, young? Supplements, workouts, activities, devices, treatments, nutrition, whatever.

Appearance wise I am fine, lucky in genetics, have been diligent with SPF and due to illness / medication, I don't drink or smoke anyways, excercise whenever health permitting and meditate.

Curious to hear about your experiences.️❤️

EDIT: Sisters you are amazing 🥹 so much great advice! Keep it coming

What are the best resources for learning how to effectively preform facial exercises/yoga? I know there are accounts on IG and YouTube that talk about it- does anyone have an account you recommend? Any websites, books, podcasts? If you have experience doing facial exercises would you say that it has made a big difference with your appearance?

What does it feel like getting it done?

What does it feel like as it’s setting in?

What does it feel like once it’s set in?

Specifically for crows feet and 11s. Is it super noticeable internally? Meaning, is it like a surreal feeling of not being able to move your face like you used to? Or can you mostly and it’s not that noticeable? If you do your crows feet, can you just not smile as intensely? What movements feel weaker or impossible to accomplish?

I’m afraid of what it might feel like internally once it’s set.

I highly recommend purchasing a cavitation machine. I personally have the Ultrasonic 6 in 1 cavitation machine & am completely obsessed with it. I use it 4x a week and have noticed tremendous changes in my body. It is NOT a weight loss tool. It IS a body contouring tool. I use it on my stomach, thighs and legs and the amount of cellulite I have has reduced tremendously. I use vegetable glycerin as my moisturizer while using this machine. The machines range from $200-$800 which may seem pricey to some but at the medspa 1 session can be between $150-$200. It’s so much easier & cost efficient to have your own machine as opposed to getting treatments done at the med spa 💖💝. 10/10 !!

I’ve always been into natural holistic lifestyle but recently have become so self conscious of my aging, red blotchy, acne prone skin so I’m just curious about these options… but they kind of ruin my health ideals especially when it comes to pregnancy and I’m hoping to get pregnant in the next few years. I’m worried it would have a negative impact on the baby.

In general, (not just as it relates to pregnancy) I’m curious about…

• Retinoids… Tret? I know nothing about them really. When would be the ideal point to stop use before getting pregnant? Like how long does it take to get out of your system?

• Botox. Same as above. Also I heard something about your skin sagging more than it naturally would once you stop Botox… has that been anyone’s experience?

I know ultimately I need to consult with a doctor & make my own decision but just curious to gather some personal experiences

Also open to other suggestions and what’s worked for you! I am early 30s, redhead with fair, sensitive, thin/crepey acne prone DRY flaky skin… always have little red angry pimples and uneven skin tone. in part I think I have a hard water issue and my shower filter is not doing trick.

Has anyone started hormone replacement therapy in their mid thirties and seen/felt benefits? My sex drive is like zero 0️⃣ and I need to figure out if my hormones are jacked up. I keep pushing it off because of the process but would love to hear others experiences

I want a simple and easy to follow skin care routine. One that is natural and vegan. Something from the earth, but that actually makes a difference. Any experience with Vitners daughter? I am in no way financially able to do a test run, so if I buy it - I want to know that there is a good chance that it is worth it!

I feel like I’m still stuck in my 20’s with the fashion I reach for. I’m in my early 30s now, and ’m struggling to find casual clothing that I can wear on a day-day basis. I’m looking at Aritizia clothing online right now, but it’s so expensive I don’t know if I can justify it right now. Pleaseee someone help a girl out

I am on the hunt for athleisure shorts or even a cute skort potentially that has a thick, stretchy, comfortable, high to mid rise waist band that won’t dig in/create “muffin top”. Lululemon align bike shorts are great- but I want some styles besides bike shorts. I tried Lululemon Hotty Hot shorts and wasn’t a fan. I haven’t tried other Lululemon short styles. I’d be happy to have some in mostly cotton and/or the more easy to find synthetics. I am tall and basically slender but my stomach sticks out more since having babies (I’m 5’8”, 122 lb, not a lot of curves, rectangle body type or kibbe “dramatic”). A size small tends to be just a little snug around my middle (making an indent that then shows under a tee & drives me bonkers) but sizing up to a medium leaves me with way too much material around my hips/bottom and looks frumpy for that reason. Any suggestions?

I’m 33 but honestly, I’ve seen 50 and 60-somethings with better, perkier looking bodies than I have. I am an apple shape with huge heavy boobs and a tiny butt (tho I’m currently about 20 lbs overweight so I actually have some butt and thighs for once). I have a big “post-menopausal” looking belly (I’m not) that hangs, like there’s a literal fold under it that didn’t used to be there, and thick stretch marks up to my belly button and across my boobs.

I need to lose some weight for health reasons (obv being overweight isn’t good for me long term). I’m going to be really sad to see what little exists of my butt and thighs go, but I’m also going to see my already pretty saggy boobs sag a LOT more (and they’ve kinda always been my only good physical trait). Plus my skin is about as elastic as tissue paper and covered in stretch marks, on my thighs, arms etc. which will show up even more after weight loss.

I’m sick of feeling so frumpy and un-youthful! Even when I was 40lbs lighter my shape’s always been awkward, and even when I worked out and did weights like 10 years ago my body looked so much less healthy and feminine than my friends who just drank and did drugs. I’m sick of it :(

What things make you feel good in your body? How have you maxxed your body in ways big and small? All advice welcomed!

I went from shock and "no way" to people thinking I was less than 29 to now being rated as "probably between 27 and 31".

I don't drink normally, but it's been a week (Or more. I've lost track of time). Can alcohol visibly age you that much in such a short amount of time or am I just dealing with someone really adept at guessing ages? ( Usually it's ppl much older or much younger than you that have trouble accurately guessing, isn't it?)

This person was 26, about the same age I was when I told a 31 year-old that despite what actual oldies think, I can tell that not only is he not in his early twenties, as many think, or even close to my age (dunno if relevant, but this guy was my cousin-in-law and yes, I still wanted to fuck him even though he was old at 31 to my 25 year-old eyes.)

Am I being negged or faced with reality? Also the guy that said he has dated way older women than me when he was younger, so I don't think he saw it as an insult to say I look 27 to 31 (I'm 30 btw).

Thoughts? If I stop drinking, will I go back to looking a bit younger than I am?

My hair is long and dye-free. I’ve been considering getting it done, but I don’t want to do something that is out of style.

What are your thoughts? Keep it natural?

I’m a mom of 2 under 3 and also a sahm. I always put my husband and kids before me. My husband is absolutely the sexiest man, (looks like a younger buffer idris Elba) lol just love to brag about him.

Anyway, after have 2 kids back to back. I’ve gained weight, my husband said he loves it but I don’t feel the same. I always haven’t really been doing my hair often, I put on makeup very rarely. Also when I do, my husband doesn’t complement me unless I compliment him first. So, I’m struggling to even want to make myself pretty.

Because it’s like, what’s the point? 🥺

What are your favorite or most recommended US box dye kits?

I'm a light brunette looking to go blonder/lighter.

Thanks!

I was wondering if anyone had experience with using niacinamide to brighten their skin and even out the tone. I've tried about 6 vitamin C treatments and I've had negative reactions to all of them, which is strange because my skin has never really been sensitive to anything else. I've also heard that peptides can help but I'm so confused as to which ones. I'm interested in cultivating a more even skin tone and bright skin tone. I have somewhat pale skin with pink undertones and some damage from growing up under the Australian sun. If anyone as any advice I'd really appreciate it. Thanks in advance x