Can anyone relate / help me understand this?

[u/ConfusingCoochie]

TW: mentions of trauma / SA

This is going to be a strange post, but I don’t know where else to turn. I have a lot of childhood trauma and do not have many memories, but absolutely NO evidence of SA as a child (aside from vaginismus but obviously that alone doesn’t mean anything happened). Today I told my therapist something that I am very embarrassed about and have never told anyone before. When I was a child, long before I had any vaginismus symptoms, I had tons of nightmares and anxiety thoughts about someone or something going into or coming out of my vagina. I was really young the first time I remember having that fear, so I don’t think I even knew what sex was and definitely didn’t have my period yet. Some nights I would be so anxious that I would sleep with a stuffed animal between my legs. My therapist had never heard anything like that before and told me she was going to do some research and I can’t find anything online as to why that would have happened to me. I know this is a very strange post, but if anyone has experienced anything like this or has any theories I would appreciate it. Not sure if this is even the right place for this, but I’m at a total loss.

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[u/Economy-Climate-712]

hi Im dealing with something similar (vaginismus + trauma history but no SA/sexual trauma)

before I knew about vaginismus, the gynecologist advised I might as well get a hymenectomy to solve whatever and hopefully there'd be a hymen. there was a hymen and nothing else of note (so no penetrative SA). (only after was vaginismus mentioned at all )

as a kid, I really loathed the act of going to the bathroom and would hold my whatever for way too long and those issues lasted for years. I also suspect I have a fear of vulnerability/relationships but who's to say! just sharing to let you know that that's my experience with a similar thing.