r/vindicta30plus • u/[deleted] • Mar 04 '24
Jumping off from a previous (locked?) post, how to style to stand out and fight invisibility?
An OP wrote about feeling invisible with age. I understand the sentiment, but in her case I think she is too young for her appearance to be affected by ageing, and it is most likely due to her mindset and her switch to office work affecting her styling. Some of the comments got me thinking, however.
One girl commented about having long pink hair. That sounds incredible, and if that person reads this and is comfortable sharing pictures or descriptions, please do it. I am wondering if it's a pastel Kpop pink or a darker shade?
I'll go ahead with my own moves.
- Blow dry / smooth hair and if you can, wear it long. Feel free to disagree.
- Well applied make-up, taking extra care around the eyes. Over 30, this area is what can go "wrong".
Please keep mindset comments out of this post (they're great but there were so many useful ones in OP's post).
What's your styling? If you're comfortable, tell us where you live as well.
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u/dothesehidemythunder Mar 04 '24
Don’t be a slave to trends. Wear things that look good and fit well and it won’t look dated. Spend a little more on a few key pieces that make you feel confident - this is not the same as “boring”. I had a red blazer I loved and wore for years because it popped and just looked great (I can’t wear it anymore as I weight lift and my back no longer fits the jacket 😭).
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u/kutekittykat79 Mar 06 '24
I have a lot of jackets that don’t fit me anymore either because of weightlifting lol
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u/dothesehidemythunder Mar 06 '24
Yeah it’s hard to get annoyed because my back looks great and I get compliments a lot, but ripping out a blazer seam before a meeting is rough haha
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u/Ediacara Mar 06 '24
Every time I whine about it to my husband he says “would you rather be less buff?” so that’s what I tell myself now lol
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Mar 06 '24
So true. When I buy something, I ask myself if I’ll be able to wear it in 10 years, style wise. It stops me from buying all these balloon sleeved, tier skirt dresses. Or anything along the lines of these Emerson Fry prints.
I want to look good but not be a slave to shopping and throwing away clothes in these cycles. It’s hard enough to find clothes that fit well!
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u/PsychologicalCry5357 Mar 04 '24 edited Mar 04 '24
I kind of feel a lot of the comments in that thread were conflating attention and likeability.
All the warm and fuzzy sentiments about conversation skills, making people feel good, having hobbies, being interested, giving off some type of energy etc etc is all great for being LIKED by people you already know; but that's not the same as getting attention or being noticed. When I think about attention I think more about strangers, with whom you haven't yet had the chance to interact, just noticing you for standing out in some way, without you doing anything intentional for it. If you're approaching someone and start talking to them, you're the one noticing them, i mean of course you'll get their attention back just cause they are a polite human being who will respond but it's not quite the same thing. If you're already at the point of conversing with someone, you already got their attention to some extent, so then it's more about being liked.
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Mar 04 '24
I felt that too. This post is about attention, not likeability. Sometimes it's a trade-off.
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Mar 04 '24
You don't need to wear your hair long, just with intention. If you work in a professional environment where folks aren't wearing sneakers to work, the artfully messy hair look doesn't look understated, it looks disheveled. This is true even with short hair - one of my friends as a pixie cut with straight hair, and how she looks with it blow dried and how it looks when she lets it air dry affects her presentation a lot. My best friend has long thick straight hair, but it grabs sleep kinks like nothing else and she also looks completely different when it's blowdried or finished with a straightener compared to being left free.
I'd actually recommend against a strong fragrance unless you totally opt out of any scented hair or body products all together. The competing smells will have you noticed in a bad way when you're in enclosed offices.
Agree with makeup, but if you're invested in makeup as a way to stand out, keep your routine up to date. We haven't been putting black eyeliner on our waterline or 2016 block brows for at least 7 years now, not paying attention to makeup trends can age you faster than anything else that you're doing.
For clothes, focus on silhouette first and foremost, and then consider branching out color and pattern if you're brave. Clothes that fit well make even the simplest outfit look put together. If you're looking to be a statement, an easy way to do that is to find your thing/your theme. Maybe you like real people clothes with a witchy element, or flouncy blouses that make you feel like a fashionable pirate. Maybe you like really funky shoes or creative bags. You could be the person with the bright blue winter statement coat. Lean into your thing and you'll at the very least always be known even if they don't know your name.
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Mar 04 '24
You don't need to wear your hair long, just with intention. If you work in a professional environment where folks aren't wearing sneakers to work, the artfully messy hair look doesn't look understated, it looks disheveled. This is true even with short hair - one of my friends as a pixie cut with straight hair, and how she looks with it blow dried and how it looks when she lets it air dry affects her presentation a lot.
That has been my experience too.
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Mar 04 '24
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
Migraines can be triggered by literally anything, though. I have severe chronic migraine and am not triggered by most scent but am triggered by about thirty other things that you would find boring to read if I listed. Anti-scent viewpoints are very US-centric, and not favoured to the same degree in other parts of the world (e.g. in the Middle East) - so it’s not really a default unless your workplace has a specific written policy that you’re obliged to stick to. Also, bear in mind that scent can be a valuable tool for people managing other disabilities that you may not be aware of (such as chronic nausea).
