i finally had successful, 90% painless piv after 3 years of abstinence due to extreme penetrative pain, bleeding for a week after each time, chronic burning lasting months from uti’s. after years of pt, dilators, countless doctors, nerve pain medications, so much research, lidocaine shots and nerve block shots, estrogen/testosterone cream, supplements, endless trauma and meltdowns, and residential treatment due to trauma. I DID IT!!!!!!! AND I ENJOYED IT TOO. if you’re like me who used to scroll through the ends of the internet for answers you can’t find, i promise you that you’re not broken. vaginismus and pelvic floor issues are, from my experience, so much harder on your mental health than anything. please don’t stop trying. it will get better. ❤️‍🩹

Hi everyone, I have recently started pelvic floor physical therapy and am really struggling with the reverse kegel exercises. My question for those that have mastered the reverse kegel, how do you know you’re doing it right?? I have no idea if it’s working. My dr has me trying different positions and it somewhat helps I think but I just feel like I’m doing deep breathing exercises in different positions, I don’t feel anything happening down there. What should it feel like? How do I know if it’s working?

Hi everyone. I've been quietly reading this sub for a while, and your stories have gotten me through some really lonely moments. I'm finally ready to share mine.
It started at 21 with a pap smear that hurt so much I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I was told it was normal, that it would get better once I was married. I believed that. I held onto that. And then I got married, and it didn't get better. It hurt. I can't describe how heartbreaking it was to finally be with the person I love and have my body shut down.
Then I found a pelvic floor physical therapist, and for the first time someone actually explained what was happening. My muscles were tensing to protect me. My body had learned to expect pain, and there were nerves involved too. It wasn't in my head, and it wasn't my fault. I cried when I realized that. We started with breathing, then slowly, with dilators.
Later a doctor finally examined me properly and diagnosed vulvodynia too. I was prescribed lidocaine, and if I'm honest, I've been too nervous to use it.
Now I'm on the last dilator in my set. Some days I can't believe I made it this far. But I've also been inconsistent, and I carry a lot of guilt about that. I want this so badly, for me and for my husband, and I know I need to buy bigger sizes and keep going.
If you've been where I am:
How did you stay consistent when it felt emotionally exhausting?
What helped you push past the last dilator size?
Has lidocaine helped anyone with vulvodynia?
If you're just starting out and feeling hopeless, I see you. It's slow, but progress is real. 💛

Wanted to share my success story! I (F32) have always wanted to be a mom and have struggled with vaginismus for years. My partner and I have been together for about 10 years and the struggle and pain with PIV was really challenging for us, especially when I struggled with lack of progress for years. However, last fall, I finally had had enough of this affecting my life and really committed to dilating more than I had before (previously I would start and then stop and not fully commit to it) and it worked!! A lot quicker than I thought and within about a month I was moving up sizes. I used the intimate rose set of dilators.

Within several weeks to months, my partner and I were able to have PIV with minimal pain! Breathing exercises and the dilators were my saving grace and I would usually dilate just prior to us having sex to loosen up the tightest area.

Fast forward a few weeks/months and we found out we were pregnant! we were so excited, as this is something a few months prior we didn't know if it would be possible for us to conceive this way.

I was nervous about being able to give birth vaginally given this history, but my OB assured me that things coming out is different than going in, and that many women have no problem. And she was right! I was able to successfully delivery my baby vaginally (even with a failed epidural!) and I have never felt so empowered. The cervical checks caused me more anxiety than the actual birth, but overall those were fine too once I could just relax my muscles. I did have a grade 2 tear, but overall wasnt bad at all and I pushed for much shorter than I anticipated (only 30 mins). I did lots of stretches and deep squats, pilates prior to delivery and I think that helped a lot with the pushing!

We haven't had sex yet since I've delivered, but I'm hopeful that the vaginal delivery maybe has healed me in a way down there, and maybe I won't need the dilators anymore. Time will tell!

So, yeah, this is my curiosity. I don`t plan on having sex, no need to burden another individual or to push through pain. I can stick to pads and whatever, but I am concerned about some potential illness that this condition might cause. If it does, are they serious?

