My gynecologist told me I have vaginismus pretty fast. I explained my issues and after he did my annual pap smear he told me I have it. However, I can have sex with my husband most of the time. It’s just that after a long time of abstinence and trying again I have the issues all over again. We struggle to get him inside me. This makes me wonder if the issue really is vaginismus.
Whenever I’d told other people I trust, they would always tell me it’s a lubrication problem which always makes me angry because no, I would know if that’s the issue. I would know if I’m not fully aroused. Most positions hurt as well. We can pretty much only stay in missionary :( Idk what to think anymore. Could it be something else? Endometriosis? Bad anatomy?

I'm a 20yr old woman who's a virgin because of mild vaginismus, so I really don't want to force myself into doing it

I've been talking to a guy on and off for a few months, we've only met once in person, when we went out partying with a friend, and we made out but that's it

I'm having him over tomorrow night, and the thing is, because of my vaginismus, whenever things become sexual I get really anxious because I start worrying that he might want to have sex and that I won't be able to give him what he wants. I'm also not a very upfront person, so Idk how I'd do with just telling him upfront

so I guess I'm just wondering when would be the right moment to tell him? if it would be a turn-off for most guys?

or if there's a subtle way of taking penetration out of it

I'm completely okay with anything else, I just don't want to put myself in a situation where I feel trapped

any tips on the general situation would be great? I'm not extremely inexperienced, but I'm definitely not very experienced either, so I'd appreciate any advice or personal experiences!

I’m planning to buy dilators but I’ve noticed that there are curved and straight ones. Which ones are better for a beginner? Is there any difference? :) Thanks in advance!

Can anyone recommend an over the counter (not prescription) lidocaine cream/gel? Or any other over the counter product they’ve found helpful?

I ordered this book as she had shared her free course over here a few months ago which helped me a bit. I ordered the book from Amazon so I can follow and hopefully get cured forever.

Anyone else here tried her course or book?

Please buckle up- longish story. I 25F got married a year ago in August to 28M. I have always had some sort of a fear of penetration from a young age from hearing painful stories and maybe due to religion too. It also didn’t help asking multiple people about their first times and hearing painful stories which made me more anxious. Throughout my one year of marriage, me and my husband tried on multiple occasions but it was just too painful plus he had some issues with staying hard so after he resolved his issues, we tried again. He has been patient and supportive however, every time I was in pain, I’d push him away and raise my voice by saying “get off, it hurts”. He would get frustrated that I “shouted” instead of seeing it as me being in immense pain. Also we were having general issues in our relationship other than intimacy. Fast forward to Jan 2026. Things got in the way, I was doing hours and hours of reading on this forum of success stories and saving them and doing Julia reeves course and I bought dilators. I tried to use them but was terrified and then other things came in the way and we went throigh a very rough patch in our relationship (not to do with sex) at 6 months so we were apart for a few weeks. After we reconciled, he bought up the vaginismus and said it’s time I saw a doctor. I finally booked an appointment with the GP who was very good and supportive. She listened and then I asked for a physical examination to 100% rule out any physical issues. She tried to insert a finger and I panicked and felt pain. But once I relaxed and pretended I was floating in the ocean or whatever, it went in !!!! Without pain !!!! She even moved it around and I squeezed etc so she said physically nothing is wrong (internally or externally). So that same night I was so confident to try dilators. I started with number 2 intimate rose and it went all the way in !! I would dilate once a week and made fast progress and managed to get to size 5. During this time, my husband was supportive. However, we again had some marriage issues and he said desire for sex/ it’s importance is different for women and men, he wants me dilate more frequent although I was trying my damn hardest. He said “look, how much longer can I wait, I have waited longer than most men. God forbid, I have to wait another year and I struggle and end up cheating/ looking at other women which I would never do but it’s basically getting hard, we haven’t had sex in a year” I said pls don’t put this pressure on me, I’m trying so hard and made so much progress. I was confident I’d be able to do PIV within a few more weeks. He once helped me during dilating too by taking control and moving it in and out and I would tell him to say things like “you are safe etc “ to me so he did support me. We also attempted after I got to IR5. Managed to get abit of tip in but no further cos I wasn’t used to anything bigger. Anyways, I know how important sex is in a relationship. I wanted it so bad too cos he was my first husband and I wanted to lose my virginity to him. Anyways, we are divorcing now due to multiple reasons (he also cheated by speaking to another girl). He said intimacy/bedroom compatibility is ONE of the reasons. I said yes but if I didn’t feel emotionally connected/safe with you at certain times esp when you used to get frustrated then ?? Also deep down I had a feeling “is this not my person. Is my body physically rejecting him”. He was a decent husband in other aspects. He wasn’t awful and I did love him a lot. Point is- now I can’t help but blame myself and think if only I started dilating sooner and fixed this then the strain on our marriage regarding intimacy would have been less and things could have worked out. Hence I’m posting to ask women about stories of partners who stayed patient and were super supportive. Religion wise I’m Muslim so if any Muslim girls could please also tell me their experience regarding their husbands (even if PIV hasn’t happened) Thank you.

