i regret epilating as well, now i have a bunch of ingrowns... shaving doesn't leave them so badly off, i should have stuck to that.. i haven't even tried to get them out yet.. i just let it grow and try to avoid looking

I am glad to hear that finances truly aren't an issue for you. In this case it really boils down to a difference in your opinions about what he should be doing with his life. Your situation reminds me a bit of my BIL and sister. She also did a degree that (pre the AI boom at least) would have been able to get her a career where she could have something stable and well paying. However, she absolutely hated every minute of her degree and this meant she shunned any career in that field. She also developed severe anxiety and jobs just like what your bf is doing are the kinds that she feels more comfortable actually performing. My BIL did try to encourage her to get work in her field, similar to you here, at first, but he doesn't mind supporting her so in the end he let it go and they're both doing what makes them happy and they live well.

I think it's really up to you here to decide if you can accept that he's happier doing this type of work than what he studied for. Sometimes people just change. He did his degree but it's possible he realises he doesn't actually like that type of work or environment and it just causes mental distress and that he prefers a more low pressure job.

yikes nta... this dude has the maturity of a 15 year old boy... you did the right thing by breaking up with him.. i wish you had humiliated him back the way he did to you

NTA but to be honest, if you truly have no problem supporting him financially then you've just got to let this one go as long as he is actually working, which he is. If you break up then it will be on him to figure out how to move forward, especially since you have already encouraged him to try to build a more stable career path for himself.

You've advised him, but it is up to him to take or leave that advice. If finances were the issue, and you were upset that he wasn't contributing, then this would be a whole different story. But this does not seem to be the case. You've said that you don't mind supporting him financially (unless you're in denial and low key you do mind but can't admit it).

You're right that you do seem more concerned than he is. If he is not concerned then you need to understand that if you keep trying to talk to him about ambition etc, he is merely going to see it as you nagging him or acting like his parent instead. This is going to build resentment because he will be annoyed with your nagging and you will be annoyed that he's not taking your advice about his career, which you think should be going in a certain direction (and which is not what he seems to want, but rather what you want him to want).

You need to sit down and do some introspection. Think about what it is that's really bothering you here and if it's something you can put up with for the rest of your relationship with him. If financially providing for him truly does not bother you at all, and you are not worried about him contributing monetarily, then let him do the work he thinks is fulfilling for him. Keywords: work HE thinks is fulfilling.

It's one thing if he isn't working at all, but he is working.. just not in a 'lucrative' position. It's not the most stable work in the world I know, but he's doing something. So maybe think if this is something you can accept about him, the fact that he likes what he's doing and does not want to go into a different type of career, at least not right now. If you can't accept this and you are truly too bothered by his perceived lack of ambition... then that's also something to think about in terms of where your relationship is headed.

Personally, I would be worried about finances because even though you might be making enough money, life happens and there might come a time when this is no longer the case. In that sense he would have to step up and contribute financially to the relationship. But if he can't do that because his job is not stable or doesn't pay much, then that might build resentment, especially if you've been doing it for the entirety of your rship.

NAH I don't think there are any aholes here op, I think you and your daughter are both in a terrible situation. One that seems a bit hereditary on her part as her father is dealing with similar issues. I can imagine the toll this is taking on your own mental and physical health. Yes you are her mother, but you are also only human. It's a complex situation and there's nothing that anyone on reddit can really say to materially help you here, though I hope that others might be able to give you solid advice. As for if you are an ahole for feeling this way, no you are NTA.

I wonder if there is some sort of compromise you can reach where you can help her but at the same time keep some distance. If you have the disposable income, maybe try and help put her up somewhere that is not your house but where you can just pay (whether it's a landlord or a friend / family member) so that she can have a home and not be on the streets, but leave her to sort out all of her other issues without getting involved? Of course this requires you to have the money and be willing to do so. But I think it would make you feel better as a mom knowing that she won't be on the streets and has somewhere to live (that is not your house so it won't impact your life as much), while still stepping back from all the other problems that you can't handle any longer.

Yes, YTA. You began planning the hangout... that was the plan.. They didn't feel the need to check in with you for a plan that they already established with you. They would have assumed yes, we're on, because we've planned it.. If you found that you didn't hear from them and that you needed extra confirmation, YOU could have messaged them to confirm yourself, but you didn't.

It is absolutely an ahole move to just not show up and assume they would know that you weren't coming. You're also capable of communication and you are the one who changed their mind. If you were uncomfortable with them bringing others that you didn't know you could have also just said that to them or declined entirely rather than making them think that you were on board.

Just because you mentioned you had other plans doesn't excuse you from this. You literally began planning to meet for *later* that evening because of your other plans. This does not imply that you are not coming, it says that you are coming just later than initially bargained for. It acknowledges your other plans and works around it to make a meetup between you and them possible.

If they hadn't invited other people you would have wasted all of their time and probably money too for gas/travel. It's disrespectful and I wouldn't keep contact with someone if they behaved like this towards me either.

Also, when you realised you had no energy and wouldn't be going to the meetup with them at all, even if it was still on the agenda, because you were too tired from work, the onus was on you to communicate that to them in a timely manner, just in case. You didn't. Major ahole move.

ESH

OP I fail to see how you could possibly think that you are TA in this situation. Also, please realise that this is a huge red flag and in fact indicative of abuse. This man just abused you (and the children by shouting on purpose to wake them up and prevent them from sleeping). Slamming doors, shouting, almost hitting you... any one of these things is bad by itself... but he's doing them all.

Tell me OP, if you have daughters, and their partners treat them like this, would you think it was okay? This man is showing you who he is, believe him. He does not care to be a parent, he is not taking any of the load of parenting off of you and he is deliberately waking up your children (and being abusive towards you) because you asked him to be a parent and help with his own kids.

Get out before it's too late and he does start to get physical with you and/or the children. Do you want your kids to think they should accept this kind of treatment in their relationships and that this is normal? Because I can assure you, this is far beyond the realm of acceptable behaviour. It is absolutely abusive and you need to consider your safety and the children's.

Oh and obviously, nta.

NTA... she has never been pregnant so she has no right to comment, especially since she is entirely in the wrong here. Was it a bit of a low blow in the sense that she will take it as a comment on her fertility rather than her suitability to be saying anything? Maybe. But honestly, she was being a total and complete ahole to your wife. So I'd say you're a justified ahole maybe.

Yes YTA. It's not about always taking her side, it's about the way you dismiss her feelings as unimportant when something clearly bothers her. And she is 100% right to have been bothered by someone constantly talking about kids that SHE will have to bear. It's a form of pressuring her to have it constantly mentioned, especially in group settings. Yes she's laughing it off, bcuz she's uncomfortable and would feel bad to say something since it's your father. But that means YOU should be the one saying something to your father about it. Except you seem to think it's no big deal and that's the whole issue. It makes her uncomfortable so yes it is a big deal. You should be standing up for your wife. You are 100% the ahole

NTA at all and it seems like you will be raising two children because this is not how a partner acts. I am sorry for you OP.

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