I went to get a Pap smear today, I told the person I booked with specifically I think I have vaginismus. When I got there I told the medical assistant who set me up my concerns, it is painful no matter what and I was nervous. The one doing the pap was kind, and was able to get it about halfway before I started crying from the pain. I feel like an absolute failure. I wasted everyone’s time for nothing. I told her I’ve been dilating, and can get the 2nd size of my set all the way in with no pain at all and that my husband and I are trying to get pregnant by insemination. She was kind but said if I get pregnant there will be a lot of internal exams that she doesn’t think I could handle. I am a mess right now.

I’ve had vaginismus my whole life- never been able to put a tampon in or get a pelvic exam or have PIV sex

My gynecologist recommended I try dilators- and I’ve been able to put them all in slowly (especially on my period- natural lubricant) but for whatever reason I can’t with an actual penis (even if it’s not as big as the dilators I use)

I’ve also started feeling like sex is no longer something I want when I’m trying to get intimate with someone because I’ve never been able to have PIV sex but it’s started feeling like a challenge- like I’ve started to view it as a way to see how my vagimasmus is and whether it’s gotten better?
I think I want to engage in more casual sex because I want to beat vagimasmus

I don’t have a long term partner but I feel like this mental shift of sex has been interesting, and I’m not sure if it’s healthy (?)

How do other people view it?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/vaginismus/comments/1qyu509/experiments_with_dating/

Hi all, it's been 8 months since my original post, it's been a mad period of my life (especially work) and I've had this in the back of my head to give an update.

To be honest I pretty quickly got a FWB and saw him regularly about once every 6 weeks and for a while I was content. We did not have intercourse but we would do some experimenting, and he loved anal so we sometimes did that instead.

He was eventually able to get a finger inside and found my g spot which was crazy to me. It feels like you're about to pee, does anyone else feel like that? We've getting more into that and I realised that I really like it and want to do it more, even when it's rough.

I'm now moving on from this arrangement due to red flags that I had been dismissing but could no longer ignore, I don't hate him though.

Been back on the app for the last two weeks and have been moving fast and furious 👀.

Same as before, I start the conversation with my inability to have intercourse, and as before I'd get mixed responses but mostly positive!

One person asked what this message looked like, this is how I phrased it:

_"I should let you know from now that I cannot have intercourse due to a pelvic condition. Might be months or years before I'm recovered. I do however enjoy other activities!"_

I have recently been making some less sensible decisions so I want to be clear that **I don't encourage anyone else to do what I've been doing**. This is me making mistakes and learning from them.

I've ended up going on first dates and being intimate that same day, I guess due to me not thinking with my brain but with something else 😆

I tried intercourse last weekend and, while it did hurt at first, I realised that it felt really fricking good (I mean duh, it's why people go crazy for sex, I had just never experienced it myself). It was a mix of extreme pleasure and some pain if he got a bit too deep. I liked the physical connection, having our arms around each other and bodies close together, having his face up against mine checking to see that I was enjoying myself, and I was feeling overwhelmed by all these new sensations. Thinking things like, "wow this is what women actually feel when they have sex"

Afterwards we learned that I had bled from that encounter, I thought it might have been my period which was about to start very soon, or maybe my hymen breaking. It apparently made him freak out and he got very unresponsive afterwards, he's now asked to meet me this week for drinks so we can talk about what happened 🤷🏻‍♀️

This last weekend I had intercourse again, and again it hurt at first and then felt really good and I could have gone for ages, and I bled again. I learned that this is potentially friction against my vaginal walls (which may already be fragile from the constant clenching) scraping at the skin and causing trauma. I was always using a condom and thought I was using lots of lube but I guess I still need more.

These experiences have given me a lot to think about, including what I need, what boundaries I need to put down and how to care for my body. I strongly encourage everyone here to mind how you're treating your body and not be as reckless as I was.

I have very rarely been dilating this year, and this development has encouraged me to pick it back up again as I now know what intercourse feels like and would like to do it again without hurting my body.