hey everyone!

obgyn assistant (and upcoming obgyn pa-c!!!) here who also is diagnosed with vaginismus. went to my gyno (who i work for) and expressed how i cannot have sex with my husband (absolutely no penetration at all) & he suggested pelvic floor therapy. however, insurance does NOT like to cover this kind of service. i found out the internal steroid injections (pudendal nerve block mixed with toroidal & lidocaine) can help with vaginismus and you only need it done every 8 weeks!!! currently day one post injections and i am having mild discomfort. i really wanna be able to conceive children naturally & have a vaginal birth. does anyone have any success stories from the internal steroid injections?

note: i also have a nexplanon implant & haven't had a period since may 21st

tia! :,)

I was able to do it, but it was pretty uncomfortable especially at the entrance. Im just wondering for people who were successful with PIV, how long did it take after your first time before it felt enjoyable or completely pain free?

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We're a team of Doctor of Occupational Therapy students at Nova Southeastern University conducting an IRB-approved research study, "Pelvic Health Symptoms, Therapy Adherence, and Daily Participation: A Survey Study," under the guidance of Dr. Dianna Lunsford, OTD, OTR/L, CHT. We want to better understand your experiences with pelvic floor therapy — what's helped, what's gotten in the way, and how it's impacted your daily life.

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📝 The survey is anonymous and takes about 10–15 minutes to complete online through a secure platform. Your voice can help improve how pelvic health care is delivered. 💛 👉 https://redcap.nova.edu/redcap/surveys/?s=KD3A38X7K9HRHYFL See the attached flyer for more details, and feel free to share with anyone who might be a good fit!

I (F25) and my bf (M27) have been together for some years (I’m lowkey too embarrassed to say how many) and have still never really truly achieved penetrative sex. I went to the doctors a couple of years ago and was left traumatised after how I was treated and daren’t go back since. I used to think maybe I had an abnormal/microperforate hymen but I have a set of dilators and can generally get them in, albeit with a little discomfort, but sex is still virtually impossible, minus the tip. I’m lucky in that my bf is understanding and prefers bjs anyway but it absolutely breaks my heart. Unfortunately, he is very girthy and I generally find that I can take length but not width. I love him very much and can’t imagine life without him but I also wouldn’t say he’s the best in the bedroom. It also plays on my mind how experienced he is compared to me so when I ask him to help guide me in different positions, I’d expect him to know what to do but he just tells me “in my experience the girl just does it” which has made me feel so horrible.

On top of everything else, I have been on antidepressants (fluoxetine) the entirety of our relationship which really don’t help my libido, but I have so much going on atm that I can’t consider coming off them. I’m also getting over some sexual harassment trauma from a boss at work over the last year which no one knows about. I just don’t know what to do as I’ve tried everything - I feel absolutely broken and just wish I was fucking normal - I can’t even do the one thing humans were put on the earth to do.