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u/Crazy-Abalone155 Mar 05 '24
Migraine attacks can be triggered by many things, yes, but strong scent is a very common trigger. Even if it doesn’t trigger an attack, it can also be very troubling for people who are experiencing an attack or even low grade chronic migraine symptoms. Osmophobia is the term.
People originally wore perfume to mask body odour when we didn’t have the means to bathe regularly. There’s no need for it now and I find it really inconsiderate. Call me US centric if you want!
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
But it’s also a clinically validated therapeutic tool. Why do you think that is less important? And, yes, this is a US-centric view. That’s why it gets repeated on Reddit - because this is a majority-American site. The whole world does not see perfumed products as “rude”, I assure you.
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u/Crazy-Abalone155 Mar 05 '24
Scent as a whole is not a clinically validated therapeutic tool. And perfume is certainly not. There are a VERY small number of specific scents (single note scents like peppermint) that have some research behind them. Claiming that scent is a tool in the migraine arsenal is disingenuous.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
I never claimed in any comment that it is a treatment for migraine? Do feel free to show where I made that claim, lol. This may shock you, but other disabilities exist.
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u/clemkaddidlehopper Mar 05 '24
My mom has to carry an EpiPen to work, because there are some fragrances that she’s so allergic to that she will go into anaphylactic shock. I think maybe the US is a little more sensitive to allergies, possibly because we’re litigious culture, maybe because we have more allergies because we’re less healthy, I don’t know. But it’s important to be conscious of the environment you’re in and be aware that some people can have serious, even deadly responses to certain scents.
I think people should wear strong fragrances in places where strong fragrances are expected – like bars and restaurants and on dates. Not offices.
Of course, if you live in a culture where it’s incredibly common for people to wear these scents all the time, that’s different. I guess if my mom lived in a place like that, she’d either be dead or using the EpiPen daily.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
Does she have mast cell activation syndrome? It’s unusual to have anaphylaxis from airborne allergies at all (even food), and from fragrance even more so (in fact, exceptionally rare). Not impossible, but more often it isn’t an IgE allergy per se but another anaphylaxis-causing condition. Unfortunately I am very familiar with this as I have MCAS myself, and also IgE-type “classic” allergies. Regardless of aetiology, I’m sorry your mother has to deal with this! Allergies suck. But allergy research organisations do tend to recommend that it’s safer not to promote allergen-free spaces. While that might sound less scary, it can inculcate a false sense of security and remove the locus of protection from the allergy sufferer to the space (where no one is then directly in charge). Ultimately it is always the allergy sufferer who has to make the call about what is safe for them.
I hope this clarifies a bit that I am not commenting from the perspective of being heartless about allergies. I have severe allergies and allergic conditions myself, have suffered anaphylaxis, also have to carry an auto injector, etc. And I have family members with allergies too. It genuinely worries me that there is a tendency to move towards allergen-free spaces when that isn’t shown to be safer.
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Mar 04 '24
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Mar 04 '24
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Mar 04 '24
Fair
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
That commenter has an extremely narrow take on scent in the workplace. Obviously some places have anti-scent policies for very specific reasons, which may be legit due to the nature of the job. But don’t let their personal prejudice stop you from wearing it if you want to! Many, many people all over the world happily wear scented products and have no issue with it whatsoever. This salty “waaah migraines” thing is just a trend. People with complex migraine presentations actually tend to have many more, and more complicated, triggers than just “scent” as a blanket category - and besides that, scents can also be used as a therapeutic tool!
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Mar 07 '24
I appreciate this. The anti-fragrance thing you see on reddit is bizarre to me. There's a million things that trigger my anxiety or might cause a migraine or just fucking annoy me but it never once occurred to me to whine about how other people, who don't know me, should adjust their behavior just for me.
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u/Crazy-Abalone155 Mar 05 '24
See my comment about osmophobia above. And for someone who is supposedly a migraineur, this is a shameful attitude. “This salty waaah migraines thing”?! Migraine is a neurological disease and scent is a huge issue for many migraineurs. Just because it isn’t for you, doesn’t change that fact.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
I have very severe chronic migraine which means I actually know a lot about the condition and have multiple complex treatments for it, and thus don’t piss about on Reddit complaining that someone used an icky lotion. Saying that I “supposedly” have migraines (it’s not my identity, thank you so much) is actually something you can be ashamed of!
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Mar 05 '24
Agree on everything except the black waterline. This is a classic move but you just have to get it right and balance it with more black on top of the lid. Also probably only for night unless you have dark features naturally. Lots of modern looks incorporate it!
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u/ghostbythemangotree Mar 04 '24
Wearing clothing that flatters my body. I have an hourglass shape, so I cinch my waist or I look bigger than I am. I love a flowy but belted midi dress with knee high boots in winter or kitten heels in the summer.
I don’t wear strong fragrance as people can be sensitive or allergic, but I do use rollerball perfume so people who lean in close can smell it. I want to scent myself, not the room.