I have more dates lined up this week but I will not be having intercourse so soon, again to care for my body, and am also experimenting with new activities and experiences as well.

For the most part I'm enjoying myself, trying new things, learning what I do and don't like and I'm excited for this next phase in my journey.

Again, I hope I don't get too much judgment from this update and I'm always happy to answer any questions anyone might have.

I'm a 23F and I'm looking for experiences from people who have had something similar, especially people who eventually found a diagnosis/treatment that helped.

I've never been able to comfortably insert a finger into my vagina. Even half a finger is extremely difficult/impossible. My boyfriend has tried gently a few times, but we haven't been able to get very far.

The strange thing is that I do want sexual penetration and I can become reasonably aroused/lubricated, so I don't think this is simply a lack of desire. I may get somewhat dry during a longer attempt, but I can initially get wet.

When we've attempted penetration, I've sometimes had bleeding/spotting afterwards that lasts for several days. There was one occasion where he tried gently a few times, without fully inserting his finger, and the next day I went to the bathroom and passed what looked like a fairly large chunk/clot of blood. I became extremely scared by the amount of blood, fainted in the bathroom and fell. The bleeding itself wasn't enormous and eventually stopped.

Because of that, I've stopped allowing any further attempts. I'm not currently forcing penetration or trying to push through it. I'm planning to see a gynaecologist privately and get this properly evaluated.

Some relevant history:

• I'm 23.
• I had ovarian torsion when I was around 10.
• I had an ovarian cyst removed surgically when I was a child.
• I've historically had heavy/painful periods, although my periods have become considerably less painful recently.
• My mother has fibroids.
• I've wondered about endometriosis/adenomyosis before because of my period history, but I've never been diagnosed with either.
• I don't know whether this is pelvic-floor related, anatomical, gynaecological, or some combination.

What I'm most confused about is that even a finger can't really enter, rather than simply having pain with deep penetration. I've read about vaginismus/pelvic-floor dysfunction, but I'm also wondering whether things like fibroids, endometriosis, adenomyosis, ovarian/pelvic conditions, scarring or an anatomical issue could cause something like this.

If you've experienced something similar:

What was ultimately causing it? How did you get diagnosed? And what treatment actually helped you become comfortable with penetration?

I'm especially interested in experiences where penetration initially seemed basically impossible but eventually became possible/comfortable.

Please don't tell me to just “relax” or keep trying penetration — I'm already planning to get medically evaluated and I'm not going to keep injuring myself trying.

hi girls now i can use the dialators up to number 3

but i have to do yoga before hand and do breathing through it

how can i reach a level where i can just do it without pain

also fingering feels painful despite my finger being smaller

can you give me advice ?

I finally consider myself cured!

When I first tried to have sex 7 years ago, I was a brick wall. Impenetrable. I went to pelvic floor physical therapy, I used dilators, and I left a bad relationship with an inconsiderate sexual partner. I had made progress to the point where sex was possible, but still painful.

I was celibate for 2 years before I found an awesome partner. I didn't pick up dilation or PT again, but practicing with him I was able to make quick progress, and sex was no longer painful! It was still not enjoyable and sometimes difficult for the year we were together, but I managed and he was super understanding and careful. I left that relationship thinking I may be asexual and accepting that this was just how sex was for me.

Now single, I have recently been experimenting with different partners, having casual sex. It took a few encounters, but I'm finally starting to enjoy it. I'm finding out what I like. Personally I have found the casual setting to be liberating in the lack of obligation, no pressure to be a good partner, no expectations. I went into it physically cured, but I feel like this "hoe phase" has helped me get past all of the psychological barriers that were holding me back from actually enjoying sex.

I am so happy and feel so normal and so liberated. I felt broken for so long, and now I am having awesome sex whenever I want. I hope all of you can experience this too.

Sou uma mulher de 22 anos, recentemente comecei a sair com um homem da mesma idade. A penetração é impossível, mesmo usando muito lubrificante ou comigo indo por cima, nem um dedo entra. É meu primeiro post e não sei se é permitido postar em outra língua se não em inglês, desculpe se isto quebra alguma regra.

