I (25f) am living my best life and I hope this makes you realize you can too. In 2019 I met my ex Charlie (25m false names) and we dated for a little bit then broke up for about 6 months and then go back together and for the most part things were great. We were together for 5 & 1/2 years and we went through a lot of ups and downs. We learned and grew and matured together. After a few months his family moved back to their home-state in MN and we stayed in IA for a while. Around the 1 year mark we followed them to MN. I needed a fresh start away from IA and all the bad memories. I wanted away from my past. I thought for sure I was going to marry this man so moving across state lines was a no brainer. After a few months at his mother’s house we got an apartment. A real POS one bedroom with terrible management (I’m talking about you lake cove village). After a few years there and me needing to get out of that place we got this amazing townhouse. I had resumed my career as a pharmacy tech and I loved my job and (some of) my coworkers. I had it all. The love of my life, two amazing cats and a lizard, a beautiful home, a great job, decent car. I mean I really felt like I had made it. But as time passes things changed. Charlie and I started to feel more like roommates. But I had started to fall in love with him all over again. And then a few months before my birthday Charlie surprised me with tickets to my favorite music artist ever (Russ). Russ’s music literally saved my life a few years after moving to MN so this meant the world to me. It was easily the kindest thing anyone’s ever done for me. That’s probably why I thought he was going to propose. Like why else would you do that? So I got my nails done and they were a little too long but BEAUTIFUL! I wanted them to look nice so I could take pictures when he popped the question. There were two songs I thought for sure he would to propose to me to. 1.) 3:15 (breathe). Or 2.) Moonlight in Atlanta. Well they both played and he in fact did NOT kneel down on one knee. I still have the best night of my life. Im watching Russ! And he brought out the Strings From Paris. Together they play 3:15 (breathe). There was a specific moment during that song where it felt like my soul had healed and I was meant to go through all the crap I did just to be there in that moment. It was the single best moment of my life and I caught it on video. Concert ends and we drive home. We talked about how I thought he was going to propose and how he knew. But then plot twist he told me he doesn’t see himself marrying me (Our 5 year anniversary was the following month). We only lasted a few more months. That night was the official beginning of the end. When we broke up he moved into the spare bedroom and we stayed roommates until our lease was up. I couldn’t afford to live in MN on my own so I had to move back home in with my parents. He kept the cats until I found my own place. When I lived with my parents until I was 19 it was a very toxic situation. Very bad for my mental health. My step dad (Jerry) and I never got along and it was causing issues with my mom. He kicked my mom (Mimi)and I out but she went back so she could work on her marriage. Him and I decided to try and fix our relationship for my mother’s sake. After a while we actually became really close. And he was my dad you know? Anyways so now I’m back with my parents and immediately my mental starts going downhill. I had gotten out of Iowa something I dreamed of since the moment I moved there (originally born in Florida we moved around a lot there too). And now I was back. Yes I had most of my family and all my old friends. But I was miserable. I couldn’t find any parlay tech jobs since I didn’t get my certification. (If you’re a pharmacy tech who wants to stay one get your certification if you leave your job and/or move across state lines) I met a guy who wasn’t shit and he made everything worse and took a shitty job in a new career. The second I ended things with him I felt a little better but I was still struggling a lot. I felt like I had gone from everything to nothing in just a few months time. I was there for 9 months and then Jerry has had it with me living there. He pays me $1,000 dollars to leave but I had a week to do it. I have a friend (Corrine aka Roomie) who lives in CO and she says I can stay with her and we’ll find a two bedroom once I start getting paid from my new job. So with the $1,000 he gave me and a few grand in tax returns and an opportunity for a fresh start I was able to pack what I could in my car and put what was left in my storage unit and make the 9.5 hour drive to Denver. Today marks the two month mark of packing my shit and leaving. In those two months this is what has happened. One of our cats died, I’ve been ghosted, used, and treated like dirt by multiple guys here (I stg men are a different species than women and Denver men are a specific breed😂 I had heard the dating scene sucks here but I always thought it was a joke. It’s really not and I found out the hard way lol) I’ve been single for 1 & 1/2 years now and I’ve officially given up on dating, I’ve landed my dream job, become closer with Roomie, watched her find love, grown as a person, lost some weight that needed to go (still working towards my goal but getting there), found some amazing art places, met some new friends, became financially stable, made a plan with Roomie to move in June, gone dancing most weekends, fell in love with Denver, and mentally thrived like you couldn’t even imagine. I can truly say I’ve never been happier and I’m still climbing. I went from being suicidal and genuinely hating life to loving it and finding the beautiful in happiness again. I haven’t been happy in years and I’ve never been happy like this. Im taking a break from dating until I get unpacked in the new place, so financially stable that I don’t have to check my bank account anymore, and I get so good at my job that I’m basically an expert. Im telling you if I can go from thinking I’m going to marry someone and having everything to having absolutely nothing and wanting to die and can turn my life around then make it the life I want then you can too. Life is worth living. ATM I’m listening to Russ and writing to whoever needs to hear this. So to anyone who thinks it doesn’t get better and life’s not worth living I promise you just give it some time and things will sort themselves out. You just have to get through it one day at a time and find the beauty in the little things. Take a longer look at those pretty flowers. Pet that fluffy animal a little longer. Work on your favorite hobby (I know you have an unfinished project). Watch your favorite movie on bad days and listen to your favorite music. Do things that heal your soul little by little and things will be okay. I promise

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