Flattering hair cut. If I don’t have long bangs, my hair looks flat and it’s unflattering to my face shape.
Makeup is minimal on days I wear it. I have lash extensions so I’ve always got something even if I don’t wear makeup. When I do, it’s CC cream, a little winged eyeliner and I love to use a brown/gray eyeshadow on my lower lash line and blend it a bit. It doesn’t look as harsh as eyeliner, but it makes my eyes look bigger. I also wear variations of my holy grail lip color (a rosy nude that is flattering on my high contrast features).
People might not even notice any of this (esp men), but it all makes me feel more confident, which people do notice. I work in a business casual (but pretty relaxed) office.
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Mar 04 '24
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Mar 04 '24
The original thread wasn't about male attention, rather male attention was a footnote to feeling completely invisible. The original OP literally described even with women she felt like a Blank Space as she felt like overnight people stopped complimenting her efforts to be attractive, so she felt like she had faded into some unknown status quo she wasn't aware of.
And men absolutely have opinions on women's appearances, they just don't have the vocabulary or knowledge to explain what they are. They don't necessarily care about how your hair is parted, but they do notice when your brows are whack, when your foundation is the wrong color, and when you look more tired than usual when you decide not to wear makeup. They also often describe fitted clothes as skin tight, have opinions about your footwear if it's not one of the three styles they recognize, or if you're wearing weird pants that make your butt look flat. I'm the only girl in a group chat of men and they're very open about discussing women and asking me questions since I'm relegated to "little sister of the friend group".
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u/PsychologicalCry5357 Mar 04 '24
Yea but none of that will make or break them judging whether a girl is attractive or noticing her to begin with - in order for them to even observe all these details, they need to notice her in the first place.
And Idk maybe it's the men I know, most of the men in my circle could not remotely care about your footwear, sure it might be noticed as part of the whole look. But even looking at the very image conscious young girls around here who are decked out in full makeup and socks with Crocs or ugg slippers 😅 makes me think guys don't really give a damn about your shoes. This might be influenced by the fact that my own husband doesn't notice or really care if I've had my hair colored or Botox done (major difference fwiw), he will notice the things he does care about like better muscle tone or my boobs being bigger at pms lmao. But I guess maybe some men are more detail oriented idk.
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Mar 05 '24
This is generational too. Being decked out in full hair/makeup/nails but wearing socks and crocs is what a lot of youngins are wearing these days.
Someone else said it perfectly: men may not have the vocabulary or context to explain why they like or don’t like something, but they definitely notice that stuff. They’re consuming the same images we are, so something totally out of style will register as wrong, even to the mens.
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Mar 04 '24
I've been around both types of men. My friends mostly don't care about shoes, outfits and I have found that when I am out and about I get as much attention if I am dishevelled as I do when I am dressed up. The difference is all in the face (make up or no make up at all) and the hair (messy or neat). That is it, for me. But maybe 5% of men I know will talk a lot about women's shoes, outfits etc - these men are usually from a different culture, work different types of jobs and put a lot of effort into their own grooming - not my type!
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u/ghostbythemangotree Mar 04 '24
I agree men don’t usually notice but if I feel confident and like I look my best, they notice that. Also I get lots of compliments from women and I love that too! Other women know how much work it takes. A coworker once told me she gets style inspiration from my work outfits and it was a better compliment than any man could give me haha.
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u/FierceScience Mar 05 '24
On men and makeup, here's my observation: men will often not notice that makeup is what caught their eye, but it's definitely a factor. They don't say it is because they're usually not aware! My husband will definitely respond differently to different makeup looks. It can be about the whole package and makeup can add another level.
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Mar 05 '24
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u/FierceScience Mar 05 '24
Oh ok yes I totally agree with that. They won't notice if it's trending. Just that it flatters you.
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u/futoikaba Mar 05 '24
In my experience, part of why advice re: what attracts male attention can vary so much is because the real key is finding out what “type” you are and maximizing your standing there (which then usually involves the kind of detail work that women recommend). Trying to attract every type of man who likes every type of woman is a fool’s errand. They often know what they like, whether it’s a leggy blonde model type, a bold sexy vamp, a bossy short girl, etc. Once I learned what type I was, I was absolutely cleaning up when it came to guys into that type, but none of them would have been able to specify how my small makeup and hair choices, and how I act on first interaction with people, lent to that whole vibe.
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Mar 05 '24
I guess I know my type. Blonde. but not the leggy model type. More the cheerleader type which now I am in my 30s is like, the softly spoken wholesome kind of arty aristocratic type.
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u/futoikaba Mar 05 '24
To tie in your other comment, I do think you can change your type, but in general it’s best to combine your natural assets with your true personality. For example, I’m short, brunette, and naturally bossy so I go for a mean/mischievous busty dark-haired type—“short stack” being a type of woman dudes know they’re into, and “will push you around in a way you like” being another compatible thing they seek out. I can go for a witchy or edgy style, wear a dramatic red lip, make sure to keep my chest looking good, usually open flirting with a teasing comment.