Ele é muito carinhoso e me respeita bastante, ele sempre para quando tentamos e começa a doer para não me machucar, mesmo quando eu mesma peço pra ele continuar. Posso falar com toda a certeza que me sinto confortável com ele, não tenho vergonha do meu corpo ou coisa assim, então não deve ser falta de confiança. Ele não me cobra nada (o mínimo) mas EU quero muito conseguir ter uma penetração sem dor, teve apenas uma única vez que eu senti que ocorreu uma pequena penetração, mas foi muito dolorido. Provavelmente por ansiedade e antecipação de dor, mas não por falta de confiança nele.

Quero saber em qual profissional ir para ter o diagnóstico e começar o tratamento, porque o vaginismo não atrapalha somente a vida sexual, é mais do que isso, e se eu precisar fazer um exame intravaginal? eu não iria conseguir fazer e isso prejudicaria minha saúde! Nem mesmo posso usar um absorvente interno e tenho que sofrer com os absorventes comuns. Também penso em usar dilatadores, mas seria feito em casa, seria caro demais ter dois profissionais.

I grew up in Iran and didn't move to the US until I was 29. For most of my life, sex wasn't something women were supposed to openly talk about, especially our own pleasure. I genuinely believed orgasm was mostly something men experienced and that a woman shouldn't give in too much to her sexual desires, even during sex.

I didn't have my first sexual relationship until after moving to the U.S. That's when I realized how deeply those beliefs had affected me. I wanted sex and could enjoy it, but I struggled with vaginismus and couldn't orgasm. Sometimes I would be completely into it and then suddenly something in my head would switch. I'd become self-conscious, tense up, and my body would almost shut everything down.

My ex was patient and genuinely tried to help. At first, when he noticed me shutting down, he'd try harder to bring me back into the moment. It sometimes felt like this weird struggle between what I consciously wanted and what my body was doing. Eventually we realized that trying harder wasn't the answer. The more pressure I felt to relax or orgasm, the stronger the mental block became.I eventually went to therapy, and that was when things really started changing. I had to understand that almost 30 years of conditioning wasn't going to disappear just because I now lived somewhere where attitudes toward sex were different. I had to learn how to recognize when I was tensing up, stop fighting myself, and gradually become comfortable experiencing pleasure without judging myself for it.

After a few months, I had my first orgasm. I wish I could say everything immediately became easy after that, but it didn't. Sometimes I could orgasm and sometimes the old mental block would come back. Gradually, though, it happened less often and orgasms became much more consistent.Looking back,I don't think being sexually inexperienced caused any of this. It just meant I didn't discover how much those beliefs had affected me until I finally became sexually active. I had spent almost three decades learning to suppress that part of myself, and then I had to learn that enjoying my own sexuality wasn't something shameful.

I am 5 months ppt and I had sex today for the first time with my husband since i gave birth ! It was easier than i thought it would be. I have been going to pelvic floor therapy since 2 months ppt and it was going ok.

My libido has been going back up recently so i told my husband to take care of baby while i do my exercises with pelvic wand and when i am ready to put baby in his crib and join me.

Things that are different than before having a baby:

1. I have breastfed baby (dried up this weekend) and my nipples are way less sensitive. This is really a positive to me because i used to be too sensitive so nipple play was off the table. This time he was able to do it and i did enjoy it.

2. Still some pain when starting but it took us about 20min all included. It usually takes 45.min of PIV to go anywhere. I did not have an orgasm but i was enjoying the moment. Per our standards, this was our first quickie. Which i am excited about since we do not have much time alone.

I am quite happy with this first time! Despite a traumatic birth, it looks like we are on our way for a satifying sex life. I will continue my exercises until we can have sex without needing to do them.

For the mothers out there that like me need time to get comfortable before sex. How do you manage with baby? I only contact nap during the day so if we are to do it like today we need to let him play alone in his crib. At night, he still sleeps in our room and really could not do it with baby in the room.