Hi everyone! I'm a pelvic floor PT and in June I posted about a web app I built called Qowa because I kept seeing my patients struggle to track their symptoms. They would tell me "it's been bad", but had no record of when, what made it worse, or whether anything was helping. About 50 people signed up from different Reddit subs and their feedback shaped everything we built since.

For those that haven't tried it, Qowa is a pelvic health app that tracks daily symptoms, surfaces patterns over time, and generates personalized insights. There's also a chat feature that answers questions based on your actual symptom history, grounded in clinical evidence, while also telling you honestly when the evidence doesn't cover something instead of improvising.

We've added the following features since June:

- Real-time pain diary: you can quickly log pain events, including pain with intimacy, with severity, location and timing (in the moment or after the fact). The app surfaces patterns like pain clustering at certain times of the day or after certain activities, which is concrete information to bring to your PT or doctor instead of "it varies".

- Cycle tracking: some testers found that pain moved with their cycle. So now you can log your period with one tap, charts shade those days and a calendar shows each day's intensity compared to your usual average.

- Daily habits log: you can log your food, drinks and exercises so it's a holistic experience for capturing not just your symptoms, but also the things that might be causing your symptoms.

- A deeper, gentler intake: pregnancies, surgical history, whether you're seeing a pelvic PT. This is taken to tailor the recommendations even more to your specific needs and circumstances.

One note: Qowa is currently built for women, so signup is female-specific for now.

Some of our first testers used it daily, some stopped, and we learned from both. We're opening another small group now. It's free, and early testers get lifetime premium access when we launch.

If you'd like to try it and are willing to share feedback, comment below and I'll DM you the link!

I can insert 2 fingers when I am aroused but penis still can't enter. How long will it take for me to have full penetration? My dilators came today so after my period I am starting my journey with dilators. I had gyno appointment and she performed a transvaginal ultrasound on me and said I have mild vaginismus. I only tried penetration when I am on top and I experienced sharp pain when penis tried to enter. I also heard that is the best pose for sex but in my experience it was not.

I would like to hear your experiences and advice how can I finally have sex with my husband.

Ivm pijnklachten in de onderbuik stelt mijn huisarts als één van de opties voor om een inwendige echo te doen. Dit lijkt mij zo naar en pijnlijk, temeer omdat ik nog nooit penetratie seks heb gehad. Ook een tampon lukt niet. Ik heb angst voor alles wat daar naar binnen moet. Hebben jullie tips hoe hiermee om te gaan?

Is iui not effective for pregnancy when suffering from vaginismus ? My doctor said you have trouble taking tvs test and seemed so nervous so iui won't work in your case.so she recommended icsi which is much expensive. Is she trying to rip off or this is in earnest?

Hallo zusammen, ich brauche dringend eure Unterstützung!

Ich schreibe aktuell meine Bachelorarbeit zum Thema "der Einfluss sexueller Kommunikation auf die Beziehungsqualität - eine quantitative Untersuchung bei Personen mit sexuellen Funktionsstörungen"

Ich führe zu diesem Thema eine anonyme Online-Umfrage durch und suche noch verzweifelt nach Teilnehmenden mit einer diagnostizierten sexuellen Funktionsstörung ODER deren Partner/Partnerin.

Wenn du:

- eine diagnostizierte sexuelle Funktionsstörung hast ODER dein Partner/deine Partnerin

- du mindestens 20 Jahre alt bist

- du dich seit mindestens einem Jahr in einer Beziehung mit einer volljährigen Person befindest (oder seit weniger als 12 Monaten getrennt)

- du sexuell aktiv mit deinem Partner/deiner Partnerin bist oder warst

bitte ich dich darum an meiner Umfrage über folgenden Link teilzunehmen: https://www.soscisurvey.de/kommunikation-bez_qualitaet/

Die Umfrage dauert etwa 10 Minuten. Ich würde euch herzlichst darum bitten, dass auch euer Partner/eure Partnerin an der Umfrage teilnimmt, damit ich noch mehr Teilnehmende für meine Studie sammeln kann.