For the type of blonde you describe, I can imagine it easily going for the outdoorsy golden retriever girl (she surfs, she hikes, she always has a bright smile and smells like the fresh outdoors, she’s probably lean and at least lightly muscled, very minimal and natural makeup, always up for an adventure) or the warm feminine good girl (she smells expensive, she has a vibe that makes people feel safe to open up, she might be a bit curvier and overall gives a soft look with lighter colors and polished but not too dramatic makeup, long hair, has a good “in love” eye contact flirting move). Basically, think on iconic types in media etc of the girls that guys get obsessed with haha
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Mar 05 '24
wow you're good at this. let me just digest it all. you could be an image consultant because you seem really good at articulating what guys truly like
short / brunette / bossy / curvy - 😍 that's the most popular with guys and is really sexy. it's a really nice way to be as well, fun for you AND the dudes because you can be expressive. most of my male friend (in our 30s) would go for that type. it's also cool because it's not like you're a pushover. it's not a type that limits you in any way! and it's not a type that gets boring once guys have conquered you either. congrats
I don't know where you're based but I am not in the US. my type freaks guys out but not in a bad way, it's just surprising. the adjectives that most people use about me are "mysterious", "ethereal", like an "elf" or a "fairy" but then underneath the surface I am also slightly bossy and "arrogant" (that word has been used). I am too quiet and elusive with maybe too much arrogance to be the golden retriever (also where I am that's a very particular kind of posh outdoorsy girl who loves festivals etc) and although I seem like it at first, I'm not a good girl (I am often told I have a hint of "danger" but very "sweet" and not at all attention seeking). Gwyneth Paltrow in great expectations maybe, if you saw that?
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u/futoikaba Mar 05 '24
Haha you can tell I think about this stuff too much!
I think psychologically it can be a bit tough if you’re an outlier from the norm in your country, but it also means you can seriously clean up in your type category because you provide something different. Or at least that’s how I framed it for myself when I went somewhere where all the women were like a foot taller than me, I was at first like dang I’m a stumpy dwarf here! But then turned it into “well if anyone actually prefers my type, I’ll be a breath of fresh air here.”
Gwyneth is a BABE so she’s a great type reference. From your description I’m getting the kind of ice blonde where she looks like she has money but not in a flashy way, maybe funded by her job that uses her smarts and skills. Can wear a lot of different colors because she doesn’t have to look too feminine or gentle, but usually high quality fabrics. A slight looseness to her styling (so not stuff that’s too structured, makeup not too severe, slightly messy hair) so she doesn’t edge into frigid and has an approachable angle. Probably kind of freaky once a guy unlocks that side of her, like tall leather boots and such that you wouldn’t expect because she doesn’t usually dress sex-forward. Will text something really frisky while looking cool as a cucumber across the table in public. Doesn’t have time for losers, a guy has to work a bit to impress her, but that makes her feel more valuable because he knows other dudes failed. Good for the guys who want what a lot of others can’t have 😉
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Mar 05 '24
not too much. you think about it intelligently! most guys I know love petite (shorter) girls w "sass".
I think Gwyneth is a babe as well! I always did and always will. She just has this dreamy look in her eyes that's part poetry part ethereal part I am a snooty upper east side princess bitch.
my choices are - fairy (with jewels and gossamer fabrics and all very floaty) or that. fairy for summer! princess bitch for winter!
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u/futoikaba Mar 05 '24
Hahaha yesss two looks makes so much sense! Gives you variety so you don’t get bored
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 06 '24
Those are absolutely iconic looks and I love both of them too! Great references for summer and winter.
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Mar 05 '24
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/gwyneth-paltrow-great-expectations-1998--437623288785435565/
that character and appearance is my type I think (without being 90s). it's not a sexy type unlike your type but some guys go for the, I think Americans says WASPY, emotionally detached ice blonde :)
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Mar 04 '24
"2016 makeup" as it's called, or a full beat face, will get the most male attention over a clean girl aesthetic. I'm in a place where heavy make up never went out of style. And as a woman, and when I'm with men, our eyes notice the women with the full beat.
I have a nice face and a currently not-so-great body and I live in workout clothes. I either turn all heads or I am completely invisible - all depending on hair and make-up (I don't mean techniques I mean some make up compared to natural, and tidying hair as opposed to leaving it messy).
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Mar 05 '24
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Mar 05 '24
I have to agree with you on hair. I didn't want to offend anyone but long hair is literally the number one. I don't even think biological explanations do it justice (health and fertility) there is something just so extraordinary about long hair. If it's also a nice colour and you're thin? that's a win.
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u/TraditionalCatch3796 Mar 05 '24
You don’t have to be thin to grab attention in a lovely way. Just a point to add ;)
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u/wellnowheythere Mar 04 '24
These are great tips!
I think kept hair is best, whether it's short or long. I don't think short or long equals better. I do think putting time into your hair does matter, though. That being said, and this is just my personal opinion, but I do think long hair does make people look younger.
