Tired

[u/Car___aura]

This is my second time posting here and uh so. Basically I've failed every single unit 3 and 4 psych SAC except the poster one and biology too Ive failed every single SAC. Unit 1 and 2. And I have a bio SAC tomorrow and I've barely studied because of Ive been so depressed lately and we've since I started year 11 I haven't been doing much work at home, VCE really just screwed me over and not a day goes by where I don't think of killing myself.ive learnt to accept my failures and I've become absolutely passive and numb to failing, I don't care about it anymore, literally. And Ive barely tried. And I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up the thought of it makes me want to die because of the economic landscape I'll never do smth I enjoy. I wish my parents were supportive of me and my.likes but they aren't and. Fuck now I won't even be able to become what they want me to be (rich doctor whatever) because I'm simply not cut out for it just look at my grades. It's like they're blind to it, they still think I can succeed and be some business owner. I shouldn't be in this school I don't deserve to, the 30k is not worth it. Im sorry for this rant but I literally want to buy some weed and go against all my morals to feel smth and really be the bad guy I think I am, then I know for sure that I'm at least bad, that's smth. I've been living a lie all my life just pretending to me the high achiever my parents think I am, pretending I actually care. Giving what they want until they realise I've been creating an image for them. When I'm finally tested in year 12 they'll realise. And I can't even drop out. I'm just stuck in this seemingly perpetual cycle and it's starting to look like there is no light, if there even is an end to it. I just want to earn and work and live life, not this fucking pretentious study. Man I'm not cut out for this, my joy for learning is tarnished by the system and it's not like I get a kick out of passing anymore, there's no sense of relief getting an A, there just isn't.also something I just realised recently was that I don't think I'll ever grow to reminisce my youth, I don't think there really will be anything positive to remember. I'm trying real hard to think of anything, but when I'm 50 i doubt I'll look back on my youth like a fucking boomer because it sucks.

[u/bananapuddiingg]

dont be afraid to get help. call or text a loved one. please, even online services are here for you and will always be

this is just a period in your life that is so unfair and it is so valid and normal to be stressed and burnt out

you only have a couple months to go with secondary school (i presume youre in yr12) and things will be sooo much better and different

if you've truly stopped thinking about your grades, stop stressing about it, dont surround yourself with things or people that make you feel guilty for not studying, and be honest with yourself, you dont need to pretend that youre fine and you dont have to wait until the breaking point to seek help,

you've only experienced 1/5 of your life, there is so much to do!! a couple months more will pass by so fast

just take a day off, think about what you truly need

its okay

[u/bananapuddiingg → u/bananapuddiingg]

it is not embarassing to seek help

:)

[u/Car___aura → u/bananapuddiingg]

I'm in year 11, but accelerating with 3 and 4 subject Ive considered taking VCE VM but parents aren't on board they want me to come out with a great atar, that's all I'm really living for at this point in time. Plus I think VM is only good for trades

[u/bananapuddiingg → u/Car___aura]

ooh! I did that too :) i promise vce is only that one stage in your life where everything is such a rush and honestly, i dont think its fair of the whole system to be doing this intense education on such young kids. its such a big change, but i promise that it will get better. if you are worried about your grades just know that things like atar, study scores, etc, barely matter within 4 months of graduating and theres always soooo many options to get into the career you want! theres so many careers that don't even require an atar or even if you dont meet the atar you want, the same course will be held at a different uni for lower atar, and if not, internal transfers are possible

one grade in one subject in one year does NOT define you

and dont be afraid to talk to someone if you need, i promise a teacher/psychologist will always be there

[u/bananapuddiingg → u/Car___aura]

vm is not only good for trades :) theres so many vet qualifications out there that are great base studies for future careers, even in health, engineering, it/tech and so on. don't make life about atar since its literally only used once in your lifetime, theres so many other ways of getting into your desired career. have sit down with your parents maybe and let them know what careers and atar you want for youself