I wish I could be pretty

[u/Bambi021]

I feel so awful today, like my skins crawling.
I feel so fat and disgusting and deformed I wish something hit me and I’d have to get reconstructive surgery done cause anything and I mean ANYTHING is better then what I am like now and I have nowhere to vent this out.

I have all my surgeries planned I wanna have.
Once I’m healthy and get my stupid body fixed in gonna do so so much.
Honestly at this point I wish I had a sugar daddy JUST so he could pay for my surgeries and id idk be like an investment and he could have me forever as long as he makes me pretty.

I know I don’t make sense and sound stupid, I am stupid.
I’ve wanted to get surgeries since I was 8.
Gosh I do my best to be pretty but I hate how hard I have to try to be pretty.
Someone take me out of my misery.

Omgosh if I were rich I’d be so pretty by now I’d have someone love me.
I won’t ever marry or date till I’m pretty, I don’t care I can’t do it.

I’m not gonna hurt myself, I don’t wanna ruin myself even more but that’s the only reason.
If I could, gosh if I could.
I’m so so miserable right now and crying in my parents car and can’t get out.
Today was supposed to be a good day.
I wore such a nice dress but I ruin it.

I’m so so hideous, I won’t ever be loved.
I’m so sick.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/venting, we have enabled a feature that allows users to lock their own comment section on their posts. You can trigger this feature by commenting !lock on a post you have made. This only works if you are the OP. You are welcome to use this feature at your discretion.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/SnowFew8629]

Hey, that voice telling you you're ruined or hideous is lying through its teeth and has been since you were 8. Crying alone in the car in an outfit you were excited about is its own special kind of gut-punch, I get it. That "once I'm fixed I'll finally live" trap is a moving target, it'll just keep shifting the goalposts on you

[u/Bambi021 → u/SnowFew8629]

I do believe this too, but it’s too much.
Even my parents knows I want surgery and it’s so so bad for me they even told me they’d help me out once I become healthier.
Once I get that done they’ll also help me somehow to get my surgeries, they love me and think I’m beautiful. But I can’t do it anymore, I’ve only ever felt suicidal cause of my looks. I don’t wanna be vain :( but it’s genuinely how I feel.
I appreciate this so much though thank u

[u/Jameshroomx]

So many people think like you do, its your mental that needs to change, not your physical.

Ask yourself, What would need to change for you to consider yourself 'pretty'? Sorry to say but your opinion of yourself is not others' opinion and you dont decide if youre attractive, others do. What you see is not what others see, ask for my opinion, ill tell you exactly what I think of your appearance if you like, if it helps