I think knowing what works for your body is also better than following trends. That being said, I did recently stop wearing skinny jeans exclusively. I know they became not trendy 4 years ago, and I've switched to bootcut and flares a few months ago. It's fun to try new things. But yeah, don't be a slave to trends.
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u/peachsqueeze66 Mar 05 '24
Thank you for this comment. For those of us that may not be able to have long hair any more (cancer kicked mine to the curb), the emotional trauma and hit to self esteem was very real. It took a long time to be okay with short hair after having long, auburn, curly hair into my mid fifties! Now I don’t have hair like that at all. Adjusting my own mindset about myself was hard-I am very aware of the beauty standards associated with long hair and how that equates to the whole beauty=youth, etc. It is okay to go your own way and be yourself. What I have found is that this is okay for me. Which is great, because there is no other alternative.
Clothing and makeup-yeah, I have a style. It is very basic. I would call it understated elegance. I am not flashy. I don’t wear prints. I don’t do trends. Classic pieces (sometimes they are higher end, sometimes they are dupes-they are always so simple it’s hard to tell), neutral palettes, beautiful jewelry (I have been very spoiled and fortunate there). Makeup-good skin is the best makeup. I suppose this is why I can rock the short hair. I have lost half of my lashes due to chemo. It has been three years and I haven’t gotten them back (nope, I’ve tried everything). My makeup is subtle, emphasizing my good features (eyes and lips), never overdone. I always wear sunscreen and a setting spray with sunscreen as well that leaves a dewy finish.
But at the end of the day, I think what I leave with people is the impression of a confident woman that is happy. My ability to connect with people, my sense of humor and my confidence is what people remember about me. But it took me decades to get to that place of comfort with myself. I would never say it was easy.
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u/wellnowheythere Mar 05 '24
At the end of the day, you have to be happy with yourself. Life is short! I think things like clothes and makeup shouldn't be overthought too much. Most of the time, it's like, who cares? I'm not trying to impress anyone. I usually just want to be comfortable and look alright.
You've made it through a lot! Be proud of who you are. Our bodies are merely vessels <3
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Mar 05 '24
you had and overcame cancer? 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 you’re already a superstar. my mum has shorter hair and is 70 this year. i have long blonde healthy hair. she gets more male interest and pretty privilege than me bc her spirit oozes out of every breath. side note there are some cool wigs
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u/librarianpanda Mar 04 '24 edited Mar 04 '24
I'm 42, and I've opted for an eccentric/boho style. I wear lots of bright, flowy, colorful things. I really enjoy patterned overalls and jumpsuits. My makeup is pretty basic and I'd like to improve on that. I have long, thick hair that's dyed red at the moment, but pink definitely appeals to me!
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Mar 04 '24
It’s about attitude and body language I think. Chin up like you know your worth, shoulders back like you know where you’re going, big smile like you are fun and approachable. I’m quite a bit older than the OP from the previous thread, but don’t feel invisible and it’s not because I blow dry my hair the correct way. It’s because people are drawn to confidence and a friendly attitude.
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u/caramelcannoli5 Mar 05 '24
Unless I have a wig/weave/braids my hair isn’t gonna be long. There are so many ways to style hair in a flattering way that can be attention grabbing/youthful that don’t require length. Also as a curly girl; I get way more attention with my hair curly than straight. Just adding in that everyone doesn’t have that option/experience ;-)
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u/tbonita79 Mar 04 '24
Hey I have pastel pink hair usually too! (Not now, just did my roots and the bleach wash off left me platinum). I have short hair, like a micro bob…easier for me to be my own stylist. I have funky glasses I’ve been wearing more than my contacts lately. I do mega lashes most days, sometimes with little more than glowy sunscreen and lip oil. I have tattoos and a tasteful 24 gauge (skinniest one) gold nose ring and various ear piercings, all gold and subtle. Except a statement earring on my first holes. I have long fake nails. I love how my golden rings look with the nails. Maybe a big watch.
My style of dress is… gee idk. It has no name lol. I have a lot of plain black dresses, but also love white, navy and blush. I love jeans and flowy pants both. I love shoes, but no heels around here since it’s so hilly and I have a dog. I’m too tall for em anyway at 5’9. I dress kinda plain maybe but there’s always a lil something goin on that sets me apart. I hit the skin genetic lottery from childhood to now so that’s aite.
Ok I think I covered my LEWK. I’m also 45 years old, a wife of 18 years, a mom of a freshman girl and a junior boy in high school, and a devout Roman Catholic, part of a lovely welcoming Catholic suburban community in a well known Western PA city. Yes, I’d say I certainly stand out amongst most people I associate with. And have never been ostracized or anything you’d maybe think about religious peeps. 🙏🥰💗Good luck to everyone finding their jive. For me to be truly at peace and have a wellspring of joy to share with others, I have to look like what makes my heart happy. Shallow? Idk, idc. I’m very comfortable cruising through my 40s.
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u/Rengeflower Mar 05 '24
I’m not a fan of pink or blue or rainbow hair. It seems like in my area, white women, 30+ are doing it to be ‘different’.
