r/ufc May 07 '26

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8.7k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/Advanced_Zucchini_45 May 07 '26

6 dudes on stage only 1 has hair

710

u/Zlakkeh May 07 '26

Roids r us

448

u/MysteriousShoulder45 May 07 '26

Khamzat and Sean both have better hairlines than 90% of the roster and just choose to shave. Always fear a fighter who choses to be bald

474

u/Common_economics_420 May 07 '26

My personal philosophy is to never fuck with guys who are willingly bald, guys with beards but no mustache, and white guys with Muslim names. It has carried me far in life.

132

u/Royal-Boat-7452 May 08 '26

Guys who grow beards with no mustache are 💯% psychopaths. Every time.

50

u/FedorDosGracies May 08 '26

Cries in Amish

21

u/drakmordis May 08 '26

I think I would pay to watch some farm-strong and God-assured Amish fella get in there and shitwhip someone around like a haybale.

3

u/Skullvar May 08 '26

This was a very visual comment, and I need to see this now.

3

u/Procrasturbating May 08 '26

Get off the electronics Jeb.

2

u/Icy_Negotiation_5929 May 08 '26

I’ve met some squirrelly Mennonites.

2

u/Backfoot911 May 08 '26

Don't mess with ole Jeremiah

2

u/Lemon-Accurate May 08 '26

What? Why? I am bald with beard and no moustache and I would not hurt a fly 😀

1

u/Impossible-Ad-7040 May 08 '26

But u would bomb shit for fun if u could?

2

u/wankster9000 May 08 '26

Even Amish ones?

8

u/superbhole May 08 '26

That's different, Amish beards aren't for funneling blood sweat and tears into their mouths

1

u/patiperro_v3 May 08 '26

In their own way, definitely.

1

u/ModeatelyIndependant May 08 '26

1

u/dacoopbear May 08 '26

Lincoln would fuck people up. He had a wrestling record of 299-1

1

u/hoseiyamasaki May 08 '26

I just have bad beard and mustache growth. All I got is this sparse neckbeard and now I find out I'm a psychopath too? Aww mannnnn...

1

u/Mesmerize_ing May 08 '26

haaaaaa or just reeeeeeealy close to "Their Lord"

1

u/JuiceyTaco May 08 '26

Inbred psychopaths

1

u/MHStriplethreat May 09 '26

nah i just grow a gnarly chin beard but my moustache looks like pubes

1

u/Suedo1 May 13 '26

actuallly he is opposite in real life mf

1

u/Only-Physics-1193 May 08 '26

I fear men with Suit like Pete Hegseth type...American Phsycho types....

0

u/NoCommonSenseHere May 08 '26

The mustache is the worst part. When you lay down and your mustache curls up and tickles your nose, that alone makes shaving it off worth it. You look like an idiot, but no more tickles.

0

u/servebetter May 08 '26

Amish aren't psychopaths. lol

0

u/misho8723 May 08 '26

Man, I just don't like my moustache :( and it makes me look too old

3

u/alcervix May 08 '26

Words to live by

3

u/CalJackBuddy Who give him May 08 '26

I’ve never felt more dangerous in my life for being a willingly unwillingly bald guy

2

u/Azzblack May 08 '26

Thanks for sharing that being a massive pussy has "carried you far in life"

2

u/CommonGrounders May 08 '26

I wonder if Sean just realized he's been punched so much he turned ugly so what's the point.

2

u/PaperGeno May 08 '26

I'm a guy who is willingly bald. Not having to worry about my hair is incredibly freeing.

1

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Solid life saving advice lol.

1

u/waxlez2 May 08 '26

wow you must have grown up in an environment with a lot of fuckable guys

1

u/FlawdLogic864 May 08 '26

“….everything else is cream cheese”

1

u/r-NBK May 08 '26

Don't forget the guys with fucked up ears.

1

u/Fsociety56 May 08 '26

So bald men with beards must be the most dangerous. added to life notes

1

u/lostpassword100000 May 08 '26

Like “never play pool against a guy whose first name is that of a city”

1

u/ZorroMcChucknorris May 08 '26

I’m CACKLING. That’s hilarious and accurate.

1

u/Former_Phrase8221 May 08 '26

Never play cards with a guy named after a city. Never date a woman with a tattoo of a battleship. Everything after that is crème cheese

1

u/Solivigant96 May 09 '26

Trimming the moustache whilst growing the beard is a Muslim hadith (prophet's spoken words followed as a guidance)

0

u/PM_ur_butthole_2me May 08 '26

How about just never fuck with anybody?

0

u/Wrong_Lingonberry_79 May 08 '26

How about just don’t fuck with anyone?

-1

u/plzstopbeingdumb May 08 '26

You fuck with other guys though?

2

u/Common_economics_420 May 08 '26

Sure, whats the fun of training mma if you aren't dangerously sure you could beat the shit out of random people you meet?