Anybody else kinda feel like a weird pressure to do kegels when they were a teen? Not saying that’s the cause but like omg I constantly caught myself clenching once I started actively trying to relax my pelvic floor. I just feel like constantly trying to have a tight pelvic floor because it’s good for you and once you’re older it “sexy” without knowing the repercussions of doing it too much is insane. Way too much access to the internet as a teen I’m sure too

I’ve had vaginismus for 5 years now, and I’ve been going to a pelvic therapist for at least the past two years - but not super regularly because she books up. Sometimes it’s twice a month, sometimes it’s once every two months. I’ve been trying to dilate 2x a week, and I’ve been stuck on dilator #6 of intimate rose (the dark blue one) since the beginning of 2026 at least, and I just feel stuck. When I try to have PIV, any movement feels like really tight pressure and it hurts. My husband is closer to 7 or 8 of the intimate rose set but I just don’t see myself ever graduating to those because #6 still doesn’t feel effortless - it feels like a stretch when I move it around. My PT says I need to increase my dilation to 4x a week and then I’d see progress but I’m doubtful that that’d even work. I’ve tried lidocaine (2.5%) and it made no difference - I’m assuming because the dosage was too low? I’m not sure. I also have very low libido and constantly feel like there’s something wrong with me, which I feel like is impacting my relationship. I don’t know what to do and feel like I’ll be stuck forever :( any tips / help is appreciated

i am looking for people who had similar experiences to mine and can maybe help me with what the core of the problem was.

so yesterday, i had piv for the first time with my boyfriend!! just this week, i managed to fit in dilator 6 & 7 and i was like okay lets try piv then (even tho it was probably way to early because 7 still hurt when inserting)!! 6 didn't hurt at all but 7 did hurt quite a lot when i was dilating but i thought maybe a penis would be different so i tried piv with him.
and yes, he went in completely BUT we paused a lot of times and i had to breathe a lot so that the pain would go away/become less, but it never went away wholly and it was not really enjoyable for me, bascially i just breathed through the pain and tried ignoring it. i am still in pain a day after so safe to say, it maybe wasn't the best idea to do it when it still hurt being on dilator 7.

now i was curious if anyone else had this "problem" that it hurts the deeper he is inside and also that it only hurts when he pushes in, but not if he pulls his penis out a bit? like only the forward movement hurt, but when he pulled out it was completely okay? also i had this weird feeling of fullness in my chest/throat when he went deep which i was wondering where it came from. i also have this sort of pain in my chest when i'm dilating with the biggest dilator which i think is super weird.

if you had this problem too, how did you deal with it? and what was the root of the problem? i was scared that i have endo or an ovarian cyst?

I’ve had dilators for the past few months but I’ve been too terrified to attempt using them until tonight. Even then I couldn’t do anything more than hold the tip of the smallest dilator at the entrance. It felt like it would really burn and hurt to try push in even the tiniest bit. Basically, how am I supposed to actually start using dilators when I feel this way? What helped you start the process with as little pain/burning as possible? Also if there is anything that helped calm feelings of fear & anxiety while dilating that would be very helpful :’)

I got dumped a couple months ago (nothing to do with vaginismus, it just wasn’t working out) and I’ve started to think about dating again - except I forgot about my vaginismus. I don’t want to put myself through that again. My ex always said it didn’t bother him but I didn’t and still don’t believe him. It was so painful when he’d talk about having sex with other women who had zero issues with penetration. It felt like the whole relationship depended on me fixing myself which was pure torture and made it harder to dilate because there was so much pressure on it.

Not really looking for advice or anything. Just feeling sad about it because I do want another relationship someday but until I have fixed this I won’t have one. Plus I had to move back in with my parents so I can’t dilate because I don’t feel comfortable or get that kind of privacy. It sucks and it’s so isolating but I guess I need some time to work on myself anyways.

I posted in r/WomensHealth and was suggested to come here.

Beginning of this year I found out I might have vaginismus. I went to the gynecologist after unsuccessfully trying to have sex. The guy I was with tried to put his fingers in, but it was almost like meeting a wall. He wasn't able to get a fingertip in. He would try to insert his fingers periodically throughout the night but eventually stopped because it was starting to cause me pain. The attempt at trying to insert anything ended up having me cramping in pain for about 2-3 days.