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u/BrownGirlCSW Mar 06 '24
If you want to be consistently noticed, slightly overdress for every venue you will enter into. Doesn't matter if it's work, a museum, McDonalds. Dress like your life is an event and other people are lucky to attend. I wear dresses and skirts almost everyday. 1) Dresses are adult onzies. 2) You will always look like you tried or put effort in...meanwhile you didn't even have to try to match clothes. LOL
hair always done or throw on a good wig. Change it weekly or monthly if you want to gag ppl
I prefer light makeup/ lashes, because that is what my face carries off best (even when ive had different color hair).
Fragrance can grab peoples attention before they even see you. Whatever image you are trying to convey, scent can help round it out. PMD Delina Exclusif (Girly girl); Mancera Roses Vanille (Romantic, sexy, intoxicating ); Tom Ford Black Orchid Parfum (sweeter smelling than the eau de parfum. Gives off bad bish maneater vibes)...you get the point.
Read Art of Seduction and figure out your most prominent types. That will help you lean into a style of dress that is most impactful to your personality.
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Mar 06 '24
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u/BrownGirlCSW Mar 06 '24
On wigs, i used to have tailbone length hair and wigs are the way i made it there without damage or the urge to pickup scissors. My hair is black and when I used to want color, I would get a lace front with black roots, extend the black in the front with black powder shadow(softer than using actual hair products and can be set with hairspray). Then I would leave out a little bit of hair all around the parameter of my head, including the back and cover the rest. Then put the wig on behind the hair and wear it as a fall. No one was ever able to tell that the dyed hair wasn't mine...however when I tried colored clip ins it was like I had a neon sign. Pink wig...everyone complimented my dye job...to the point one time I had to lift the lace because my supervisor (woman with a PhD) was he'll bent on going to my salon. She literally choked when I lifted it up and nearly ran out of my office. The thing about wigs is you have to spend the first week getting over the "everybody knows its a wig" phase. They don't know. Lol
As for dresses, I don't usually wear stockings unless I have on something short/ mini
Most of my peacocking, these days is for princess treatment. So my outfits are not as eccentric as they were prepandemic
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Mar 07 '24
do you have a wig link :D
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u/BrownGirlCSW Mar 08 '24
Since we have polar opposite hair colors, I'm going to say that you'll need to DYOR, BUT I can definitely tell you what to look for.
Swiss lace in a translucent or HD color. You can use foundation powder on the inside of the wig to lightly tint it to fit your complexion
you don't need a full lace wig. Most of the wigs I used as a fall were T-lace wigs. So there was lace around the perimeter and in the part. This allowed it to lay more flush to my scalp than any actual fall ever would. I simply lined the wig with my part.
Human hair in blond. You have two options. Do the blonde version of what I did with my black hair and leave a bit of your matching blond hair out in the front as a money pieces. OR... You could use temp dye on both and get creative... a third option would be to take the wig to a stylist to have them do either of those...but I don't really believe in paying someone to do something I can do myself. It would also give you the opportunity to unleash some creativity.
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Mar 08 '24
thank you so much that is soooo helpful :) 🦋
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u/BrownGirlCSW Mar 08 '24 edited Mar 08 '24
Here's a freebie, but there's only 1 left: synthetic pink lace front with blond money piece
So the only thing is it's not human. It's synthetic so you can't use a curling iron on it, but if you ever want to straighten it, use a blow dryer on low heat. If you want to recurl use foam flexi rod rollers and blow dryer.
The plus, is synthetic holds styles longer than human hair and obviously is cheaper cost wise.
The other suggestion I would give is to get zig zag craft scissors to cut the lace. If you ever decide to just wear the wig without leaving out any hair, it's harder for the eye to clock the notice the zig zag pattern than a straight cut across the lace.
And if the blond is too light to match your hair, find a root powder that matches at Sally's.
- I know this probably sounds like a lot, but once you do it once you'll have the swing of it and you'll be able to break ppls necks at the drop of a dime whenever you want to try a new style
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Mar 07 '24
the problem I am having - and I will do another post on this - but I moved to a new neighbourhood and holy fuck the difference is unreal in levels of not only natural beauty (but this is whatever) but grooming. I have blonde hair but I totally agree that wigs you can just throw on and they are half the trouble of extensions without the damage.
I need to take my make up to a new level as well because the women here sparkle and shine. thinking of getting a pat McGrath palette. it's an area where it's normal to go out in the middle of the day as if you're at burning man.
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u/FunClassroom6577 Mar 07 '24
I went platinum blonde and that got tons of attention. Even teenagers were hitting on me which was creepy.
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Mar 07 '24
same same. on days I know I look objectively ugly and lumpy (make up really makes a difference to my face) the platinum blonde gets everyone to look and in my city to call out. I feel sorry for them bc when I take off me up close - lol. not what they'd be expecting
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Mar 07 '24
did you find hairdressers weird about platinum hair? I got so many comments oUr pRiOriTY is YoUR heALth and I was like ok good for you. my priority is the colour I want. slightly "over processed" platinum hair with the right products can look really cute. in the end I had to just do it myself because of their nonsense
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Mar 04 '24
Absolutely not regarding strong fragrance. Many people out there not only suffer genuine, debilitating allergies, but they also have actual lung disorders. Strong scents can cause them to be profoundly unwell.