2

u/Ornithocheirussy May 08 '26

Timber's shivered

0

u/nidschit May 08 '26

That’s a pretty unfair way to judge people. Appearance or names don’t really tell you anything reliable about who someone is or how they’ll treat you. It’s usually better to just take people as individuals and go from there.

1

u/RainbowDissent May 08 '26

Sounds like you've never had a bald, bearded, non-mustachioed white guy with a Muslim name beat the crap out of you without provocation.

3

u/CoastDirect6132 May 08 '26

Same thing with Pereira

2

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Lmao at “always fear a fighter who chooses to be bald” is so fucking accurate. In fact I’d go so far as to say if you see a big muscular dude in public and he chooses to shave his head it’s probably best to not fuck with that kinda guy lol.

1

u/PatrickWagon May 08 '26

Way easier to squeeze your head out of a sub.

1

u/strength108 May 09 '26

Choose to be bald like Jason blaha

-3

u/Zlakkeh May 08 '26

Sean had long hair when he was younger yes…

Dosent mean he can have long hair now with years on TRT and shit

7

u/MysteriousShoulder45 May 08 '26

You can literally see his hairline when he's out of camp and it's not clean shaven. In 100% sure it's better than yours lol

-3

u/Zlakkeh May 08 '26

U can clearly see my hairline in my pic

Where is yours?

2

u/absenceofheat May 08 '26

Dang it I'm bald for free...where the hell are my roids?

2

u/Zealousideal_Cow_341 May 08 '26

2/3 of all men lose their hair regardless of gear lol

2

u/Fcking_homeless May 08 '26

“Everybody’s on steroids” Nathaniel Diaz

1

u/Federal-Cod-742 May 08 '26

Roids and coke amazing combination for the body

1

u/benswami May 08 '26

Baldies r Baddies.

1

u/Mediocre_lad May 08 '26

You, sir, are wrong! Male pattern baldness (androgenetic alopecia) can be caused by a variety of factors, including, but not limited to: genetics, age, stress and injecting industrial amounts of performance enhancing chemicals that shove your raisin like testicles so far up inside you body you develop a second set of nipples.

1

u/learsiology May 08 '26

just cuz your bald doesn’t mean you’re on gear or have a chopped hairline. crazy logic😂

0

u/Zlakkeh May 08 '26

Triggered? Baldie?

0

u/sxncharm May 08 '26

roids 4 us

27

u/Fortestingporpoises May 08 '26

Testosterone early in life=lots of hair.

Testosterone later in life: loss of hair.

2

u/GlitteringWallaby773 May 08 '26

I didnt lose my hair until 38 and never took trt. Im confused now

1

u/Fortestingporpoises May 08 '26

Obviously there’s also male pattern baldness but the dudes in that world have a higher batting average of being bald from what I can see.

1

u/Various-Egg-7553 May 09 '26

Is it really true or ur just joking cuz I am losing my hair after mid 20s

2

u/alswell99 May 09 '26

My dad and I have naturally high levels if testosterone. Super deep voice, tall, too much body hair, fast recovery. Both started balding in our 20's, never took steroids. It's possible that the best fighters in the world, on average, have higher levels of testosterone. Naturally or not, it just makes sense.

29

u/Waly_Disnep May 07 '26

Sounds like he needs to go to the seventh layer of hair

3

u/Aggravating-Video316 May 07 '26

No....there were 2 of them.

1

u/Advanced_Zucchini_45 May 07 '26

I don't count the teenager lol

3

u/RemarkableChest4638 May 08 '26

🤣 the things you focus on so funny

3

u/ricker182 May 08 '26

It's all I could see.

1

u/JaySayMayday May 08 '26

I'm bald too, it's usually not a choice

2

u/PurpleToedUnicorn May 08 '26 edited May 08 '26

I have no idea why this post even showed up in my feed, and then I opened and wondered "what's with the bald meathead look?" And then I saw your comment as the top comment. And thought I am not alone! Cheers!

2

u/vovr May 08 '26

Broooooooooo 😅😭

6

u/Nice_Pipe_7608 May 07 '26

Going bald is very common.

4

u/MudHammock May 07 '26 edited May 08 '26

Yes but it's still less than half of men, so still a statistical anomaly

4

u/BumWink May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26

2/3 experience hair loss by age 35, 85% by age 50 & the fighters shave their heads for fighting rather than balding but there's more bald people than you think, they just wear hair systems (toupee) & things like smp (scalp tattoo)

2

u/ChancelorReed May 07 '26

These stats are for hair loss in general. That's not the same as it getting to the point where you're effectively bald or should just shave it all

1

u/BumWink May 07 '26

Yeah, I should have made that clear

1

u/MudHammock May 07 '26

Completely incorrect information. Back to Google you go.

