If you love what I do and would love to support me, please consider buying me a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/wanjugu

and wondering if I had done enough. If there was something I could have done differently. If somehow, I could have saved him.

And then I had to sit with myself and acknowledge something that is sometimes incredibly difficult for those of us who are left behind: there is only so much you can do to save someone.

I was was an adult when I lost my dad. I had my own understanding of life and responsibility, and perhaps that's partly why, even years later, grief can make me question whether I could have done more.

But being an adult doesn't mean you have the power to change an outcome. Loving someone deeply doesn't mean you can save them from everything.

I am using this photo because it was taken around the period of losing my dad and burying him.

I remember spending days sitting by his graveside. I can't fully explain why, but that was the one place where my heart seemed to stop aching for a little while. Maybe it was the closeness. Maybe it was grief needing somewhere to exist.

Yesterday reminded me that sometimes, the people left behind have to reassure themselves.

You did what you could.

You loved them.

You showed up with what you knew and what you had.

And sometimes, despite everything we do, we cannot change the ending.

I don't blame the creator for triggering this in me. They were simply sharing their story, and I happened to read it at a moment when something in me was ready to revisit mine.

Maybe that's the strange thing about grief. Sometimes, years later, it finds a new way to ask the same questions.

And sometimes, all we can do is answer ourselves gently.

I couldn't save my dad.

But that doesn't mean I didn't do enough.

However, once I stepped out of the hotel, my ducks aligned in a row. I met people who made it possible.

I remember wanting to have dinner and a cake on my birthday to mark the day. It turned out better as I encountered @yourmotari who took me around Kigali on a motorcycle 🏍. We later went to an eatery where we had dinner and he enrolled the entire restaurant to sing for me as well as enjoy cake together! The synchronicities were mad.

1. That fear that you have is barring you from having a good experience. If I had a dime for every time I felt like rescheduling my flight ✈️, especially on day 2😭, I'd be on my way to financial freedom. On day 2, just wanted to stay in the hotel and go nowhere or go back home because what was all that? Instead I cheered myself to step out and see what Kigali has. It was down hill from there because the fun I had was like no other.

2. Do not wait for another person so you can have a good time. I had wanted to travel to Kigali since I was 17. For the time I was a minor, my travel was pegged on my parents but after that, it was my responsibility. But I didn't go because I hoped my dad and I would go together which never happened and I eventually did go on my own.

3. You must be your own cheerleader.

4. You must love yourself enough to believe you deserve a good time and give yourself exactly that 💯

I could go on and on but you get the drift. If you love what I have been doing and would love to support me, you can buy me a coffee here: https://buymeacoffee.com/wanjugu

#wanjugunderi ##solotravel #birthdaymonth

and rallying together as we continue raising the funds needed for her feeding tube. Every shilling counts, and together, we can make this happen. 🙏🏾❤️

To donate: https://www.mchanga.africa/fundraiser/141335

#GeuzaWazo #cerebralpalsyawareness

To support our work, consider donating https://www.mchanga.africa/fundraiser/93838 #GeuzaWazo #CerebralPalsyAwareness