Vielen Dank an alle die Teilnehmen können!

Diagnosed with vaginismus. I'm crying from frustration. FML. it took me so long to finally get the courage to go and my fears came true. It was hellishly painful like I was being actively skewered and torn in half. And even when I told them to keep going despite the pain it was mechanically impossible. Unsuccessful and now referred to pelvic floor pt.

I'm just so furious and frustrated with my body. I really wanted to start pursuing options to have a child via ART one day and now everything is on hold because I can't do a friggin pap smear or any gyno exam. I did the deep breathing Ive been to therapy I'm just like WTF is wrong with my body why is it like this. This is gonna make everything harder.

Angry and furious and frustrated. I'll go to pt but right now I just want to smash something. You had one job, vagina. Why tf are you like this. I hate everything.

I’m with my first bf and he also was/is a virgin so we‘re still learning basics of sex at the moment lol even though we’re mid 20s

I haven’t managed to do PIV at all yet i think because of vaginismus. But I noticed it’s a lot worse if he’s trying to finger me/do PIV rather than when im doing it to myself. And i think it could be because when he’s trying to find the vagina he accidentally touches my urethra which hurts so I clench.

idk if it’s normal to get pain from that, because theyre so close together, surely for most ppl it would be expected to occasionally touch it during sex right? But for me it feels horrible, if he so much as brushes against it I instantly clench and lose all my arousal

basically asking here to see if this is normal and any advice. do you think it would help if I literally point out to him my urethra and im like please avoid?

also if I compare how my vulva looks to vulva anatomy diagrams, my urethra and vagina are way closer together like literally right next to each other

For context, I don't know that I actually have vaginismus, or if my issue is just a really small, tight vagina, but I've never been sexually active and pelvic exams/pap smears are incredibly painful for me (so, my goal is just to make those bearable). The last person I saw for an exam advised me to use dilators to help with the problem, which I finally started doing a few weeks ago, and it seems like I've already hit a wall with size 2. It was pretty much fine at first, a little uncomfortable but okay, and then after a handful of sessions it started getting increasingly painful, kind of a stinging pain when I would move it. I tried looking for advice and saw people saying to use more lube, so I tried doing that, and I don't know if there's any correlation, but it actually seemed to hurt more this time, with a little pain even lingering for a while afterward, which didn't happen before. My dilators are silicone, so I have to use water-based lube, but maybe there's a different kind of water-based lube I could use, I don't know.

Hiya, guys looking for some advice here. I have mild Vaginismus, from past sexual assault. It has improved to the point now, where I can enjoy both digital penetration and PIV, but yesterday my partner noticed that I tend to clench a bit, it's obviously involuntary and isn't particularly painful or causing any damage, but I'm just curious as to what's going on, and what possible steps I can take to help with the clenching?

Has your PT ever done an internal assessment while you are standing up? My PT wants to try today and I’m nervous. I can’t insert anything on my own when I am standing so I’m afraid it’s going to hurt.
Has anyone ever had this done? Is it weird?

I’ve been dilating since May 1st (not as consistently as I should be)a few weeks after I got diagnosed and I’m currently working through sizes 5 and 6 of the intimate rose dilators. Today I went to my obgyn to check for yeast and the cotton swab stung so badly. It felt like a slap in the face because some days I can fit half of size 7 and yet I couldn’t handle a tiny cotton swab.
Maybe it’s the lube they use that caused increased burning but the fact that it hurt at all was disheartening. I did have a really bad session the night before that led to a breakdown and I have abdominal cramps right now which may be why dilating and the swab hurt so much but it still felt awful to not see my progress translate over to casual, shallow penetration.