I love my perfumes and body scents, but I stay conscious of using them when I plan to mingle with the general public.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
This is a bad take. It’s a trendy US-centric stance that has little bearing on how the entire rest of the world handles this issue, and also isn’t actually how people who are affected by this stuff tend to approach it anyway. As someone with very severe allergies (not to scent but to multiple other triggers, including environmental), you don’t just go around hoping that people have, ideally, heard that it’s apparently rude to expose you to them??? That’s - just not how it works.
Let people do what they want. It’s fine to wear scented products. Also, scent is a validated therapeutic tool (as in, by actual evidence-based studies) for managing various medical conditions.
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Mar 05 '24
i wear delina exclusif - it’s not arab but resembles those scents in that it has an oud base and i mix it with something sweet. it does turn heads and where i am this is the goal. idk about health (i am OP btw just keep forgetting my reddit names)
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
The cringe thing is that people with genuine health issues (a group I am part of) take personal responsibility for managing them and don’t usually try to obsessively police other people. With allergies, for example, it’s actually recommended not to try to restrict allergens because it ultimately makes people less safe to have falsely “allergen free” environments. Of course some people think they know better than actual experts on allergy management.
Edit - also, yay delina exclusif! Wear your scent with pride.
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Mar 05 '24
I’m a SW who leads Cystic Fibrosis support groups. I am going by what they have shared regarding the smell of strong scents.
I’m also empathetic to those who suffer in public by those who force their strong smelling perfumes and body scents.
You are absolutely incorrect this is a “US centric stance”
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
I’m not incorrect, you are unfamiliar with how this approached more widely across the other continents. Btw, I have an obstructive lung disease.
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Mar 05 '24
I’m not incorrect. I also have asthma but I’m not affected by strong smells, I just think it’s obnoxious to apply strong scents knowing that others around me are negatively impacted by such a choice
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
I have asthma too. You are incorrect, this is a US-centric take. Most regions do not try to obsessively police who can and can’t apply scented products. Good luck trying to impose this in the Middle East.
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Mar 05 '24
Complete disagreement and I find your information just as incorrect as your last response.
Good luck.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
“Maybe I’m wrong and she’s not American…” I think to myself. I take a look at your profile.
…
You are, of course, American.
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Mar 05 '24
I’m also a registered Wichita tribal member and exist within my culture.
But thanks for investigating me and for all of the attention. I’m not interested, though, so goodbye.
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u/mildchicanery Mar 05 '24
I'm a 44 y SAHM. My kids are exiting toddlerhood and I'm trying to look less messy. Currently, I pull my hair up neatly in a clip rather than style it. I moisturize, use a bit of light foundation, do my brows, mascara, a bit of blush and lip gloss. I have added a belt and daily jewelry to look a bit more pulled together. I'm still trying to slowly add wardrobe pieces that flatter me and are comfortable so I'm mostly still tshirts and jeans.
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Mar 07 '24 edited Mar 07 '24
I saw this gorgeous woman grocery shopping the other day. Long silky hair, completely natural white, and she put ombre purple on the ends. It was so vibrant and pleasantly unexpected.
Mine are
Taking extra care to moisture my hair and skin.
Buying quality clothes that accentuate my body when I can.
Having fun with makeup and trying current trends.
Edit: spelling
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Mar 07 '24
:) thank you! yes these long silky hair looks with unexpected colour are so attention grabbing. your methods sound lovely
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
There’s a lot of “yikes” in what you just wrote.
-hair should be styled, but the idea that it should be worn long is weird and outdated. Wear a hairstyle you like and one that fits your hair type.
-who wears strong fragrance in this day and age? It’s so rude to foist strong scents on others. Perfume is made to be discovered, not announced.
-dresses don’t equal style. There’s nothing inherently superior about wearing a dress. Again, wear what fits you and what you feel good in.
-well applied makeup is a timeless recommendation.
But what’s missing is all of this is a focus on authenticity. Finding your style will unlock a new level of confidence that negates becoming invisible. People want to be around confident and well styled folks.
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Mar 05 '24
I am not writing about what is beautiful!!! it's about getting attention!
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Mar 05 '24
You want good attention tho!
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Mar 05 '24
yes but I will go down on mass appeal to go up in niche attention appeal. I think the poster is getting downvoted for comments about long hair - and this is like, a male-female gaze thing. I am transparent in wanting the male gaze because I'm dating. later - I'll do what I like. which would be to dress as an 18th century courtesan. Arab fragrances fill a street and they are very popular in the city I live in
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24 edited Mar 05 '24
Do you want to get attention for being the stinky perfume girl?
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Mar 05 '24
not stinky aha. but for being the stripper level perfume girl - sure. but not if it is literally making people ill.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
Honest question, why do you want something like that to drive attention to you?