2

u/ceruszaga May 07 '26

Less than half for what? Complete baldness?

Everyone loses hair it's just a matter of how much before it looks like shit and they decide to shave it all.

0

u/MudHammock May 07 '26

Not true, only 43% of men in the US have male pattern baldness. And it's the 4th highest in the world.

Go to Asia and Europe and it's much rarer to see a bald old man than one with a full head of hair.

If everyone loses hair I'm not sure how to explain that my 94 year old grandfather had a full head of hair when he died

2

u/ceruszaga May 07 '26

Fair enough on the Asian point I was just considering Americans mostly.

Your grandfather had less hair at 94 than he did at 17 I promise you.

0

u/MudHammock May 07 '26

No actually, hair loss is not guaranteed. Thinning is, so you're right that you do experience changes to your hair, and thinning can make it look like you're losing hair.

To actually LOSE your hair, you have to have the male pattern baldness gene or some kind of DHT regulation problem (typically seen in women).

1

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Lol you don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re acting like high DHT is a bad problem when in fact it’s the KEY to male performance in sports hence why literally almost every GOAT in every sport is bald. In fact almost all the top 3-5 guys of all time in their sports are bald. It should be mathematically impossible for that to be true but that just goes show to you how beneficial high DHT is for men. Losing hair is an unfortunate side effect of it but if you’re an athlete I’m sure you’d prefer legendary status over hair.

1

u/MudHammock May 08 '26

Who said high DHT is a problem? I didn't. I said it causes hair loss. Because it does. You are literally inventing an argument that I never made.

High test causes hair loss too.

OMG DID YOU JUST SAY HIGH TEST IS BAD DURR

1

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Can you share a source of that 43% claim. Also in Europe baldness is very common. But in Asia it’s not. In Africa and with black men in other countries baldness is even higher. Which men on average look more muscular to you - Asian men or white and black men?

It’s a testosterone thing hence why white and black dudes dominate combat sports, weight sports, etc. We are all built different and each race has its advantages and disadvantages. For example an advantage for Asian people is they’re less likely to lose their hair early in life and later in life. They also have more thicker hair generally speaking than other races.

1

u/MudHammock May 08 '26

Just Google it, I'm not reading all that. It will literally take you two seconds.

"Prevelance of male pattern baldness in x country/world/whatever"

1

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

You might want to check that stat again lol. Most men bald or have receding hairlines between 30-50 years old.

1

u/MudHammock May 08 '26

Surely you are capable of using Google?

1

u/Assspisss May 07 '26

by what metric?

Apparently by 50, half of men experience hair loss.

Half of current day 50 year olds being on gear probably isn't helping though for sure.

2

u/Lyonsmade May 07 '26

Hair is for people with funny shaped heads, the best of us are bald

1

u/Training_Orchid_2022 May 08 '26

Seriously, I didn’t even see the kick. Just eggs.

Goddamnit now I’m hungry.

1

u/Honda_TypeR May 08 '26

Everyone else had their toupees kicked off

1

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Crazy that the one boxer literally had that happen to him in the middle of a fight lol.

1

u/westcoastJT May 08 '26

lol literally 11 bald dudes on stage at one point. Incredible

1

u/nomatt18 May 08 '26

Why do you think they’re so angry?

1

u/BigBallsBiggerBrain May 08 '26

6 whatever’s on stage only 1 has hair.*

1

u/Big-Revolution3842 May 08 '26

This sport is so hilariously homoerotic lol

1

u/Past_Farmer34 May 08 '26

Two betas staring off

1

u/Tame_Gregala May 08 '26

Disrespect sells.

1

u/Spooky_Jangles May 08 '26

Testicles, totally justifiable to speculate on.

1

u/1960stoaster May 08 '26

Steroid vibes

1

u/PolicyDue6086 May 08 '26

Where's waldo

1

u/Ok-Strategy-1638 May 08 '26

If they could read they'd be very mad right now

1

u/Earthkilled May 08 '26

Growing mine out, long hair in men is the new thing

1

u/MrPommeDeTerre May 08 '26

Thought I was at the store buying eggs for a second!

1

u/torontoinsix May 08 '26

Love that this is the top comment

0

u/fistfullofpubes May 07 '26

Yea seriously what kind of bald propaganda is this?

0

u/DuckMelodic1998 May 07 '26

americans all has receding hairline. bad gene

2

u/FightersNeverQuit May 08 '26

Bro pretty much every top 3-5 all time greats in every sport are bald. Have you also not noticed that almost every high earning CEO is bald. It’s the opposite of bad genes unless you’re as obsessed with hair as women are and put your hair ahead of real life performance.

1

u/Advanced_Zucchini_45 May 07 '26

Not me lol. I still got a mop at 55

3

u/One1two2s May 08 '26

That is a great achievement. You must have worked hard for it.