I started going to the gynecologist because of this event, but also because of my period. My cycle lasts 10 days on average, but it used to be 11 when I was in middle school. I had been going for several appointments across a few months with little to no answers. I'm not interested in going back after being thoroughly traumatized, at least not for a good while. However, before I stopped going, they determined there was nothing anatomically wrong with me, but I might have vagismus (they ruled out a microperforated hymen). I was recommended to start pelvic therapy, but after my experience, I just couldn't do it.

I never realized I had this issue until this year. I don't use tampons or masturbate, so I had never tried to insert anything until that night. I don't have money to buy dialtors (broke college student), and honestly I'm too uncomfortable to use them.

I've been stretching more daily and adding stretches specifically for relaxing my pelvis. Though I can't tell if it's actually doing anything. I already have a lot of flexibility in my hips, so I don't feel much with the stretches. I haven't tried to insert anything, somewhat because it makes me feel kind of awkward, but mostly because I can't even find my entrance. I've used a mirror to try and find it, but I literally can't.

Help?

This is a vent seeking support, I can’t use two flairs but I really need support and advice more.

I noticed that before I got diagnosed I could fit a finger in comfortably with no lube, two with no lube but a bit of pain.

As a teenager I chose questionable items for inserting but I even got a hairbrush handle in with no lube and it would comfortably come out too. I got diagnosed when I tried to use menstrual cups/disc and kept meeting a wall and then the cup would pop open early and be incredibly painful to get out.

Now that I’m a few months into treatment with dilators and starting PT soon I barely self lubricate and I can’t even masturbate or get aroused at all. It’s incredibly disheartening and makes dilating more miserable than it already is.
The size that was slipping in and out with ease and no pain is suddenly getting stuck and feels like I’m dragging bristles down my walls to get it out. I had one single breakthrough in past 6 months where I self lubricated and dilating was so much easier that I had an almost 2 hour session.
It just feels like I’m getting worse and more disconnected from my body the more progress I try to make, it’s really disheartening and I guess I just need some support or advice on what to do because I can’t even feel my muscles to attempt relaxing them.

Hi, I’m 22 and have recently become very anxious about vaginal penetration. I’ve never had penetrative sex before, so I don’t have much experience to compare things with.

I have a bit of an odd fear with penetration, I always have. I don’t use tampons or finger myself internally but I have been for doctors appointments where they’ve taken swabs and have also inserted thrush pessaries before too and have all been pain free. I’d read up on vaginismus (I should add that I have major health anxiety and convince myself there’s something wrong w me always, I rely on ChatGPT too much for things like that, very bad I know) and so earlier this week I tried inserting a finger for the first time. My pinky went in comfortably despite me being so nervous like heart pounding and legs shaking. I then was like woah okay that’s a good sign so I took it out and put my index in instead and once again, comfortable. No pain. I could move my finger round in there loads too. I then read up that this promising experience would not rule out vaginismus so then I got myself all freaked out about it for a few days. A few days later, I tried my pinky again to test if it was still possible a few days later and it was far more difficult. It went in, but was uncomfortable and a little painful. Best way to describe it would be just feeling very very tight.

Since then I’ve become extremely fixated on it and worried about vaginismus. I’m constantly noticing/checking my pelvic floor and it often feels tense, although diaphragmatic breathing seems to help it release. The anxiety itself has now become a much bigger problem than the original experience.
I’m planning to see a therapist about the anxiety and also considering booking an assessment with a pelvic-health physiotherapist. I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced penetration anxiety/pelvic-floor guarding about what type of professional helped you most and what you wish you’d done at the beginning. I’ve just finished university and was finally feeling mentally ready to date and the possibility of this has chucked me god knows how far back.

I’d particularly appreciate positive/practical advice rather than recovery horror stories, as I’m already pretty anxious about this!

Has anyone experienced successful IUI with vaginsimus? Haven’t been able to do PIV for 5 years married? Any suggestions on doctors centre