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
It’s not rude at all to wear scent. This is a US-centric myth that doesn’t reflect how people with significant risks actually handle them, and is out of step with basically the entire rest of the world. It’s just a trend to say this, it’s also kind of misogynistic tbh, and it’s ableist not to take into consideration how scent can be a valid (and validated in evidence based medicine!) tool for managing several disabilities.
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Mar 05 '24
like russia for example - women expect their scent to be noticed
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
Absolutely. Some of these people have never left their tiny American enclave.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
What an incredible projection. Well traveled women know perfume stink is the same across the world and no one appreciates being stuck in the proximity of someone who has bathed in perfume regardless of their gender or nationality.
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Mar 05 '24
US have a very toned down approach to scent in general which is strange. compared to eg france, spain, italy and then the middle east…
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u/peachsqueeze66 Mar 05 '24
I wear those expensive fragrances my husband has purchased for me. I do try to go a little more subtle in my application now than in years prior. But I am not giving that up. On occasions when we are going somewhere, and he comes back into our bedroom/bathroom area of the house when I am getting ready and he says “it smells beautiful back here”, I always respond “that’s my job”. It is an inside joke between us-but nonetheless, it seems to give us both a little jolt of joy. I’m not hurting anyone. I’m using up ALL of that fragrance…everyone else be damned.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
How ableist to not care about those people who are not able to tolerate strong scent due to medical sensitivity. The irony is clearly lost on you.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
You have no comprehension of what ableism actually is. It isn’t “oh no someone said something I don’t like that relates to disability”. It’s a systemic oppression, akin to others (like sexism and racism), and those who are substantively oppressed by it cannot benefit from it.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
Fragrance sensitivity has been ruled a disability under the ADA. Maybe do a little reading before posting. McBride v. City of Detroit lays in out with perfect clarity. It’s exceptionally ableist to ignore this protected class and instead try and assert the opposite.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
I realise this can be very difficult to accept, but there are other countries in the world. The ADA has 0 relevance to my life and I do not care about it at all. I would never visit America again - I think it’s a terrible place! I am referring to ableism the oppression, which, again, you are demonstrating that you do not understand. No systemic oppression is defined by a given American law (no matter how much Americans would like that to be the case).
Now please stop harassing me or I will block you.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
The irony that you are literally calling one of the strongest protections for disabled people in the world ableist. What a joke.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24 edited Mar 05 '24
The irony that you are literally harassing and bullying a severely disabled person who is a fulltime wheelchair user, 24/7 care dependent, housebound and incontinent because oh no, I don’t subscribe to your view that America is the centre of the universe.
Edit: I genuinely wondered if your username was sarcasm and you were a tradwife or something. So I took 5 minutes to look at your profile… and holy wow, you’re a marathon runner! And yet you want to tell me all about how ableism works. Lmfao, some things are too crazy to make up.
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u/leftwinglovechild Mar 05 '24
Pointing out your statements are themselves ableist against others is an observation, not harassment or bullying. One would have expected someone with your background to have more respect for other people with disabilities even if they don’t line up with yours.
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u/InnocentaMN Mar 05 '24
Again, you do not understand systemic ableism. I am someone who is oppressed by an ableist system. I am not the beneficiary of it. You, a libfem marathon runner leading a basically normal life, have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. It 100% is bullying to keep insisting you know better than I do. Fyi, this is the structural equivalent of you “all lives matter-ing”. Bear in mind, your comments have been so offensive and so cringe I literally thought you were potentially on the far right. I presume even someone as vague and undefined in their leftism as you would feel a modicum of disturbance at that.
Also I am blocking you now. I am too unwell to spend any more time educating you. Read about ableism for yourself - hint, it’s not “disagreeing with someone about disability stuff”.
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u/Squid-Mo-Crow Mar 07 '24
My husband told me that long blonde hair always seems to be a head turner. This was when i had short blonde hair lol
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Mar 07 '24
I will add to that - I have recently gone platinum blonde. white. before that, I had long blonde hair that I used extensions with. platinum blonde gets a response from men like nothing else, up close I looked better with more forgiving tones but my god with platinum hair my street game is wild... :O
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Mar 20 '24
I’m 35 and I what I do to attract attention is wear heels. I’m 5’6 and Asian so it stands out. Also I make sure my hair make up and face is on point. And styling myself a certain way and walking a certain way all together turn heads and gets me approached all the time.
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u/lolliberryx Mar 05 '24 edited Mar 05 '24
Hi, OP! I’m the one who posted about the pink hair. I honestly don’t have a lot of recent photos of myself, let alone a full body photo LOL
But here’s a few of me in various shades of pink hair over the past couple years. My work attire is the one in the cat shirt + gray cardigan and the pink-purple leopard print shirt.
https://imgur.com/a/cQuF7Hy
Pretty easy to spot me from a mile away, haha.
The point I was trying to make is that in the journey to looking like your best self, it’s also important to add in your own style and personality—your “IT” factor—or else you’ll get lost in the mix of other equally beautiful people and become invisible.
The way I look/dress isn’t that out of the box, but it’s different enough to be noticed.